Leave alcohol behind and re-learn your life. The freedom thread.

[Drybird2020]

This is thread 6, the Anniversary Edition! Welcome to old hands and newbies! From Day 1 onwards, you’re all invited to share this safe, supportive and encouraging place.

If you've not yet decided whether total abstinence is for you, do feel free to ask questions but please be aware that discussion of drinking can be triggering, especially for those in the early stages of sobriety.

If you are still drinking, or planning on moderating (and this includes occasional or once in a blue moon drinking) have a look at the moderation threads, which might be a better fit for you.

It might help to have a read through the previous threads;

1 is here, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/3781133-Anyone-else-stopping-completely-in-2020
and

and 5 here;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/alcohol_support/4043965-YES-it-is-SO-worth-it-YES-it-gets-easier-and-YES-we-thought-it-was-impossible-as-well-its-not-A-thread-for-those-embracing-an-alcohol-free-existence?msgid=101761283

You'll find links to the others in there somewhere.

The 31st December is my Soberversary. I'm 2 stone lighter, I've taken up running, I'm better off, more present and more patient with my children, and I've found the courage to address some difficult and traumatic parts of my life. And I couldn’t have reached this point without the threads to keep me accountable, and my lovely sober buddies to keep me sane.

And I missed @Ravenswick’s 200 days too! Both 100percentme and ravenswick huge well done!
Ha ha @Brainfreeze1 I’m not sure you should follow my example of a chocolate toolbox. I think it’s meant to be more wholesome stuff. Towards the beginning of this thread when I was lurking I think a few better examples were given.

Hello, just climbing aboard here on Day 23, if you’ll have me. I have been reading all your great threads avidly while examining my relationship with booze and concluded that I can’t do moderation either.

I’m smuggling my great stopping plan into my brain under cover of dry January but it seems like so many other people are now counting down to its end, and I feel like I’m only getting started. I need a bit of accountability so hopefully I can keep checking in with you all.

I have a lot of psychological stuff to unpick and a lot of complex trauma that boozing hasn’t helped with, but as my lovely therapist says, I did what seemed like it worked best at the time.

Welcome coldwatertherapy (are you a wild swimmer by any chance?)
I've just caught up with the Dry January thread, it's been interesting reading the changes going on as the month has gone on. Everyone has done so well.

I was also thinking that it must be hard for those who are toying with the idea of keeping going of all the talk of it nearly being the end. I suppose my thoughts used to be the same - that i had nearly made it and was looking forward to a drink on the 1st of February. But coming from this perspective I can now see my thinking changing. Like...if i feel good NOT drinking then why would I want to treat myself to making myself feel bad again by drinking. It's not a judgement on anyone by the way but just a reminder for me why I am doing this.

Hi all, checking in, day 22. I read every single update in this thread and you are all such an inspiration! I’m starting to find it much easier, being at home and not able to go out for meals etc is definitely helping. This weekend it almost seems completely normal not to buy wine 🤷‍♀️ Off for a run soon (although it’s -2 here just now 🥶) and looking forward to homemade pizza and an af gin and tonic tonight. I had a zoom call with friends last night and realised I’m much quieter without wine but I still enjoyed listening to them chat away and joining in with things I actually wanted to talk about, not babbling because I was tipsy! Happy Saturday everyone xx

Thanks @Breathmiller yes I am! It’s played a great part in keeping me from suicide this year, and I’m very lucky that it’s part of my ‘toolbox’ now (along with cheese, lemon tonic water and writing, and making things generally).

I did dry January a few years ago and went back to drinking, but it had a long term impact - I went back to drinking but in the back of my head all the time was the knowledge that I could do it and of how good I’d felt then. So dry January was my gateway drug to sobriety.

I don’t feel comfortable yet with the idea of “forever” but I also know I don’t want to drink again. So for now I’m saying, I’m not drinking today. There isn’t anyone to say it to except my five year old, which is all part of my bigger tale, but I can say it to myself and mean it.

