Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

Hello again everyone!
I have just completed The Alcohol Experiment and feel really positive, also have no inclination to drink which I've never had before when going AF. Previously I have always been counting down the days till I could drink again but not this time. I still haven't decided whether or not I will go back to moderating or just give up completely but at the moment it feels so nice not to be thinking about alcohol that I'm happy to carry on AF, in fact I have decided to do sober spring (March to June)!

Hi everyone good to hear all the updates, inspiring as ever. Does anyone here find the fact if you didn't drink excessively makes it hard sometimes when resisting a drink? I'm saying this as someone who needed a break and thought too much about wine but I probably drank at or just above the guidelines. So while I love being totally sober now when temptation calls similar to what some of you say I am finding it getting testing as I'm very self congratulatory about being 4 months sober, aren't I great etc

My thoughts are what people say I value being sober more than I'd value being an occasional drinker.... cos I can't be both and know what I prefer, guidelines or not it took up too much headspace. I had some fairly traumatic experiences with a parent drinker lurking in my mind, never spoke to a soul about it before but at 17 had to take an actual gun out of my father's hands once he was so drunk, police came then and I had to hand it over to them. And I had a fairly happy childhood but that's the state alcohol left my father in!

Hi @Cartooner.

I've only just stopped drinking, so obviously can't really advise. But I wanted to say that, like you, I wasn't drinking at a level where most people would be . Well, maybe some people would. But certainly among my friends, I'm not one of the heaviest drinkers...anymore. Maybe in my youth. Whatever, it was too much.

Anyway, 'scuse ramble there. I actually wanted to say that, one of my parents died young due to alcoholism and one of my siblings attempted suicide several times a couple of years ago. Every time, the attempts were after drinking a lot, (although, obviously, there were other issues too, besides being drunk). I have a very seriously alcoholic uncle who was arrested and had to go to rehab many times, but that doesn't necessarily make me question my own drinking as much as my parent and sibling situation does.

I'm sorry about your dad. That sounds absolutely terrifying.

@itsactuallywasabi I'm so sorry you lost your father to it and almost your brother. It's just awful and there were other issues at work and my father is 20 years sober now, after many stints in rehab! He has no recollection of the damage he caused but his sobriety mattered more to me than getting some big apology. He's told me I can be cold a few times over the years and I've just bit my tongue cos he still has a sharp enough temper I won't risk discussing it or his many oddities that can drive me mad!

I need to keep doing the work cos I'm happiest and the best mother with zero wine. Agree with poster above on the improvement to being a present mother.

Not on here too much these days but I just wanted to pop on to say that's me at 7 months AF. And its so much part of life now that I didn't even notice.

Still have tiny fleeting moments where I think a glass of wine would be nice but it passes.

Keep going everyone. It is so worth it.

Bril breathmiller so good to hear!

I’m in awe of the almost AF a whole year posters (& posters like op who have done 12 months +)

Like Breathmiller I have fleeting moments where I think about having a glass of wine but it passes. DH still drinks a couple of times a week and I’m not tempted to join him, the pandemic has meant we can’t go out twice weekly for food and wine, with me then continuing to drink once home.
8 months & 1 week AF.

Hi can I jump on? thanks for al sharing your experiences it's such a help, I'm also on the I am sober App, which is really good. I'm 11 days AF and feeling shattered, like completely zapped. Is this normal? I thought I'd have boundless energy by now but I'm just wiped out. Have a lovely Sunday AF people!

I'm on day 21, so I have very recent experience of day 11 @apricotparfait!

I was just saying to DH last night how I was SHATTERED for the first two weeks. Kept thinking, where is this amazing burst of energy then? Googled it and apparently it's really common! Something to do with circadian rhythms and dehydration...? I am not a scientist, as I'm sure you can tell . Whatever, I've felt way more normal this past week. Sleeping a normal amount. Before I could sleep in till 9. Today I was up at 7, no bother.

Oh @ItsActuallyWasabi that's such a relief! Bring on the waking up at 7am! I didn't set an alarm today and naturally woke up at 10, (but could have easily slept longer) so I got up, sat on the sofa slurping coffee.....and I'm still here! Feel so lazy!

Hey everyone,

Wanted to check in and say hi, and hello to the newbies!

