Dry January and beyond - Thread 2

[BulldogMumma]

Hey everyone
New thread as the old one was filling up
@Flicitytricity @coastergirl @TimeForNosecco

Day 27 here and I will join those not drinking in Feb. I just checked and tomorrow will be 7% of the year dry. So anyone who enjoys a stat - go and find a decent one because 7% isn’t exactly motivating 😆

I spent some time outside in the sun yesterday and it felt so good. I felt like a normal person and that’s the goal for me. To not worry about stinking of wine. To be able to drive on a Sunday morning like other people. To not cringe about what the neighbours think when they see my recycling. Normal is so underrated.

Morning everyone

I’m still deliberating- I’m just pondering how I could introduce drinking back into my life but optimise health …I’m still going for 6 months AF so this wont be for a while yet for me but as the group has changed to thinking about how to drink in Feb / March I thought I’d join in the discussion

Id like to check in here and update on how it’s going I’d be interested to know but realise that might be a bit insensitive as don’t want people to feel bad if they haven’t managed to stick to goals, etc - I’ll trawl through some old threads and see if people have done a follow on diary after DJ and see the realities of what happened - did they stick to new plans / did they go back straight away to old habits ?

@Fordian exactly that’s the worry isn’t it, I don’t want the stress of continually bartering

If I try and stick to a weekend drink only I will binge. I cannot moderate the amount at all - I’d rather go without than have one glass of wine as I’d just be grumpy that I can’t have another 😆

I was thinking that I like the idea of having whole months off as have felt the benefits of DJ and less wiggle room if it’s a complete ban.

I was thinking on the months that I am allowed to drink I could stick to one episode a week say a Saturday and pace myself / or if it’s an arranged social event that involves drinking g then that’s my allowance used up for the week

holidays / festivals and the like aren’t counted / no rules

Could I go on to live a healthy happy long life like this? I don’t know 🤷‍♀️ …would it creep back up to 3 x binges a week and back at square one 🤷‍♀️

Morning everyone. The wine witch really called me last night. Triggered by being at a kids party & a couple of the mums had a glass of Prosecco. It looked lovely & I came away thinking oh what's the harm.
Had a bath, ignored it then realised I'm enjoying sleeping well, I didn't want to wake feeling groggy but the biggest thing for me is that when I was drinking over Xmas my legs & thighs were so restless in the night I presume due to the sugar content.
My back has also been a bitch for about 6 months & I've been so uncomfortable in bed.
Anyway, it took 2 weeks for the legs to settle doing DJ & I've been doing Pilates to help my back and in the last week or so the difference is amazing.

Long story short. I didn't drink (had an AF corona which I seem to be enjoying) & had a great sleep!
I don't see myself never drinking again but I definitely don't want to get in the same situation again so it will be more moderate.

Morning all.

Congrats to all those waking up with better skin! I am forced to conclude that any noticeable changes in recent years must be due to getting older, not the wine! 🤔

@BigButtons , I hope you have found your kittens? That must have been awful. Definitely give yourself a pass for that. I don't know if it helps, but when I get really anxious I work on acupressure points and do breathing exercises. In extreme situations, painkillers can take the edge off (though obviously don't take too many). I think alcohol helps in the moment, but afterwards you're less able to focus on solving whatever problem you're facing.

@Sammy900 , there were definitely follow-on threads last year. I do wonder what happened to some of the posters from last year. Hopefully they achieved their goals - or maybe they are here with new usernames. I think it would be good to keep this one going, as long as those giving up totally, or for longer periods don't mind hearing from moderators, and vice versa.

Some pretty awful weather due here today and tomorrow, so outdoor exercise will be limited. That will add to the challenge, but I'm determined!

Morning All! I am also considering life moving forward.
First thing I'm doing is changing my mindset to "I am not a drinker".
Secondly, not seeing the end of January as needing to introduce any changes.
Take it from there, but without beating myself up if I make a choice to share a drink with friends.
Keep to 14 units, max 3 glasses, no drinking at home.

I meant, seeing 1st Feb as continuing to be as January as possible. Not marking it as the end. IF that makes sense...

Surely if you need a spreadsheet to control how much you drink it's a sign that you've still got an addiction to deal with??

