200 days alcohol-free- the second thread!

[FeelingLessTired]

Hello!

1000 messages snuck up on me on the first thread!!

@Goandygo

@paintcolourchart

@88expertprocastinator

any anyone else who wishes to join or return you are MOST welcome.

The aim is 200 days AF and/or beyond. There is no judgment here and we are supportive of all of us who wish to change their relationship with alcohol.

I stopped at Day 43 and have been drinking since then but am committed to getting back on this wonderful wagon.

Look forward to the next thread with all our wonderful MNetters.

@paintcolourchart great that you're feeling so good. Love the swim n sauna combo.
I think I'm back on a downward spiral. I haven't drank since Saturday but a seed has been planted.
What's worse is that I know how rubbish I felt Sunday, yet I still don't think I'm out of the woods.
I need medication, that's how I did it last year. But there's no help from the gp.
Also, I know when dh got me the wrong drink, I didn't have to drink it - feels like I'm blaming him. I'm not. I have choices. If I really didn't want it, I could have just gone and got something af.
And, we've booked a short break in Spain for end of this month - it's a lot of walking, castles, etc, but already I'm picturing you know what.
Keep on keeping on - you're doing really well and sound so positive ❤️

And even though I sound a bit negative, I'm not. I'm actually really happy.
I wish I could moderate or incorporate it into my life, but I know I can't.

Evening, folks ,how are we all doing ?
Well, I've had a lightbulb moment tonight. I've been having a few wobbles as described above. I've actually told myself that if I want a glass of wine, just have it.
Tonight at work I began to contemplate it. But, it didn't really appeal. I thought if I drank, I'd end up smoking, I'd end up possibly texting people, I'd definitely sleep badly and I'd definitely feel ill tomorrow.
All of a sudden, I just didn't want it.
I'm now in bed with a hot chocolate and a mince pie 😋

@Goandygo thats great thinking it through! You sound so determined to stay af - I think you're just in the tough bit where you think it’s an option to have a drink or two - and it is - but you can be sober and succeed also if that’s what you want.

I suppose I was similar a couple of months ago when I was toying with the idea of introducing drink back in. I finally realized that more than anything I don’t want to be drinking daily anymore. Now I rarely get the urges because I’ve taken the option away really. It’s hard sometimes (and boring) but the joy of being fresh and full of energy more than makes up for that! I read a lot of the moderating boards and the energy that takes up exhausts me just reading it - the constant thinking about whether it’s ok to drink and how much - no thanks.

@88expertprocastinator yes, that's exactly how I feel - I do want to succeed and I do want an af life, because let's face it, it wasn't doing me any favours before !
And waking up fresh and free of regret, is so worth it.
Someone on the other thread said if they wake up of a morning, wishing they'd caved the night before, then they'd have one that evening. I thought that was brilliant - because it never happens !!
When are you 1 year sober ? Any day, I should think 🥳
Thanks for your post 🙏

@Goandygo one year on the 19th! Really can’t believe how quickly it’s gone although some days felt like a year.

DH is 14 days today which excites me even more - I feel like I’ve got the best version of him back and I like it ….

@88expertprocastinator oh that's brilliant - for both of you.
I meant to ask how your dh is faring. Glad he's having a cracking at it.
I've not long up. Slept really well and so glad I didn't cave 🤣

@88expertprocastinator congratulations on your 1 year sobriety 🥳
You have done so well and been extremely strong in your commitment to staying alcohol free.
Hope you're feeling fantastic ❤️

Sorry I'm a bit behind but just wanted to hop on quickly to say a huge congratulations to @88expertprocastinator!! A year is amazing! How do you feel? Hope you've treated yourself with something nice today!

Thankyou @paintcolourchart and @Goandygo. Nothing special today apart from clearing snow but glad that I made it to a year and determined to stop counting now and just try to get on with it. I’ll never forget how desperate I felt this time last year (on day 1) and thought I’d never make it to the end of the week. Life is certainly different this year!

I do think stopping counting is a good idea, as you want it to become a way of life.
I do have to keep looking at the big picture - one day at a time and if I have a blip, get back on the horse.
I'm trying to not fixate on it - it just consumes you otherwise.
Just for today, I won't drink, does work for me.

Hello all, how is everyone doing? Sorry I've been a bit absent but still here!

Still AF - Day 16, but I've drank 1 of the last 26 days. Keen to keep going. It's getting a bit easier now, especially as I now know what I was actually looking for.

