Hop on up it's Dry January thread #2

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

Shiny new thread to carry us onward through January

Can I ask a question?

When did we all start drinking too much do we think?

Can people pinpoint a time that it went downhill or has everyone always just overindulged from the start? I think I went in heavy at 16, but that was all lager /spirits, and I think it went really wrong for me when the wine came in when I first set out on my career and the stress was instantly unbearable/developed anxiety.

@mrsnibblesisahero

Can I ask a question?

When did we all start drinking too much do we think?

Can people pinpoint a time that it went downhill or has everyone always just overindulged from the start? I think I went in heavy at 16, but that was all lager /spirits, and I think it went really wrong for me when the wine came in when I first set out on my career and the stress was instantly unbearable/developed anxiety.

From when I was 20 at Uni up until a few years ago when I realised I couldn't remember the last day I was sober. Slowed down since then but still manage about 30 to 40 units a week (and that's including having 4 days off during the week)

When my marriage troubles started and I got divorced. Then I got into a very toxic relationship with someone who was an alcoholic. Spent the last five years with him off and on and used drink as a coping mechanism. Since going no contact with him in December I have been able to face my demons and abstain from drinking. I thought drink was my friend, my crutch and the answer to my problems. Instead, it made my life sad and chaotic. I will never go back to how I was. Dry jan has really made me look at my relationship with alcohol.

Good luck everyone. We all have our reasons as to why we started. It’s nice to come here and not be judged x

@CoronaIsWatching do you think you always drank more / differently to your friends at Uni? I don't know that I was that different from others in terms of quantity but wonder if I was different already in the way I needed it.

I drank loads at uni and sixth form, along with all my friends. It was when I was about thirty I realised I had one glass of wine every night with dinner that has crept up to two thirds of a bottle a night in my forties, whereas my friends mainly didn’t. They had moved to social drinking at weekends only.

@Haggisfish that sounds a little bit like me with the wine. I think my friends prob think I'm an alcoholic (which I may well be). I have never understood how they can control it.

My mum took my sister and I to a pub when we were 15 and 16 respectively. She said that way she knew where we were ! My mum was very much a drinker but my dad not. My mum was fun loving, the life and soul. My dad quite miserable, so I definitely made some subconscious observations there! My mum would drink a bottle of whisky on a Friday night then out dancing with her friends. She died suddenly of a brain aneurysm aged 59. My dad was a health freak. He passed at 75.
When my mum took my sister and I to the pub we would drink lager. I only started on wine after the birth of my son, I was about 22ish when I started investigating wine.
Follow a stressful but mostly enjoyable teaching career, and I slowly built up tolerance, sometimes reaching 5 / 6 bottles a week. I always said I enjoyed it and like my mum am the life and soul of any party. I am now 53 and have got into so much trouble / danger, through drinking.

I never stop at one glass. I simply cannot. Whenever I think I'll just have one, I remind myself 1 is too many and a thousand is never enough. That saying was written for me x

When I started dating, I think. I used it to feel more confident, and coupled with a rugby player, or a fun loving boozy boyfriend, I ended up drinking way too much. Looking back I was often the one to fall over, need putting in a taxi etc when I'd gone out with friends. I didn't really see it as a problem then though, just fun.

Recently I've been utterly dependent on it, along with DH. Since 2018 we've shared a bottle most evenings, often more. I knew it was a problem about a year ago when DH and I would call the other on the way home from work to check who was stopping at the local Tesco for wine.

I grew up in a boozy expat /colonial environment. All the adults drank and daytime drinking was normal. I was allowed sips of wine at the dinner table from a young age and drank regularly from school onwards. We thought we were like the teenagers in a Jilly Cooper book, all vadka and Marlboro lights and terribly sexy 🤨 At University I carried on, as part of a hard partying set. I thought everyone was the same but actually most people were getting on with their work and having the occasional night out, while I was at it every night and working occasionally. I went into a challenging career with a work- hard play-hard ethos, so nobody raised an eyebrow when I was hungover or on my way out again on a weeknight. After kids and hitting 40 I realised I was going to be one of those wine o clock mummies, and with the DC getting older and going to bed later I had begun to start in the evening while they were still up, and I didn't want them to see me drinking habitually. So I decided to knock it on the head and now I am sober, permanently. It feels good. It's helpful to talk about this @mrsnibblesisahero, thanks for asking 😊

That saying, '1 is too many and 1000 is not enough.' That's an excellent reminder. I grew up in a house where alcohol was the norm. I have had lots of spells of being off and on booze, mostly triggered by needing to lose weight but this time around I am mostly fed up of being fed up. I've done a bit of reading and realise that I'm using alcohol because I'm bored and lonely. After a fuvkin horrible marriage and a terrible few years recovering I want to be a positive influence on my kids and I want my life to be full. I worryingly recognise that getting fatter and fatter sitting in the living room whilst getting faster at hoofing down a bottle of fizzy cheap wine isn't the way forward to achieve this.

[quote goldpendant]@OhioOhioOhio I bet you don't.

I reckon for some of us (dare I say older ones??) I wonder if things like weight will take longer to show any effect from not drinking?

I've definitely got a very pillowy tummy to lose still but my face is slowly deflating. [/quote]
Yeah. I'm 52 in July and the weight definitely takes longer to lose even though I'm quite active!

And averaging 1300 calories!

