The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking

[Crunchymum]

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @WendyWagon for hosting the last thread 💜

Here’s to the next 40 pages

Wise words wendy
I hope you're feeling better soon xx
I bought a new audio book on audible &listened to it last night https://www.audible.co.uk/pd?asin=B00NHUXE6W&sourcecode=ASSORAP0511160006&shareelocation=playeroverflow 

Morning all. Not caught up on posts but wanted to say hi.
I'm really out of sorts at the moment. Sorry you're not feeling too good @WendyWagon. I do love how you always have a story to tell, not making light of the things that happen but you've got a great way of writing. I think you've got a novel inside you

@Kindtomyself ah the great British novel. I have written two, never published. I have a famous author relative (long croaked). Perhaps it is in the genes? Is your 'out of sorts' the first Christmas feeling? I am not loving the booze filled shops. I have to have some champagne in for Christmas day but that is it. No sav blanc has darkened my door. Spirits don't bother me (except for the ghostie kind). Would say a much cheaper shop but I have spent it elsewhere! Keep marching on. They will all be moaning in January.

Happy Solstice everyone. 🌑🌛 🌝

The shortest day today and a time to reflect on the last year but also to celebrate the return of the light.

I will be leading a big event tonight to celebrate, it's always one of the highlights of my year.

I see lots of people already reflecting on their year. Well done to everyone on here! It's not always easy but so, so worth it. Life changing in fact.

Well done to everyone who has stayed AF, especially through some challenging times. (rockingbird I'm looking at you, you do indeed fucking rock)

And a massive well done to all those that had a blip and learned from it. It is so easy to give up at that stage but here you are, back and trying again. Stronger than ever.

It's been a strange year for me. A few health issues and work stuff going on, losing my mum another few stages as she deteriorates further into dementia, as well as facing an ongoing difficult person in my life.

But it has also been a really good year. My relationship is stronger and better than ever. I have not only been AF for another year (2 and a half almost) but I have addressed a life long eating disorder and am happy in my own skin more. I have nearly finished a huge qualification that takes me to another level in my career. I have done some major work in my house on a very tight budget but I can start to see the end in sight, and it makes my very modest home perfect for me. All my children are well, my beautiful son is seeing light in his future after a difficult few years.

And of course, the apple of my eye, my little grandson continues to delight everyone just by being. I will be looking after him one day a week from January as my dd goes back and although i know looking after little ones can be hard work, I am looking forward to our relationship deepening. I had the most wonderful grandparents and hope to be that close to my grandchildren too.

So yes, as most years, it's definitely not all been sunshine and roses but I've learned a lot from the difficult moments and feel that I end this rotation of the sun stronger and wiser and a little more sure in myself. And I have soooo much to be grateful for.

The darkest day is here, a time to hunker down and rest. To gather with friends, loved ones or community, or to be in solitude to find that stillness within and contemplation. Light a candle. Tomorrow, the light returns and all things begin their slow ascent into renewal and rebirth.

Many, many Solstice Blessings to you and yours my lovely friends. Thank you for all your wisdom, laughter and love this last year.

What a lovely reflective post @Breathmiller. So inspirational as well. Thanks for sharing!

Sorry you’re out of sorts @Kindtomyself, do you know what’s causing it? And I missed that you weren’t so well @WendyWagon, I hope you start to feel better soon.

Me, I always love the winter solstice, the darker days and the time to reflect. Felt a bit gloomy this morning but @Breathmiller’s wonderful message has put a spring in my step and allowed me to reflect on some positives.

So grateful for another sober year and another sober Christmas. My next big milestone will be in January - 1000 days😱 Then April - 3 years😱 Who would have thought…

@Drybird2020 is approaching their 3 year anniversary too, hope all is well with you too😊

Ooh @WendyWagon definitely writing is in your genes. Maybe the next one you write will be published??
I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I have these moments, days of real introversion and I am so horrible to myself telling me that no one likes me, that everyone is out and happy together and I'm lonely.... I wouldn't normally admit these things but I trust you lot. It's really difficult...it's not how I thought my life would be.

Great post @Breathmiller and thanks @BunniesBunniesBunnies.

