Is there a difference between heavy drinker and high functioning alcoholic?

[Newroadforme]

Asking as I know I’m one or the other…or both..!!..
Drinking has escalated over the years. I don’t get really drunk, make an idiot of myself, regret actions of the night before etc etc. I’m a mum of 4, work 4 days a week, exercise most days.
however more and more my exercise is turning into yoga etc as I’m feeling the effects of too much and can’t be arsed to do hiit etc.

i wake up and struggle to get out of bed, i ache all over, muscles hurt (tried to tell myself it’s menopause). I drink EVERY day - a few large g&ts whilst cooking supper - because 1 is never enough. After my first drink I just want to carry on so my hubby and I will share a bottle …or 2… of wine in the evening, every evening.

i keep telling myself that I won’t drink tonight and by mid afternoon I can feel my resolve crumbling.

i look tired, have put on weight , skin starting to look a bit red…

I didn’t drink last night!!!! Big yay for me. I do t want to drink tonight.

can I have a detox and be in control or is this the slippery slope..:

sorry for the long post

No

A heavy drinker isn’t always a high functioning alcoholic

but. A high functioning alcoholic is a heavy drinker

you can’t twist words to make yourself feel better

If you need alcohol - you’re a alcoholic whether you ‘function’ in life

and yes most people at around you know that you drink

@Newroadforme - good on you for recognising you have a problem- because you do. I don’t use the word alcoholic but you are abusing alcohol.

I also abuse alcohol and have almost lost everything- and I mean everything. I didn’t get that way overnight - I got that way like you are. Gradual increase in drinking to the detriment of other things….increasing tolerance so more alcohol needed to feel the (still nice) effects, putting on weight, puffy face, constant heartburn….you can see what I mean.

Please do something now and don’t let yourself get to the point I’ve reached. Even though you drink every night, it’s unlikely you need a medical detox - especially if you didn’t drink last night and were ok.

Can you maybe stop drinking during the week and only drink at the weekend if you don’t want to stop completely?

If you try that and find you can’t do that ie you start back drinking on nights you didn’t intend to - then you really do have a problem and probably need to stop completely.

good luck 🤞

And to add….I was a “high functioning” alcoholic (although I don’t use that word) until I wasn’t….

It doesn’t matter what you call it, but well done for recognising it. At the level you drink stopping cold Turkey might actually be dangerous for you. You can stop cold Turkey if you think that’s easier but you need medications upper to do so to stop irreversible brain damage.

Every area has a drug and alcohol service you can refer to direct and they can support you to stop however is best for you in your own time at home.

But posting today is a huge first step, it really is!

Please do not give definitive medical advice based on a single post!

No matter what name you want to label it, you have a drink problem and so does your husband by the sound of it. You can try to reduce the intake but chance are unless you both realise you have a problem theirs no point. You need to a aa meeting and just listen to what they say, you don't need to join in if you can't but at least go. Also visit the doctors. I hope you or your husband don't drive the next day as you could be over the limit, even if you don't feel it.

Try reading The Easy Way to Control Alcohol by Allen Carr.
if you have the kindle app you can download it and start reading straight away. It has completely changed the way I think and feel about alcohol even though what he is a saying is actually quite obvious stuff!

I did dry Jan and have never felt better. I found it so much easier than I thought it would be and this book massively helped.
i’m still going and no longer really think about alcohol at all. Such a relief.

i feel so much better without drinking, that is what puts me off drinking! Why would I want to feel that awful way again. I thought I was drinking because I was sad but the alcohol was making me anxious and depressed so I was totally doing it to myself.

It’s not medical advice, it’s advising that she seeks support from medical professionals who deal with this and can help and advise her and support her safely. To not listen to advice from the internet that she can do it this way or that way or be fine as their auntie self detoxed and was climbing Everest the following week.

That she is doing great to post and recognise as that really is half the battle and she might be able to stop/cut down herself but most people need some non judgemental support and community services are changing so much for the better and recognise that most people are functioning and don’t just see people with drug and alcohol problems who are living homeless their car, but so many people will be managing to hold down a job still. It doesn’t mean they don’t benefit from help belge it gets too late.

so I stand by my post that recommending contacting local support services if you don’t want to speak to your GP is valid.

