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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Matthew and Ryan

109 replies

Arran2024 · 02/12/2025 09:17

These two keep cropping up on my Facebook feed. They are a gay couple planning to adopt and apparently it's really happening - next week. They post incessantly about the process and are clearly very excited, but how can social services be ok with this?

(Edited because I can't get the Facebook link to work)

OP posts:
ThePieceHall · 11/12/2025 12:41

Ted27 · 11/12/2025 12:29

Again playing devil's advocate

Im white, I adopted an 8 year old mixed race child.
I was known by my neighbours and in the locality as a very single female. So when I popped up with him I did attract some attention.

And a lot of assumptions abouy where Id got him from.
Did I do a Madonna - no
Where was he born - Midshire, no really where's he from, Midshire -no where is he really from
Adopters can stand out for several reasons.

Issues about monetising the adoption are another matter. But are we OK with people writing books? Many people never pick up a book but they do look at social media.
There are many people doing podcasts, YouTube channels etc.
Is it that these two are ott flamboyant that we are struggling with?

Got nothing to do with being ‘flamboyant’. Got everything to do with kerching-ing freebies and exploiting and cheating their followers. Plus, the saviour narrative and stoking the ‘lucky baby’ narrative.

Ted27 · 11/12/2025 13:01

@ThePieceHall

To be honest I hadnt got that far into their stuff as I find them irritating beyond words

dadopter57 · 11/12/2025 14:37

Arran2024 · 02/12/2025 12:25

I was thinking about it in terms of the adoption disruption thread and the discussion about preparing prospective adopters and making sure they understand what the realities if parenting a traumatised child will be like, and I'm not picking that up from them. It's all a huge adventure with lots of fun and excitement.

The birth parents usually get to meet the adopters - how is that going to pan out when they are so visible?

Show quote history

They clearly want the world to know how amazing they are, they should be closing down the SM accounts and focussing on the children, I'd question their motives and how much time and energy they are willing to divert from SM to a child

Simonjt · 11/12/2025 20:23

Ted27 · 11/12/2025 12:29

Again playing devil's advocate

Im white, I adopted an 8 year old mixed race child.
I was known by my neighbours and in the locality as a very single female. So when I popped up with him I did attract some attention.

And a lot of assumptions abouy where Id got him from.
Did I do a Madonna - no
Where was he born - Midshire, no really where's he from, Midshire -no where is he really from
Adopters can stand out for several reasons.

Issues about monetising the adoption are another matter. But are we OK with people writing books? Many people never pick up a book but they do look at social media.
There are many people doing podcasts, YouTube channels etc.
Is it that these two are ott flamboyant that we are struggling with?

People are odd aren’t they, someone on here went around posting that I bought my son from an Indian street market.

Terew · 11/12/2025 20:48

Once, many were over-invested in TV soaps though the danger of Social Media is the blurred lines in terms of vulnerable people.I have followed public accounts of families with children with SEN which aim to spread awareness.However, I have at times questioned just how much sharing is necessary/right for the purpose.

Original poster
Arran2024 · 11/12/2025 21:24

Ted27 · 11/12/2025 12:29

Again playing devil's advocate

Im white, I adopted an 8 year old mixed race child.
I was known by my neighbours and in the locality as a very single female. So when I popped up with him I did attract some attention.

And a lot of assumptions abouy where Id got him from.
Did I do a Madonna - no
Where was he born - Midshire, no really where's he from, Midshire -no where is he really from
Adopters can stand out for several reasons.

Issues about monetising the adoption are another matter. But are we OK with people writing books? Many people never pick up a book but they do look at social media.
There are many people doing podcasts, YouTube channels etc.
Is it that these two are ott flamboyant that we are struggling with?

I have never seen another adoption journey portrayed on social media. It has nothing to do with them being flamboyant.

I believe they are giving their followers an unrealistic impression of adoption, which is all about love and cuddles being enough.

I believe this child is going to be a subject of intense curiosity and scrutiny as he grows up, as the followers are so invested. Celebrities sometimes adopt but are very careful to keep a low profile.

OP posts:
ThePieceHall · 11/12/2025 21:26

Simonjt · 11/12/2025 20:23

People are odd aren’t they, someone on here went around posting that I bought my son from an Indian street market.

Show quote history

How much did he cost?!

Simonjt · 11/12/2025 21:27

ThePieceHall · 11/12/2025 21:26

How much did he cost?!

Show quote history

They sadly didn’t reveal that, they likely didn’t have the IQ to find out the currency in India. He did however cost me £30, his sister was £60, talk about cost of living crisis.

