Adopted baby

[anynameisfine]

My husband and I have just welcomed home our 7 week old baby as a concurrent care placement (foster to adopt).
I would be grateful to know how long others felt it took them to bond with their baby in a similar situation?
we are delighted with our wee one but very much feel like we are baby sitting.

I have not adopted, I gave birth to my baby. The rush of love thing actually doesn't happen with everyone and didn't happen to me. I wasn't really expecting it to. With both my babies I felt very protective, thought they were super cute, and I felt the responsibility, but not actual full love until a few days in when a moment would come and I would look at them and feel loads of love for them. The whole thing was gradual. So I'm here to say it happens with birth Mothers too. I describe it as a slow burning love that builds and builds.

I was a concurrent carer too. I know everyone is different & concurrent carer is impossibly hard but the only way I managed it was to focus all my energy into keeping LO so safe - to offset the impact of long and often stressful contact sessions. The focus on creating safety, calm, confort & predictably all came from a place of love & so grew quickly into a very deep connection. It was terrifying because of course I didn't know the outcome but I didn't know how else to do it other than allow myself to pour love into that little baby and know it woukd be with them their whole life no matter the outcome x

It can take a while! I had a really difficult time when my LO came home and I struggled a lot. I’d say about 4 months in remember looking at them and thinking, ‘yes you’re mine, it’s going to be OK’. I felt very much like a babysitter for quite a while but my child is the most loved child in the whole universe now - they are my absolute everything.
Be gentle with yourself- it’s tough in the beginnning.

Your feelings are normal. The early days can definitely feel like a thankless slog.

'Fake it until you make it'. Babies need to feel love regardless of whether or not the love is already there. At some point you'll realise you're no longer faking it. There was no lightening moment for me, but there were some more subtle moments of realisation. When they are poorly and you wish you could be poorly for them... when they hit a milestone and you burst with pride... when a playground bully gives you a mama-bear fire in your belly.. Then you'll know. Hang in there in the meantime. It will come.

Hey, congrats on your new addition 😁. I had my daughter placed with us under early permanence (foster to adopt) in early 2025 and we have just got the final hearing. This was a second adopted child for us and I found it took longer to "feel" the love mainly because we weren't the parents and taking her to contact every week was a reminder of this which definitely made us feel a bit of a babysitter for a while but then all of a sudden you just realise you love them. Give yourself some time to adjust it's a big change to your life!

I think every case is different and there’s no right or wrong. My first was adopted via mainstream and it took at least 6 months to feel it. Second was foster to adopt straight from hospital and it was pretty much instant

Please may I ask, and not rudely, if you have given birth to a baby, why you are seeking out hidden threads on Mumsnet? The Adoption group is a closed group here. You actively have to go seeking for it. Also, I’m sorry, I’m sure you mean kindly, but your comparisons are not relevant, relatable or reassuring. Jeez, can we not have our own space on here?!

This isn't a closed group any body can view and post. I know from previous interactions you like to say what goes 😆 There's nothing kind about basically telling a person that they don't belong.

This is an adoption board and NOT an adopted parent board! Of course, I write with much kindness 😁

@ThePieceHall

This thread is currently showing in ' last hour ' right now in/on ' talk ' , and has appeared before in the same way as it's the 2nd time i've seen it / read it.

On clicking into the thread there is no suggestion / warning that ' adoption ' is a closed group nor does it say in the introduction to the thread that non birth mothers cannot reply.

and btw some of us can be both birth mothers as well as adopted mothers and guess what...adopted ourselves.

Exactly that. I have found several members of this board to be very unwelcoming and rude to voice's or opinions that don't agree with them. Thanks.