Has anyone listened to the Huberman Lab alcohol episode? I'm only part of the way through it, but I was listening to it in the bath earlier (in the middle of the afternoon @Goandygo- I know you'd approve 😅) and there was a particular part that really struck a chord with me. He explained that there are some types of people where alcohol appears to give them energy - at the end of the night when people are starting to fall asleep they'll just want to keep going. This is me. 100%. He explained the science behind this and said that most of these people are future alcoholics. I cannot, and won't, let that happen.

It'd definitely worth a listen. I'll attach a screenshot. It's from 22nd August 2022 so it does take some searching but worth it!

@paintcolourchart morning and well done on Day 16. I know how difficult we find it to get back into the groove, so well done.
I absolutely approve of the afternoon bath 🤣
Had to laugh at the energy induced by drinking. My dh says I do my only cleaning when half cut - I'm all over the place.
I'm doing well.
I drank last Saturday and felt terrible Sunday so will not be repeating that today.
I went to a show through the week. It could have gone so much worse but only had 2 glasses of red wine the whole evening. So proud of myself because I was being encouraged to drink more, but I saw that quite clearly.
I'm sleeping so much better and waking up so grateful I didn't drink.
I had an urge yesterday but played it forward. It wasn't a problem at all.
Keep on keeping on - you're doing really well ❤️🛀

Morning all.

Slinking in. Sorry for my prolonged absence. i just did not have the energy to post, or try to be AF.

I'm heading for the school run but will be back soon. to all.

Morning all, hope we're all OK.
@FeelingLessTired don't worry about it. This attempt at being af is neither easy nor linear. It's up n down. I wish it were straightforward.
I was out yesterday for a coastal walk. Stopped for lunch and I had 2 x 125ml of red wine. I did enjoy it, but I knew carrying on ( that is, buying more on the way home), was not an option for me. So, I didn't and I'm feeling great about that decision.
We're going away on Saturday for 4 nights - I'm thinking I'll be ok.
One day at a time, folks - we're doing our best ❤️

Hi to all
itsbeen quiet on here but I’m still thinking if you all and hoping you’re slowly but surely, winning the battle. I am 13 months today - I know I’m not really counting but hard to forget the 19th each month …
stopped filling in the trydry app though and genuinely just don’t think about having a drink.
DH finished dry Jan and has successfully managed to only drink Thursday to Saturday and at slightly healthier levels. The main thing is he seems to have flipped a switch and doesn’t appear to be craving a drink on the other nights!
@Goandygo @FeelingLessTired @paintcolourchart would love to hear how you’re all doing - tbh I don’t think total abstinence is necessary for most people - the goal is purely to reframe our relationship with alcohol. I seem to have a fairly addictive personality and little self control so don’t feel like I could moderate but logically I can see that most people can drink without falling into problem drinker territory…..
whatever your stage I really hope you’re all thriving and enjoying all that this one life has to offer x

Hi @88expertprocastinator well done on your 13th month and so pleased that your dh managed dry Jan. That's some achievement as I remember you saying he struggled.
I'm doing really well actually. It's so weird you talk about reframing the relationship as I've just had that exact conversation with an online friend of mine.
I have been able to moderate. I've made so many changes - no drinking at airports, none on the flight, none whilst cooking / watching tennis, etc. No drinking to get drunk etc
My online friend was saying she cannot moderate but she's noticed I'm really good at it.
Which was nice.
Another online friend is now nearly 2 years sober and she says she doesn't even think about it anymore.
I think it's still one day at a time for me - I'm questioning it, rather than just going out and buying it.
Thanks for asking about us ❤️

Also, dh surprised me for valentines with a trip to the city and an overnight stay.
I only had 4 glasses of wine, didn't smoke and didn't carry on in our room. We drank coffee from the fancy machine and took in the views. Was so lovely to wake hangover free - I even told the chef at breakfast who looked at me rather strangely 🤣❤️

@Goandygo so pleased to hear how well you’re doing - I can feel the happiness in your post - mumsnet can be an absolutely awful place but this thread and the earlier one has been transformative for those of us who came here (most days at some points) for support. Isn’t it nice when you have a great coffee rather than wine and instead of feeling deprived, you can just enjoy the coffee that you have? I think that’s a sign that you truly have turned a corner.

will keep popping on here (and I always read any updates) .

