The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking.

[SavBbunny]

Hello all
This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @fortheloveofgodwhy for hosting the last thread 💜
And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Morning SavBunny

That's the trap alcohol puts you in @felicityfortunate the addictive powers make you feel as though you are missing out / lacking in something / depriving yourself of something. The mental addiction is much more difficult to deal with (in my experience)

It takes a lot of inner strength to overrule the devil on your shoulder but there does become a point where you can see that every aspect of your life is better without the alcohol. Yes you still have moments of crisis and sadness and some days will still feel drab but you realise that alcohol will not improve any of this. So you don't drink.

Sorry I am sounding very preachy and condescending (you sound as though you've had a period of sobriety and have found moderation isn't working? I've been there many times with moderation and it just doesn't work for me!)

I personally can't have my poison in the house, I am weak for a particular brand of Rioja. The association is so strong that almost 7 months in I wouldn't totally trust myself to have it in the house.

Is there any compromise to be had with your DH? Anything he drinks that doesn't trigger you?

Thanks crunchy
Preach away
Moderation is not possible, nor
Desirable really
He just says "don't drink it if you don't want it"
Obviously I have to kill him

@felicityfortunate I couldn't have my old poison in the house either. Hence the name
I was not a gin drinker but really enjoy the Gordon's af.
Pick a quiet moment and ask for your DH to help. I think he needs to understand how hard it is for you and why you want to stay sober. I never thought I could talk about my alcohol dependancy but I can now to family and friends. I am not ashamed and I get disappointed when people trot out the 'just cut down, you weren't that bad, blah blah'. It is more about their drinking not yours.
I love sober Sundays. I get so much done.

I’m sorry your H isn’t being more supportive @felicityfortunate .

It is deeply annoying when everyone else is drinking, however much you know you’re doing the right thing. We had friends round for dinner last night - gosh, drunks are LOUD, and not as funny as they think. I had a great morning- up at 6, and took the dog for a lovely walk.

I think we often forget that being sober is a radical act, and it takes a huge amount of strength to go against the “drunk planet” we live on. So to anyone who is trying, 👏👏👏💪🏻

I feel I don't have the strength
I drank wine last night because we had unexpected guests. One of them seemed so pleased I was drinking again and began to plan boozy outings but I noticed the driver was tense because she couldn't drink yesterday
I want a magic wand to remove the desire to drink, there's nothing I haven't read or listened to. I bitterly regret that first fall a couple of weeks ago

@felicityfortunate put it behind you. People have their own reasons for drinking. I strongly believe in the 1 day/week/ month target and go from there.

Morning all. Off house hunting. Have had to wait a week to see a cottage as the family were moving out. Very excited.

Thank you Savbunny and good luck with the house hunting

Good morning everyone!

Back to work this morning and looking at e mails and WhatsApp messages, all is chaos. I was away for 5 day, that is all.

Holiday was interesting. I was up at 6ish and ready to get going with whatever we had planned. I was then ready to go back to the hotel and wind down with my book at about 9. Instead I spent quite a lot of time watching DH drink, which is really boring. I am no longer content to sit in a bar getting mellow. I want to be doing stuff, so DH and I are somewhat out of synch.

After ten years of bereavements, serious illness (on both sides), employment issues. financial problems etc, we really need to get our relationship back on track, especially as he will be working away from October until Christmas.

What difference has being AF made to your relationships?

@DeedIDo good morning.
I could have written your tale too. Horrendous ten years+.
My husband and I are so much better with me not drinking. He drinks very occasionally. I was frequently drunk. All weekends (perhaps not Saturday as I would be hungerover). Every Christmas party etc. I changed for my family, now I am I working out a new life for me.

Can you talk to him and ask for help? My husband is one of those people who doesn't get access, why over indulge? It use to drive me potty. However I lived in a haze of booze for 18 years my problems were mine.

Sorry excess. I am the typo queen.

I need a new start date
Does anyone else find they need a sort of "run up" to quitting?

I always did this, and was never successful. Every Monday I'd be enthusiastic and determined and come Thursday I'd have bought enough wine to see me through the weekend (and I was very generous with the amount of wine I'd have available)

The only time it ever worked was when I decided to stop drinking immediately.

