Two bottles of wine a night. Help I think I am an an alcoholic.

[BabyBearRus]

Well, I am typically drinking 2 bottles of wine a night. Am I an alcoholic? I can't seem to last beyond two days before having wine. I have an addictive personality have previously been a smoker). I am seriously thinking about taking up smoking again so as to ditch the alcohol. Advice desperately needed

@BabyBearRus thanks so much for your reply!
I've been on AD for years for depression and anxiety I suffer also ocd sometimes too' wine used to switch off those obsessions and dark thoughts but now it's jus numbing things' I do have nights off yes n I'm not drinking bottles
Nightly more like half a bottle
A night on the nights I do!
I had a look into this hypnotherapy course you mentioned is the £29 one you bought ? Is it worth it ? I may get it if it helps xx

IMO an 'addictive personality' is actually usually unresolved trauma and using various things to self-medicate/distract/dull/etc.

Great to hear from you all. Wishing you all the very best in quitting or cutting back on the booze.

Yes, Soph I think I will have to just cut it out completely. It's a bit like smoking for me, all or nothing. And tbh I am fed up with wine being such a major draw in my life.

CocoLady...jury is still out on the hypnosis. Atm it does seem to be a distraction and also does relax me, but not sure it is really helping with the cravings.

Agree, addiction certainly does go hand in hand with unresolved trauma.

Please let us know what methods have worked for you, you lovely people. Taking it one day at a time. Take care everyone xx

@BabyBearRus
Yes, I think you need to cut it out completely too. Why? Well, you go on to say that alcohol is a major draw in your life. That's because it still has a hold. Simply put, for the majority of us moderating doesn't work. Before I quit I read loads of blogs, posts, quit lit. And they all agree about this. Countless posts in the old Dry threads from posters saying they'd cracked it, they were moderating, it was sorted. A few weeks later, back on the threads, drinking more than ever. I used to be just the same.

You wanted tips on what could help. If you haven't already, google Clare Pooley's Sober Mummy's online blog. Find the "obstacle course" - she uses a cute analogy of rabbits in a field wanting to get to the better field - it explains it all perfectly. There's loads of useful other stuff on there too -worth reading.

The thing is (for me at least) we are not built or born to take regular amounts of poison (booze). Our brains and amazing, so after regular, consistent (heavy) drinking, our brains adapt around the poison. It gets used to it. It needs it. When you take that away, there are two things going on. Our bodies are relieved, repairing and our liver especially is dancing (to quote Pooley) with relief. But our brains are confused, they have to remember old forgotten pathways to deal with what years ago they were designed for. It's all complicated and scientific, but that's kind of an outline. This takes weeks, sometimes months. So, this is why, when we quit, the exhaustion and side effects from putting our minds and bodies through the repair process can make us think, "you know what, this is awful, I felt better drinking, so I'll take the easy option". That's your confused brain sending you a message to drink again, because after years of abuse it wants what it's used to. And then the awful cycle of quitting for a few days begins. We never get to the good bits! Constant drinking, hating ourselves, quitting, starting to slowly improve - but there's a big obstacle - quit quitting, back to drinking, back to hating ourselves but this time for quitting the quitting. Then it all repeats itself on an endless loop.

Commit to 30 days. Take it one day at a time. Start each day afresh. Read Pooley who explains it brilliantly. Then, think about 100 days (to really find the good stuff that is there for you!)

Good luck, you can do this!
You deserve this.

Soph

Thanks so much Soph, your posts have been incredibly helpful. Please let me know your daily timetable. Praying the cravings end.

But the last two days have been very hard for me. It's twenty years since my beautiful mum died of cancer. My best friend, my greatest champion. I know I shouldn't turn to drink, as I think it cheapens her memory. But that's addiction for you.

I'm so desperate to stop drinking. Does it get easier? Does this horrible craving end? Sorry to be such a depressive soul.