I've been just too depressed to communicate with any other humans, but I'm still sober. Technically I'm on Day 11 now rather than since Jan 1st - I poured myself a drink on my birthday, drank half of it, realised it only brought back the memory of every 'one drink' I've ever had and I felt like I was a mouthful away from hating myself even more than I already do, played the tape forward....and poured it away.

So it was a lapse but oddly a productive one, and I've felt less tempted to drink every day since. Just the crippling depression and suicidal urges to manage now, wayhay.

The idea of being a better parent definitely resonates with me now. I am so sorry to hear about your dad @Cartooner - I've had so many blackouts over the decades myself, so many times I've been surprised to hear about something I said or did the night before. I just can't have that ever happen with my son.

Keep on keeping on...

dances past singing "Remember lads!" shimmy Drink cravings are often actually hunger pangs! Disco pointing Have a sweet or salty snack when those 5pm cravings kick in jazz hands Carry on.
boogies off stage left

Great to see you in good spirits hangingover
(Although, I need no more incentive to eat, thank you very much - shimmying I can do more of though)

Maybe a craving for alcohol is actually a need to shimmy.

walks past like an Egyptiaaaaaaan
and take your b vitamins!

@Hangingover😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

hanging

Thanks for all the advice from the disco!!

Well done @ColdWaterTherapy, throwing away your drink. You are doing so well to be AF when feeling so low. I hope you are seeking help for your MH? It sounds really tough going.

@ColdWaterTherapy you did extremely well for tipping that drink away. Well done. And well done for hanging in there.

Hello everyone, just catching up on thread, been busy here with back to school stuff.

Day 22 for me, chuffed I have done 3 weeks. I have AF beer in a wine glass and going to bed earlier with kindle. I have got to 3 weeks a couple of times before. Then I think I deserve a drink and clearly don’t have a problem. Not this time. My next goal of 4 weeks will be the longest AF for 10 or 11 years.

ColdWaterTherapy hats off to you, keep going and I hope you have a good day.

Hi everyone. Hope everyone is enjoying the first week of the kids return to the school and that they have been happy to return and it’s gone smoothly.

Hi @ColdWaterTherapy Really glad you had that strong moment of realisation on your birthday and poured the drink away. I’m glad you’re here with us still. Sending you strength and love.

@Hangingover I absolutely loved your updates! I’ve always loved a dance but used to mostly wait until I was drunk to bust a move. Since getting sober I can often be found at 5pm dancing in the kitchen with my two boys (sometimes to CBeebies theme tunes, sometimes to my choice!) I definitely dance more now and it’s another perfect antidote to the 5pm cravings.

My updates are that as well as being 6 months sober I’ve also just navigated my first sober birthday. This has been the event I was most dreading getting through sober but it was 100% enjoyable. The sun shone, I had a lovely long walk in the sunshine, had the day off work, the kids were super excited and we ate lots of cake.

Now just really need to figure out how to start cracking away at my sugar addition and shift some of this cake weight that seems to be piling on by the day!!

Hello!

That's great you got through the birthday sober @Furble. Six months is very impressive too!

On Sunday it'll be both four weeks and exactly one month since I last drank alcohol. I have taken up running again this week as well, which I'm really enjoying. I'm veeeeery slow and out of shape, but it's a start.

I've started doing The Alcohol Experiment, but I'm a bit out of sync, as I had already stopped drinking before I started, but it's still quite good.

LOL at Hangings up-beat advice.

To those newbies feeling shattered, and also those turning to sugar for the first time - apparently there is really rather a lot of sugar in alcohol. So it make sense that this withdrawl of energy in the form of sugar will make you tired and crave sugar to replace what it's used to. I just gave myself free rein to scoff sugar for a bit.

Now though, at 5.5 months sober I'm starting to peek at other stuff I want to ditch in my life. I keep dipping in and out of thinking about how caffeine and sugar affects me. I suspect both make me tired and lazy. If ditching booze has made me a better Mum, will ditching or cutting down on caffeine do the same maybe? More energy and more focus to be productive? hmmm..

I agree that in the early days you need to give yourself free reign to do/eat whatever you need to get through! Then as things settle down on the sobriety front you can focus on other goals.

I have a much healthier diet now than I did to begin with and feel much better for it. There’s no way in hell I’m giving up caffeine though, I love that stuff😂

Oh, and it’s been 11 months for me today🤩 Next big milestone: 1 Year!😱🤩