Lots and lots of false starts and day 1's proceeded my current sobriety though.

The "run ups" to stopping just gave me mental carte blanche to drink more leading up to 'the day I gave up' before a miserable few days of internal arguments for and against drinking. Of course I always went back to drinking. Except this time I didn't because I'd had enough. I was physically and mentally exhausted with it all.

Excellent point crunchymum

Morning all.
Feeling out of sorts. Not sleeping well. I think too much on my mind. Jobs, houses, people.

@felicityfortunate I can't tell you what day I gave up drinking but it wasn't a Monday. I would do exactly the same as Crunchy, get the supplies in for one last hoorah. One day at a time, then a week. Try that first.

Checking in! Just off for a swim.. boy oh boy I've been busy 🥴 job wise! Day 32 🙌 back later to catch up xx

Hi @felicityfortunate I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time, and well done for addressing it, which takes courage and strength.

However please can I refer you to the opening post of this thread (and all our other threads) in which it says: “The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely.” It might be helpful to read the whole opening post for context.

This thread is in part a safe space for people who have given up alcohol, and who struggle with that sometimes. Talk of moderation and “having one last hurray” can be very triggering for some folks if they’re feeling vulnerable. Of course we accept unplanned slip ups sometimes happen and we support posters going through that, but posting about potentially planning “one last hurrah” here is not really in the spirit of the thread.

You are really welcome to joint the thread once you’ve stopped, and meanwhile you might benefit from starting your own thread. I’m sure some of us would pop over for a chat if we’re feeling strong!

Ps I don’t want to speak for the other posters on this thread. If you disagree and would like to welcome people still currently drinking then do please say and go ahead. Such a thread won’t be for me unfortunately, I do really need a safe sober space but if this thread has evolved then of course I totally understand.

Ugh I’ve reread that now and fear it sounds horrible and judgmental. It really wasn’t meant that way. Sorry I haven’t posted much otherwise, bit overwhelmed with everything and also finding the talk of drinking a bit triggering so been avoiding the thread a bit. Hope you’re all well

@BunniesBunniesBunnies it isn't judgemental. This is sobriety thread. Old timers will know that there are a number of ex drinkers that were more than a bit of a boozer.

I refer to the thought of drinking but not the action. I hope by holding the thread I have tried to do it in the spirit of those who have come before me.
Sav x

Not at all @BunniesBunniesBunnies

I posted in reply as I am confident in my sobriety and I recognise what felicity is going through. I do agree that we need to keep this a safe space for people who are not drinking though. If you'd caught me at day 30 or day 45 then "one last hurrah" may have planted a seed of doubt.

This thread is sometimes the only place in the world I feel safe and I appreciate we need to protect that.

I have no desire to
Moderate
I'm feeling awful that I keep failing
I'll leave.
Sorry to have triggered anyone

@SavBbunny I see now what you mean by referring to the thought of drinking, not the action. It’s a very eloquent way of putting it. I’m really sorry if I was out of line.
I also really value your perspective @Crunchymum.
@felicityfortunate there is no need to leave if you’re committed to quitting. Perhaps I got the wrong end of the stick - apologies.

I think it's best I do go
Thank you for the tips but once you feel embarrassed it's hard to settle

So I had given up but that means if I fail I can't post about it. There's nowhere to go
I haven't enjoyed any of the drinks, it's a horrible compulsion
Aargh
Anyway, thanks but I really don't want to disrupt anyone else's success

I do think it depends.

If you are giving up and then failing every weekend (and I promise you I have been there, I truly have) then maybe you aren't ready for this thread. Not right now.

Personally I didn't use this resource until I had a period of being AF under my belt as I know what I am like.... I know I'd do Dry January and then I'd mess it all up in February. Or I knew I'd commit to having a few weeks off and only manage a few days. I wasn't ready to be AF properly.

But we all support each others sobriety here. Blips are blips if you get back on the wagon. If you cannot stop to begin with then you may well need a little extra help? Meetings? Or some GP intervention?

There is no right or wrong but it's very hard to support someone who is drinking.