Keep strong everyone xx

@BabyBearRus

Hello everyone, I thought you might like an update on my progress. So, I'm in my second week of almost no alcohol. I have allowed a Saturday night as my wine night. Hoping this will be further reduced. I've been listening to the hypnosis audios, especially around the time when I would ordinarily start my nightly drinking. I have to say that it's going far better than I expected. Not sure how much that is down to the hypnosis, but nonetheless I find it relaxing and it provides a diversion at that difficult hour in the evening. I did start this journey by cutting down by half a bottle each night. I actually switched to white wine as I found it easier to drink less of this. I even threw half a bottle away as I couldn't stomach anymore of it lol. Anyway, psychologically I feel so much better. And physically I am starting to gain more energy. I actually believe that I may just come through this. Off to the gym next week, and looking forward to losing some weight. 🙏 When I've tried to cut down before I've always done it alongside an impossible diet. This time I'm not putting that pressure on myself and enjoying my food. In reality I'm already reducing my daily calorie intake by 2000 calories (2 bottles of wine and associated snacks). I'll focus on dieting once I've come through this. Oh, and that friend who thought I was mad at wanting to stop drinking has now joined me on the road to sobriety. Wishing all those who are in the same situation the very best of luck. 🤞🤞🤞❤️

Well done BabyBear you're a real inspiration. I hope you strut to find it easier day by day. It's tough because over drinking is normalised in our society and you've done so well to recognise the issue .

Please come back and update us again

Oh no just read your last post !
I'm sure sad times will always be a trigger.
I've never had a drink problem but after a major accident I did get addicted to prescription pain killers and it wiped out a couple of years.

I have found it does got easier but I have to watch my behaviours . I can sometimes take a paracetamol just to feel better - that in the past has led to stronger and stronger drugs.

I do sometimes go a week without thinking about them - that's about the longest I've managed. Like you was absolutely no problem when pregnant and breast feeding - like a magic switch flicked !

X

@BabyBearRus I’ve read your whole thread and you’ve made huge efforts. Well done! But it seems you’re still struggling.
I drank about the same as you too. I tried to moderate. Many attempts at moderation. I could even stop for a week.
I made the decision to quit 6 months ago. I started reading ‘Naked Mind’ by Annie Grace but only got a few pages in when I came across a Blinkist podcast by two Aussies summarising Allen Carrs book. I’ll try to find it and link it as that was an hour’s worth of listening that catalysed my stopping. I immediately started Annie Grace’s online ‘Alcohol Experiment’ - the free version. Again, I’ll find it & link. It’s American but very very good. They don’t have dry Jan etc in USA so she challenges people to quit for a month (but there’s no pressure to actually do this - it’s one day at a time) each day you are emailed a video to watch. A range of experts talking about the culture and psychology around alcohol. It really changed my mindset and made me think differently about quitting. I very much took it one day at a time. I also downloaded the ‘sober app’ that automatically adds my sober days. Another very important aspect for me was to find acceptable alternatives especially in the beginning. There’s a good thread on here for ideas but in a nutshell the AF spirits are £££, the wines are 🤮 but the beers aren’t bad at all. Nosecco is ok too (especially with a splash of fentimans rose lemonade).
I’ve now been AF 6 months and 2 days.
Ive been to pubs and not drunk when all my friends have. We have lots of booze in the house as DH still drinks (he can moderate). I’ve celebrated Christmas and new year (that was tricky), my birthday (pretty easy & fab). Once you are AF and not moderating come and join us on the Freedom thread for more support or lurk have a read (as I did) until you get going.
Huge good luck. You can do this! You’ve quit smoking so you can definitely quit the poison too!!

podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly93aGF0eW91d2lsbGxlYXJuLmxpYnN5bi5jb20vcnNz/episode/OTQ3MDFlNTczMDE0NGY0YzhhZWI2NzAxOWY5YTFjNjc
Here’s the Aussie blokes summarising Allen Carrs book.

learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration
Annie Grace’s free alcohol experiment. There is a paid version that my friend did which gives you loads of support with counsellors and group work but I’m a tight Yorkshire woman so wanted to trial the free version. This was perfect for me. There’s extra stuff on her Facebook page but I’d recommend you start with this first. xx

@Newmum29

Highly recommend the unexpected joy of being sober. She talks about why moderation doesn’t work and how other people particularly those who are worried about their own drinking will sabotage your attempts.

Absolutely. Read this and then back up the message with Jason vale, kick the drink easily Mrs d is going without The sober diaries This naked mind control alcohol

Good luck.

