Can anyone advise or give me tips on how to stop drinking when partner still drinks at home

[Teeh]

I would like to cut down or stop altogether, but I don’t think the desire to stop is there for my partner. It is so much harder to stop when there is an open bottle of wine in the fridge. I feel if it was a joint mission it would be so much easier. But do I just need to have stronger will power of my own? Has anyone done this?

Try alcohol free beers and ciders, and wines, and mocktails, so you can join in the chilling part of an afternoon with drinks, but no alcohol.
Lots of exotic fruit juices with ice and some pieces of fruit for decoration are yummy!

Ok I could maybe try this. I actually want to lose some weight too, so have been having options hot chocolate as alternative sometimes

Sadly you have to do this for yourself . I know it’s harder with it around ( my husband still drinks ) but you can only control you .

I don’t drink alcohol free cider / beer etc . I find they make it harder but they work for some .

Keep working on not having that first drink . Cause we all of us on her me know that one isn’t enough . Don’t let the voice in your head convince you otherwise when you see that half bottle of wine

If there's wine in the fridge, I'm assuming it is white... buy some fizzy water and make it a spritzer.

If your partner doesnt want to cut down you can't make them.

Thanks. The strange thing about me is that I can have one drink or maybe just two. I don’t like to drink when the kids are awake so I have one or two at 10 pm. But even that makes me groggy next day. I just need something else to relax before sleep.

I'm afraid you do just have to take responsibility for yourself. Do you and your partner normally match each other, drink for drink?
Tell him he'll be drinking alone and make yourself a cup of tea. Sip it and look forward to waking up feeling physically and mentally well.

Good luck

No he drinks much more than me. But if he is drinking then I tend to have one or two. If he isn’t drinking then I don’t bother as I don’t like drinking alone. Whereas he doesn’t mind drinking alone. I think I just need the will power don’t I

Joining in if that’s ok !
Partner has bottle sin fridge and it’s sooo hard not to eventually just have a little glass while cooking…
How does anyone remind themselves that it’s horrid stuff at the time when mralcohol is doing everything he can to tell you to cave?!

Can he switch to a drink you don't like? I've cut down to just weekends as I was drinking every night and my partner will have a whisky if he wants a drink. I hate it so it's not tempting!

If he isn’t drinking then I don’t bother as I don’t like drinking alone.

In other words: you can take it or leave it. You don't in fact need it to 'relax before sleep', as you claim.

Honestly, just stop. But prepare for your heavy drinking partner to try to sabotage you.

@teeh it’s good you can stop at one or two … for now . But the brain of someone who is predisposed to become dependent on alcohol will push for more and more to get that “ annnnd relax “ feeling . You’re brain will ask for more more more more !! It’s relentless and an inevitable spiral . ( for some!!) Your one or two can easily become three four five six as your brain does what it’s evolved to do!

If your brain is searching for the “ fix “ the “ annnnnd relax” you can be sure you are ready to start spiralling . It’s inevitable

Yes I think I can do it, it’s just an annoying mindset I seem to be stuck in that I have to join in. Hi namebunny, maybe we can do this together?!

OP come along to the OcSober thread if you want some support for the first month.

Ocsober www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4354806-ocsober

Thanks I will do that x

Ask him to keep the drink out of your way. That worked for me. It was easier to do when the drink was hidden away. Others will disagree with this, but it worked.for me. Now I'm completely alcohol free it wouldn't bother me, but it can take time. Get the alcohol out of your system for six months and you have a fair chance of keeping off it.

@Adm1010
That’s an interesting post - can you explain any more?
I’m asking because I recognise myself there - DH has one or two, but I tend to have more. I’m not drinking myself unconscious/ do have two or three nights off. But your post has worried me - could be a wake up call

In simple terms alcohol affects dopamine .
Alcohol floods the reward centre of the brain with dopamine and as such a powerful connection is made … alcohol equals a lovely relaxing pleasure , a reward . The pattern is set.

The brain now knows alcohol gives it pleasure and reward so it wants it again . But over time it becomes dulled and will need more and more to get its “ fix “ it will scream and shout at you that you need to seek that reward … that pleasure … the relax feeling . One won’t cut it. Soon two won’t . Then you need a full bottle to give the brain what it needs .
If you are drinking alcohol to get the “ annnd relax “ feeling it is therefore inevitable that you will spiral .

The voice can be fought if you know why it’s screaming at you

This is a easy solution. Go out to a theater, a concert, a movie or a library with a friend on a day out kind of thing. Even a cafe or tea room will do nicely, you can even have a meal there on the cheap.

Or offer to do some food shopping for a friend, sign up to a formal lesson in sports, languages etc to keep yourself busy. Look for paid work opportunities in addition too. Take courses in art, you can find some online or ask around.

My above post is for @LifeIsEverchanging sorry didn’t tag

@Adm1010
Thank you x

@Teeh - your post was once me. It seemed that the moment the bottle of wine was open I had huge desire. I didn't have this huge problem but was frustrated with the pull to drink when I didn't really want to! I also found it so difficult to not drink when someone else was for fear of them telling me I was boring. I know, sounds stupid, but that's what was largely getting in the way.

But I figured it out, have total freedom around alcohol and now help others do the same. I have a free webinar that talks about how to do this:

joinnow.live/s/1jGZaX

It's totally possible to do and it's such fun on the other side.

Agree with everything @Adm1010 said. I am an abuser of alcohol and am currently on day 25 alcohol free. I have two young adult DC and DH at home and the house always has various alcoholic drinks in it. I remember Keith Chegwin talking about his alcohol addiction on Big Brother and he said he didn’t clear the house of alcohol when stopping or avoid being around others drinking as alcohol was everywhere so he felt he had to get used to it to live a sober life. I feel the same although this approach is not for everyone. Someone in my support group actually rented a cabin in the woods and spent a month alone with no access to booze to break her cycle.

But in any case, you need to do this for you. Find a plan which works for you. Google This Naked Mind and find resources about dopamine and pleasure pathways in the brain. Alcohol is an addictive drug - you /your subconscious brain is simply responding in the way it should / has been trained to - to want more.

It’s not easy but a lot of things worth having are hard!! Good luck.

Thank you everyone. I found myself pouring a glass on wine the other night and literally not wanting it, as I was pouring it. Thinking I don’t really fancy this, but just going to have it anyway. Just for something to do! It’s ridiculous. But if that’s the case it must be was for me to break the habit. I think I will try and replace with hot chocolate. The problem is the kids the. Turn up asking why they can’t have a hot chocolate !

Typo *it must be easy for me to break the habit