Interesting question missnibbles. I got absolutely shitfaced for the first time when I was 12. I instantly loved booze. It was like the best slide, the best dive, the best run. I like adrenaline and fun and it linked to that somehow. Have had periods of sobriety when younger as I did a lot of running and a few marathons so would be in health mode but in between I drank heavily. Never had any moderation. Would drink in the morning have a lull and start again, would only order my intake around driving but I could walk to work for years. Stopped whilst pregnant but picked it up soon after each time. I only drink spirits and only ever have so the points total has always been high. When I was younger it was 100+ every week so have slowed down a bit. I love being a bit drunk. During times of stress I drink less, I drink for extra fun and am always a happy drunk. If it wasn’t so bad for me I would have nothing to complain about other than the odd horrific hangover. I clearly have a hugely disordered relationship with booze but it’s just like a really lovely cream bun to me. When I stop I have never had any physical signs - I find coffee physically harder to stop drinking so struggle to feel the harm. My family does have lots of alcoholics although have never felt much community with them. There was a lot of damage and hurt and drug use, smoking, eating disorders alongside the booze. I am appalled at the £ waste and the health implications now I am too old to shrug it off. When my teen came home mildly drunk for the first time I was appalled and saddened by his glasses eyed state and galled at my hypocrisy. I had started to hide empties in my car so the kids didn’t see them. They don’t think of me as a drinker!

Hello. I'm sorry I haven't read the thread fully. I'm currently doing Dry January and am finding it not too bad - my teen dds and dh drank a cocktail and a glass of wine last night and I wasn't bothered at all. I've been drinking a lot of lemon squash and decaf coffee with oatmilk! I don't feel any different except I am LOVING going to bed sober - hate the feeling of even two glasses of wine as soon as I get into bed for some reason - and I'm sleeping a bit better.

I'm trying to lose weight and am trying to lose 2lbs a month. I think I can manage that (am in my 50s and its hard!) and love the fact that by June I will have lost 10lbs.

Feeling frustrated others have tried to get me to drink or suggested I can't manage a month. I suspect this relates more to their relationship with alcohol than mine. DH drank a ridiculous amount yesterday and has gone back to bed, missing a family activity. Really glad this isn't me, I am loving waking up clear headed after a deep sleep.

I feel great today! Had plenty of sleep and now feel rather splendid. It's been a tough couple of weeks but I am really glad I have stuck it out. DH is looking and feeling great too - his skin looks much healthier - softer and less ruddy. A good day!

@SantaMonicaPier, it most definitely does say more about their relationship with it. Sometimes even people who love you feel uncomfortable when you're having a go at giving up. It's the only drug people encourage to take. Last time I tried a dry spell and was at a gathering, I actually pretended I was drinking. The lengths we go to.
You keep on. I too love waking up with a clear head.

@mrsnibblesisahero it's funny you have asked this question as this is something I've been mulling over for the past couple of weeks myself.
I was brought up in quite a dry house really. Mum and dad didn't drink in the house and it was only very special occasions like a party or a nice dinner. When I was younger I wouldn't drink in the house in the week but at the weekend would go out clubbing and drinking and then when I got married and babies the mid week drinking started but because I wasn't blotto in a nightclub felt it was more acceptable, but I probably drink more now than I ever did back in the day even though I look back and.think how crazy I was!!!

Mine is a similar story, started young ( 14) all my friends were drinking as well but i was the the one who always took it to the extreme. Thought i was cool and confident. This continued and i use it as a crutch in social situations and goodness knows what i looked like. Thank goodness no social media back in my pub, club days , i am thoroughly ashamed of some of my past behaviour and at least escaped it being there on record.
Went for lunch with friends. Was actually much easier than i thought and made me realise is not necessary. Drank sparkling water and ginger beer. Came home feeling fine and did not need to have a two hour sleep and then wake up feeling hangover and groggy and feeling crap all evening.

Yeah it's the weird pressure of not joining in because you are being the alcohol free party pooper. I think saying, 'oh I'm having a dry month' is so much easier than fumbling through an excuse.

I started drinking when I was in my mid teens. Mine was a difficult childhood and I used alcohol to escape and to imagine being somewhere else. I drank heavily since then really. Always had a high tolerance for alcohol. I used it to help me get through the various and sometimes dramatic years of my life. The only time I have ever gone without alcohol was when I was pregnant with my children. I look back and it's all very hazy. As a mature adult I've used alcohol in social situations, to manage stress and to celebrate...but it's been easy to find an excuse drink most of the time. These past few weeks has really enabled me to take stock really. I made a number of major changes to my life a year ago (including going NC with my mother) and for the first time I am seeing how absolutely necessary that decision was. My sobriety in January has given me reassurance about my decisions. For the first time the hazyness has lifted, and I don't think I'm frightened of the future anymore. I'm not going to say I will never drink again, but I need to be 'concious' when I choose to drink in future. My DH and I have been talking about it lots lately. I'm finding this thread so helpful. Thank you for giving me a safe space to share this

@PeacheyPeach I was the same, similarly dryish house. So it seems we are from a mix of introduced maybe too early, to kept away but then went for it.

Social crutch was / is absolutely it for me too. Struggle to conceive of being good company, or more to the point able to relax, in company without. For me, this is a good year to do it. Colleagues did it year before last and I was astonished, especially considering client meals etc.

I also agree re social media. I'm 46 so have missed all that, but I shudder, I really do.

@Sometimes123 that sounds so tough. You sound very strong.

I guess this was originally going to be a lighting thread, but think we all need the therapy.

Maybe we're not Instagram style Dry January types!

I've got similar history as a lot here - teen in the 80s and lax drinking laws - high tolerance and my first long term bf lived next door to a pub so I've always been boozy.
I struggle with EUPD and being booze free means that my emotional reactions are authentic and not fuelled by alcohol. I like that feeling.

mrsnibblesisahero it has been really helpful. Sorry if I darkened the mood. On the bright side I have just had an absolutely amazing cup of hot chocolate!!