Did you try out ‘smart’ online support? I’ve not but a few on the Freedom thread highly rate it.

Thank you everyone.

SophieB100 you describe the stop/start process in a nutshell. And yes, the endless loop of drinking and self loathing.

I did sign up to smart, but will need to become more engaged with it.

StayingVigilant thank you for your advice. And well done on your sobriety. I've just ordered the recommended books. And will check out the web links too. I quite like the alcohol free beers, but agree the wine alternatives are awful. Would be good to find a nice vodka alternative.

PawsGood, many thanks for the further suggestions.

I am more able to coast through the weekdays without alcohol, but the weekends are very hard. But the designation of just one wine night a week isn't really working. I spend the whole week looking forward to that night. What a waste of life. I know I am going to have to go teetotal if this is ever going to work. It's so strange that I found it so easy during pregnancy. And of course, I enjoyed many years in my younger years booze free, so why do I find it so difficult now? I will try to complete the 30 day challenge 🤞 I am also seriously considering getting some professional counselling. I know it will be expensive, but so was drinking two bottles of wine each night.

On another note, I have started to feel the hangover effect after my night on the booze ... I wonder if this is because I'm abstaining during the week, so it's more of a shock to my body.

Also, on a more positive note, I do feel psychologically and physically better abstaining during the week. Like I am more in control.

Today is a new day. I've no wine in the house, so fully intend to start the coming week sober. Wishing all those who are struggling a better week. Happy Sunday to you all xx

That sounds like a really good start. You’ve cut down massively in just 2-3 weeks! That’s huge! Seriously, don’t think about stopping forever, just take one day at a time. The reason there’s so many books and podcasts etc is because we live in a culture where we drink to celebrate, commiserate, when we are stressed, when we are relaxed, for courage, for a thousand reasons. The PR marketing machine pushing this poison is massive!! It’s on our TVs constantly! It’s seen as cool. We are bombarded with so many pro booze messages it’s no surprise it’s not easy to quit. In pregnancy you had good reason. It was acceptable. No one was ever going to say ‘oh don’t be daft, just have one’. Whereas now, what legitimate reason do we have not to drink? Is it going to be ‘oh so you have a problem?’ That’s what we assume people will think. We don’t want others to think ill of us. None of this helps us do what’s best for us. The psychology around alcohol is fascinating and tricky to negotiate. So don’t beat yourself up because you (like everyone else) doesn’t find it a walk in park. But also remember others do succeed and you absolutely can too!!! xx

Why are your scared of being totally Dry @BabyBearRus?
Do you think that the weekly bottle, or whatever you have, is a reward for being dry all week?

If so, then you really need to work on your mindset here. You need to get that alcohol isn't your friend, it's your enemy. It isn't good to be dry all week, if that one day out of seven (or two) dominant your thoughts on the days you don't drink. You might not think this at all, it might be that:
You think that alcohol is fun, you need it to unwind, relax...Ok, I get that. Have just one or maximum 2 drinks. Nah, if you're anything like me, you are thinking, what's the point in that? So, you want to drink heavily one night a week for fun. With the hangover, with all the angst and crap that comes with it. So, just remind me, how fun is that? Play the tape forward, is a cliche, but a good one. Forget the first lovely drink, think about the last one, think about the next 24 hours.

Alcohol is fine and lovely if you don't have a problem with it, if you can take it or leave it, go weeks without it and not even notice. If you can have one drink, even leave some of it, and forget it. We're not like that. I know exactly when I last drank, down to the date and time. "Normal drinkers" would think I was mad if I asked them "when did you last have a drink?" They wouldn't have a clue. Like some one asking me, "Sophie, when did you last have a bowl of trifle..." I don't bloody know! But I'm not a normal drinker, so I don't drink at all, because I can't moderate, 1 drink wouldn't be enough, and then I'd have two, three, and suddenly I'd be back down that pit of despair all over again. Terrifying thought.

You might be looking forward to the weekly drinks - but those drinks are undoing all the good stuff that has happened over the few weekdays you've been dry. Yes, you've got a hangover, because alcohol is toxic, a poison, and your body and brain have just had a break and in goes another loads of the stuff. So your hangover is more severe because body and brain has to adapt all over again.