Hello all, sorry I've been a bit rubbish on here. Do you remember I had all that study stuff to do? Well it's officially coming to an end next week (all being well) so have been working towards that.

I've not been completely dry, but it's been more intentional rather than 'fuck it, shall we have wine tonight' and every time I realise that it hasn't actually brought anything extra to my evening. Recently I have to admit I have been using it as stress release, but that realisation in itself is actually quite significant because if you asked me a year ago why I drink I would have said 'oh I just like the taste' now I know that's not the only reason, it's because I've programmed my brain that wine gives me instant stress relief (because it does, at the time), but I've also learnt that what im actually searching for is nervous system regulation. It's going to take a bit of time for my nervous system to settle after next week if I'm completely honest. It's been years and years of training and study, which is (hopefully) going to come to an end next week. But I know what helps regulation for me - swimming, going for a walk, eating healthily, gardening, all my indoor hobbies such as knitting/cross stitch etc. I have all the tools right there waiting, I just need to make sure I use them! So even though I'm not completely dry, I am preparing to be if that makes sense.

really good news about your husband @88expertprocastinatorand also really great to hear that you don't think of it after 13 months. That feels achievable for me (when I actually put my mind to it) and not thinking about it really is the main goal.

@Goandygo your moderating seems great! I'm not sure moderating is for me really, but I'm sort of accepting that now. Glad to hear you're doing well!

Hi everyone and @paintcolourchart - glad you're revising and study is coming to an end. It'll be worth it in the end.
It's interesting what you say about liking the taste, and that being the reason you drank / drink. I love the taste of wine, although I must admit not so much now, as I just associate it with feeling rubbish. I'm like one of Pavlov's dogs. For a long time, drinking was my hobby. I think that's quite sad. It's what I did.
In a way I am moderating, but not out of choice. I'd rather be af, but as much as I've made many many changes, I still want to drink when I'm out or on holiday.
I'm off work today. I've had to go shopping and I had to be really mindful about not just picking it up.
Happy to be home without it.
I do think it's harder if you live with someone who drinks - I think I'd be a lost cause if dh drank.

Afternoon, all.
Well I had to post as I'm feeling very proud of self.
Didn't drink all last week, though I had the usual, fleetingthoughts. Friday and Saturday, usually Danger Days, I just didn't buy any. Even when dh asked on Saturday if I wanted anything, I said No.
Yesterday we went out and I kind of had a feeling I would drink but told myself I would stop after 3 glasses, which is exactly what I did.
I'm working today and I did not want a hangover, because its awful enough when I'm not working. Never mind, when I am.
So, I'd had a 7 day break before the 3 glasses yesterday.
I suppose you could call it moderating - I'll probably do the same this week...... Not have anything til Sunday.
Hope everyone is OK and having hopeful, positive moments, no matter how small ❤️

So you know I was saying about all that work and study I put in? Today I found out it wasn't enough and I failed. I didn't fail everything - ironically I passed the but I was worried about. But tonight turned to the wine and it doesn't feel enough. If we had it in I'd keep going and going. I do want to my healthy switch back on but not tonight.

Oh no @paintcolourchart sorry to hear that you didn’t pass them all. You deserve tonight and then you can pick yourself back up and get on with things. I know you put a lot of work into it - is it something you can re-do?
@Goandygo sounds like you have control of your drinking rather than it controlling you - a great thing and really what we are all aiming for.

i persevere but it’s actually no hardship. I only ever think about a drink when I’m really feeling happy and it’s not going to make me feel any happier so I just swat the thought away. DH still doing well and only drinking 3 nights a week.

as @Goandygo said - hope we all have some hopeful positive moments this week - no matter how small….

@paintcolourchart I'm so sorry to hear your news. Try to put it all on the back burner for now, and evaluate it all when you're in a better place. There's nothing wrong with having a drink - it's right for you at that time ❤️
@88expertprocastinator I'm the same regarding Happy = Wanting a drink.
I forget I'm happy because I'm NOT drinking. Madness.
We went out for a meal mid week ( sun was shining ). I had 2 glasses and left the rest of the bottle. In my mind I'd thought I'd drink when home, but I was too full and was working the next day, so played it forward. It pays for me to eat.
Yesterday after work, slight temptation, but knew it was only because I was tired.
It does help to ask yourself why ? And if you go ahead, I think that's fine, too.
Unsure about today, but I'll see how it goes.