Possible alcohol withdrawral - scared

[Flowersinthewindowstill]

I keep typing this out but it won't save for some reason, so here's the short version. Female, 30y - been drinking too much for about 7 yrs, but only very heavily recent. Drinking allows me to be functional and fine most of the time. Went on a 5 day bender on my Birthday - worst ever. My palms and skin have been a bit itchy - used Dr Google and this terrified me about possible liver disease. Been reading horror stories online and on here.

Felt largely fine yesterday (two days post bender). Got to the evening and once in bed I didn't sleep a wink. Burning sensation seemed to be worse and every time I closed my eyes I cholted or saw images. Kept feeling convinced I'm dying - have itchy eyes even. Not slept a wink. Work in an hour and I don't feel I can take the day off as just been off sick for two weeks with depression & then on leave. Big presentation to do this morning.

But I'm worried I might be having some form of alcohol withdrawal. Never had this before, but this was probably my worst ever bender. I've decided I'm most likely going to have to give up & quite happily will do if I can get through this horror. I have pretty acute anxiety though so I'm not sure if some or all of it is that. GP gave me diazepam for anxiety - haven't taken so far but wonder if it's worth trying in this situation. Utimatey though I'm just feeling terrified I'll die soon and no idea where to turn. My family are close to me but don't know how bad the problem is. Also live alone somewhere quite remote so no one nearby for help. WWYD?

Weirdly, I felt the calmest I have done in years today. And walking around I felt almost ecstatic - actually wanted to make small talk with shop assistants rater than just get out of the shop ASAP.

I think it's probably that before I decided to stop, I was constantly experiencing some kind of internal shame. I used to take massive bags of wine to the supermarket to dispose of, because I was too worried to put them in my recycle bin. And always worried that I'd see someone on the way.

Not sure this feeling is normal this early on, but I can't complain.

ShyMaryEllen you can die from alcohol abuse in your thirties, my late dp was only 34 when he died. He was diagnosed with cirrhosis in September 2014 & died in January 2015. No symptoms until the morning he woke up looking 9 months pregnant with triplets, he blew up overnight. I dragged him to the doctors who got him an urgent appointment at the hospital where the consultant took one look at him & said "you have cirrhosis of the liver & unless you stop drinking you will be dead in 2 years" He had 7 litres of ascites drained off his stomach, he couldn't eat a full meal without being sick, he had a 54 inch waist with the ascites & the rest of him looked like he had anorexia. I ended up digging my old maternity jeans out with the stretchy material that went over your bump because he couldn't hold his trousers up.

Sparklinglime that was what the drugs & alcohol worker told my late dp to do before he was diagnosed with cirrhosis, either use strong alcohol & cut down the amount of units or reduce the strength he drank & cut down that way. Either way you reduce your units of alcohol by 20% every week until you are down to 20% of your original intake, then cut that amount by 25% over 4 weeks. It is safer than just stopping, you need thiamine & vitamin B Complex supplements to stop you getting Wernicka Korsakof syndrome which is alcohol related dementia & reducing gradually stops you having withdrawal seizures.

I think for a long time I've just thought I could get away with my drinking because I was in my 20s and people drink a lot in their 20s. I suppose I've had the fantasy of moderation as well, but not sure if it'd ever be achievable to me.

This resonated with me. I am early 30s and I'm finally trying to quit alcohol for good after it's dominated my life since I was 18. Deep down I'd known for years that I have a problem but didn't want to admit it to myself or to others out of embarrassment. But I've realised it's not embarrassing to have become addicted to a highly addictive substance. It is essentially poison that society has normalised and we view ourselves as "weak" when we fail to moderate said addictive poison. It's quite absurd.

Now I am in my 30s it's affecting me a lot more than it did in my 20s - crap skin, puffy eyes, horrific anxiety and depression. I think my body just can't take it anymore plus I just feel like I should have my shit together a bit more at this age. I know I will find it easier to quit completely than to try and moderate.

Anyway sorry OP I have hijacked your thread a bit! What I mainly wanted to say was that you don't need to tell people you have a drinking problem. When people ask me why I am no longer drinking I just plan to say "alcohol just wasn't benefitting me in any way" which is absolutely true. Well done for admitting you have a problem, it's not an easy thing to do.

How's the taper-life treating you, OP? Doing ok today?

Yes, fine so far. I had around 6 units yesterday. Most of my earlier symptoms seem to have gone and anxiety reduced massively. I am struggling with insomnia though - I'm not a good sleeper anyway, so it's been a nightmare.