I think you need to get to the bottom of why you think you need to drink at the weekend. You need to work on why you think it is a good thing.

You don't need willpower to quit by the way lovely, you need a lot of willpower to drink the way you are currently. To cope with the restrictions all week, then letting go at the weekend. That takes a strong person. I'm not strong - so I don't drink at all.

Cravings - yes, you get them. They're just thoughts, just your brain wanting alcohol because it's used to it, it needs to do a lot of work to create all the healthy pathways, so getting you drinking is an easier option for it. Ignore the cravings, acknowledge them, then let them go. They don't control you. They last about 15 minutes. Distract yourself, do something, walk, wash up, punch a pillow, play a game, clean the loo...anything, and they will pass.

You don't know this, but the thing about cravings is that they get weaker and weaker and gradually they fade away. Because you know how to handle them, if you do suddenly get a huge craving, you can cope with it. Like I did last night. Fine one minute, then bang, I wanted wine. I didn't have it, I rode it out. It was uncomfortable for 10 minutes, I ranted and raged at it, but I went to bed sober and have had a hangover free day. Don't be scared of the cravings, see them as a signal that your body is repairing.
You won't get rid of the week day cravings, if you have conditioned your brain that it's 'reward' is drinks at the weekend. You need at least 10 days dry for the benefits to appear. If you don't drink Mon-Fri, then your body has got rid of the poison, and any cravings after that are psychological not physical. And after the first weekend, you should feel better to deal with the next one.

Right now you're in a crazy loop (and I was there too) of getting rid of poison, starting to feel better, then sabotaging yourself again, choosing to put more poison in your body to reward yourself for not putting any in it for a few days! How ridiculous that sounds, but I did it, I thought I could just have a few at weekends...and we all know how that ended.

Stop thinking that you're not strong enough to moderate successfully, you don't need to moderate. You just need to stop. The sky won't fall in. You'll be fine. You'll ride out the craves, they'll get bored and bugger off. You'll start to like yourself again, and good things will happen. Sorry to sound all Pollyanna, but it's the truth.

I wish you well, you have done really well, you just need to understand that alcohol is a powerful beast, and whilst it's still got it's claws in you, it will overpower you. So give up. Walk away from it, throw in the towel. And get your life back.

Soph

@BabyBearRus what sophie says is correct but we all have our own processes and realisations. When we first quit it has a huge impact and we think everyone else should join us. It’s hard not to become a bit evangelical about it!
However, Changing our mindset is different for everyone. You may process it differently to Soph and have your own realisations that are personal to you and work (or don't work) for you. You’ll have a different time frame too. That’s ok.
You’ve said yourself that the Saturday night wine isn’t really working. But stopping forever is scary & that’s why people don’t start off by saying it’s forever. Most start by saying one day at a time. Maybe you can now start incorporating one Saturday at a time? Just one to start? When you’re ready?

@BabyBearRus how is it going? Don’t worry if it’s gone pear-shaped. Dust yourself down, start again. Everyday is a new day.

Thanks Sophie B100 and StayingVigilant for your posts. They are always so helpful and informative.

StayingVigilant thank you so much for your concern. I've had a pretty good week and so far I've had 13 out of 16 days booze free. I am intending on moving into the teetotal camp, and I am planning on moving the drinking day by a week at a time. So, once every two weeks, three weeks, monthly and so on. Hope that makes sense. But generally, I seem more in control of the cravings this week, and last night I had none at all. I can't describe what a lovely feeling that was. But oddly (or not, given alcohol is full of sugar) I have developed a sweet tooth in the evenings. Take care everyone. I'll keep you posted xx

Blooming well done you!!! 🥳🥳
My sweet tooth is a nightmare now but I’ll tackle sugar another day. I drank wine but mostly gins and often with low cal tonic so although probably sweet the calories weren’t too hideous. Now I eat soooo much cake & kitkats and biscuits. I’ve 3 teen girls who are constantly baking too (they don’t eat much of it but enjoy the making of it.) Wish they enjoyed making salads as much!
Anyway, huge well done. I was worried we’d scared you off! xx

