On a mission to moderate or absolutely abstaining, no judging, keep on being strong, new thread autumn 2024

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@Amdone123, @Freezingfeetwarmheart , @Bigbus,@Flumpywoo , @FiveShelties , @ForeverTipsy, @Hohofortherobbers,@Jbob1976,@walliedug,

Wanted to post and old thread wouldn't let me, so took the plunge...
Please tag everyone, don't want to leave anyone behind.

Still AF here and even starting to enjoy it. Nearly 2 months. Will write proper post later..
Hope you are all doing well. Stay strong. Wet vibes, 'cos it's raining.

Well done @BabetteAteOatmeal those dreams are really common, I get them in the early days. Now I just don't at all. The normal random anxiety dreams sure (late for a flight, forgot to go to uni for a year)

Glad to see everyone crushing it. Well done @BabetteAteOatmeal @LillyPJ and @Livingthedreamithink I hit 4 months a couple of days ago. Still loving it and so worth the very temporary pain of quitting.

we are all nearly through another week and I’m celebrating tomorrow with a day trip to a spa.for once I’m not wondering if they serve alcohol!

@Seenoevil33 Thanks! It's Day 21 for me today - three whole weeks! I can barely believe it. Tomorrow's the last day of our holiday and I'm booking a spa session too!

Well done everyone! Day 95 here and feeling great. Have asked my husband to pack away the contents of my gin cupboard until I figure out what to do with it all - will keep a few in for guests but I probably have 20 bottles in there 🙈 What a bloody waste of money!

Well I’ve wobbled! New job is more stressful than I imagined! No way are they breaking me in easily! Still start again today!

Hang on in there @Livingthedreamithink. It’s so easy to reach for a drink when stressed! You can decide not to drink today.

What is moderate drinking anyway? I feel sure I don’t understand it correctly.

@Livingthedreamithink never mind it's one blip. Onwards and upwards 🙌

I am off camping this afternoon, literally everyone will be knocking back cans in the sun but I feel good about my decision not to drink so hopefully will stay strong 💪

People might have different interpretations but in my mind it is having a couple of drinks a couple of times a week. Or at least stopping drinking before you get to that hammered, blackout point.

The more I read though, the more I'm starting to realise that 'moderation' probably isn't possible for someone like me, who has one drink and instantly want another, and another. Whilst I could TECHNICALLY moderate, ie force myself to stop after a certain number of drinks it would involve so much self control and I would feel so miserable about stopping, I think I am just better off totally abstaining. I know some people manage it though

Morning all! @AlertCat for me moderation would mean being able to have one drink and not feel like I have to carry on to obliteration. I know I can’t at the moment but hope that after a good long AF time I might be able to.

I’m on day 8 today which means I’ve done a whole week AF! Literally the first time in years, possibly since pregnancy. I’ve been eating loads, but when I weighed myself I haven’t put any on which has made me feel a lot better. Guess there really are lots of empty calories in booze. And it’s really nice not to feel like I need food to soak it up in the mornings.

@Livingthedreamithink I hope you did ok yesterday. Nearly the end of your first week in the new job.

@AlertCat I'm not sure what 'moderation' means either. Some people are saying it's the ability to stop before you're completely bladdered. Well, I'd say that applied to me - 'just' two (or maybe three ...) glasses (large!) of wine, and although I could be a bit slurry and clumsy, I was never blacking out or outrageously drunk. However, it was those two (or three...) glasses EVERY night without fail for years, and sometimes the odd pint (or two) at lunchtime as well that meant I was at least three times over the recommended safe limit. My liver never got a rest and my bank balance suffered. Maybe 'moderation' means small amounts and infrequently.

Thanks all. Yep- by the ‘stopping before you’re drunk’ measure I’ve been ok for years. But 3 bottles (or more) a week is way over the recommended maximum amount, and even half a bottle of what’s now normal wine is classed as a binge by the NHS (I think- more than 4 units, isn’t it?) my aim at the moment is 1 bottle of wine over 2 or 3 evenings at the weekend, and possibly a beer or two as well. But I think that takes me over that recommended maximum. So it’s very hard to moderate.
(My OH doesn’t drink wine, which is my favourite, so any bottles are all mine!)

