Hello. You are not a bad person, and are taking the right steps. There are lots of different charities and referral points for people in your position. Please speak to your gp and research local support.

a family member of mine is refusing help, she’s going to die. It’s not too late for you. Get better & you’ll thrive again!

Speak to your gp, there no judgement and lots of help. I've decided to stop drinking for now, I was drinking a bottle of wine nearly every night. Today is day 1 for me.
You've got this

Don't be embarrassed, you've recognised it and you're dealing with it, you should be proud of yourself

I think it's really important to keep hold of that sense of embarrassment and shame, because that will tell you that you have reached rock bottom. Your rock bottom can be different to anyone else's and if I were you I'd be telling myself that that was it. There is an AMA on here with a woman who is an alcoholic. It's in active conversations at the moment. You'll get help on any of the alcohol threads but perhaps have a read of hers?

This time a year ago, I could have written something very similar. It’s a horrible feeling, particularly if you feel you can’t find a way out of this. The after effects of the alcohol will also be making you more depressed and anxious. So be kind to yourself. Drink lots of water and have an early night.

In terms of how to start, have you read any “quit lit”? I found it really helpful to put my issues in context. You might find something like the Sober Diaries by Claire Pooley a good start.

Dont try to think about the long term - it’s much easier to take it one day at a time.

I could never have imagined last year that by now I’d be 7 months sober, and absolutely loving life. But it is possible.

Good luck

@SouperNoodle
Only yourself can better yourself and recover from it.
all the best op

Sorry you're going through this OP. I found the Unexpected Joy of Being Sober really chimed with me. Good luck

I'm glad your friend is supportive. How's today been?

OP, I gave up nearly 4 years ago and I still know plenty of people who think my decision was ridiculous. In my view it says much more about them and their relationship with alcohol than it does about me. That’s fine - I probably would have found a friend’s decision to quit pretty confronting while I was still drinking, and rather than look at it head-on I probably would have gone straight to “don’t be so silly, it’s just a bit of fun.” My husband thinks I’m incredible and strong-minded for making a decision about my health, making the change and seeing it through.

I would absolutely second the recommendations that have been made so far re quit lit. I found Claire Pooley’s book very helpful - and once you read one then Amazon will give you endless suggestions for more - I absolutely binge-read for about 6 months and it was the key to persevering. But these days it doesn’t even occur to me to drink alcohol. I am much better off without it. I loved wine - it did not love me back.

You can absolutely do this. 💐

I'm 43 days sober. I joined a website called Soberistas. They have a thread where you can pledge 100 days of sobriety. You're added to a team and there is support from them via WhatsApp. There are lots of people at various stages of sobriety and I've found it really helpful as everyone just gets it and doesn't judge.
Like you, I got rock bottom and that really encouraged me to get sober. It's not easy, but it does get easier. And the benefits of waking up sober far outweigh any binge drinking episodes. Good luck!

I think that very few people who drink are actually comfortable in themselves with the amount they drink, but we tell ourselves that we can’t be “that bad”because all our friends do it. So when someone admits out loud that they’re not happy , like you have done (very brave, by the way), it disrupts that narrative.

What people don’t realise (because they’ve been drinking for all their adult lives) is how much better life can be without alcohol in it. It’s not easy to get there, but it can be done.

Well done @SouperNoodle keep going! It really is the best thing. You know you cannot moderate so don’t be tempted to. My life is so much better now and I no longer have the awful fear and anxiety . I can look everyone in the eye. 💕

ps your friend that says everyone lets loose sounds like she had an issue herself. I’m glad you’ve got a good supportive friend to go away with.

Well done SuperNoodle I can identify with what you have said and like you I was promoted by some awful behaviour. I knew I had 'issues' with drinking but I finally hit rock bottom.

I am nearly 11 months sober and I can genuinely say I have never been or felt better. My DC have the mum they need. I have navigated birthdays/holidays/deaths and night outs sober.

I listened to sober books religiously and love Craig Becks style. It is hard, but for me I couldn't just have one it had to be sobriety. I do occasionally think just one would be nice but then I consider to be shame and anxiety and it passes. If I can do this, you can.

Really well done for this op.
I need to do the same but how else do you unwind?

@smalbert mindset -read quit lit/ podcasts. Yoga, nice soft drink, exercise, better habits. Fake it until you make it! Soon enough you won’t need it. Also examine your triggers and think about why you’re drinking.

@smalbert agree with what bitachey says. Also, when you have a really good night’s sleep and wake up fresh with not the shadow of a hangover, you don’t get so frazzled in the first place. And for me, just thinking about the great sleep I would have and how rested I would feel, really helped shift things. (Play the tape forward - you might feel like alcohol is relaxing you but overall it is contributing to poor sleep, heightened anxiety and low mood.)

The first night I went out for dinner with friends, I booked myself a facial for the morning after, so that I knew a relaxing, treaty morning would be my reward for getting through sober while they all drank. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel a bit smug, having my clear-headed facial on Saturday morning, knowing my friends were probably not feeling so wonderful. 😬

Please get some help from your GP. A friend and work colleague of mine was an alcoholic. She lost her driving licence, her job, her family and eventually her life. It's an illness but there is support out there.

Another quit lit recommendation is The Alcohol Experiment by Annie Grace. It takes you through a 30 day period without alcohol, but also has sections challenging our beliefs about alcohol, such as “alcohol helps me relax” and “alcohol makes me happy”

What you describe is something I hear all the time, OP. Normal. There, I've said it: what you describe is so normal. We feel such shame around drinking but when you understand what's going on in the brain it's no wonder we find ourselves in this struggle.

Please start with this: "It is possible to be done with this." Just sit with that thought. (I find interlacing my fingers at the same time helps to ground me.) See how it feels.

Next, surround yourself with things that reinforce it's possible. Lots of great podcasts out there. I have one too (90 Days Later) that will help. I cover topics I went through and my clients go through. Start with episode 1: 'Why we Drink'.

Then today over the next week start to become more conscious of your drinking and how it's showing up. What's happening before, during and after the drinking. How are you feeling, what are you thinking, what are you avoiding.. all this is essential to understanding and unlearning the habit.

Also I will offer I'm running a free webinar this Friday 4 Nov at 5pm GMT (recording will be available) on '3 Ways to Handle Social Drinking Pressure' as I know that's a challenge at this time of year.

You can do this.

Happy to answer questions.