So angry with myself

[Anonymouslyembarassed]

So, I have the shakes today from yet another night of over indulgence. I promised myself I'd be sensible, stop after a couple, but I didn't, I never can. I have to stop completely, don't I?

I'm so angry with myself. I've 3 wonderful DC, great DH, a good (but stressful) job. Why can't I treat myself with the respect and kindness that I afford others?

I'm on antidepressants and sleeping tablets so I shouldn't even touch alcohol. I don't take the sleeping tablet of I've been drinking but I'm reliant on alcohol or a sleeping tablet every night.

I've grown up with heavy drinking being the norm. I've tried before to stop, don't think I've lasted more than 5 days. How can I do this?

Firstly, stop being so hard on yourself, it's done now, you can't go back.

For me, I had to stop completely. I listened to 'alcohol explained' audio book. That was back in February and I listen to it again if I'm feeling tempted but I haven't drank since.

Don't worry you'll be okay, it's not always easy but you can do it x

You can do this
Don't punish yourself and just write yesterday off and start fresh today
Cold turkey probably isn't an option so only have minimum alcohol in the house and gradually reduce

SELF CARE IS VITAL DO THESE OTHER THINGS INSTEAD....
... if you feel like a drink atleast prolong it, jump in the shower, call a friend, go for a walk, drive around, tell yourself no for atleast 1 more house

Relax in other ways, new pjs, lavender under pillow, tidy house

Sing everyday it's cheers you up

Get non alcoholic wine or vodka or beer whatever you like and drink that

It's not healthy but replace a drink of alcohol with chocolate or sweets. I know it's another habit to break but it's better than Alcohol

Take a bath or go swimming and have a sauna

Moisturise

Paint your nails

Get a new hobby

Don't go out socialising for a period of time to make sure you don't drink that's if you do go out

Take up crafting

Remember your children are important and to not just do it for them but for you

Break the habit by changing up your usual routine. Eat tea later don't sit on the sofa and watch tv get doing something else

And call the GP AND GEt HELP

There are charities and Facebook groups that's can help

You cans do this you must take baby steps but you can

If you can't stop after a glass or two then yes, I think it's time to give it up.

Don't be too hard on yourself, it's so easily done.

Listen to alcohol explained it switched something for me. I was drinking in the morning before work, pretty much dependant. I weaned myself down whilst listening to it then stopped.
Felt edgy and off for about 2 weeks, then gradually started to feel normal. I had a few setbacks but just learned from them. I didn't like myself much and felt like I was in some hell like loop.
It took me a while to get some new hobbies I took it slow.
You can do this and get out of the trap.

Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. Will download the audio book you mentioned. Still got the shakes and it's 2pm. Must've had 30 units last night, mostly alone too. So embarrassed.

Some really practical tips here. I have a lot of varied interests that I don't prioritise enough, that needs to change.

No one knows outside my home that I drink this much so it feels like a big thing writing it on here. Step 1, I guess.

@Anonymouslyembarassed take care it's probably not good to go cold turkey from that amount. I'm not qualified to give medical advice however please do seek proper advice about withdrawals.
I chose to taper on weak larger, only enough to take away the shakes not to get a buzz which is a fine balance. If that didn't work my next step would have been my GP.

Thank you for this advice. I think I'll be OK cold turkey. Although I clearly drink a lot I tend to drink about 4 days a week then stop. I start the week with good intentions which quickly fade. It's usually Wednesday that I start with getting cravings.

I'm exactly the same as you op, also on anti dps and sleeping tablets.

I don't drink every day but I binge a couple times a week and spend the next day a depressed panicking wreck. I drink alone too.

I think I have to quit. I've proved hundreds of time that I can't moderate. It's embarrassing isn't it.

@PCPrincipless we sound so similar. Do you have any insight into what makes you drink excessively?

I'm not entirely sure why I do. I think of it as a reward for getting through the day, but rationally I know poisoning myself isn't a very good reward! Often it's to unwind and de-stress.

I've downloaded the book I was recommended, I'll start reading it tonight. Have you read it?

@Anonymouslyembarassed I do it for so many reasons 😂 stressful day, busy day, good day, rewarding myself for something. But you're right, it's not a reward, you feel terrible the next day.

I think it's mostly escapism tbh. Needing to just be free from everything for a few hours. But I could have just 2 glasses of wine for that you'd think. Nope, it's always at least a bottle of wine, then a few beers/gins.

Yeah I've read the book, I've read quite a lot of quit lit, and done the naked mind/alcohol experiment.

My only option is to not drink. I know I can't moderate. What do you drink when you get on it? Wine?

@PCPrincipless mostly wine. It's deadly because once a bottle is open I can't not finish it. Last night I had wine, lager and vodka.

Yes, escapism, that's definitely a big reason.

I've previously had liver function tests and they've shown higher levels than they should, can't remember the details, but that should be all the motivation I need but even that's not enough.

I have to stop completely, like you, I've tried moderation and it doesn't work for me. Today is day 1. Do you have a plan?

I think I'm your twin. Absolutely cannot leave a bottle unfinished.

I can go 4-5 days without drinking but once a bottle of wine is open that's it, I'm drinking until pretty much blackout. And with wine it's easy to see it as a normal/civilised way to spend an evening - I'm hardly sitting on a park bench drinking Bucky, this is a good bottle of wine! Same end result though.