Might have a Dry June. But am I doing that just to do it or to aim for greater sobriety long term? I’m still not quite at the point where I want to be teetotal. A bit like giving up sugar- yes, it’s fantastic for health and probably energy etc, but do I want never to experience cake or chocolate (or wine) again? Not sure that I do! So moderation is the key…

@AlertCat I just remembered reading somewhere that moderation is following the government guidelines. So for women, no more than 14 units a week, spread out over three or more days. There should be several drink free days a week. Anything over 6 units in one session is classed as binge drinking

I think if you're someone who can stop after a few then moderation could be possible

I decided to have a few weeks off back in February, which turned into a month, then decided to aim for 100 days. I actually found the longer I went the more I could objectively look at my relationship with alcohol and understand what it was, or wasn't, adding to my life. I've also realsied all the events where I thought I needed alcohol- I didn't. It's like a light bulb has been switched on

So for me, taking a break has been really positive

I could always stop after 'a few', but that few was 2 or 3 glasses of wine, so at least 6 units every time, and that was every night. At least 42 units a week - way over the recommended limit. There's no way I could tell myself that was moderate. And although I always vowed to have a night off or just one, I never did. I could always find an excuse to drink and after 'just one' I couldn't resist the next one.

No still didn’t manage it this week (other than the couple of days I had off!). My DH came home with a bottle of wine from M & S!

still determined! Anyone ever tried the hypnotherapy sessions ? I’d like to try it but not spend extortionate amounts!

for women, no more than 14 units a week, spread out over three or more days. There should be several drink free days a week.

So if I stick to my one bottle over a weekend, that’s inside the guidelines. Any extras, a beer or a whiskey, will see me over.

Might give the reduced-alcohol versions of wines I like a try, if I know I’ll be having extra.

@Livingthedreamithink no. But I found the last half of Dry Jan easier than the first half. I was very jealous of my OH having a Friday drink to start with, but by the end I wasn’t bothered. Would your OH support you by agreeing to certain days being dry ones for both of you? In moderating, I’d struggle more if mine was having a glass every night (and equally he would too).

I decided to take about a month off at the start of the year (awkward bugger as I am, I always denied I was doing Dry January as I didn't start until 6th)

I just kept going, this thread and you lot helped me a lot. I'll be coughty years old at the end of June, by which time it will be almost half a year!

FiL is very poorly and we're visiting him at half term. If he wants to, I'll take a dram with him, for auld lang syne. I think that's worth playing a joker for, might be the last time.

I think we all have very similar stories wrt our drinking past. I want to moderate but like others, I am also not yet sure uni an drink and control it.

For now, I’m enjoying being sober and quite stubborn about not giving in, so onwards I go. Determined to have a champagne at some point in the summer though (never liked in the past but currently hating the smell of red wine).

hope you all have a great weekend, whatever your plans are.

@Seenoevil33 I never liked champagne either but recently tried Freixenet 0.0 (someone recommended it on here) and it was the only AF wine I've ever liked. It's fizzy and not too sweet. So if you get to that champagne moment and decide not to risk alcohol after all, that's a viable alternative.

I overindulged last night and now I feel slightly ashamed and very silly.

It’s just a minor setback @AlertCat and @Livingthedreamithink. No judgement here. Today is another day

You’re right, it’s a great reason to be here 😊

@AlertCat i have had decades of overindulgence and not really given it much thought - here you are examining how you feel about it and regretting it - so I would say that’s still pretty good progress ….

I've been in Scotland 24h and nae bevvies as we say. FiL is in the hospital, unsure how serious or for how long he'll be in as yet. So we've no taken that cup o kindness yet, but I hope to have the chance

Hope youre doing OK @AlertCat and not beating yourself up. Sometimes its good to slip up then reflect on it - it can help strengthen your resolve

Sending love @BezMills , glad you've made it up there and hope you get that chance to share a drink