Hope everyone else is going well and I will work bloody hard to be Kind to myself- I wish I could find the way to overcome it permanently

Beautiful post, thank you Breathmiller

Ah @Kindtomyself I hear what you’re saying. I think many of us have a critical inner voice like that from time to time. I haven’t got much advice unfortunately as I suffer from it too. The only thing is I know is that those feelings and that voice do pass. So perhaps you’re having a difficult day/moment but that feeling won’t last forever. Sorry I can’t be more helpful but I just wanted to say you are not alone!

kindtomyself sorry to hear you are feeling lonely. Being kind to ourselves is often the hardest person to be kind to.

But it's a matter of practice. It can be easy to think that "if i do this better or that better, if I fix this about me or change that- I will like myself more when all these things happen"

But, in fact, we need to begin with liking ourselves as we are right now. And from there, things we want to let go of or change are more likely to happen. That's one of the biggest things I got from my work on my eating disorder and bad body image. I needed to start liking myself just as I am. Loving myself even. Accepting that I am human and I sometimes make mistakes but that I can learn from them and grow. But fundamentally, I need to treat myself with compassion and acceptance. You might enjoy the work of Tara Brach. Her two books Radical Acceptance and Radical Compassion have been quite transformational for me.

What if, at the end of the day, that voice in my head that used to so full of self criticism and self judgement can say " you know what, Breathmiller, you're alright" I don't feel the need to shout from the rooftops that I am brilliant and/or magnificent thats not my nature. But just a gentle kind word to myself that I'm doing okay. And I smile to myself much more often.

If it feels odd, then do it anyway. Fake it til you make it type thing. Eventually you will start to believe that voice that says you're alright, you're enough. You've spent too long listening to that critical voice. As I say to my kids, be careful how you speak to yourself, you are always listening.

It's very much a continual work in progress for me. I need to practice a lot. But, i am definitely getting better at it. Just like I've been practice being sober, and I'm constantly getting better at that too.

What's that saying that goes around in memes on social media, attributed to Native Americans? "We have 2 wolves inside us. One is hate and greed and anger. The other is kindness and love" "Which one is the strongest?" "Whichever one you feed"

@Breathmiller oh I love those sayings. My daughter is a doubting Thomas so very useful. Wolves are very topical today with all the women hating going on. I might use that too. Thank you. Have a lovely sunrise 🌅.

Love the wolves quote @Breathmiller ❤️❤️❤️

Thanks @Breathmiller you're so right. God knows why I do this to myself I'll be fine again soon.

My son is too. I had a card with a picture of the Buddha on my bedside for years that said
"You, yourself as much as anyone in the Universe deserve your love and affection"

It took me 20 years of that by my bedside before I felt ready to pass it on. When he was having a terrible time with his mental health last year I gave him it. He dropped it down the back of a unit and I kind of thought it might stay there. But I noticed he's retrieved it and put it up in his shelf. I love that. I hope he reads it often.

@Kindtomyself i don’t know why we do this to ourselves but I do it too.

On a good day I think I’m pretty great! Nice family, great job, happy with who I am and how I look etc

on a bad day I think everyone hates me, I’m going to get fired and my children will never speak to me as adults because I’m such a shit mum and I’m a terrible daughter and my partner is going to leave me😭

gosh it feels terribly pathetic and self absorbed writing that down but HONESTLY my feelings about me can switch in a day!!! In fact yesterday I considered myself to be a sexy, successful, awesome woman and today I feel like a piece of shit😬

I can’t change these feelings but I’ve become a lot better at “riding out” the tough days knowing it will get better again. AND the days I feel like a piece of shit are much less frequent now I’m sober! Anyway… sending solidarity!

Morning all.
I am feeling a bit better and hope to do the Marks run.