Well done @BabyBearRus
You sound like you have a great plan, and I wish you loads of luck. When I read my previous post back, I kicked myself because I saw that I came over too strong - it wasn't my intention at all, so sorry if I was a bit heavy handed. I just so want you to feel the benefits like I do. You are doing great, so keep posting and let us know how you're doing. The first weeks are the hardest, so well done you. You're right, loads of sugar in alcohol. I was that daft mare who would only drink diet coke during the day because god forbid I had the proper stuff, because I didn't 'do' sugar ...then I'd drink gallons of sugar in my nightly wine.
Eat sweets, indulge your sweet tooth for now. It's hard enough to quit the booze alone, so replace the sugar for now if it helps. You can always cut back on the sugar after a few weeks. I didn't need to lose weight when I quit, but even though I started eating a bit more to reduce the cravings, I still lost a few pounds more, all because of the calories in my nightly wine. So go easy on yourself.
Soph

SophieB100 and StayingVigilant thank you so much for your replies. I can't thank you enough for what your words mean to me. Honestly, you are keeping me going. I love your inspiring experiences and words of advice. Thank you for being so non-judgemental ❤️❤️❤️

You’re doing brilliantly! Keep posting. Any thoughts, difficulties, good stuff, not so good stuff!

Hi @BabyBearRus I have just read this thread, I am a mum of 4 and in a difficult marriage I have been drinking heavily for the past 3-4 years, like you wine is my weakness, I have always enjoyed alcohol but was only normally on special occasions. Since having my two youngest and my marriage deteriorating I turned to drinking wine in the evening to relax and wash away my stress and problems it started as a couple of glasses and is now 2 bottles every other evening, I normally leave a day in between because i still sometimes get a hangover, I also have family and friends that enjoy having a good drink and there always seems to be an event or occasion going on. I’m at the point now where I can happily hold my hand up and admit I have a problem and need to stop, although it feels like it releases the stress and problems at the time it really has made me more anxious then ever, and the guilt is the worst part for me knowing the effects on my health and having 4 beautiful children to care for, I like to think am also fully functional whilst drinking but realistically how can I be after 2 bottles what if I had to get in the car in an emergency for one of my babies..I have taken the first step by contacting AA and plan to go to my Gp this week, I know I have to tackle the underlying issues as well. I am lucky enough to have very supportive parents that know and are with me all the way. So glad to hear from someone that is going through the same thing and that you have really made a go of it so very well done. I hope so much that it continues that way for you and that I can say the same very soon.

Bmhh thank you for responding to this post. I really understand where you're coming from. I am so sorry to hear that you have an unhappy marriage, and can understand how you feel that alcohol can alleviate that. But I also understand that right now you're obviously not in a strong enough position to confront this, hence your turn to the wine. Well done for acknowledging you have a problem, and for being brave enough for reaching out for help via your GP and AA. I'm still starting this journey of recovery. I would love for you to join me. I'm going to fuck up loads of times, but we just have to keep on getting back on that bike. Wishing you all the very best. Please keep us updated on this post ❤️❤️❤️

BabyBearRus your right about being in a strong place and turning to the drink but I’m starting to realise now I will be a stronger person if I stop and can then start tackling the issues that’s making me want a drink.. we’ll hopefully that’s the plan. It’s only very early days for me I drank over the weekend as it was my parents birthday but have not had anything all week and even went out for dinner last night and stuck to Tom juice.. I honestly can’t remember ever going to the pub and not having a drink.. so felt really good and was easier than I thought it would be, I know my hardest time will be evenings at home after a stressful day, it’s like I have this little timer that goes off and says wine time and honestly that first mouthful the stress just seems to disappear until the next morning.. really need to break the habit and find something else to do instead. I can’t honestly say I will stop completely I would love to be able to drink just socially but then once I have a drink I could drink for Britain. Believe me I’ve done 3 bottles easily..For now I’m just going to take each day as it comes. I think you have done brilliantly cutting down from 2 bottles a night 👏🏻 Please keep me updated about how things are going for you and if you have any tips I would love to hear them.. good luck and if you fuck up one night know you’re not the only one it’s been a massive part of our lives like you say we just need to get up and try again.🤞❤️ We can do this.x