@OhShitImNearly40 , I'm not addicted to alcohol. I drink normally, because I choose to do so. I don't think anything I have posted would lead anyone to conclude that I have a problem, unless I've expressed myself poorly, which is possible. I'm doing DJ and tracking my drinking because I want to.

I will admit to being addicted to spreadsheets though!

@Neptunium93 I don't think people without a drinking problem drink every other night and need to keep a spreadsheet of their drinking to 'keep them on task'. People without an alcohol problem don't have to limit themselves at all or even think about it.

@OhShitImNearly40 , you don't know me, so please stop making judgements about how I live my life (with my many spreadsheets and moderate drinking). I'm actually enjoying this process - or at least I was until I read your posts. Maybe you need to look at why you think it's necessary to attack someone else's approach to enjoying alcohol in a responsible manner.

Wishing all the best to everyone else - you've all done brilliantly.

@hby9628 well done on resisting. If I am honest I genuinely find it very odd that parents have alcohol at a kids party. It wouldn't even cross my mind to offer guests alcohol at my child's party but it's not the done thing in my area at all. I have never been offered alcohol at a kids party. I actually only know of one group of mum friends that did it. One has a really serious alcohol problem and a nasty mouth when drunk and and the only nice mum in the group eventually pulled themselves away as she stopped drinking.

I am not being critical of those that do but I would not want my kids to remember mum having getting tipsy at their birthday party. This is said as the daughter of an alcoholic who did always get drunk on my birthday to "celebrate" so I know my perspective is very personal and shaped by my experience.

I think it’s quite common to attend children’s birthday parties at home or in a hall and there be alcohol available.
Obviously your not expected to get drunk as it is a child’s party I’m not here to say if it’s wrong or right each to there own, I guess it’s another way alcohol has wormed its way into almost every occasion, Even funerals can turn into some of the biggest booze filled gatherings.

I have honestly never been to a kids party with booze and my oldest is nearly 13. I wonder if this is because it's not the normal in my area but everyone has to drive normally. I agree though it does show how it's wormed it's way it's society and I think day to day life.

@Neptunium93 sorry you were targeted! You’ve done amazingly and please pay no attention to someone jumping in & not aware of the supportive nature of the thread!

you do you & if feeding your spreadsheet addiction gets you through it’s not hurting anyone else!! 😉

I'm v up for sticking around and not worried about different journeys! it’ll be interesting continuing to hear about everyone else’s experiences of either abstinence short or long term or moderation or not moderation!

Maybe we’ll all continue to find inspiration from each other whatever feb brings!!

we’re a good crowd!

@Neptunium93 take no notice, if you want to keep a spreadsheet you keep a spreadsheet.
This is a supportive thread @OhShitImNearly40 for those who are doing DJ and want to moderate drinking or stop drinking, if that isn't you then there's really no need to post just to criticise someone who's doing their best.
In regards to February I'm not sure yet, I'm definitely not going back to old habits but don't know whether to stick to a Saturday night or carry on abstaining

Thanks for the support @Seahorsesplendour and @BulldogMumma . I'm actually sat here with my 'I ❤Excel' mug (full of coffee for avoidance of doubt 😉), so it's quite funny really.

Damp February (and colour-coded spreadsheet complete with pivot table!) here I come! 😊

I'm sorry if I came over unsupportive, I didn't mean too. I think everyone has done really well, even those that have had a slip up and carried on.

And I didn't mean to target @Neptunium93 however her spreadsheet to track her drinking really stood out to me as something that someone without a drink problem would never need to do.

I just think that as we approach the end of the month of forced sobriety we all really need to look at our usual drinking habits and ask...do I really not have a drinking problem and if I do should I go back to it? Everyone on this thread has posted about why they have done DJ and they all said because they were drinking too much or too often. By definition if you are drinking too much then you have a drink problem and after having a month breaking the habit why would anyone want to go back to it? Making deals with ourselves about how often and when we can drink is a massive red flag.

Again, I think everyone has done brilliantly this month and I congratulate you all. Let's just be honest with ourselves about why we had to put so much effort into not drinking for a month in the first place though.