Terew · 12/12/2025 23:22

They popped up on my feed today and one of them mentioned they were so naive about what transition from the foster care would be like so a slightly more realistic picture maybe emerging...

dadopter57 · 13/12/2025 13:10

Terew · 12/12/2025 23:22

They popped up on my feed today and one of them mentioned they were so naive about what transition from the foster care would be like so a slightly more realistic picture maybe emerging...

Maybe they discovered that unlike fostering, there are no financial rewards for adoption - so they'll need to discover new and creative ways to monetise their new family. Perhaps crowdfunding the childs name is an option, I'll vote Adopty McAdoptyface

Simonjt · 13/12/2025 13:15

dadopter57 · 13/12/2025 13:10

Maybe they discovered that unlike fostering, there are no financial rewards for adoption - so they'll need to discover new and creative ways to monetise their new family. Perhaps crowdfunding the childs name is an option, I'll vote Adopty McAdoptyface

Show quote history

Why do you think an adopter wouldn’t already know that when you adopt you don’t receive a fostering allowance?

Ted27 · 13/12/2025 13:23

@ThePieceHall

Speaking as both an adopter and now a foster carer, Im not seeing any financial reward for fostering a very challenging young person

Ted27 · 13/12/2025 13:37

@ThePieceHall
Sorry tagged you incorrectly in my last post, that was meant to be @dadopter57

ThePieceHall · 13/12/2025 22:49

Well, I shouldn’t keep peeking (I am so cringed by the whole thing now that I have to look from behind a cushion). Anyway, the couple brought the baby home last week and a couple of days ago they were having quality couple time at a Disney premiere and today one is having me-time having their hair dyed. Total BS.

Needaholiday21 · 14/12/2025 07:09

I saw this too, people are speculating that they were actually placed earlier in the year and now have the AO and are posting their posts as if in real time but were actually from months ago.
That being said im still shocked they can leave him overnight, we're 4.5 years in with AS5 and still haven't left him overnight with anyone.

I really don't understand how they have been allowed to do this, agencies are so hot on this. Makes me think that they must be ignoring them as have the AO- could cause then issues if they want to adopt again in future though.

Torvy · 14/12/2025 07:11

@ThePieceHall they have now "admitted" in the comments that they took some time to bond with the baby before posting this - what with people noticing the expectation date on food packets being April and the baby being dressed in summer clothes.

I was trying to work out how I feel about it, and I think I just feel a bit cross that they are making it all seem so light hearted and cutesy when I'm here doing therapy 4 times a week for the kids and staring down the barrel of some pretty hefty ASGSF cuts that are going to have a significant impact on my kids wellbeing and feeling a bit like I'm in the trenches.

I do think their podcast is slightly more realistic, but I generally find their vibes not to my taste, and their priorities so far away from my own that I wouldn't normally engage with them, and yet algorithmically because a lot of my life online is spent researching things like "is my child loading tomato spaghetti into a nerf gun then shooting it at me at me whilst calling me a fat brat maniac normal 4 year old behaviour, because he is adopted or a symptom of outright psychopathy", they cross my feed more often than I would like.

Personally I just find their content jarring, and unserious when adoption has turned my life upside down. My sense of humour is a bit darker, maybe, or a little more sentimental. I had kind of hoped that their content would be a bit more bait and switch-y, because it is so OTT cutesy about a topic that is serious and I just want there to bem.. more. Like eating sugar and wishing there was something more substantial at the end. It definitely feels like they are playing to a crowd and feeding them exactly what the crowd want- a relatively sanitised, cute happy ending, clean, commercialised view of LGBT adoption, when for the majority of adopters I connect with, life is so far removed from that it hurts. I guess nobody can blame them- there ain't exactly money in showing off the inside of CAMHS waiting rooms or describing long waiting lists for dieticians as your kid slowly founders, unless someone knows how you can get a branded deal with Lidl for their hazelnut pillows because that's the only cereal your kid will eat.

As a fully paid up, card carrying membaaahh of the LGBTQ communitaaaay, I feel sort of icky about the cutesy stuff just because it lacks nuance and depth. Like, should we really have to play pretend and be all cute l, kidsy and clean just to be accepted? To make money? Most LGBT adopters I know are just like every other couple, bickering about who does the bins and who is more exhausted. The same with adoption. Should we have to peddle a cutesy child narrative for our kids to be accepted and adored? But I guess that's social media, innit.

it's a glaring reminder that we should be a bit careful about the media we consume, but if you say that to anyone else they just sort of batter you down with arguments about how it's great for advertising adoption and it isn't doing anyone any harm. Well advertising chocolate bars and sugar to kids technically does no harm in and of itself either but it's not about that, it's about the general narrative and the outcome- most people might think sweet adverts are funny and cute, if you had diabetes and saw an advert saying Haribo are great for breakfast, it might feel like you had a duty to stand up and advocate for some changes to advertising and to point out that it's not quite as innocuous it seems.

