If your child has food allergies, when did they start being aware of it themselves?

[TheannamoLeelu]

Just wondering really as my son has a few different allergies to food diagnosed when he stared on solid food, he is now 18 months and I sometimes wonder whether he knows he cant have certain stuff because he looks at me before eating it and seems very accepting when I say no (despite having mini tantrums when I say no to other non food related things).

What are other people's experiences? When do you think your child noticed they were 'different' and what signs did you see that they were aware?

Also how did you handle educating them about their allergies, especially when they are pre verbal? Does anyone have any hints or tips that worked?

I'm keen for my son to be as 'normal' as possible, and try not to hover over him or be over protective, but at the same time worry about the safety aspect of looking after a child with allergies. Just getting that balance I guess.

Oh, and another question, if your child now goes to school how do schools handle young children with allergies? Do they have adults sitting with them or a different table? Or by the age of 4/5 are they expected to manage themselves?

Like I said, any experienced parents who have any tips please let me know!

I would say age 2 was hard, by age 3 he was recognising his symptoms, so by the time he started school just turned 4 he was able to articulate his allergies, ask people to read labels for him, and had just suffered an anaphylactic shock so was well aware why he couldn't eat certain things. He hasn't had a tantrum about not getting cake in a couple of years now (since age 3), its hard when they are young and see others enjoying something that they cannot eat but by the time they are at school they understand if its been regularly explained to them.

At school - i think it depends on your school - but at DS school they have a picture of each allergic child with their allergies so anyone in the kitchen is fully briefed and he is helped with his decisions to ensure he doesn't eat anything with egg in in school (there are not nuts or sesame which are his other allergens anyway) they are supervised during meal times too, and i am totally comfortable with the situation - though i did choose this school as they had a better allergy policy and attitude than the other we had the choice of.

I have two children with coeliac, diagnosed at 4 and 2. They became pretty self-aware about it during their pre-school year, and were very aware and sensible about it when they began reception. The teacher told me that for the first week of school, DS2 wouldn't eat anything on his plate at lunch time until he'd pointed out each item to a member of staff 'Is the meat gluten-free? Is the potato gluten-free? Are the peas gluten-free etc.' and got the right answer. They were very helpful about it!

At our school they also have photos of kids with food allergies/intolerances in the kitchen, and have special procedures. My DSs know not to eat anything other than what's provided for them, and snacks they've brought from home, or that I have left with the teachers (i.e. no birthday cakes etc.)

I read some books with them about coeliac, and talked a lot about it with them and in front of them (always in a positive way). I also talk about checking food, and reading food labels. Now the oldest is nearly 7, I am going to get him on to reading labels and learning to tell if something is safe for him to eat.

Dd was diagnosed at 9 wks . I vocalised the issue to her from then on . I'm a believer in teaching them good food and bad food - some of my mates totally withdrew the allergen from the family diet - how is a kid supposed to learn that way ?
My dd cottoned in quickly and only ate food from her and my plate .
At 2 and a half she now knows - she is wary of all new food and checks with me first .
My extended family have been crap . Total crap . Despite dd suffering from near death and needing three weeks of hospital stays , they still tut tut .
School will be fine as they know me and dd well . Luckily my Ds was at the first school during the crisis and supported him through it .
I maintain they need to manage the allergy themselves as soon as poss - read picture books with food in etc and teach them young .
As for normal - that was my worry . No issues needed here . I cook tasty food and have great alternatives so dd never misses out .
Good luck .

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, there's some really good tips you've given me & food for thought (no pun intended!).

babybarrister will certainly find out about the anaphylaxis campaign workshops, I didn't know about that, may be very helpful and maybe I can persuade some extended family to attend too.

pashmina696 that's reassuring, thanks for sharing your experiences, obviously you would never wish an anaphylactic shock on your child but I suppose the silver lining to that is that it makes the concept of avoiding certain foods more real & easier to understand for the child. I know what you mean about the cake thing, its heartbreaking when they have to be the odd one out, good to know they do accept it quite young by the sounds of it.

Nomdemere cute about your son & him checking the foods, you've obviously educated him well! Very reassuring the school have good procedures, and thanks for the tips on getting the child to start checking the labels themselves, obviously we are far off that at the moment but I'm going to remember that one, best to help them do that sooner rather than later!

