How much do you drink? (I’ve got a problem and I can’t stop)

[Hello1244]

I’ve been a daily drinker for the last 3 years. Longest I’ve gone without alcohol consecutively in all that time is a week and a half. Obviously I’ve had the odd few days off here and then (I’d say maybe on average one sober night a week).
Most nights I have one bottle of wine, although over the last few months it’s crept up to two bottles in a night. I would also normally go out binge drinking with friends maybe once a week where I would get totally obliterated.
I don’t drink during the day, I’ve got a good relationship, family, friends, work a good job with good money own my own car and a lovely house I’ve certainly not hit a rock bottom and I’m very functioning, but I really struggle with not drinking in the evening.
Just don’t know what to do I’ve read so many books and I don’t want to go to the doctor because I’m ashamed.
How much does everyone else drink and does anyone have any success stories to motivate me or horror stories to terrify me into quitting?

No alcohol at all I started like you and it didnt get better in fact it got much much worse
You will know if you have a problem with alcohol the average heavy drinker can stop or moderate given a good enough reason

This probably sounds really obvious but can you force yourself to stop buying it? My partner is absolutely addicted to sweet foods and if we had a packet of biscuits in the house it would disappear in 5 minutes. We just don't buy anything like that anymore because he doesn't have the willpower to resist.

How did you quit?

No I’ve not got any Will power always end up going shop 😔

Nobody can tell you anything to make you want to quit. You already know you have a problem and you already know the health risks associated with it. The stories aren’t going to be anything you don’t already know, you have already escalated your drinking from one bottle of wine a night to two and it’s very likely that it will become three at some point.

There is help available when you decide you want it. You have to really want to do it.

I think you already know you’re an alcoholic op. And you also know this isn’t going to end anywhere good if you don’t stop now. In fact it’s going to be very bad, alcoholism descends in stages. From the fun party girl stage through the escalation that other folks notice, then onto what is perceived problem drinking by you and others, through to late stage.

I think no matter how ashamed you need to seek help.💐

I've heard people on here talk about reading/listening to This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. I'm about half way through as I thought it might help support me through dry January, so i don't know if it "works" yet, but the idea is that it changes your subconscious feelings towards alcohol. Like Alan Carr for smoking (and he has a drinking one too I think). I'd like to cut down but not sure I want to quit!

Me too but I’m starting to think I can’t just cut down because when I start I can’t stop 😞

You definitely can’t just cut down.

Similar drinking pattern to you, OP. Drank a bottle of wine most nights, sometimes much more, had the odd few nights off, wasn’t a daytime drinker.

I’m now in AA and completely abstinent.
I can’t moderate my drinking and have learned that the hard way. I needed a complete, radical change of mindset and AA have that to me.

You don’t have to have the archetypal rock bottom to realise your drinking is out of control and seek help.

There is other help out there if you’re not keen on a 12 step programme, but all I can tell you about AA is that it’s worked for me and I no longer drink or want to drink and my life is so, so much better.

I have also drunk wine every night as long as I can remember. I usually have two glasses but over Christmas it was a half a bottle a night (or more). Now I’m back to work it’s back to two glasses. They are not big glasses, probably 125ml each.
I do think I should have some nights off. But it is really cold and dark and there’s nowhere to go with lockdown etc. I feel like that’s the only thing to look forward to in a way?

I’ve just read bryony Gordon’s Glorious Rock Bottom and what struck me was her battle with the unfairness of the fact that some people can have just one drink and then stop whereas she just can’t. She has to abstain totally. I think this sense of unfairness and sadness is something that a lot of addicts go through. Good luck with your journey. You’ve accepted you have a problem which is a great first step.

I was the same as you op, moderation didn’t exist in my house.
In Dec I fell in the garden and broke two bones in my face and am now on the waiting list for surgical repair
I have been dry for 33 days
Please don’t wait for an accident and also drinking that amount also puts you over the limit the next day
Good luck

Some great advice on here. It looks like step 1 is to come to terms with the fact that you need to go tee-total. It may not be forever, my brother did tee-total for five years and is now able to have the occasional glass of wine. But trying to drink in moderation is just not going to work. I'm not sure how much booze you've got in the house right now but I'd start by getting rid of it (and not by drinking it!).

