On A Mission To Moderate or Absolutely Abstaining? Join us for encouragement, support and non - judgemental chat *2024*

[Swannyb]

@amdone123 @mj20 @touty @Hohofortherobbers @Coppergate7 @bigbus @colouringindoors @wellitywellness @Atacamadesert @Freezingfeetwarmheart @WouldRatherBeAPieceOftToast @Hohofortherobbers @mickandrorty @Mykittensmittens @afaloren @NoTeaNoShade @CrackersCheeseNoWinePlease @LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE @Needtokickthehabit @OhShitImNearly40 @Nowstrong @enoughisenough4

Good morning everyone. @Mj20 thanks for tagging me and for your kind words about my embarrassment post!
Welcome @TheBuggerlugs and all the other newbies.
I am successfully moderating so far. I had one drink too many on Wednesday - planned two, had three - felt it the next day and was a bit cross with myself but in the past going over two drinks would have led to millions - that’s when the wine monster wakes up - so I guess three was better than 10!
I’m not really going for long runs of AF, I want to increase the number of AF days I have in a week and reduce the number of drinks when I’m drinking. Im
measuring my drinks which is really helping and this week I had 4 days AF which is my target so I’m pleased with that. I also had my first AF Friday in years and felt great on Saturday!
@Touty glad to hear from you and well done on staying AF this long. Obviously I wish my falling-asleep-on-the-doorstep incident had never happened but equally I have never been that drunk since so in some ways it was an agent for change for the better

Hello all... can I sneak in at the back.
I agree about the difficulties of alcohol when a partner drinks too...
for me... I've had to learn to own it. I've spent too many times blaming partner for drinking so I've caved or him popping to the shops so I've caved.
This time around feels different and I've been removing myself if he drinks so I can't blame him.

I think there is something about having a longish stint at AF, that is almost freeing - it takes the thinking away. Having said that I was just thinking about February 😂 and when, ages ago (maybe a year?!) I wrote that list in the thread that named all the 'sober month events'. I might try and dig it up.

I know I'm only two weeks into this but my gut feeling is that I need to go longer before attempting moderation again. Maybe a lot longer.

My mini challenges are going well I guess, thank you. Not much scope for AF ones at the moment (apart from that meal at the start of Jan) but I still haven't mentioned alcohol to DH (and he still hasn't shown any sign of cutting down).

That is a long game! Another serious reason to keep on going with the AF actually, I try not to think about it most of the time but DH's drinking is a big concern. I have to go first, and not let it be another one of my 'three week wonders'. Not just seriously cutting down on the booze, but living all the positive changes that could come with it.

I'm also continuing my stealth mission of trying not to mention his parents (the hurt runs very deep) at all, or add my own thoughts when he has a rant. This was something I found challenging when I first started, and now it is almost second nature. His drinking goes through the roof when he has to see/think about them in any way. I wish he would have counselling.

Sorry, that was a bit of an epic!

Hello to @skippydo and @TheBuggerlugs !

Thank you @Amdone123 and everyone on this thread. Not sure I could have done this weekend alone AF without somewhere to chat and be held accountable. It’s Sunday morning and I’ve had two lovely nights of sleep which I don’t always get when DH isn’t here.

Welcome @TheBuggerlugs and @skippydo this is a great thread and I think you’ll find it really helpful. As you can see you’re not alone!

Well done @Touty and @Coppergate7 one foot in front of the other.

Found it:

January Dry January
February Fast February
March Leave it out for lent (22 Feb - 6 Apr)
Spring - Sober spring (20 Mar - 20 Jun)
April Angelic April
May No way May/Mocktail May
June Jack it in June
July Dry July
August Avoid it August
September Sober September/Stoptember
October Go Sober October/Sober October (Stoptober is smoking?)
November No Bender November
December Drycember

Challenging target - to do four of these for 2024... We'll see!

Yesterday I posted about the effect of alcohol on the brain while on a bender. Today's post is about the brain's role in addiction formation - which for me was quite enlightening. Hope you find it interesting!

https://wellitywellness.com/2024/01/14/dry-january-14-alcohol-and-the-brain-2/

Ahhh I’ve done it, sort of!

Friday - AF (it meant saying no to going out with DH and friends but I’m glad).

Saturday - 3 glasses at lunch and I was so keen to kick on but waited an hour or so and abstained.

Today - 2 bottles with DH. We easily could’ve done a third but again, I waited an hour and decided against it.

Ill be honest and say I find the above made life a bit boring for me but being hangover free is driving me (and makes it worth it in the end).

