The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

@Crayonpenny it's an interesting question about time and I never really thought about how much time I've gained back now I'm not drinking. I dread to think what sort of time I've lost to wine in my lifetime.

I did find time dragged to begin with..in fact I was an utterly miserable cow for the first 100 days and all I did was moan (on here, in real life) but it's evened out now. I am able to feel all those missing hours just fine. I won't even pretend I'm filling them with something meaningful either. It's mainly box sets and crime fiction and eating biscuits. But I'm content and calmer and more peaceful. I look forward to my solitude in the evening. And I look forward to bed.

I had great plans for a massive health and weightloss drive. I wanted to journal and go back to keeping a book of meaningful quotes, poignant poems and song lyrics. I wanted to print off an organise all my photos. I wanted to try a new recipe a week and start swimming. But so far it's just biscuits and box sets 😂

• fill (not feel)

@Crunchymum
I think giving up booze is enough achievement in 1 year. People pay thousands to do it. Some successfully, some not. Ditto weight loss. I am down two stone in 9 months. I could do more but I think I needed a rest from my diet app.
I still have many stones to lose but I don't have that bloated look. I will come back renewed to the diet quest.

I don’t think I realised when I was drinking how closely I watched myself, and how uncertain it made me feel

This completely onewildandpreciouslife

I knew that drinking made me feel rubbish, and I could see the obvious ones but there seems to be more than I thought and it only became clear by not drinking

Hello @WendyWagon - these significant dates are hard - be kind to yourself

@Stircrazyschoolmum - well done on the AF holiday- a major achievement!

@Crayonpenny - yes, there is soooo much more time when you don’t drink. It’s quite odd when you think about it that just sitting drinking in a bar is seen as a perfectly acceptable use of time! I’m gradually getting better at finding things to fill that time - usually walking somewhere (or cake).

But I’ve also realised that I’m very bad at just “being”. I’ve tried to focus on that this week - I’ve been getting frustrated that I’m not physically able to do as much as I want, so I’ve been trying to tell myself that this isn’t the time to be active - that time will (hopefully!) come again, but for now, it’s a season to rest and heal. There is no way I would have had that insight if I’d escaped into a bottle of wine.

So @Crunchymum perhaps now is your season of biscuits and box sets.

There’s a poem called “Damaged” which was really important to me when I had my initial surgery, which includes the line “being is its own achieving”, and I don’t think I understood that line before now. Will try to dig it out.

Here it is. The poet wrote it for his wife who had breast cancer, but I think it also speaks to the AF journey

I LOVE that onewildandpreciouslife thank you.
I am often talking to people to let go of "doing" and just allow yourself to "be". We don't need to be striving or grasping or trying to fix or change ourselves all the time. Sometimes "being" is enough.

I have also felt this a lot with my grand child (apple of EVERYONE'S eye and just turned one). He doesn't actually need to do anything , although every tiny thing he does gets great applause. He is so very loved just by existing. And I keep telling my DD (his mum) that. Imagine if we all felt that unconditional love for just "being"?

It doesn't mean we stop practising better things that make us feel better but it's so much easier to work from a place of acceptance and love of who we are in the first place. Enough just as we are.

I read something recently that resonated with a lot of my beliefs - Imagine if we didn't have to gain anything to be ourselves? But we just needed to get rid of all the crap that we've built around us that stops us being our true selves.

Rumi said...
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers you have built against love"

Comes back to what you were saying about confidence in ourselves. If we believe we are a good person then we are going to allow ourselves to "be" just as we are. And from that place I treat myself much more kindly.

It's a beautiful poem @Onewildandpreciouslife and really reaches out to me. I spend so much time and energy focusing on my "malformations" that I forget all the wonderful things that I see and achieve and feel each and everyday. Even on days when not much happens.

I adore the way you talk about your grandson @Breathmiller and it reminds how love works. It reminds me that I love and have been loved in that way (my mum isn't here anymore but I think of her always when I think of unconditional love, along with my own children). The Rumi quote is fabulous too.

@WendyWagon happy birthday to your mum, gone but never forgotten ❤️

How lovely to pop onto this thread and read such beautiful poems and quotes, I think I needed to read those tonight. Hope you all have a peaceful weekend.

Morning all.
Hope you’re ok @BunniesBunniesBunnies ?

@Breathmiller thank you for such a beautiful post. YES!

Morning everyone
Hope you are all having a good day - whatever is going on you can celebrate you're not doing it with a hangover 😊

So ive just booked a last minute holiday for me and the kids.