Waltonswatcher - really good points, you are totally right about teaching them to manage they allergies within the family, for a couple of weeks I started eating the more yummy allergens in a different room to avoid my DS from throwing a wobbly that I wasn't giving him any of the ice cream, chocolate etc, then I realised I needed to get real as he was going to need to get used to it! Live and learn! Good that at 2 and a half your DD checks with you about what to have etc, and that she has a good relationship with food.

If anyone thinks of anything else keep posting, really do appreciate all your hints and tips, so much stuff I haven't even really considered and reassuring to know how parents of older children have successfully handled this.

DS was 4 when his allergies first appeared. Not long after we were in burger king and I forgot they had sesame all over their buns. I went back to the table to find him gone and he was at the counter telling the staff that he couldnt eat the burger because of the seeds. We live in a lovely little cul de sac where the kids played out, I often had someone on the doorstep asking if ds could eat this or that because he had told them he had allergies. Even at school his friends would say "have you checked that it doesnt have nuts ds"

Unfortunately the teenage years are actually the worse as they think they are immortal and make mistakes. DS went through a careless stage and ate a biscuit from subway he thought he had before and it contained macadamia nut. To be fare i dont think he had even heard of macadamia nuts and ended up having a reaction and couldnt breath in the middle of Hertford. He was okay thankfully but taught him a lesson.
Its also a good idea to get them retested at around 12 to reinforce that they have allergies. We found out that he had actually out grown his peanut allergy by then but not treenut and seeds.

some of my mates totally withdrew the allergen from the family diet - how is a kid supposed to learn that way ?

You are fortunate to have the option to keep the allergen in the rest of the family's diet, sometimes a complete removal is the only way to manage it safely.

There's no cheese in my house because of how bad my allergy is (bad enough to force my DH and DC's to brush teeth, use mouthwash and change clothes before coming near me if they've had any cheese).

My extended family followed the plan of not excluding my allergen from what everyone else was eating...I spent more than 1 extended period in ICU as a result (inadequate cross contamination prevention, people forgetting and one of my brothers finding it hilarious to trigger my allergy all being reasons I landed in hospital - a tiny bit of cheese in a strongly spiced meal can't always be detected in time).

I was very aware of my issues right from diagnosis.

Teen years are hard, the last thing any teen wants is to stand out from the crowd and dietary restrictions stand out. Patterns of behaviour are vital to staying safe. I was away at school so was taught my my House Mistress to treat my allergy as a diabetic treats their condition:

"Your allergy is permanent, you will not outgrow it.
Just as a diabetic has to check that certain food items are suitable for diabetics, you need to check all food items to make sure they are suitable for someone with your allergy."

I can still remember her saying it (she said it many times and used the diabetes as an analogy because one of the girls I was friendly with was T1), by acknowledging the allergy as a manageable but incurable 'medical condition' (as opposed to something that just made me weird because I'd never had pizza etc) it changed my mindset and checking became a pattern - somehow it made it okay to have to take precautions. That same pattern has served me well in restaurants where I always have to check that things are safe, the inherent dislike of making a fuss and drawing attention to my allergy is offset my years of training in 'managing my condition'.

Andro , yes in your case I would do the same . I was talking from my experience and meant no offence !
My dds allergies are serious if ingested , I do need to have separate cooking pans etc . But it's not airborne for example - that's a different learning objective .
Sorry!

No offense taken.

And I was being completely serious when I said you're lucky to be able keep the allergen in the wider family's diet (in case you thought I was being sarcastic) - my need for complete exclusion is really tough on my dc.

I am struggling with this with DS2 3. He was diagnosed at 16 months with peanut allergy, we were told to avoid peanuts and tree nut and foods that may contain traces of them from his diet and to keep the house nut and peanut free.
He has only had three reactions two at just 1 and one mild one aged 2 this was just from a kiss from someone who had eaten peanuts.
I don't think he has any recollection of either. He doesn't seem to understand that one cake is good and one cake is bad, to him cake is cake.

I have no nuts or sesame in my house - the risk is too great - but we do use eggs - i am just pretty fastidious about washing hands/surfaces etc after.

With regards to cake at parties, some friends have made a chocolate crispie cake for DS or i have brought one (this doesn't seem to cause issue with other kids either) as i have got better at making egg free cup cakes (and DS understands the difference between the cakes being 4) i will take one of those along and present it at the appropriate moment. At age 3 a cake is a cake and my DS was too suspicious/confused to try an egg free one, a year makes a lot of difference especially when he helps me bake them and he understands that I would never give him any cake with egg in, and they taste good....! for his birthday at nursery when he was 3 they made him a giant chocolate crispy cake - and i made him a fridge cake - he was more comfortable with those!!