You said "You can stop cold Turkey if you think that’s easier but you need medications upper to do so to stop irreversible brain damage." That's really not appropriate. But it's not the focus of the thread so I will allow the OP to focus on what matters.

Oh OP, your post reminds me so much of me. Other posters are right, it doesn't matter what you call it but you are so positive for recognising that this is a situation you need to be aware of and, I would suggest, need to change.
I don't want to scare you or jump on you, but please take this as a wake up call. It took me three years from realising I had a problem to conquering that problem and those three years nearly killed me. I went downhill badly even though I was trying my hardest. Whether you go to the GP, AA or your local drug/alcohol service please do something. AA didn't work for me but it was a step on my journey. It's your journey so what works for others might not work for you but be open, try everything that's offered and stop the damage.
Be strong, you're amazing to post this. Keep going.

The labels don’t matter. You know that alcohol is taking much more from your life than it is adding to it. There is a much better life waiting for you without alcohol.

Id suggest reading some quitlit - I think you would find the Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley really helpful. The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray is also very good, but you may find it less relatable.

(And I speak as someone who was drinking as much as you, and have now been sober for nearly 2 years).

Good luck

Thanks for all your messages - what a variety of personal stories and thoughts..

I definitely am not in need of a medical detox or any such serious intervention. I'm not going to go into shock if I don't have a drink. I think I will actually feel empowered to stomp down the little menace voice that sits on my shoulder whispering words of negative encouragement to me..!!

I really think some podcasts, audio books etc would be a great help. I did have a quick listen to part of the Allen Carr one yesterday and wondered about downloading it so thank you @PammieDooveOrangeJoof for the recommendation. I remember reading the smoking one when I was in my early 20s and literally never thought about having another cigarette again. Wouldnt it be awesome if the booze one had the same outcome!! @Onewildandpreciouslife - I'll look up the books that you suggested - quitlit - never heard that phrase before.

I think what really shouts from all your replies is that regardless of how bad a problem might be, if a problem has been highlighted then it needs to be actioned.

Does it really matter? Your drinking is having a negative impact on your life, which you have recognised. So the next step is to do something about it - either dramatically reduce it or stop it if you can't stick to reducing it. I'm sure you can do it, regardless of a label for the situation 😊 x

Oh sorry, cross posted with your reply! Sounds like you are on the case already 😊

It might be more helpful to see your patterns as problematic, therefore a problematic relationship with alcohol. There's nothing else to say as it's all describing the same thing. Help is there, moderation seems to be an option for some but lots need to abstain to recover.

Can I just add to the mostly great advice given, by suggesting you take a vit b compound and thiamine. Alcohol prevents absorption of these, and they protect your nervous system, so really important when recovering from alcohol abuse

There's a really good Guardian article which was a conversation between Adrian Chiles and John Robins where they discuss the difference between heavy drinking and alcoholism.

There is so much quit lit it out there these days which can help you re-define your relationship with alcohol. And sober bloggers and influencers. Try The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. Or the Mummy was a secret drinker blog as a start. I drank a lot and now I don't. Good luck x

I'm not sure the terms are very helpful. I'd use the term 'alcoholic' to describe myself as I think it probably best hits at the level of problematic drinking I was at when I quit - so I was drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a day, sometimes from late morning, was drinking and driving (sometimes literally while driving). I wasn't physically dependent though, I stopped and didn't have any major physical withdrawal symptoms, didn't need any medical help (though at 3 bottles of wine a day, that's probably more luck than anything!).

You could say I was 'high functioning' I guess because I have a normal, functional life - beautiful home, lovely dh and dc, friends, big career, well-educated, all the middle class trappings, looked very good from the outside.

But I don't know that that's very helpful really. I don't think you need to be in the gutter or have lost everything or need a medical detox to have a drinking problem. Many of the people who I know who are sober or trying to be didn't drink as much or as often as I did, and many of the ones who drank considerably less have struggled a lot to not relapse, certainly more than I have. So it's not as simplistic as putting someone in this box or that.

