Possible alcohol withdrawral - scared

[Flowersinthewindowstill]

I keep typing this out but it won't save for some reason, so here's the short version. Female, 30y - been drinking too much for about 7 yrs, but only very heavily recent. Drinking allows me to be functional and fine most of the time. Went on a 5 day bender on my Birthday - worst ever. My palms and skin have been a bit itchy - used Dr Google and this terrified me about possible liver disease. Been reading horror stories online and on here.

Felt largely fine yesterday (two days post bender). Got to the evening and once in bed I didn't sleep a wink. Burning sensation seemed to be worse and every time I closed my eyes I cholted or saw images. Kept feeling convinced I'm dying - have itchy eyes even. Not slept a wink. Work in an hour and I don't feel I can take the day off as just been off sick for two weeks with depression & then on leave. Big presentation to do this morning.

But I'm worried I might be having some form of alcohol withdrawal. Never had this before, but this was probably my worst ever bender. I've decided I'm most likely going to have to give up & quite happily will do if I can get through this horror. I have pretty acute anxiety though so I'm not sure if some or all of it is that. GP gave me diazepam for anxiety - haven't taken so far but wonder if it's worth trying in this situation. Utimatey though I'm just feeling terrified I'll die soon and no idea where to turn. My family are close to me but don't know how bad the problem is. Also live alone somewhere quite remote so no one nearby for help. WWYD?

www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice/alcohol-support-services/support-lines

How about contacting someone remotely? Withdrawal can be dangerous, find out what you're doing before suddenly stopping. Don't use the diazepam to cure what you think might be alcohol withdrawal. Talk to someone qualified who can advise you. If you do it straight away, it could mean that you've already had your last drink.

Good luck!

I would go to a doctor and not make any drastic changes regarding drinking until you have spoken to them. They will be able to advise on the best course of action as sometimes going cold turkey is not the best course of action without medication. As you have anxiety your feelings are going to feel heightened so it's best to get that reassurance from them. My ex was an alcoholic but not in the way people perceive he didn't get smashed but would drink an awful lot just to feel normal and not to shake. When he went through detox he had to be supported and on medication due to the risk of having a seizure. I'm not saying it to scare you but just to let you know its important to get help if you feel drinking is overpowering your life. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I wish you all the best and hope you get support x

This does sound like alcohol withdrawal to me - particularly the insomnia, the hallucinations and the ‘jolting’ awake when trying to sleep. I’ve experienced all of these (and worse).
The diazepam will help you to ‘ride out’ these symptoms, but will knock you out a bit and will make it difficult to work.
Do you feel as if you could go to work and function in your current condition?

Ps hold off the diazaphan if your doctor is not aware of your alcohol intake as it may not be recommended to take at the moment.

I WFH mostly but have to travel into the office tomorrow, which isn't the best timing. I feel OK when not trying to sleep - basically if I've got my eyes open I'm mostly OK, but closing my eyes causes problems. The burning is pretty persistent though - more so in my hands.

I also started having weird dreams that were sort of lucid (kind of in between sleep and awake) when I was briefly on fluoxetine recently. I knocked that on the head as they were making my symptoms worse, but it was a similarish although not quite the same sensation to now.

I also feel annoyed at myself as even having binged in the past, I've always been able to go off alcohol basically cold turkey. I'd decided due to my experience last week I needed to go AF for at least a month & maybe forever. But I've never experienced any of these symptoms before, aside from some anxiety.

I also feel annoyed at myself

It's time for self respect and a high level of self care. Being annoyed at yourself is unkind. Have some sympathy and understanding. There'll be one or more reasons why you drink (what stops you functioning when you don't?), and you'll have a better chance of dealing with those if you have patience and self knowledge, rather than dropping straight into negative self judgment.

Be on your own side. Have your own back. This doesn't involve being pissed off with yourself.

When you experience these withdrawal symptoms, you have crossed over to being ‘alcohol dependent’ - in other words, more alcohol becomes the best way to control them. Unfortunately that is a big step towards full-blown alcoholism. The situation only gets worse as it is a progressive illness - the binges get worse, the withdrawal becomes unbearable and the downward spiral gains momentum.
Believe me, I’ve been there and it’s a living hell.
I would strongly advise nipping this in the bud and that has to be your priority.
I am happy for you to contact me if you would like some support - no judgement here, I’m still working hard to win this battle.

