I think I need some help

[SouperNoodle]

Hi, this is my first time posting! I'm sorry it's a long post!

So a bit of backstory: 8 years ago I had a nervous breakdown and went from someone who never drank to an alcoholic and binge drinker.
After a while my family held an intervention and my dr said if I didn't stop, I'd die. I decided I needed to change so did sober October. I had the sweats and shakes for 2 weeks but then was ok.
After that, I rarely drank but if I did, it was only a couple.

Over the past year, I've found that I'm drinking a lot more and on nights out/events I binge drink again and make an utter fool of myself. I spend the next couple of days texting out apologies and lie in bed hating myself.

Last night I held a Halloween party for friends and our children. The kids were all in one room playing and watching movies and us parents were drinking in the kitchen.
I promised myself I'd stick to a limit but ended up getting absolutely blind drunk. I hit a real low point where my youngest daughter saw me crawling to my bedroom. Even typing that out has me in tears, despising myself.

I need to stop, not only for myself but for the sake of my children.
I don't know where to start! I know the sensible thing would be to go cold turkey but I don't feel ready to give it up completely...I know I have to though.

Any advice or even just a handhold would be so appreciated. Xxx

Anyone?

Hello. You are not a bad person, and are taking the right steps. There are lots of different charities and referral points for people in your position. Please speak to your gp and research local support.

a family member of mine is refusing help, she’s going to die. It’s not too late for you. Get better & you’ll thrive again!

Speak to your gp, there no judgement and lots of help. I've decided to stop drinking for now, I was drinking a bottle of wine nearly every night. Today is day 1 for me.
You've got this

Thank you both for taking the time to read and reply. I will make a gp appointment this week if I can and ask for help. I just feel so embarrassed that I'm back here after doing so well for so long.

Don't be embarrassed, you've recognised it and you're dealing with it, you should be proud of yourself

I think it's really important to keep hold of that sense of embarrassment and shame, because that will tell you that you have reached rock bottom. Your rock bottom can be different to anyone else's and if I were you I'd be telling myself that that was it. There is an AMA on here with a woman who is an alcoholic. It's in active conversations at the moment. You'll get help on any of the alcohol threads but perhaps have a read of hers?

This time a year ago, I could have written something very similar. It’s a horrible feeling, particularly if you feel you can’t find a way out of this. The after effects of the alcohol will also be making you more depressed and anxious. So be kind to yourself. Drink lots of water and have an early night.

In terms of how to start, have you read any “quit lit”? I found it really helpful to put my issues in context. You might find something like the Sober Diaries by Claire Pooley a good start.

Dont try to think about the long term - it’s much easier to take it one day at a time.

I could never have imagined last year that by now I’d be 7 months sober, and absolutely loving life. But it is possible.

Good luck

@SouperNoodle
Only yourself can better yourself and recover from it.
all the best op

Thank you everyone! I'm going away with my best friend for a long weekend in a few weeks so I spoke to her today about what's been going on and she gave me nothing but love and support. Staying sober on holiday will be hard but I know she'll be there to hold my hand.
I've had a look online for audiobooks/podcasts that will help but haven't picked one yet.

Are there any you feel really helped you on your journey?

Sorry you're going through this OP. I found the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober really chimed with me. Good luck

I'm glad your friend is supportive. How's today been?

Thank you! I'll Google it x

It's been up and down, thanks for asking.
I met up with some friends who were at the party for our weekly play date.
One agreed I'd been a bit of a tit but said my level of sadness doesn't match the situation. She said it was only the last half hour where I was really bad and told me some things that I have no memory of at all.
My other friend thinks I'm ridiculous for wanting to go sober because 'we all let loose like this'.

I know in myself how bad I can go if I don't get control of it now. I just don't want to spend any more days waking up full of regret and self loathing.

OP, I gave up nearly 4 years ago and I still know plenty of people who think my decision was ridiculous. In my view it says much more about them and their relationship with alcohol than it does about me. That’s fine - I probably would have found a friend’s decision to quit pretty confronting while I was still drinking, and rather than look at it head-on I probably would have gone straight to “don’t be so silly, it’s just a bit of fun.” My husband thinks I’m incredible and strong-minded for making a decision about my health, making the change and seeing it through.

I would absolutely second the recommendations that have been made so far re quit lit. I found Claire Pooley’s book very helpful - and once you read one then Amazon will give you endless suggestions for more - I absolutely binge-read for about 6 months and it was the key to persevering. But these days it doesn’t even occur to me to drink alcohol. I am much better off without it. I loved wine - it did not love me back.