On which note, I'm going to head downstairs and watch my 15th hallmark Christmas movie (Christmas pince: a royal baby), flick through a magazine and pretend for a minute that there isn't tomato spaghetti dropping down on my head and thank the lucky stars I have a really joyful family visit to look forward to where my kids are undoubtedly going to do some very non Instagram worthy shit like try and pee in the bushes next to the toilet or scream at grandma that they hate father Christmas because he is a fat brat maniac when she asks them whether they have been good this year.

Just in case any social media execs are hovering and fancy giving me a branded deal on nerf guns/horse tranquillisers, you know where to find me...

Original poster
Arran2024 · 14/12/2025 09:03

Torvy · 14/12/2025 07:11

@ThePieceHall they have now "admitted" in the comments that they took some time to bond with the baby before posting this - what with people noticing the expectation date on food packets being April and the baby being dressed in summer clothes.

I was trying to work out how I feel about it, and I think I just feel a bit cross that they are making it all seem so light hearted and cutesy when I'm here doing therapy 4 times a week for the kids and staring down the barrel of some pretty hefty ASGSF cuts that are going to have a significant impact on my kids wellbeing and feeling a bit like I'm in the trenches.

I do think their podcast is slightly more realistic, but I generally find their vibes not to my taste, and their priorities so far away from my own that I wouldn't normally engage with them, and yet algorithmically because a lot of my life online is spent researching things like "is my child loading tomato spaghetti into a nerf gun then shooting it at me at me whilst calling me a fat brat maniac normal 4 year old behaviour, because he is adopted or a symptom of outright psychopathy", they cross my feed more often than I would like.

Personally I just find their content jarring, and unserious when adoption has turned my life upside down. My sense of humour is a bit darker, maybe, or a little more sentimental. I had kind of hoped that their content would be a bit more bait and switch-y, because it is so OTT cutesy about a topic that is serious and I just want there to bem.. more. Like eating sugar and wishing there was something more substantial at the end. It definitely feels like they are playing to a crowd and feeding them exactly what the crowd want- a relatively sanitised, cute happy ending, clean, commercialised view of LGBT adoption, when for the majority of adopters I connect with, life is so far removed from that it hurts. I guess nobody can blame them- there ain't exactly money in showing off the inside of CAMHS waiting rooms or describing long waiting lists for dieticians as your kid slowly founders, unless someone knows how you can get a branded deal with Lidl for their hazelnut pillows because that's the only cereal your kid will eat.

As a fully paid up, card carrying membaaahh of the LGBTQ communitaaaay, I feel sort of icky about the cutesy stuff just because it lacks nuance and depth. Like, should we really have to play pretend and be all cute l, kidsy and clean just to be accepted? To make money? Most LGBT adopters I know are just like every other couple, bickering about who does the bins and who is more exhausted. The same with adoption. Should we have to peddle a cutesy child narrative for our kids to be accepted and adored? But I guess that's social media, innit.

it's a glaring reminder that we should be a bit careful about the media we consume, but if you say that to anyone else they just sort of batter you down with arguments about how it's great for advertising adoption and it isn't doing anyone any harm. Well advertising chocolate bars and sugar to kids technically does no harm in and of itself either but it's not about that, it's about the general narrative and the outcome- most people might think sweet adverts are funny and cute, if you had diabetes and saw an advert saying Haribo are great for breakfast, it might feel like you had a duty to stand up and advocate for some changes to advertising and to point out that it's not quite as innocuous it seems.

On which note, I'm going to head downstairs and watch my 15th hallmark Christmas movie (Christmas pince: a royal baby), flick through a magazine and pretend for a minute that there isn't tomato spaghetti dropping down on my head and thank the lucky stars I have a really joyful family visit to look forward to where my kids are undoubtedly going to do some very non Instagram worthy shit like try and pee in the bushes next to the toilet or scream at grandma that they hate father Christmas because he is a fat brat maniac when she asks them whether they have been good this year.

Just in case any social media execs are hovering and fancy giving me a branded deal on nerf guns/horse tranquillisers, you know where to find me...

Spot on. Imo it trivialises adoption and what everyone involved goes through. The comments from their followers show that no one is being remotely educated about the realities of adoption. It's all about love and cuddles apparently.