May not sound like a big deal to most people but it's just not something I ever do. I'm an eternal planner (and over thinker and worrier!). Last minute holidays just aren't my thing.

So we're off Monday to Saturday. I have cheated a bit as its a place we've been loads before so I'm confident to travel there with the 3 kids and know the area etc. But still. I'd never, ever have been able to do this when drinking. I'd be too lazy, too unmotivated, too anxious.

(We did of course have holidays when I was drinking but they were a Herculean effort on my part)

@Crunchymum
Well done. I hope it is a lot of fun. I did the same with my Florence trip next month. Work up to an offer and booked it! In days gone by I would have thought of all the reasons not to go. Dog, DD , when to drink.

Really chuffed today. Daughter visited uni this morning and is going in January! Huge step as she has been unwell in the past due to school bullying. She loved it!

Well done crunchymum that sounds like a real transformation of thinking. Ihave done the same in the lasr few years just little city breaks but they have been amazing. I wouldn't have done it before either. Partly due to money, but now I feel I can justify spending money on things like trips away or house stuff.

Well done wendywagon dd.
That's great to hear. So pleased for her and you.

Morning all.
Up early.
Feeling a bit shocked tbh. DD has been a NEET for a year on the advice of a dear friend whose son had a similar hard time at school. She advised a year of kindness. My drinking was a release from supporting her through all her troubles. When I started my sober journey in January I did it for me but I have to say having the ability just to be present, talk to her and watch films has transformed her too this year. She doesn't drink at all. Hates the taste and not surprisingly thinks it is stupid. We can't turn the clock back but I am chuffed about the knock on effect my efforts have had.

Hi All,

That sounds great @Crunchymum and inspiring. I just really appreciate the multitude of benefits that being AF can bring. Certainly didn't anticipate so many of these.

That sounds really good @WendyWagon re DD and you should be chuffed with your reflection this morning and your supporting actions. What a start to a Sunday morning!!

@Crayonpenny
Thank you. I am proud of myself but boy am I flabbergasted re my DD. She actually said I was a nice person the other day.

What's a NEET Wendywagon ?

It's amazing to hear about your daughter and how your actions are affecting her and your relationship with each other.

I think kindness/self compassion is a great prescription.

My son has had an equally hard time the last few years ( I think in a similar vein to your DD) so I understand the relief and awe when they turn it around.

My son got a really disappointing rejection from a fabulous work opportunity after a long wait and interview process. I was so worried that it would send him back down a spiral but I have been so proud of him how he has handled it. Huge admiration for those young people who find navigating life difficult when they turn it around.

@Breathmiller
Not in education employment or training.
She had SEMH during the last few years. Very complex story. I was so worried for her and I am ashamed to say in 2021 I drank even more to deal with it and our stalker (not being flippant, real story). However you could have knocked me down with a feather when she came into the sitting room last month and said 'I am off to uni'. I will worry of course but she will be just over an hour away. She was a boarding school girl so ok with being away. Bullying was the issue. She is also quite diverse. Not an issue at her chosen uni.
I am sorry your son didn't get his job. People are shits. I hate interviews. Can he look at working for a charity? It might just help confidence and cash wise. They get less applications for men so often perk up if someone applies. My daughter thrived at our hospice shop.

Thanks for the explanation of NEET wendywagon .

Yes, very similar path here but we think he's coming out the other side. He also works at a local charity shop twice a week, it's been so good for him. They trained him up in the till and it's been really good for his confidence in general. He may try for a paid Christmas job in a shop.

The job he was going for was notoriously difficult to get into and quite far away to be honest (as in other end of the country far) and I would have worried a bit as he's never been away from home, is ND and has epilepsy.

But at least it's cemented to him that that's the field he wants to pursue. And now he has experience in the charity shpp he can get a job in a shop or similar for now to get working and earning until he finds something in his field.

All the best to your dd in her uni course when she starts.

@Breathmiller
Bless you x

Morning all. I'm just popping on to say I've made the first week with zero alcohol passing my lips. Thank you for the book recommendations!

Thurs, Fri and Sat nights are my usual nights for wine. It gets to lunch time at work on a Thurs and I start to think about how much I deserve that glass when I finish work.

I didn't miss it, especially the following day! I've been down this road before so I know it won't always be this "easy". But I'm glad to get week 1 under my belt.

Morning all.

I had the wine witch on my shoulder yesterday afternoon. I think my husband can sense when I am jumpy and had put the tonic water out and the roast on. I had a bit too much on with business encroaching into Sunday.
I survived and no 'cabbage buying'.

I hope everyone had a peaceful weekend.

@junipermarten
Congrats. Well done.