This weeks goal is to remain AF Monday - Friday.

How is everyone else getting on?

Well done @Coppergate7 and @Mj20 with your AF days. @Amdone123 it sounds like Friday ‘went to plan’ for you too.

@Swannyb well done. It sounds like you've been in control, and that's really important.
So much of what you post resonates with me. I often wonder about the boredom aspect. I have a few close friends who didn't make it to their 50s, and often find myself saying Life's for Living, or similar tropes.
The irony is had I carried on the way I was, 5 years ago, my life may well have been shortened.
So, sometimes I think it's good to say No, if you feel it will sabotage your 'journey'.

I hope that made sense - I've walked for 90 mins this morning and just spent 1 hour prepping lunch 😴

@TheBuggerlugs yep, it does make you feel rubbish. I wonder why we bother when we know the outcome.
Just get through today and know that it could be the last time you feel like this.

Then really focus on that feeling

Afternoon, really glad I didn't drink last night (well, this morning!)
@TheBuggerlugs welcome, and you are completely right about never regretting not drinking! Try and remember this as @Tilllly says next time you are thinking about having a drink.

I have been thinking about February too. Last time I did Dry January DH joined me and we celebrated by drinking loads of Feb 1st to make up for it so it was all a bit pointless really! Just so I could say "I can't be an alcoholic because I can stop for a month ".

This time I am using it as a chance to actually break a habit. I have looked at my shifts and if I do have a drink in the first week in February there's only one possible day I can and that's Friday 2nd when I finish at midnight and DH will still be up. And at the moment I'm not sure if I'll even want to. So I'll be going longer than a month either way.

@Freezingfeetwarmheart so true. I know so many people who drag themselves through dry Jan with gritted teeth, then drink twice as much in Feb. What's the point ?!!
@TheBuggerlugs yes, definitely helps to play it forward - trying to remember that feeling. Write it down if it helps - it can help me to write it down.

I'm wanting to drink today. I went food shopping and it didn't occur to me to look at the wine. That's progress in its self.
But, if dh said he was nipping to the shop for gas or electricity, I'd be giving him my bank card.

You're doing much better than me @afaloren - great job eating well and exercising too!

I'm really struggling to get my act together in other areas, despite declaring I would start today. I hope that it is just because I've still got a cold and it's cold outside. I want to drink to escape feeling like this. I won't. Been here before, knew it was coming...

Good to hear you're abstaining @Touty. I hope you do find an AA group you feel comfortable with. My BIL went to 2 a day on the first week, different meetings all within about a 10 mile radius of us. He found done more welcoming than others, so look around anf try some out.
I'm here 14 days AF, went out for dinner with friends last night, restaurant wasn't licensed but they took a couple of cans of beer each. I was fine on soft drinks, had a lovely evening and didn't feel I missed out at all.

@Hohofortherobbers well done on Day 14, that's great.

Hi all!!!! Day 20 here and am posting here to stop myself opening wine! The lovely Xmas rose is still in the fridge, from Xmas and a bottle of red is here too (belated gift)!!!! Could just enjoy a glass but I’d feel like I’m letting myself down, silly I know as I’d only have one or 2, but as @Coppergate7 says I perhaps need a longer a/f stint to truly moderate and actually it’s easier just not! Not having to think about it!!!

That said next week end is a family meal out in a posh restaurant and I’ve already half decided I will have one or 2 drinks…. Id love to just say I’ll go sober but the Prosecco cocktails look divine…. All thoughts welcome!

@touty thanks for letting us know your ok, sounds like your doing really well. Keep being kind to yourself and do what feels right!
@Amdone123 and @Swannyb you guys sound like your totally in control and that’s what it’s all about. And well done @Hohofortherobbers for day 14!!!!

Hope everyone else is ok! Have caught up on everyone’s news! Just too many to tag! Xxx

Thought of the day:-

No alcohol equals no drama.

@Touty that's so true. I know all the drama in my life has been as a result of drinking.
Also, af days / weekends are quieter, calmer. I like them.
The craving past for me, thank god. I wouldn't go out for it so that's a good thing.
I'm now half way through a 2 litre bottle of sparkling....water 😇.
@Mj20 thank you, I do feel in control.
Regarding your meal out, I'd set myself a target. Say, 3 prosecco cocktails and sparkling water in between ( or whatever number you're content with).
And I'd eat dessert 🍰

True, day to day life and state of mind both calmer AF

AF#2W Time to shift into counting in weeks

I'm going to take a break from MN for a week, see if that helps force me into getting on with other stuff/help change habits. Have a good week everyone ❤