OP posts:
ThePieceHall · 14/12/2025 09:19

@Arran2024
@Torvy

I actually thinking the companies and corporates showering the couple with freebies, trips and gifts have a collective responsibility to not be feeding into the prevailing narrative that the baby is ‘the luckiest boy in the world’ to have been given a second chance of life with Matthew and Ryan. No child should ever be made to feel grateful for being ‘rescued’ by adoption.

Jellycatspyjamas · 14/12/2025 09:46

It’s not their job to educate anyone about adoption though, they’re the latest in a long string of parents monetising being a parent. I don’t follow parent influences but I can think of a fair few - they aren’t posting about being up all night with a puking child, or dealing tantrums in ASDA, unless there’s a triumphant lesson in there somewhere. Do these people give an accurate reflection of parenting? Why is it Ryan and Matthew’s job to give an accurate reflection of adoption - yet again we expect more of adoptive parents than bio parents.

I also think they’re parenting a baby - so they won’t be sitting in CAMHs waiting rooms, or having epic meltdowns for whatever reason, all that may well be ahead of them. I do think they treat their child like a toy to be picked up and put down and their social media posting should have been the subject of real scrutiny - it may well have been. Post adoption order though they can pretty much do what they like.

Original poster
Arran2024 · 14/12/2025 17:36

Jellycatspyjamas · 14/12/2025 09:46

It’s not their job to educate anyone about adoption though, they’re the latest in a long string of parents monetising being a parent. I don’t follow parent influences but I can think of a fair few - they aren’t posting about being up all night with a puking child, or dealing tantrums in ASDA, unless there’s a triumphant lesson in there somewhere. Do these people give an accurate reflection of parenting? Why is it Ryan and Matthew’s job to give an accurate reflection of adoption - yet again we expect more of adoptive parents than bio parents.

I also think they’re parenting a baby - so they won’t be sitting in CAMHs waiting rooms, or having epic meltdowns for whatever reason, all that may well be ahead of them. I do think they treat their child like a toy to be picked up and put down and their social media posting should have been the subject of real scrutiny - it may well have been. Post adoption order though they can pretty much do what they like.

They are presenting a Disneyfied version of adoption (literally, in fact, as theyvwere invited to a Disney film premier last week and were buying Disney clothes for the child in Primark). I think it's ok to feel that's not very helpful to anyone.

OP posts:
ThePieceHall · 14/12/2025 19:06

They never actually seem to spend any time with their baby, judging by the anniversary hotel stays, the premieres, the salon visits etc etc!

Original poster
Arran2024 · 14/12/2025 20:00

ThePieceHall · 14/12/2025 19:06

They never actually seem to spend any time with their baby, judging by the anniversary hotel stays, the premieres, the salon visits etc etc!

I've seen him in a few reels this weekend - they put an emoji over his face

OP posts:
Beetham · 14/12/2025 23:35

Like others here I keep getting them recommended to me but have chosen not to watch as I find their content so difficult and infuriating to watch.

I've thought about my feelings, is it jealousy? Am I longing for those early days of adoption when things seemed so much more rosy and simpler? As a lesbian who lost my wife (this was in my 20s, a few years before I adopted) am I jealous of their family which looked how I imagined mine? Is it homophobia, their more cutesy and exaggerated personas butting up against my complete opposite personality? No, I also don't think so.

I think their behaviour is irresponsible, lauding the trauma of their baby as being a cute, little, happy ever after. Either they understand that adoption is trauma and don't care or they are oblivious to the trauma of (necessary) removal and changes of carers etc. I don't know which one is worse. I do think as a parent I have a right to my own 'story' but my children- their needs, their privacy, their wellbeing etc. always comes first.

However to counter this I wanted to share a creator who I often share with others, she is American and a foster carer not an adopter so obviouslythere are differences. But she does amazing stuff and I have found her content really helpful to share with family and friends to help educate.

https://www.facebook.com/share/1DbWrt2wqd/

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/12/2025 07:16

Yes this creator pops up on my feed from time to time and her stuff is great, very practical, very trauma informed and never includes children placed with her.

dadopter57 · 15/12/2025 11:34

You make a great point, Matthew & Ryan in monetising their child's adoption, will have shared parts of their story that is not their right to share. I haven't seen any if their posts, and I'm not interested in seeing. But I don't announce our boys as my 'adopted boys' to friends much less complete strangers. The child may not want to be viewed as adopted, certainly our youngest never brings it up, while our eldest shares it with everyone, which has caused some problems between them in the past because the elderly one has inadvertently 'outed' his little brother.
Which authority put them through the adoption system with such an overt online presence, and the casual sharing of others private information. Leaves a bad taste...