You can absolutely do this. 💐

I'm 43 days sober. I joined a website called Soberistas. They have a thread where you can pledge 100 days of sobriety. You're added to a team and there is support from them via WhatsApp. There are lots of people at various stages of sobriety and I've found it really helpful as everyone just gets it and doesn't judge.
Like you, I got rock bottom and that really encouraged me to get sober. It's not easy, but it does get easier. And the benefits of waking up sober far outweigh any binge drinking episodes. Good luck!

I think that very few people who drink are actually comfortable in themselves with the amount they drink, but we tell ourselves that we can’t be “that bad”because all our friends do it. So when someone admits out loud that they’re not happy , like you have done (very brave, by the way), it disrupts that narrative.

What people don’t realise (because they’ve been drinking for all their adult lives) is how much better life can be without alcohol in it. It’s not easy to get there, but it can be done.

Well done all on doing so well with your sobriety journeys! It's really encouraging hearing all your stories.
I'm googling all the 'quit lit' suggestions 😊

Tonight is my first test! I normally sit and watch bake off with a glass of wine but not tonight! No wine for me 💖

Well done @SouperNoodle keep going! It really is the best thing. You know you cannot moderate so don’t be tempted to. My life is so much better now and I no longer have the awful fear and anxiety . I can look everyone in the eye. 💕

ps your friend that says everyone lets loose sounds like she had an issue herself. I’m glad you’ve got a good supportive friend to go away with.

Well done SuperNoodle I can identify with what you have said and like you I was promoted by some awful behaviour. I knew I had 'issues' with drinking but I finally hit rock bottom.

I am nearly 11 months sober and I can genuinely say I have never been or felt better. My DC have the mum they need. I have navigated birthdays/holidays/deaths and night outs sober.

I listened to sober books religiously and love Craig Becks style. It is hard, but for me I couldn't just have one it had to be sobriety. I do occasionally think just one would be nice but then I consider to be shame and anxiety and it passes. If I can do this, you can.

Really well done for this op.
I need to do the same but how else do you unwind?

@smalbert mindset -read quit lit/ podcasts. Yoga, nice soft drink, exercise, better habits. Fake it until you make it! Soon enough you won’t need it. Also examine your triggers and think about why you’re drinking.

@smalbert agree with what bitachey says. Also, when you have a really good night’s sleep and wake up fresh with not the shadow of a hangover, you don’t get so frazzled in the first place. And for me, just thinking about the great sleep I would have and how rested I would feel, really helped shift things. (Play the tape forward - you might feel like alcohol is relaxing you but overall it is contributing to poor sleep, heightened anxiety and low mood.)

The first night I went out for dinner with friends, I booked myself a facial for the morning after, so that I knew a relaxing, treaty morning would be my reward for getting through sober while they all drank. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel a bit smug, having my clear-headed facial on Saturday morning, knowing my friends were probably not feeling so wonderful. 😬

Please get some help from your GP. A friend and work colleague of mine was an alcoholic. She lost her driving licence, her job, her family and eventually her life. It's an illness but there is support out there.

Another quit lit recommendation is The Alcohol Experiment by Annie Grace. It takes you through a 30 day period without alcohol, but also has sections challenging our beliefs about alcohol, such as “alcohol helps me relax” and “alcohol makes me happy”

What you describe is something I hear all the time, OP. Normal. There, I've said it: what you describe is so normal. We feel such shame around drinking but when you understand what's going on in the brain it's no wonder we find ourselves in this struggle.

Please start with this: "It is possible to be done with this." Just sit with that thought. (I find interlacing my fingers at the same time helps to ground me.) See how it feels.

Next, surround yourself with things that reinforce it's possible. Lots of great podcasts out there. I have one too (90 Days Later) that will help. I cover topics I went through and my clients go through. Start with episode 1: 'Why we Drink'.

Then today over the next week start to become more conscious of your drinking and how it's showing up. What's happening before, during and after the drinking. How are you feeling, what are you thinking, what are you avoiding.. all this is essential to understanding and unlearning the habit.

Also I will offer I'm running a free webinar this Friday 4 Nov at 5pm GMT (recording will be available) on '3 Ways to Handle Social Drinking Pressure' as I know that's a challenge at this time of year.

You can do this.

Happy to answer questions.