This weekend will be different!!

[LoveShitJokes]

FUCKING FED UP with ruining EVERY weekend binge drinking. I've been doing it for way too long now, since lockdown one. Why can't I just be normal and stick to one bottle on a Saturday night like everyone else?! Instead of caning it 3, 4 days in a row. This last weekend was another failure. On Friday night and again yesterday I actually ended up tipping the second half away... I didn't even really want any of it. It's just a shit, horrible habit that's carried on from last year when I was using alcohol as an anti depressant. Even though it's the worst thing you can probably do to curb anxiety and self loathing. I absolutely hated myself today. Another unproductive weekend having diarrhoea... of absolutely hating myself. The disappointment, the embarrassment, the fear. It's awful. I stopped for a good while earlier this year and it felt brilliant waking up fresh, being able to go for a run, being able to go food shopping and not having to cancel everything because I can't drive. Not being too scared to answer the phone in case someone realises I'm slurring. I have a breathalyser... that "beep, beep, beep" telling me I'm over the limit is so awful. It might as well say "you dirtbag you've done it again".

This Thursday night I will go for a long walk and tire myself out, on Friday I will cook something nice and watch a film. I will NOT spend another pointless, self pitying weekend drowning my liver for absolutely no real reason at all.

The disappointment and the guilt is vile 😞

[Onewildandpreciouslife]

Post away! I find this really helpful