"Sip and suffer" is how I very successfully tapered - the HAMS method of one beer per hour, reducing by one per day, made me miserable and bloated.

Sip and suffer involves drinking just enough to get the worst of the withdrawal symptoms (like the shakes, vomiting and anxiety) to abate, and only drinking more when you can feel the symptoms start to creep up again. If you start to feel tipsy, you're drinking too much. As long as you're reducing the amount of alcohol steadily (bare minimum for a taper should be a week), you're successfully tapering.

OP, eating during withdrawal is the single best thing you can do for yourself, even if it's the last thing you want to do. Soup, meal replacement/protein shakes, anything. Eggs are great. A vitamin B1 (thiamine) supplement of 300mg is also essential. And for the love of all things holy, DO NOT switch to vodka to taper - initially, stick to what you were drinking, in decreasing amounts. Wine can be gradually watered down, if that's your poison.

I feel completely back to normal today. Haven't had any anxiety in the last 48 hours. And yep, I've been eating plenty - healthy, but lots of it. Eggs, chicken, veggies, stir-frys etc. Appetite is completely normal and my anxiety is the lowest it's been in years. I've also felt really present and like I now can appreciate all the good things around me, even flowers etc.

Feeling very good so far.

OP I'm sober over 2.5 yrs now, from late stage (high physical dependant), I did an at home NHS detox once I'd tapered to a safe place.

My second day sober, symptom free I was off! The world was a different, beautiful, joy filled world to be enjoyed with sober mind. That hasn't changed for me. I'm still enamoured with this new life. I hope it stays that way for you too.

I lost my husband and my mother to alcohol and I wish they had had your insight and your ability to admit to having a problem. I hope you get the support you need - you sound like SMART recovery might be for you, it's CBT based and should get to the roots of your reasons to drink. Your mindset is amazing. You know what you're doing and what the goal is.

Can I also say that cold water swimming is incredibly powerful in helping with anxiety and depression? You don't need to be in the water long, a few minutes is enough, but I have a family member who has been able to come off anxiety meds as a result of taking up cold water swimming. So if this is something your partner already does, giving it a go might be really good, and summer is the time to start.

All the very best, I am cheering you on.

You're not hijacking at all! I was a bit of a late bloomer due to an illness in my teens, so didn't start doing the pub rounds until my early 20s. As pp have said, I think the problem with alcohol is it's progressive. It creeps up on you over years and years. I was thinking about this yesterday & I would say in my early-mid 20s, it was like my life was a circle, with everything that fulfilled me, friends, ambition, fun, education etc and alcohol was an appealing, but not controlling outer circle. Over time the circle has become alcohol and the outer circle is my life. I have just had the distinct feeling that my life was about to implode if I didn't stop. Not just the health side, but finances, my job, relationships with family. I was always complaining I had no money but spent £400 a month on booze! Think of all the fab holidays I could have had with that. I don't buy new kitchen trays or household stuff 'cos I don't think I can afford it but £70 a week or more on wine is fine. I'm also lucky to still have a job as I've frequently acted irresponsibly, skipping work due to hangovers etc.

On a shallow note, I've also gained about 3 stone since my drinking got heavier. 1000s of empty calories plus drunk eating etc.

As menioned I just turned 30 and I think that was part of the epiphany. I effectively ruined the meal out as I got too drunk and got emotional, caused an argument with my boyfriend. I then had 5 days off work but spent 90% of them in bed due to the crippling hangover. My partner had to entertain himself. He himself is a big drinker, but obviously different tolerance levels. Think of everything we could have done over those 5 days. Instead I spent it drinking, sleeping, being sick and repeating. Sigh.

At least this is a staring point. Best of luck to you too :)

I just wanted to second the well done for realising your problem and being so proactive in doing something about it. You sound really switched on and self aware - it’s really great (without trying to sound condescending at all!!)

I have certainly been there, it could have been me writing your posts - I’ve spent many sleepless nights experiencing those symptoms, thinking I was going to die and having work being impacted, suffering horrible anxiety etc, etc.

I haven’t drunk alcohol now for close to two years but not before I caused MAJOR havoc in my and my family’s life. I’ve since had a diagnosis of ASD which helps give me some understanding of why I’ve felt the way I have over the years.

Also sorry to hijack but your situation resonated with me so much also. It sounds like you are in the right headspace now to solve the problem - and before the alcohol has been too destructive (you still have a relationship, job, home etc) so now things can only improve. You have a lot to be positive about.

Good luck!