When does it get easier?

[Alonelonelylonersbadidea]

Hi there, this is my first post in this part of MN as I've managed what I couldn't before.

It's early days, I'm sober now for just 11 days. For years I have drink between 1-2 bottles of wine a day plus probably qtr bottle of whisky, maybe more if I'm honest. It was years. Many years. I drink instead of eating.

My eyes are clearer. And my skin. But I am so so tired in the evening and morning. Even typing this message is making me salivate. So I miss it.

When will it get easier?
Will it?
When I am having a bad day, which is often recently, I struggle to not buy booze. The only way I have managed is to not have it in the house. I am a hair's breath away from succumbing.
Please tell me it gets easier.

Well done, OP! I used to find Friday nights so hard, because as a teacher, after a stressful week, sometimes I was opening the wine before I’d even taken my coat off (not joking, sadly).

Unbelievable, my Friday night ‘thing’ is now to go for a run. If you told me a year ago that that would happen I’d have laughed in your face.

(I even went for a run on Christmas morning. I used to be drunk by 11am).

I’m not saying this to show off, by the way. I’m just saying how life utterly transforms when you’re not ingesting ethanol. It’s another way of living altogether.

Oh @100PercentMe and @LunaNorth your Posts have made me feel a bit testy eyed thank you.

I do need to look on it as poison. That's what it is.

Conversely, today I feel lousy. The Sun is shining and I'm sat on the balcony with my DP thinking about white wine. I feel sad about my work and family stuff. Maybe it's a mental hangover from yesterday.

Actually, I think this may be a thing, I make problems bigger as an excuse for having a drink?
That's terrible.

@LunaNorth I used to run! I loved it. I should run again but I feel so gross.
Maybe this is my next mental mountain to climb.

I have eaten nothing but sugar for days. But I am taking vitamin and mineral supplements I definitely have eating issues, normal weight though. Or marginally overweight. But my relationship with everything including food and drink is screwed up.

Teary eyed!

Yes, I used to look for every excuse going to drink.

I’m stressed - I need a drink.
I’m happy - let’s celebrate with a drink!
I’m off work today - drink!
I’ve had a hard day at work - drink.
Kids are driving me mad - drink.
Parents stressing me out - drink.

What helped is playing it forward. So, kids are being a pain. How will having a drink help? Really? The kids will still be argumentative, and I’ll be over-emotional dealing with them. Then I’ll be hungover dealing with them and everything else tomorrow, plus I’ll be anxious because I got drunk again.

I discovered that the relief that came from drinking was gone as soon as I swallowed the first mouthful. Every mouthful that followed was an attempt to recreate that dopamine hit, and it’s impossible.

Run! You’re not gross! I’ve just come back from a hot 7k, looking ridiculous in shorts and a baseball cap, and nobody turned a hair!

Download C25K and get out there!

alone When you find yourself thinking about the white wine or whatever, play it forward in your head like a video until you finish the glass, the bottle or whatever you normally do and see what happens at the end. Are you really seeing a more relaxed, fulfilled and happier person?
Like luna, for me it was relaxation at the first gulp / glass and thereafter I just felt I had to keep going. Actually what happens is that we sit down, do a big exhale of breath and reach for the glass- but by the time we've exhaled we're usually relaxed already! So no need for the wine really!
My diet isn't perfect either, or work either necessarily, but small steps.
Could you try a bit of walking- you might not feel motivated, but the emotions and perceptions associated with motivation often actually kick in during the walk not before, so no need to wait for motivation. You might naturally build up to a run after a few walks. Doing walking or just doing something else can take you away from your thoughts, and give you some space, and you'll be likely to come to new realisations about yourself, and other issues that are bothering you. So much easier to address than in a perhaps muddled way of thinking that alcohol can lead us to.

@100PercentMe @LunaNorth during the week I have managed to do pretty much 20k steps daily, which is usually what is manage in a whole week! Yesterday and today I've been lazy. But I feel like I've made positive steps. Maybe I'll manage a wee run sometime this week......
It may end me!

Still no booze. 2 weeks tomorrow! that makes me elated. I still have a constant headache but all your posts have given me hope that it ends. Thanks!

20k steps per day, alone Good grief that's brilliant!
Well done on two weeks, that's totally brilliant too- when I look back at those early days I think up til around the 2 week mark I only felt pain or a sort of fog, I still thought about alcohol a bit even though I knew my body was thanking me internally. But at the same time each day felt like a positive mile stone.
Keep on going, play the video forward to the end when you think you want a drink, and do join the freedom thread as well.

Namechanged
Well done OP, you're doing amazingly! You've really helped me.
Day one for me. I'm a weekend binge drinker and so so ashamed. Since the pubs have reopened I've been a few times and just talk absolute shite to anyone that will listen and ramble on about nonsense. I told someone yesterday that I hadn't seen since primary school that I'm a writer, I'm working on a novel intermittently but im a SAHM I'm so anxious and shy and I get really overwhelmed so end up drinking more and faster to calm myself down. I'm done with it all. I don't even drink at home. I'm such a twat.

20k steps and 2 weeks - you’re absolutely winning! And it’s only sensible to take some rest days - you’re going through big mental and physical changes and it’s important to baby yourself a bit. Lots of naps and hot baths!

@Sodabunny

Namechanged Well done OP, you're doing amazingly! You've really helped me. Day one for me. I'm a weekend binge drinker and so so ashamed. Since the pubs have reopened I've been a few times and just talk absolute shite to anyone that will listen and ramble on about nonsense. I told someone yesterday that I hadn't seen since primary school that I'm a writer, I'm working on a novel intermittently but im a SAHM I'm so anxious and shy and I get really overwhelmed so end up drinking more and faster to calm myself down. I'm done with it all. I don't even drink at home. I'm such a twat.