@OhShitImNearly40 , thank you for the apology, but you're still telling me, someone you don't know, and who has had no difficulty stopping drinking, or moderating, that I have a drinking problem. I've decided to do a 'Damp February' because I'm aware that my tolerance levels will have dropped considerably after a month off, and will be tracking this on a spreadsheet. I shared this because I thought others might be interested, although it's also possible to use the Try Dry app if preferred.

I hope that's good enough to prove to you that I don't have a drinking problem, but if not, you're of course free to think whatever you like.

I use the dry app which I consider the digital answer to spreadsheets. I don't have a problem moderating but the app helps me count. I stay under 14 units pw. If someone watches what they eat and goes to the gym, we don't conclude they have a weight problem. I'm not struggling with DJ and am really debating whether to stay dry or just stay low.
Alcohol is a bastard and it's easy to drink unhealthy amounts whilst feeling fine. I have a friend, now teetotal, who slipped up to 50 units a week during lockdown. She had absolutely no idea how many units were in a bottle of red wine and she thought she was a moderate drinker. She was gobsmacked and gave up immediately with a few podcasts and sober lit.
Perhaps an app or spreadsheet would have sounded the alarm for her a bit earlier.

I think whatever helps you stay in check if it’s working keep at it

Im trying to figure out what is best for me - not got there yet but appreciate the input, advice and shared experience

Im just catching up with the dry Jan and Feb 2024 threads - something someone pointed out was that they successfully did Dj then tried to moderate but went back to old ways as they hadn’t addressed the root cause for their drinking

Not sure how you do that though without guidance - I need to look into support groups that aren’t AA or official NHS groups as I don’t really want anything official being documented.

I looked into OYNB but that’s online / fbook mainly

Do whatever works for you !

I do get what @OhShitImNearly40 means though.im using me as the example here, not anyone else😉
I tried to pack in drinking a few times last year when I was getting close to a bottle of wine every day or 3 (probably quadruple) vodka and cokes a night.
I would stop, go cold turkey, then after a fortnight of managing perfectly well, would decide that I wasn't actually an alcoholic so could drink again, but in moderation.
In my mind, that meant a glass, perhaps 2 on Thu, Fri and Saturday nights.
But then I would be at a meal on Tuesday and have a glass. So, to keep to some sort of 'sensible drinking' i would barter with myself, I'd keep a spreadsheet, and just make sure I never went over a maximum of 7 glasses a week.
It all fell apart of course. I just kept bargaining myself into oblivion again.
The point is - I was having to think, plan, consider alcohol continuously, even when I was staying 'good'. That is not a sign of someone with a healthy relationship with alcohol. I definitely still had issues.

I think that's the point@OhShitImNearly40 was trying to make, and it rang true for me.

For some unfathomable reason, I have had not one second of desire for alcohol for the whole month. After the first few days I didn't even think about it.
I haven't replaced it with any AF drinks, just stuck to my usual lime and soda.
I'm even forgetting to log my AF days on the dry app.
I'm hoping this is a good sign, not really acknowledging it anymore, but fear I will never have a good relationship
with booze, so not getting into any planned return. Mind you, I'm not saying never, I'm just saying not for just now😁

I think we've all done brilliantly, and however you've done it, however you plan to carry on you do you🫶

Just to clarify there wasn't lots of alcohol! There was a bar & the mums just had 1 glass then switched to soft drinks. I would usually have probably usually joined them. I agree it's interesting that alcohol has wormed its way into every occasion.

Day 26 nearly done. There was a bit of leftover fizz in the fridge. I THREW IT DOWN THE SINK! wasn't even tempted - and I have had a VERY stressful day - shower suddenly pissing water everywhere isn't me trying to fix it! Nightmare. But not remotely interested in drinking. This has never happen before but I like it!

Well done everyone - spreadsheets and all!

Day 26 done, woo hoo!
Tonight's been an easy one, haven't wanted a wine at all, I was happy with a cup of tea.
I've just finished The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, I found it an interesting read and would recommend it to anyone who hasn't read it.
I'm laid in bed and have just been thinking about how much I genuinely love getting into bed sober and waking up sober, I need to remember that on the harder days.
Less than a week to go of DJ and we've done bloody brilliantly 👏👏 I'm debating whether to just keep going with it after January but will definitely keep the thread going, wether you choose to drink or not after January feel free to keep posting on here, I 100% wouldn't have got this far without you all so I thank you all for that ❤️