First time I’ve asked for help.

[Whatthefork20]

Hi all,

my marriage ended a few years ago, and to cope I turned to drinking a few beers a night to help me through.

Fast forward to 2 years later and I physically cannot go a night without a bottle of wine or 4-5 beers.

It’s completely taken over my life and I don’t know where to turn. I looked at contacting addiction services in my area but the problem I have is I have a job that is very closely linked to the addiction services in my area so it would end up getting back to my work.

I guess I'm just looking for a bit of support to get through the next few days.

Thanks

I bit the bullet and attended an appointment to see a support worker from my local, statutory organisation, this week.
She was nice, but I felt it wasn't useful advice - know your triggers (I do). Avoid them (I can't; I can't avoid being awake). Do breathing exercises (whatever). Physical activity (I can't, I have osteoarthritis and hate the gym). Exercise at home (I have no motivation). Buy a notebook and set yourself some goals (aaaargh).

But, on the way home, I bought a goal setting notebook, and I filled it in, albeit self consciously.
Yesterday's was to do some pilates, using YouTube videos. And I did it. And felt a bit better about myself.
Today's was to get out and walk. I haven't walked further than the local shop (for wine) in years. Besides, my knees and hips hurt. But, it was in the notebook, and so I bloody did it. I walked and walked, until I could hardly breathe. Checked the pedometer app, and Id done 5k!
There's no way I'm wasting that effort on beer calories. No way!

My point is, to try anything. Putting the money you'd spend into a 'pot', with a reward after a week. Distraction. An alternative 'obsession'. 'Diet and exercise isn't a bad one. Rubbish TV wasn't working for me!

But, it's likely you won't do it on your own. I don't want to tell my family, so I'm going to AA. I know you can't get there, but did you consider the online SMART/AA groups/meetings?

See I have been hitting the gym. I’ve been 3 times this week but on the way home it’s straight to the shop for a bottle of wine or some beers.

Btw I am in counselling and have been for 2 years to deal with my divorce but my counsellor is very much happy for me to to use drink as clutch (for the time being) but I admit I’ve never been very honest with her about how much I drink. I think if she knew she would be very different.

Ive tried to write things down but I only get so far and I forget.

Ive even had a drink tonight typing this as my parents wanted to visit and they like a drink so I’ve had to have some with them.

How the hell do I get out of this hole? It’s like there is always an excuse.

There is always an excuse or a reason. If you want to change you have to find a way that works. For me, it’s rules- there has to be an exemption like a holiday to be allowed a drink Mon-Thursday. For you it might be something else- knowing that you’re a better parent without a drink, or the calories, or wanting to avoid a hangover. If there isn’t anything that works for you right now, could you reframe it as a choice you’re making positively- I’m drinking because I want to? (If it’s no longer a choice then maybe you need a greater degree of support than us available here.)

I want to believe I’ve still got the choice but I’m starting to worry I no longer have it.

I do need to reframe my mind as right now I just do it purely because I’m either on my own or because I’ve got people round. I think if I could reframe my mind that being on my own isn’t as big an issue as I think then I could get to grips.

This thread is supportive and helpful:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5265391-damp-feb-for-dj-survivors-and-feb-drink-moderation-fans?page=11

yes being alone can be a trigger. Do you read or crochet or anything, that would stop you reaching for the glass so much (or at all)? Maybe try having something else in- chocolate or CBD drinks or something- that also feels quite indulgent and treat-like.

I had started reading in the summer and really should start again. I’ve spent the day looking at potential hobbies I could maybe join.

I went to shop earlier ( my worst trigger) so I bought one beer and non alcoholic one.

it’s a start I guess.

Buy the little bottles of wine. 3 of those are 3/4 of a bottle. Or 2, so you're only having half a bottle.

Assuming you aren't so addicted you'd leave your little one once sleeping to head back to shop, it would be cutting right back.

It's what I do anyway. Not ideal but better...

If you can't go to a physical meeting in the evenings you could try an online meeting. Look at the AA meetings list you'll always find a meeting. Just give it a shot if you can't relate to it then nothing is lost but you might find it helpful.
Imo you are past sober blogs/distraction tactics/ only drinking at weekends. You said yourself even when you're not drinking you're thinking about drinking. I've been there. It's rough but I've been sober for over two years thanks to AA.

I didn’t even think of that. Good idea.

And don’t worry I’m not so addicted I would go back to shop after the little one is in bed. I think if I got to that stage then I’d have crossed an almighty line.

I have thought about an online meeting. I think I’ll look into that later once the little one is down for the night. See if I can try and find one.

Have a look now and see what times the meetings start so you're ready to go when your lo is in bed. Have a plan ☺️

This is a start, well done.

Are there any hobbies you have done before and enjoyed, or anything you’d like to try? What books do you like, could you join an online book club?

Hi OP,
Just wanted to offer some support. Alcohol is a nasty sneaky drug. It is highly addictive, it's not your fault. One of the things our Alcohol obsessed society does is convince us that its us that is at fault, everyone else can drink normally. That's simply not true, and even if it was so what? I had to give up some years ago now and it's one of the great benefits of my life. Really I'm glad I don't drink now.
Try listening to the podcast Over The Influence. It's hosted by two lovely people who are infectious in their love of the Alcohol free life.

Read Allen Carr's book and get the I am Sober app / pledge morning and review in the evening. I now drink fabulous smoothies with plenty of diet tonic water. You can do this!