I live this breathmiller - if i feel good NOT drinking then why would I want to treat myself to making myself feel bad again by drinking.
Welcome @ColdWaterTherapy and we’ll done to you. It sounds like you’ve had a very tricky time. Wild swimming... 🥶 brrr
I know exactly what you mean about sober zoom catch ups lilylola - they’re definitely more meaningful & connected, if that makes sense. I think we listen better sober.

@Furble I think I forgot to say thank you for your kind advice about hosting a dinner party for my friend, which is booze free, but enjoying it all the more because I'd be fully present - you are right of course, and thank you for the reminder.

Pleased to report that I'm fully over my extended wobble and alcohol is holding absolutely zero appeal. What really helped was identifying what I wanted to drink ABOUT (i.e. the worry of this friend mostly). I wouldn't have been able to do this without the clear head that being sober brings... working through issues in my head and deciding seeking help by way of connection with you lovely lot.

Feels so so so good to wake up every morning fresh and full of self-esteem for keeping on doing this.

Hi everyone. I've been following the thread and decided to join. I'm on day 24 of DJ and been on the DJ threads. Some posters are finishing at 31st and then moderating. I don't think that is for me, if I could moderate then I wouldn't be bothering with DJ.
I have looked upon DJ as the starry of my stopping - for good. I intend to carry on and cut alcohol out of my life. My H did so over 10 years ago.
Can say I feel or see a big improvement apart from drinking no longer taking up mind space! Can't say I don't think about it but I feel that I am in control - for now.

hepzibar welcome. It's great to see those that have been doing dry January join here. That has been my favourite thing about going AF. Getting rid of the constant chatter every day about should I or shouldn't I? Do I 'deserve' it tonight or not? Should I have a night off? How many did I have last night? On and on and boringly on. All gone!! It's fab! Enjoy that headspace. It can be filled with so many better things. Including peace

Welcome @Hepzibar and @ColdWaterTherapy great to have you both with us!

Congratulations on 200 days to @Ravenswick and @100PercentMe what an incredible achievement!

Checking in on day 141 having had a lovely hangover free morning. First a chilly three mile run, it started suddenly heavily snowing about one mile in and it was completely magical to watch the world transform before my eyes. I felt like the world was there in all its beauty just for me to enjoy, amazing!

Then a lovely few hours spent playing with the kids in the garden. I would have struggled hungover or been itching to get back inside to start drinking, instead I was just present with my children and we laughed a lot and made some nice first snowy memories for the little ones.

Plan for the rest of the day is fire, hot chocolate, movies and cross stitch. Being sober is truly the gift that keeps on giving AND keeps giving more. It’s compound interest for our health, mental well-being and relationships. I’m feeling stronger each day in my sobriety, more able to cope with my emotions as they come and go, more tuned into myself and what I need and as a result of this I’m more focussed, productive, creative. I know it’s going to be challenging when the world opens back up but when I think about how these benefits are stacking up, I know I just want to keep going.

Happy Sunday all xx

@furble, what a lovely update from you! I so agree that the benefits go on multiplying.

@hepzibar you will not regret your decision! All of us on here have tried and failed to moderate. I feel such a sense of deja vu when I read the dry jan threads, and wish I could magically fast forward people to the point of realising that alcohol free is the easy option by comparison. But if they are going to get here, it will be in their own time, and this is the right time for you.

@ColdWaterTherapy what a time of it you have had. Congratulations on making it through, I hope this is the start of better and easier times for you.

@Ravenswick and @100PercentMe, big woohoos on the milestones, sorry I didn't say so already. And thanks for being such stalwarts on here. ☕🍰

Thank you all so much and congratulations on your milestones!

@Furble I know exactly that ecstatic running feeling, that tremendous opening up. It’s great to think that something as simple as (ha!) sobriety can open up so many beautiful experiences. I was a runner myself but these days I can only get free time during the working day, which of course means hardly ever, so the odd quick dip in the sea has to do me.

