Hey OP, how are you feeling now?
It's okay if you have a crying day in bed.
I remember when I was 21, I had a chat with a very nice homeless man and he told me that he had liver disease (due to alcohol) so he couldn't drink anymore.
I was so scared that one day I would be the one who couldn't drink anymore, I imagined a life of deprivation, restriction, no more fun etc...
Last year, I decided to do Dry January and kept going and here I am, sober for over a year now.
I was so wrong about what a life without alcohol would look like. Not at all.the boring dull life i imagined when I was 21. Quite the opposite.
And overall, no more crippling anxiety, no more shame, minor embarassement at worse, but without beating myself up for hours.
I seriously feel like I'm finally managing my brain.
Just to say that if you decide to stay sober, what awaits you can be absolutely fantastic.
Take care x
(Ps: Was a binger like you, no daily urge but no off switch either)