Thank you everyone, really good advice. We are so fortunate we've not had to exclude anything from the household, must be so stressful managing such a severe allergy especially when people in your family don't take it seriously. I'm going to make an egg and dairy free cake next time he goes to a party, he will love it I think. I don't really know how bad some of his allergies could potentially be as he's never really eaten some of the food he's allergic to, such as egg, it was just picked up by screening when he was tested for the milk. I wish there was a cure.

Sadly serious allergies are increasing ...
It must be a huge burden for the NHS .
The good news is that companies are now providing clarity to the contents of their products / many good outlets are stocking free from/ awareness is growing . This all helps to normalise our kids .

It would also help if bakery staff actually knew what was in their products, their lack of knowledge is truly terrible.

I don't trust anything unless it comes from a brand I know or has been made by my hands Andro . You are right - most people's knowledge is holey or( and worse) they lie.
But it has been really nice for example , to take dd to my local coffee shop and buy her a gingerbread man . They sourced them especially for her!

Waltonswatcher - that was really nice of them, small things (as far as many other people might see it) make such a huge difference.

I also bake extensively, but the current fetish for cream cheese in frosting and fillings (without appropriate labeling) really bugs me!

My dd is now 4 and has been aware of her allergies since about age 2 I would say. From that age she would never accept food from anyone except people she knew were safe. During her ante-preschool year she has become ever more aware and is more than capable of articulating her allergies now. She comes to me and asks me to check packets/drinks before she tries things and will refuse food when she is unsure.

When she went to preschool last year I was terrified. She had been going to a childminder for 2 years but this was a whole new kettle of fish and the nursery were not good to begin with. I met with them beforehand and was really impressed by their plans to have dd's emergency plan on the wall with her picture etc but in practice it was very different - I had staff members asking me if gluten free biscuits were ok for her (just one example of many incidents) - she can eat gluten fine, it's milk eggs and nuts she is allergic too! After the first week and many tears from me, it was agreed that at snack time dd would only eat fruit and drink water. This has been fine and dd is more than happy with this. As the year has gone on we have had some minor issues - the issue of her being normal is so important to me and the nursery would forget to tell me if they were having a treat or a different type of snack so that we could provide our own version. This made me really angry and upset and it was something that could so easily be avoided. For example they had sandwiches on the day of the teddy bears picnic but didn't tell me so dd had her apple as usual. We have made lots of progress though and I am now really happy with my dd being there.

I would say just keep talking about it in a gentle way when you eat. Initially we told dd that if she are milk, eggs or nuts she would be very sick and have a sore tummy. As she has got older we have been able to expand a bit and explain that she would become very unwell and likely have to go to hospital if she ate an allergen.

Dd lives a very "normal" life. Day to day her allergies don't affect her too much - it's me who has a feeling of constant anxiety in the pit of my stomach. When she is invited to a party I find out in advance what the foods will be and we pack similar food. Dd knows only to eat from her plate. When we have play dates we always take food with us. In fact we usually take her play date a packet of her dairy free buttons too or a kinnerton lolly and the kids don't know a difference and will happily eat it along with dd!

With regards to toddler groups. These can be hard as toddlers tend to go straight for the snack and then put their hands all over the toys. My group was fantastic and had a it free policy. It also asked parents who brought their own snack in for the kids to make sure they ate them at the tables and to wash their hands afterwards. I became a committee member which helped. We changed the snacks to safe snacks - it was actually the same snacks as before, like ride cakes and bread sticks but ones that were safe for dd. It meant that every Tuesday morning she went along and could munch happily with the other kids without worrying. When we had special events like the Xmas party and Halloween I offered to make all the food so that everything was again safe for dd. I can't even begin to explain how happy I felt watching her tucking in to the party food the first time I did this. I could have cried at such a "normal" scene which other people take for granted.

Anyway sorry for such a long post!

We exclude all nuts from our house as advised by our consultant. We chose to switch to soya milk as a family but still have dairy products in the house. I couldn't live without chocolate

Think you everyone, so helpful. I'm glad it won't be long before he kind of gets it and can start to learn about what is safe for him to eat. haverina I totally understand the anxiety thing you described, and the bit about how happy it made you to see your daughter eating with other children the same food at the party, would have brought tears to my eyes too.
waltonswatcher love your story about the bakers, that's so lovely of them.