i’m 7 years sober this year.
i was a social drinker, until i wasn’t. realistically i was an alcoholic by age 13, i just cultivated the image of ‘party girl’. i was at a stage where i had to drink mouthwash in the morning just to get straightened out enough to get showered and go to work.
and then things really went to shit. i was hiding vodka, drinking round the clock. i lost my job, ended up doing 6 weeks in a mental hospital. in the year after that i had numerous accidents, including falling downstairs in the middle of the night, breaking my nose, biting through my bottom lip and loosening 4 teeth. i didn’t know a thing about it until i woke up the next morning with my hair full of blood.
i carried on drinking. the job was gone. my kid left to live with their dad. my marriage broke down, i had to move out of my home.
i carried on drinking. after a serious attempt on my life and another stint on the psych ward, i went to an AA meeting. it was like coming home. there were other people, other women, other mothers just like me. i saw other people’s sobriety and i wanted it so badly, but i wanted it to just happen.
i carried on drinking. police welfare checks, days-long binges, just drunk permanently. i had a sponsor by this time but i just kept lying, to them and to myself.
i came off a 3/4 day binge and had no alcohol left in the house. i was so sick i couldn’t get out to get more booze. i had a major withdrawal. hallucinations, vomiting until i burst the blood vessels in my eyes. i was so ill i was just throwing up in my bed. this went on for 2 days, in the end i collapsed in my hallway after getting up to get some water. my heart was beating out of my chest and i thought i was going to die.
the next day i got to a meeting and got serious about my recovery. i haven’t had a drink since.
AA isn’t for everyone, and i always thought it was religious bollocks. i was very wrong, and it definitely saved my life.
things you should know:
only you can save yourself. you are WORTH SAVING. as you give to the world, so it gives back to you. the rewards are immense.
you will crave sugar to begin with. don’t stress about it. i ate a LOT of ice cream. you can diet once your sobriety is certain. one thing at a time.
your brain can only hold on to a craving for 20 minutes. distract, distract, distract.
affirmations. look yourself in the eye in the mirror every day and tell you that you love you, that you’re worth saving, that you have so much to offer the world.
don’t worry about being bored without booze. you will be able to do new things that will fill your time. take it easy to begin with, it will come in time.
IT GETS EASIER. it really does. nobody would make it otherwise.
and once again, you are worth saving, you deserve all the good things. my life sober is smaller as i lost a lot of drinking buddies, but it is infinitely sweeter. there are so many small joys that being sober brings, because you are present in the world.
oh, and it gets easier. i promise.
i was born to and raised by alcoholics. i first got pass-out drunk aged 8. apart from my pregnancy, i drank steadily until i was 41. if i can do it, you can do it.
one day at a time. the power to change is in you, so get to it. i have never once regretted getting sober. it’s the best feeling in the world.
the only requirement for membership of AA is the desire to stop drinking. nobody is going to make you announce yourself as an alcoholic. you don’t have to believe in god. what you will get is the unbelievable relief of being with people who understand exactly how your head works. if you don’t want to do AA, there are SMART meetings. your doctor will be able to signpost you to alcohol services where you live. there are many ways to achieve sobriety and hold onto it. it begins with you.