When does it get easier?

[Alonelonelylonersbadidea]

Hi there, this is my first post in this part of MN as I've managed what I couldn't before.

It's early days, I'm sober now for just 11 days. For years I have drink between 1-2 bottles of wine a day plus probably qtr bottle of whisky, maybe more if I'm honest. It was years. Many years. I drink instead of eating.

My eyes are clearer. And my skin. But I am so so tired in the evening and morning. Even typing this message is making me salivate. So I miss it.

When will it get easier?
Will it?
When I am having a bad day, which is often recently, I struggle to not buy booze. The only way I have managed is to not have it in the house. I am a hair's breath away from succumbing.
Please tell me it gets easier.

Sorry for stupid predictive text typos!

You’re amazing to have not had a drink today. That takes real strength. Bloody well done. With that sort of grit you’ll find another job. Bound to.

You do have grit alone and you will continue to rise up with more grit now that you're not being pulled down by alcohol (and your ex).
I hope your boss is aware of the impact of not having paid you and sorts this mess out- which is his / her's mess, not yours, and that he has a firm plan in place to ensure you get paid for the work you've done.
This is a stressful time for you but use the upcoming days with a clear head to explore your future options, and perhaps to get out a long walk or two to further clear your head and let some new ideas and perspective in.

Thank you so much @100PercentMe and @LunaNorth !

My grit is through gritted teeth though for sure! I'm at my DP's for the weekend and there's a nearly empty bottle of whisky on the side in the kitchen which I had been drinking (in a oner!!!) as hot toddies. It was winking at me all day yesterday. I took the kids out and we walked like crazed walking machines and hung out at every park in the city.
The kids keep asking to buy things and I'm saving money so that I can pay the rent for next month too, but I won't make it all so DP will lend me money. Which makes me stressed. He loves me and I know it's ok, but I can't pay crazy amounts of money back quickly. He doesn't expect me to, but that's not really the point.
I just feel like a lousy mum.
I am trying though and as you've both said it's easier to try when you're sober.

Pour that whiskey down the sink. It’s a lovely feeling of power, watching it go down the plug hole.

And you’re a great mum. The circumstances are lousy, but you’re not.

A testing time, normally you would be reaching for the booze but now you can face this with a clear mind and stronger body. It's a blip, it will get sorted with you sober! Your DP sounds like a tower of strength, it's obvious he loves you so let him help. I think you are amazing even if you don't. In a month you have made some massive changes that will benefit you, yr children and partner. Now you've hit a challenge but you can and will get through it. Stay strong, keep posting.

Thank you so so much @freeandfierce and @LunaNorth .

Things go from bad to worse with work and kids. Long long stories. But I am 3 weeks AF and that makes me happy.
Also I've lost 2kg!

Fantastic! Three weeks is great. I found things started to get a bit easier from that point. And 2kg down, too!

You, madam, are winning

Fantastic! Enjoy the feeling! You are doing yourself proud!

Oh wow alone 3 weeks milestone already, brilliant! Really chuffed for you. Please hang in there with dealing with the work situation and kids

Hello alone and soda hope things are going okay?

Hi @100PercentMe , @freeandfierce @LunaNorth !

Oh gawd the weekends are so hard and i just got my period. The pain . My last period I was still drinking and it helped. Now I have aspirin.

I sent some CVS out this week and connected with what felt like hundreds of people on LinkedIn. So that is a good thing.

28 days on Monday! This is the only thing keeping me going.
I was going to post yesterday but I felt like I was going to fall off the wagon so to speak, and I didn't want to embarrass myself.
I realise now that messaging here makes it easier to continue sober.
4 weeks!!!!!!

How are things with you @Sodabunny

You are going to feel so good when you hit that 28 days, trust me. It’s such a milestone.

It’s so great that you stayed off the wagon last night. Nothing beats that smug feeling in early sobriety, when you wake up and feel for the hangover, only to remember you don’t have one because YOU DIDN’T DRINK LAST NIGHT!!

Great to hear this alone! Brilliant! You are doing so well- and as Luna says, waking up hangover free and no need to worry about being over the limit to do anything is a great feeling.
So pleased to hear you are powering through the job situation too

Oh yes that's exactly it!!
Sometimes I'm in the bathroom in the morning feeling tired and groggy in a way from too deep sleep probably and then I remember! I haven't been drinking! It's just normal feelings and then I'm fine almost instantaneously.
It's like my head is expecting to feel lousy and then remembers it doesn't need to

Wait until you have a drinking dream. The relief when you wake up and realise it was just a dream is a better buzz than I ever found in a bottle!

Currently every time I put on the TV or watch something on YouTube- even bloody cartoons, they are drinking whisky or wine.
WTAF.

I'm salivating now thinking about it!!!

I remember that feeling. In fact, it was when I
started to find seeing people drink triggered me to want a drink that I knew I had a problem. It took me another year to pack it in, though

Nowadays I find myself getting a bit exasperated. Without coming across as an evangelical ex-drinker, the stuff is everywhere. Every single occasion is used to promote it - Christmas, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, you name it, they’ll flog booze on the back of it.

Even watching the England game the other night, nearly every shot of the crowd showed people who could barely focus; I saw one guy fall over like a sack of spuds. They won’t remember anything about the match they so looked forward to. They just weren’t present.

Stick with it. You’ll get to the point where you’ll be rolling your eyes instead of salivating.

@LunaNorth absolutely agree

I'm at the point where I'm irritated with bags being sold with inbuilt wine dispensers, baby cups that are shaped like wine glasses, every single advert after a certain time being booze related. It's just such a cynical ploy to keep us all hooked and to normalise addictive substances.

And I know full well that if I read that a year ago I'd be eye rolling at it. So ingrained was rewarding myself with a drink. Relaxing with a drink. Looking forward to a drink most days.

But how I feel now is just a million times better. Actually feel free. The same way I felt when I managed to quit smoking for good.

Absolutely agree. I think it was the Allen Carr book that pointed out that adverts for alcohol have to be OTT and all wrapped up with luxury, top of mountains, fancy destinations, supermodels etc as otherwise no one would buy the stuff as it tastes rotten and isn't good for you.
Whereas car adverts sell themselves iyswim and just show you what the car does- imagine if alcohol adverts did that, eg with the drunk and non present people at football matches.

In the early days I found it helpful to trade the word ‘wine’, ‘gin’, ‘beer’ or even just ‘alcohol’ for ‘ethanol’. I got the idea from Annie Grace.

‘See in the New Year with a delicious glass of cold ethanol’ doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

This Swedish ad stuck in my mind, too.

ad

Wow, not seen that Luna! And, yes- ethanol, the good old poisonous throat stripper, but let's not focus on that!
Agree Frankie, so freeing now not to have to think about drinking - or thinking about trying to stop drinking- anymore.

Oh yes @LunaNorth . I lived in Sweden years ago and the alcohol issues there make the UK's seem minor almost.
One friend drank one glass of moonshine, was unconscious, I had to change her clothes because she spontaneously wet herself and worse. Awful. She didn't remember anything. Just wondered why she woke up in her bed wearing my jeans! (I didn't have the energy to undress her a second time!)

It really is sold to us as a lifestyle choice. But it isn't. It's a treadmill of addiction which keeps us numb.

I am now dreaming about drinking! In my dreams I am walking the booze aisles of supermarkets or standing in Oddbins gazing lovingly at wine bottles.

I do miss it. Very much.

It’ll pass. What are you treating yourself to instead?