What I would do if you want to stop (and I think your life would be so much better if you did - mine certainly is and I don't know anyone who gave up drinking and said it didn't improve their life) is to re-frame how you spend your time. So drink a tonic water or a nice kombucha or something else in place of those g&ts, find something else for you and your dh to do in the evenings, go take an evening HIIT class or an early morning one that requires you to go to bed early and be alcohol free. I started booking going to a Friday evening gong bath! You can't drink before a gong bath (certainly not one a 30 minute drive away), I reasoned, so it forced me to make Friday evenings about something other than drinking several bottles of wine.

Usually time. One progresses to the other.

It's a good sign you've recognised it. I had a close friend who didn't and it didn't go well for her, for many years. I would definitely encourage you to go to therapy, as there is a reason for the drinking so addressing it is important. I think podcasts and other advice online can be helpful, but I would caution you against just dealing with it that way. You drink a lot, and that is going to be harder than you realise to stop. Good luck :)

Hi OP

I was where you are a couple of years ago 🖐

My advice would be as follows-

• Don't get hung up on labels. Where you are a heavy drinker, an alcoholic, have issues with alcohol, just a bad habit- it really makes no difference and you can waste a lot of time wondering which category you fall into and using that to justify not making changes. (AA is great for some people but I think the perception the AA ideology gives rise to is not helpful for lots of us- that there is a group of people called Alcoholics who have a problem and the rest of us don't.)
• I found quit lit really helpful. Would particularly recommend Annie Grace and Holly Whitaker.
• Also helpful (for me) was understanding the relationship between alcohol and dopamine. Once you grasp that your poor brain is desperately trying to regulate its dopamine levels (which you've screwed up by drinking too much) and that 99% of your thinking about wanting a drink is really just your conscious mind trying to rationalise what's going on biochemically, it becomes a lot easier.
• What also helped me was recasting not drinking as a positive choice associated with things I wanted to be- healthy, energetic, clear-headed, slim, sharp-witted etc etc- rather than starting with a deprivation mindset. Again, I think the AA stereotype is unhelpful here as it makes you think of not drinking being all about sitting in a minging church hall forever feeling completely grey, whereas drinking is all about colour and bonhomie. You can retrain yourself to see it more realistically- not drinking as being a a route towards colour and life, while (regular excessive) drinking is all about waking up at 4am parched, hungover and full if shame. Sounds shallow but I find Instagram really useful for this- there are lots of alcohol free accounts making the booze-free life look beautiful and fulfilling, and so it is.

I'd have a look at the different things people have recommended and decide what you want to do. It might not have to be giving up forever- that's a decision for you- but it sounds like it would be good to give it all a rethink.

(To add- I tried an Allen Carr alcohol book and found it useless, which surprised me as the smoking one is great. The one I read seemed to be all about middle aged men topping up all day out of a hip flask- that was a million miles from where I was, which was superficially a completely normal drinker- couple of gins making dinner, half a bottle with dinner, half a bottle on the sofa afterwards, never feeling pissed and it all being very lovely until you add it up and realise that's 100 units a week.)

Someone on here mentioned Jason Vales book and it’s been eye opening
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Kick-Drink-Easily-Jason-Vale-ebook/dp/B004S0T5I6?asin=B004S0T5I6&revisionId=3a899b45&format=1&depth=1

Essentially he disputes that if you want to stop drinking then you must have a problem or be an alcoholic. People reject the idea ( rightly) that’s there’s something wrong with them and they have to be in some sort of recovery abstaining forever more.
I love sugar. I stopped having it in my coffee and no one said “oh go on just one spoon”. I don’t miss it or even think about it. When you give up drinking, the problem is you apparently, even though it’s clearly the alcohol itself.

UPDATE..

No alcohol has been consumed by me, its now nearly a week!! I can't remember ever having that long a break. I feel so chuffed with myself to have broken the cycle!! And to have done it relatively easily - a change of mindset and that was it to set me on my new path.
I have bought Big Tom tomato juice and had a couple of super spicy (way too much tabasco and worcestershire sauce added in by me) virgin marys - was nice to have a strong tasty drink.
Have also had several conversations with hubby. He admitted that he had secretly gasped on occasion when he saw how quickly a gin bottle disappeared. He has also decided that he won't drink during the week but will have a drink or 3 over the weekend - nothing excessive. We aren't going to buy spirits to have in the house ever again.

I feel so relieved, happy, empowered to be embarking on a new journey.

That is such a lovely update! Well done on your nearly week, and your conversations with DH.