@GenevaMaybe

I have also drunk wine every night as long as I can remember. I usually have two glasses but over Christmas it was a half a bottle a night (or more). Now I’m back to work it’s back to two glasses. They are not big glasses, probably 125ml each. I do think I should have some nights off. But it is really cold and dark and there’s nowhere to go with lockdown etc. I feel like that’s the only thing to look forward to in a way?

There is a huge difference between two small glasses of wine and two bottles.

ClaraReeva

Well done on your 33 days.

For me personally it was is hell of a lot easier to just stop than to think about moderating. Not giving it the headspace. No boring internal monologues about 'oh, i could have a glass of wine tonight, I've not had one this week'. Just - no. No more thinking about it. Not today.

Op, I was you for years. Years. I kept it to a level most of the time, a bottle a night. Eventually the sober days of the week stopped existing at all, weekend day drinking started earlier. Evenings went to 1.5 bottles, maybe 2 at a weekend. Then the hangovers were worse, I had the opportunity to start earlier in the day to relieve the withdrawal. So I did. And earlier, and earlier. Until eventually withdrawal started at 5am when I woke up sweating and feeling sick, but had to pour alcohol into my burning stomach to try and relieve the shakes. Only to puke it back up an hour later and start again trying desperately to get the place where I felt 'ok'. Only I never really felt ok.

That's the horror story. And it's not difficult to get there.

In the end I could not stop alone. I could not 'cut down'. I needed help and I needed alcohol removed from my life. I approached my GP, used my local substance abuse service (who were tremendous) and I am now I yer, 3 months and 23 days sober. I had to look that up. I don't count the days, barely think about the months. I just know life is a thousand times better and regret the time I spent feeling so shit daily never really thinking how much was down to alcohol and it control over my life.

You are me maybe 3 years before I hit stage 4 alcoholism. I maybe had another year left in me. I was malnourished. But boy did I hide it well. I kept my job throughout, they still are unware. I kept my house. My relationship. No one outside really knew unless they spotted the obvious signs/caught a wiff of my breath.

Feel free to pm me if I can help. Break out of the cycle now, there is a much better, healthier, happier you wanting out of this.

Thanks for all the replies. It’s really reassuring to hear that life gets so much better once you quit I just find it so hard to believe sober life can be fun. Not that feeling hungover crap anxious and constantly fearing I’m going to die early is a party. I know how bad that sounds. I’m not drinking tonight 👍🏻 Got to start somewhere

It's much better fun when you feel alive enough enough to enjoy life, to actually laugh, properly, to live in it, in the moment, without the foreboding anxiety, free of the mental load of when you can have your next drink. It's freedom.

Oh and good luck tonight!

How did you get on last night OP?

I sound like you, always been a heavy drinker but have crept up to 1.5 bottles a night over last few months. I’ve decided to stop drinking wine at home as once I open a bottle I just want more. I’ve switched to vodka/ gin etc and I can just have a drink or two and feel done. So I’ve gone from 15 units a night to about 5. I’m feeling so much better!

@Hello1244 I stopped drinking 3 weeks ago & was reading Annie Grace ‘Naked Mind’. Then about 11 days ago someone told me that she does a free online ‘alcohol experiment’. The idea is you experiment with stopping for 30 days. It’s American but v good. They don’t have dry January over there so it’s a novel concept. Everyday I get an email with a link to a video & a bit of a thinking/writing exercise. It’s clever. I’d highly recommend it. There’s also chat groups if you’d find that useful. Given it’s free you’ve nothing to lose. Just google ‘free alcohol experiment’. Good luck. You can do this. It’s only been 22 days for me but it will be forever. It’s totally changed my mindset and hasn’t been difficult at all.