Are you starting from now then? I bought a workbook from a sober coach I love on Instagram, and was going to start on 1st October, but then got pissed 😂. I think I'll start with today as my day 1.

Does your DH get cross with you? Mine does. More worried than cross, but it's a horrid feeling.

@PCPrincipless yes, I'm starting today, although I've said that before!

I wish DH was angry or concerned, he works nights so isn't there. He knows I enjoy a drink but don't think he realises quite how much. He's only home Monday and Tuesday and they're the nights I behave myself.

I'm going to have an early night, once I've picked DS up from work, I'm getting in bed with my new book. I've done some serious soul searching today, that coupled with my hangover has exhausted me.

What are your plans? 2nd October is as good a first day at the 1st.

Please don't drive to pick your son up. If you had 30 units you are still over the limit. Can you not get him a taxi? Take care of yourself.

This Naked Mind: The myth-busting cult hit for anyone who wants to cut down their alcohol consumption. amzn.eu/d/7TjXqCQ

Annie Grace, it's a game changer!

Read this book.

Feel better xx

@Anonymouslyembarassed Ahh, I see. Oh god I'd probably be so much worse if DH worked nights, I'd definitely drink then.

As it is I try to control my drunk behaviour when I've had quite a lot, but sometimes he notices and gets upset/cross. He tells me that I'm making my own anxiety/MH/weight worse, and he's absolutely right.

Do you drink to knock yourself out, if you have insomnia too? I've definitely been known to get to bed time and be anxious so I'll quickly drink a couple large glasses of wine in hopes of knocking myself out. Then take a sleeping tablet on top of it. It works to get to sleep, but I feel exhausted and like shit the next day.

Oh god, we definitely need to quit don't we. None of this sounds good. Yep I'm starting today, today is my day 1.

Have you quit before?

Thank you all for your suggestions. DS can walk home, it's not a problem.

I definitely use alcohol as a tool to sleep, it gets me to sleep but doesn't keep me there.

I've said so many times that I'm stopping drinking and failed. I feel determined though, I really do.

@PCPrincipless how many times have you tried to break the habit?

I've tried loads too. I did dry January last year (after ruining an nye party) and only had 2 slip ups. I've done about 6w another time when waiting for surgery.

I can completely abstain. But I can't moderate. So I can either be sober forever, or continue binge drinking a couple times a week.

Have you done long periods before? Did you feel your MH was better when not drinking?

Yeah, I'm the same with drinking for sleep. I pass out when my head hits the pillow but then wake up at 4am spinning and feeling terrible, then feel awful the next day.

It's a ridiculous cycle isn't it. Mental health problems make you want to drink. Then the drink makes your MH/sleep worse. To escape feeling lost/shit/anxious I drink again. Then feel even more shit 😂

That is so true about mental health problems being at the root of the issue.

I've only managed to abstain for longer than a week when I've been ttc, pregnant or breastfeeding. That's pathetic, isn't it! I definitely felt good for it. I look after myself in many other ways, eat well, exercise but it's mostly pointless when I'm consuming so many calories in liquid form 😅

I think talking it through on here has really helped me today, feel quite determined.

I'm off to bed. Night all and thank you.

Ask your higher power to remove the urge to drink

If you're really honest OP, do you ever drive the next day after drinking around that much? Or even half that amount?

Whatever you do next, any next day driving absolutely has to stop.

Can you make that commitment to yourself?

As an atheist, that doesn't work for me.

Not touched a drop since last weekend. I've been busy reading, have read Alcohol explained. Found it very informative.

I feel a bit miserable, if I'm honest. I don't know how to unwind naturally, feel like I've nothing fun to look forward to which is pathetic. Hoping this'll pass quickly.

How's everyone else?

HI! Thought I would join you. I am now 8 days in myself. So still in the shitty joyless bit like you. But I had a couple of months of sobriety last year, and from that experience I can tell you that in a few weeks you will feel infinitely better. The world around you even LOOKS better. You find things interesting again, you feel actual hope! You suddenly realise you can do loads of things in life and how much alcohol was really holding you back.

Alcohol explained is a great book. I also like the reddit 'stopdrinking' forum.

Hopefully we can catch up in a few weeks about how much better we feel!

Hi @Ireallyneedsomehelp well done on your 8 days. Great to hear the joyless stage passes. I'll check out that Reddit page.

Great to hear about your months of stopping, that's impressive, what made you stop and motivated you to stop for so long?

Yeah the reddit page is great because it is really busy and there's always something new to read.

My few months sober was after I started going to AA. Meeting so many people who had been chronic alcoholics and been sober for years made me feel pretty hopeful. I don't currently attend in person meetings but I do think if you find the right group, it can be a great resource.

I ended up drinking again because I went to a party which was a long way away, long stressful journey, then my husband got a beer and I just got tempted. Totally stupid as then I had to also do that long journey home wasted!

Have been trying on and off since then but not got that long a stretch again yet. But learnt a lot on the way which I hope will help me.

I need to stop for good because even as a binge drinker, my tolerance is way too high, and I know this only ends one way.

How are you doing today?