Today has been a good/hard day for me. I’m not tempted to drink exactly but I just long for oblivion. The only ‘cure’ for feelings is to feel them, and that’s exactly what I’ve been trying avoid through drinking. So I’m allowing myself a few crying bouts daily, and trying to persist the rest of the time. I had much more patience with endless Lego playing than usual, I made a cake, I laughed and was silly with my son, and I even made a bit of progress on a creative project that’s been stalled for a few months.

I’ve always been a ‘hard drinker’, one of the ‘keeping up with the lads’ types. But when life is broadly good, I can (could) keep it in check. When life is bad, I throw myself into the bottom of a glass and stay there.

I had been blissfully, sublimely happy for eight beautiful years - a successful career change, a wonderful relationship with a man I adored from afar for decades and he me, finally together after we’d both come out of very problematic relationships, and even a baby.

Life was just beautiful and then towards the end of 2019 he suddenly died in my arms, out of nowhere. Since then I’ve almost lost our home (think I’ve saved it by the skin of my teeth), am struggling to stay alive and deal with a big old PTSD diagnosis, with an extremely stressful job on top, and raise a little boy struggling with his own trauma. On top of that we were both fairly recent immigrants here so I haven’t seen any family or friends - the old friends you need when life falls apart - since 2019.

I’ve drunk myself numb every night. If I am to really accept that this is my life now, I need to be sober. It’s tough because I don’t fundamentally care whether I live or die anymore, so I am trying to let my responsibility to my child lead the way, and hope I can build something less awful than this.

I don’t expect to be happy again, but maybe being sober might open some kind of...space. End of essay.

Oh guys, I need to join you. I'm so so sad about my drinking. I'm done. I have to be or I'll die.

Day 1 here.

Hi @ncsad and welcome to your Day 1!
Lots of us have found the Annie Grace Alcohol experiment really helpful at the start. It’s free.

I also read a bunch of quit lit like ‘Alcohol lied to me’ in the first few months. It absolutely gets easier if you a new not having to make the decision not to drink every day. You have made your decision. So you don’t need to wonder that each day.
Do talk to us; between us we have been through most of the awfulness of a life with an alcohol issue x

Thank you so much. I'm so grateful for any kindness right now. This is my absolute rock bottom and I need to stop lying to myself.

I usually just plough on with my hangover and pretend everything is fine, but it's really not. I've told DH how I'm feeling and I've messaged my counsellor. I need to be accountable. I just can't keep lying to myself and everyone around me.

Hi @ncsad I’m a noob and only 24 days in but I know this feeling so well, you have all my sympathy. If you’re feeling strong enough, I found writing down a list of things that meant I really needed to stop helpful.

And preparing for day 1 and 2 (getting sweets, AF alternatives in, looking into quit lit) could be helpful. I found I hit many day zeros over the years, carried through by self loathing and the massive hangover, but I needed to be ready for those wearing off so that I didn’t just decide I was ‘fine’ again and go back to drinking.

Sounds like you have made a really good start @ncsad. I also got the free app ‘I am sober’ which was brilliant for the first few months when I needed to see how far I had come.
Alcohol is an insidious bastard. It creeps up on you but you have your eyes open now. A bright fit awaits and we’re here to hold your hand x

Future! Not fit

Though you may also be more fit

Thank you.

What do people have as an alternative treat/drink? I don't like seedlip very much.

All I want to do is stay in bed and cry today.

Crying in bed is ok (other responsibilities permitting). Did anything happen yesterday that can’t be fixed?

No, just got super drunk in front of the telly and ordered a huge Chinese which I didn't eat.

Nothing awful happened, apart from poor DH being worried about me.

I'm just done. Completely done.

Well ordering a huge Chinese is pretty high up in the list of rock bottoms!

Honestly, you’ve got this.

Thank you so much for talking to me.

I feel daft because nothing that awful has happened. I just feel so ashamed and sad, and hate that I've made DH feel sad for me.

That feeling is all part of the alcohol aftermath. I had a number of rock bottoms, but the one that actually made me take action was just waking up with another hangover and thinking “I have had enough”

Every day that goes by you will feel better. Nurturing yourself really helps. Be gentle with yourself.
Can you manage a shower and a cuppa?