Is there a difference between heavy drinker and high functioning alcoholic?

[Newroadforme]

Asking as I know I’m one or the other…or both..!!..
Drinking has escalated over the years. I don’t get really drunk, make an idiot of myself, regret actions of the night before etc etc. I’m a mum of 4, work 4 days a week, exercise most days.
however more and more my exercise is turning into yoga etc as I’m feeling the effects of too much and can’t be arsed to do hiit etc.

i wake up and struggle to get out of bed, i ache all over, muscles hurt (tried to tell myself it’s menopause). I drink EVERY day - a few large g&ts whilst cooking supper - because 1 is never enough. After my first drink I just want to carry on so my hubby and I will share a bottle …or 2… of wine in the evening, every evening.

i keep telling myself that I won’t drink tonight and by mid afternoon I can feel my resolve crumbling.

i look tired, have put on weight , skin starting to look a bit red…

I didn’t drink last night!!!! Big yay for me. I do t want to drink tonight.

can I have a detox and be in control or is this the slippery slope..:

sorry for the long post

Your post tells us you do know the answer. That's a lot of alcohol. Everyone is different and I know people who were in your position who have cut down to moderate drinking and stuck to it (a few drinks at weekends, at least 3 alcohol free days a week), but for many professional help is needed or at least a support group. Go and see your gp, they will be able to signpost help in your area as a starting point. Another good first step is to cut down the alcohol in the house, don't have wine in except at weekends. Lots of support from here too, even if we don't have a problem ourselves, most know someone.

Impulse control is a major factor (with me its food not alcohol) but get professional advice so you can reduce safely

The label doesn’t really matter, does it?

you are drinking to excess and you know it isn’t right.

i was “functioning” in that I was holding down a good job, everyone was clean fed and safe and the house was decent

but I remember in Clare Pooley’s book the sober diaries (read it!) she said something like it’s easy to be functioning when everything in life is going ok. When it isn’t, you won’t be a functioning alcoholic any more. And the wheels fall off for all of us at some point.

well done on starting to face the problem. That’s half the battle x

@Newroadforme - how are you doing?

@NextPhaseOfLife
I am great!!! Thank you for asking. It’s been about 9 weeks now. I’ve lost a good few lbs, my daily routine is much improved, I don’t often think about booze.
hubby has cut down massively too - he has a few beers now and again and that’s it.
i drink loads of herbal tea, kombucha, aqua libra etc.
I think I will drink again on occasion - but not on the daily basis that it was, more like holiday, nice glass of wine if going for a meal etc. Looking back I am horrified at how consumption was creeping up and slowly spiralling out of control- terrifying how easily I let that happen.

Ive been to parties, out for the evening, weekends away, had people come to stay and there’s been no booze and it has been fine- not an issue or even a topic of conversation.

i LOVE not thinking about it, not having the inner voice, the guilt, the 5pm give in, the mornings - fresh, no bleary eyes, the extra ££ in the bank.

i always used to read people’s posts saying ‘if i can do it so can you’….i never thought i would or could…but i have!! And im super proud of myself ❤️

Well done OP that's bloody brilliant 😁

@Newroadforme

Such a fantastic post to read - I'm so delighted for you.

That's amazing. Sounds like you were ready to make the change 😍😍😍

CONGRATULATIONS 😍

Well done OP. You’re an inspiration.

i am on day 28 being alcohol free. I’ve been under a huge amount of stress over the last few months and I recognised that I was turning to booze almost nightly to help ‘manage’ the stress.

you've inspired me to keep going!

@PeelingLino - 28 days is fantastic - you must be so proud of yourself. And thank you for your lovely comment. It's mad how we 'manage stress' by pouring alcohol down our throats. And then do the same to celebrate, because the sun is out, because it's raining, because we've had a good day, because we've had a bad day. I hope you find / have found new ways to deal with the stressful events in your life.

@NextPhaseOfLife - thank you. Yes I think I was ready to make the change - although I didn't realise it until I did..!!..

And thank you to @Itsrainingten too

Here I am again.
it bloody we’ll crept back in again. It started with a holiday , sunshine, beautiful delicious tasty vino and slowly slowly slowly it turned into daily drinking. I’ve been planning on knocking it on the head again but there was always an excuse.

so..today is my day 2.

im not a moderation person. All or nothing. All is so easy, nothing is so hard. Nothing makes me feel better.

ive done it before it, I CAN do it again.

Well done for recognising it. I have made the decision to completely abstain as well. So much easier and life is genuinely better without alcohol in it. Everything is much easier.

I’m wondering for myself if it will be similar. I’m doing dry Jan (the thread in chat forum is very supportive) and feeling great- my “excuse” is I love the drinks as drinks, and non alcoholic drinks are just not the same, so I am really hesitant to say that I no longer drink.

How long did you go dry for and how long did it take to creep up again, if you don’t mind me asking? Would a routine reset (eg every three or four months going sober) help you to find some balance, or some sort of commitment that means you have to have nights off (I take my dc to a sports club one night and do an activity for myself on another)?