I am sorry Bunnies I didn't respond last night to your wobble of confidence. (was in bed and bff messaging re a business meeting Friday, I downed the phone).
My mum use to say everyone has a gift, something they can do better than the average person. It could be playing the piana, baking cakes, quantum physics. Or it could be personal like fab nails, hair, age defying boobs!
When I get prescribed another set of steroids to help me walk I am broken hearted because I will put on stone a month. In my minds I am a size 12 and look like Jerry Hall but I have little choice. I get embarrassed at being so fat as people think I am stupid and lazy. I fight all the time for equal opportunities but they don't really exist. The drink was there to make me feel better. I am making my plan for working without compromise next year. No more selling my soul to male employers who don't really like women (and certainly not a opinionated fat one!). I am neither totty or their mother.
Bunnies you have the gift of inclusivity. A very valuable skill. I am grateful you shared it with me when I first arrived on this forum.

Congratulations @BunniesBunniesBunnies and @Drybird2020 for nearly 3 years! That's an amazing achievement.

@Breathmiller I'm definitely an angry wolf. Best look for some tips to have more love and kindness in my life!

Morning all and loving all the solstice mentions.

@WendyWagon another honest and heartfelt post from you, I do admire how self reflective and open you are as I still struggle with that. I hope your Christmas goes well and 2023 brings you new positive challenges in work and your new home. I have a daydream about a party we all attend at some point in the future and try to guess who’s who!
@Kindtomyself be gentle and believe in yourself.

bunnies & breathmiller thank you for posting such thoughtful words which I find inspiring as you sound such genuine people.

@rockingbird keep rocking your world
So many reflective thoughts and emotions for me - a year with some illness, a house move, divorce, family concerns, some counselling and so much joy too. This time last year I was facing my first sober Christmas and I’m so grateful I rose to the challenge. The issues of the last year would still have been there but being AF meant I’ve been able to look them in the eye and felt able to deal with them however imperfectly at times.
I wish you all the strength and compassion to do whatever needs doing.

Good morning everyone. I have been on this thread previously under another name. Now sober seven months and 21 days, less one awful day in November when I thought I could moderate and found I really couldn't.

But, it's coming up to Christmas and the pressure is on. DH keeps asking me "Are you going to have a drink at Christmas?" And I really don't want to and I don't plan to. He knows I had a drink back in November. What he doesn't know is that I blacked out (again) and finished up with a four day hangover.

Because he works away a lot, he has no idea how bad things got a couple of years ago and how hard I tried to moderate before I stopped completely. If I told him I know he would minimise it, so there's no point.

We both have some awful virus at the moment and every fix suggested by my so called friends involves alcohol. With all other addictive substances, you get congratulated if you stop. With alcohol, people try their darnedest to get you to start again! That doesn't make sense to me.

Have a good Thursday!

Hi TheOtherHotstepper
Really well done on your sobriety
It's so hard with an OH who drinks but I find I can watch him getting a bit too drunk and be glad that's not me

Welcome back @TheOtherHotstepper ! (May I ask if you used to be crayonpenny? You don’t have to say if you don’t want, but I’d been wondering how they are.)

Well done on staying sober and surviving your blip. The thought of a first sober Christmas is bloody hard, and your H isn’t being very helpful, is he?! Perhaps try to think about your choice to be sober as just like any other life choice- “this is what I want to do” - and you don’t need to justify the “why”.

Thanks @Onewildandpreciouslife That makes sense.

I'm not @Crayonpenny I'm afraid. Hopefully she's soldiering on.

Welcome back @TheOtherHotstepper!
glad you’re starting to feel a bit better @WendyWagon.

I’m very up and down at the moment but I’m trying to sit with my feelings and practice self compassion and it’s going okay. I’ve got to finish up some work today and then I’m hoping to go for a short run. Still haven’t done my Christmas food shop😬😬😬😬

Wow! What lovely words, reflections and support. 😊
Another sober day - think that’s 9 now.

Hope your day improves bunnies

The app still isn't working for me (I've reported several times and am on a few threads with people who have the same issue. Unfortunately MNHQ don't seem to know how to fix it)

Laptop is all packed for the festive period. I'm not AWOL I just don't have the patience to post on the unusable site from my phone!

Another one who is sitting with their feelings. I miss my mum very much at the moment 😢 (lost her in September 2020 so it's our 3rd Christmas without her, doesn't get any easier) she loved this time of year and I feel constantly reminded of her absence. I'm alright though. Having a low key Xmas and working in between.

Will dig the laptop out to post properly at some point x