Benzos are regularly used to assist with alcohol withdrawal, but always under medical supervision. I wouldn't recommend using them at home by yourself.

Thanks for all the kind responses. Also forgot to say that I took three sleeping pills last night - always take them as I'm a bad sleeper, but have never had even 2 fail to knock me out.

So would you think contacting the Dr is the best way forward (they're hard to get hold of and not local unfortunately.) Or riding it out. My other thought was whether I drink tonight and taper down over a week or so, in hope of avoiding the more significant effects.

Also have hardly eaten in 2 days, but I'm not particularly hungry...

Another thing I'm worried about is being able to function in work & avoid getting sacked. Which I know should be the least of my worries, but have probably the busiest work week of my life so it's hard not to worry.

Don't ride it out. Speak to a professional this morning. Rather than speaking to us. Do it now. You may need to taper, you may not. It's dangerous to quit without proper advice, but stopping cold turkey may be fine for you.

Will do. I have to do this presentation online, but as soon as it's over I'll call someone.

Appreciate all the advice on here.

Yes to getting professional advice.
Tapering down/moderation never worked for me but you may be able to do this.
As someone once said to me, ‘if you could control this addiction, you wouldn’t be where you are now.’
The diazepam would need to be administered in gradually smaller doses over the course of about 5 days, but a GP would need to specify. The reason being, that diazepam is also highly addictive and certainly shouldn’t be mixed with alcohol. I hope you manage to speak to someone soon.

Spoken to drink aware who were helpful and my GP is ringing me back. I can't believe I'm actually doing this - my worst fear really is having to tell family and friends. I think family suspect there are problems, but are judgemental and probably don't realise anywhere near how bad I am. Do I have to even tell them?

Well done for recognising you have a problem, be truthful to your self and you don't have to tell any one else you don't want to.
And get help, don't stop drinking all at once, DTs are horrendous and makes staying sober very hard.
Good luck.

Hey OP, I don't have advice to give beyond the excellent advice you've already received above, I just wanted to say well done for taking this first step. I know it's hard. I have a family member who isn't quite alcohol dependant but has issues around alcohol and that impacts people around him. I'm cheering for you.

This will pass. You can do today. Then tomorrow, you can do tomorrow. You are in hell but maybe that's what you needed to get on a new path. Tell family and friends as much as you want. It's not a need to know thing but they might surprise and support you. But for now, just focus on yourself.

Spoke to GP and they really didn't seem that concerned by my symptoms & thought I'd be worse by now if I was having a withdrawral. I'm not sure that's accurate though. She's offered to do the liver panel and B12, but just didn't seem that concerned because of me being young. I told her an accurate measure of my units and she said it's too much, but really didn't seem as shocked as I'd assume she'd be.

Went back to Drink aware, who seem to know more than any of the GPs/111. They had no one senior available though so told me the GP was wrong, but to speak to 111. 111 have given me a number for a mental health service, which don't open till the evening.

Half debating whether I should just go to A&E. I'm not having any active symptoms at the moment, but worried by night time they will return.

This is dangerous advice. Alcohol withdrawal can kill. OP needs to speak to a professional.

Ignore this OP. You need medical help.

Finally got to speak to a professional - they're pretty convinced I'd have started demonstrating some signs earlier if it was going to get worse. Haven't had any vomiting/shaking/blood or anything. Also, the fact most of the symptoms are only occurring at night. I haven't been referred anywhere or anything. They did suggest I taper if possible to be on the safer side, so I'll try that.

Obviously I need liver bloods and B12 checks, and doc has offered to book those in. If they look OK I'll be reassured & can hopefully move forward out of this horrible hell. I felt really guilty as I spoke to my Dad earlier and wanted to tell him what's going on - I think he thinks it's purely an anxiety thing. Though the amount of times I've rung him drunk crying etc. I would have thought he would guess. He has mentioned my alcohol to me a few times to he must suspect. But I also just think they'd be so ashamed. They don't have a great understanding of addiction & don't know any addicts. Have had zero problems themselves.

I think it's good to start looking at it from something other than a 'shame' persepective... Perhaps thinking about how you've spotted the issue, made an effort to speak to a professional to get advice, are working out your steps, and will be one of those people who 'used to like a drink' but has self restraint, self control, and self respect, now.

You've come a lot further already than many do.

What's the drinking for? What are you saving yourself from when you do it? Is life very stressful? Painful?