Maybe there should be a thread for people who struggle with moderation.

You’ve been doing brilliantly OP so don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve done it before and you’ll moderate again- well done

@AlertCat . Well done for starting your new year dry 🥳.

ive started reading a book called Kick the drink easily by Jason Vale which is meant to reboot the mindset of drinking. So far a few things have popped out, but like you, I really enjoy the taste of a very good glass of wine etc and no non alcoholic drink comes anywhere near (although there are lots of tasty alternatives..)

I was completely dry for about 4 months, then the odd drink here and there because I was ‘in control’. Month 6 I went on holiday, swore to myself that I’d carry on my healthy lifestyle as soon as I got back…. 4.5 months later and an 8lb weight increase I have managed to get back to it. Today is my day 4. I’ve also given up sugar!! Last time around I supplemented my weekend wine for boxes of chocolates and weekday crap sweets.

For me a sober
month every few months won’t work, it might for you though.🙂

I’ve also given up sugar!! Last time around I supplemented my weekend wine for boxes of chocolates

ooh, that’s hardcore to do at the same time as DJ! I’m needing my chocolate at the moment.

Thanks for more details, I worry that I will struggle to be moderate. And also that if I know I’m resetting every few months, I won’t care so much about being moderate during the drinking months. One to ponder I suppose!

so will you be going sober permanently now?

@AlertCat
😂 hardcore. I’m all or nothing I think..

will I ever drink again? I have NO idea. My inner (healthy and at one with) self says that I won’t but I honestly don’t know. Last time I got to the stage of not even thinking about a drink and happily socialising without a second thought.
If I don’t update this post then I’ve managed successfully 😏

I am a high functioning alcoholic. I hate myself but carry on regardless. I get up for work but don't want to.

I've not read whole thread so these may have already been suggested, but I would also recommend Alcohol Explained by William Porter - it put me right off drinking. Other quit lit & some podcasts also were invaluable. Perhaps aim to not drink at all for 3 months as an experiment, because you would get to see the many benefits that become apparent over that longer period and it would demonstrate how it's possible to enjoy life without depending on booze. I would say I was not 'an alcoholic' as I was only drinking wine or beer & only at the weekend - but I was still drinking too much every week & had a life history of over-drinking & generally felt deeply ashamed of my dependency on alcohol and of how I'd behaved, often, while under the influence. I stopped drinking on 1st Jan this year & it has been a revelation - so many benefits (eg I lost several pounds in weight without trying, my hair stopped falling out as much, generally feeling SO much better). I realised that drinking is something we do not just as well as other things, but instead of too - it takes up so much of our focus, time, energy, money - so you may find it helpful to find something else to do instead as a replacement activity and/or to change habits around drinking eg what you do when you cook supper. I'd recommend Atomic Habits by James Clear (there are other similar books about changing habits around) to help break drinking habits/associations. Give it a go, OP - you may find you love non-drinking you

Oops now see my last post is a bit late! Leaving it there in case it helps anyone at all. Keep going, OP, though! I found Over the Influence podcast great, really helpful - and they tackle the issue of whether or not to moderate or abstain (it's been going a while so I'd recommend starting from beginning)

Hi 👋

Do you want to talk about ways you could cut down or make some changes? There’s lots of supportive threads on this board (this one is quite old so your message may not be seen by many people). There’s a ‘Sober October’ thread which we plan to keep going after the end of the month. A fair few of us who’ve been drinking too much for too long, for various reasons. There’s also an active long running thread for those trying to lead an alcohol free life and one which is more of an abstinence or moderation vibe. Perhaps joining one would help? Hating yourself is no way to live. There is a better life available to you, even if it doesn’t seem that way right now.

Thank you x

The cycle of drinking, getting too drunk and facing consequences (embarrassment, shame, danger) is really really common at AA. Most people there weren’t drinking in the morning boozers with a physical dependency. They’re people like you who get on with life but drink too much and cannot drink normally in a way that doesn’t damage their life.

You can quit and try moderation… most alcoholics do. Multiple times. For years, until eventually they realise that actually their drinking still negatively effects their life.

If you can’t decide I’d recommend going to an AA meeting in person or online. You’ll likely hear some things that resonate with you.

It doesn’t need to be that way - change is possible x

Try to stop for a month and you'll be able to answer your question.

Just curious. In my younger days I would occasionally get very drunk and would have enjoyed a drink or two when out having a meal etc. 9 years ago I was diagnosed with a serious illness which has caused two DVTs, tachycardia, severe osteoporosis and a lot of other symptoms. After the second DVT I was put on Warfarin possibly for life. It is extremely dangerous to drink while on Warfarin. I have one alcoholic drink, at Christmas, Easter, St. Patrick's day and if away on holidays one or two non alcoholic beers. Even non alcoholic drinks can cause my warfarin level to rise. Could any of you with problem drinking cut down this much if it was to save your health/life?

@Hollyhobbi no. The addiction isn't rational.