Please don’t be ashamed, and don’t call yourself a twat. It’s not your fault. Booze is marketed to make you believe it will give you confidence, and it’s having the exact effect on you it’s designed to have.

And if you’re working on a novel, you’re a writer. Which is brilliant.

Thanks @LunaNorth bad nights sleep but a new day! Got my quit lit, sober time app downloaded.
I can honestly say that alcohol has never given me anything positive in my life, but so many hangovers, days of depression and anxiety and probably cost me thousands of pounds over the years. It feels really good to just be honest and say I shouldn't be drinking. I've been reading through some threads and I don't feel as alone now.
It's funny that for many years I've thought I've been 'drinking incorrectly ' compared to others,when perhaps its the alcohol that, has never and will never suit me.

@Sodabunny

I don’t think it suits anybody. I can’t think of one single person who has a great life because they drink. It’s poison, marketed in fancy bottles, and then when it does what poison is supposed to do, and makes us ill and messes with our brain chemistry, suddenly it’s our fault and we’re ‘alcoholics’ who ‘can’t drink.’

I don’t buy it. That stuff is poison. Look at the word ‘intoxicated’ - it’s right there.

Sorry for ranting - it’s my pet peeve.

Congrats on two weeks! I went out with friends on Saturday. It was lunch that went on for ten hours. I had a wonderful time and stayed for around 5 hours and left just as they really got going.
No envy at not joining in. All I could think is how bad I would have felt from the inevitable hangover. By all accounts they were hanging out of their arses yesterday. I feel completely liberated and was in a fitness class at 9.30 am yesterday .

@LunaNorth you're absolutely right! Crazy how we keep going back to it though! An animal wouldn't drink something that made them so poorly and keep trying it to see if it changes!
Right day 2 today, going to make a huge veggie soup and get my admin done. I think when it gets to Friday I'll struggle, so I'm sticking on this thread for a while for inspiration if that's ok

@Northernsoullover

Congrats on two weeks! I went out with friends on Saturday. It was lunch that went on for ten hours. I had a wonderful time and stayed for around 5 hours and left just as they really got going. No envy at not joining in. All I could think is how bad I would have felt from the inevitable hangover. By all accounts they were hanging out of their arses yesterday. I feel completely liberated and was in a fitness class at 9.30 am yesterday .

Isn’t that a great feeling?

I had a games night with my sister and BIL last night. It was a big test, as it’s the first time I’ve properly socialised due to Covid, and I wasn’t sure if I’d enjoy it or feel unable to relax.

It was fine! So much better without the booze. I had fun without losing the run of myself, got home fresh as a daisy and no hangover today. A 100% better experience.

I can’t see what alcohol would have added to the experience, tbh.

soda you are not a twat! Be kind to yourself.

I have that sense now too Luna that alcohol really doesn't add anything - apart from making you feel bad- if anything, it takes away anything good from any social experience. And it can make you stuck, I find without drinking now that I'm more liberated, can go out for a walk or run at 7pm or 7am without thinking 'oh no I'm having / had a drink or am too hungover'.

Life opens up.

@Sodabunny hi!! Please don't feel like a twat! Though I know I've often felt that way. You're doing a great thing for yourself.

We can do this and so many kind and inspiring posts on here. Thank you!!

So I'm on 2 weeks officially! And my headache is gone!!!!!
The fog is lifting. I wanna dance!!

Keep going @Sodabunny !
I'll join the freedom thread soon as I feel now like I'm allowed

@Alonelonelylonersbadidea

Bloody brilliant! Get some music on and dance!

Hope you're still getting on ok alone and soda

Hi @100PercentMe I'm grateful you checked in. Actually for me it's bad. It's taking all my willpower to not go out and buy whisky. I've texted some friends to take my mind off it but no one is replying.

The reality of my current situation hit me about an hour ago. My work is a sinking ship. I wasn't paid for last month yet. I just managed to pay my bills through frugality but I've just heard I may not be paid at the end of this month either. My STBEXH can't support us at all and I can't rely on others like my DP now as it isn't fair, he does enough and is in the same situation.
I'm trying to stay calm and not freak the kids out.
I feel like there's a hole in my chest and I want to drink myself to sleep. Luckily I've no alcohol in the house.

Sorry for my venting

Oh gosh alone that sounds terrible, I'm so sorry.
Right, first things first, take a deep breath, and maybe write down some options. drinking will only make the situation worse, yes it might blur things a little but it def won't help you think clearly and deal with this situation.
What are your work saying about when you will be paid? Can you ask for an advance of some of it? Or are you self employed and waiting on payment from a client?
Can you phone citizens advice, or a money advice line, or see what benefits you may able to access? 0% credit card for food/ bills and clear it when you do get paid?

This isn't really an immediate option but would looking forward a new job help in the medium term- sorry, you are maybe already looking for one.
Try and take one day at a time, or half day at a time to get through this. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel

Thank you so much @100PercentMe
I have been looking but as I didn't realise the seriousness of the situation til today I haven't been giving it everything I've got.
My credit rating is screwed because my ex was awful with money and I couldn't say mondo I facilitated it all.

Just such a dumb mess.
But I'm sober.
I am going to email my boss tomorrow and ask what % likelihood he would put on the company having enough money to pay salaries for last month and this month. Or rather my salary. And do no work, but look for a new job!