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62 replies

Hippocalipo · 08/08/2025 18:27

Hi. I'm badly in need of some moral support. I've tried talking to my mum but she doesn't understand at all.

I know this is very very early days, however I'm at the end of my tether.

I've recently welcomed home a little boy. We went through intros and he was okish, he enjoyed playing with my at his foster carers house, but was a little shy at my house. All expected. However since he's moved in he has just screamed and cried most of the time. I know he must be angry, heartbroken, confused and upset, but I don't know if I can do this. Hes a lovely gorgeous little boy but I can't see light at the end of the tunnel.

I hate myself but I'm regretting everything atm. I had a lovely life, and now I feel trapped. I know none of this is his fault. He's been dealt a bad hand in life and I really want to love him and nurture him and take care of him. But he just cried and cries, at everything. As soon as I leave the room, he screams, as soon as I offer him a bottle he throws it and screams, I can give him a bottle, sing him lullabies and stroke his face and he'll be falling asleep and as soon as I lay him down in his cot he screams and throws everything out of his cot. He wakes in the night and screams the house down, I offer to pick him up and he shakes his head and screams more. I offer him all his favourite things and he'll just scream, its not even crying at this point. I feel like such an idiot for not being prepared for this.

OP posts:
Hippocalipo · 08/08/2025 18:58

I forgot to say hes 1 and has absolutely no routine. I'm basically starting off from scratch.

OP posts:
FinallyMummy · 08/08/2025 19:45

Are you a single adopter? If not, make sure you’re sharing the load.

Practicality wise, base your routine roughly around what was done before with foster carers but adapt it to suit you, then try and follow the basics daily (same time for food, bath, bed etc). Even if he doesn’t eat, try it then put it away and try later.

Lots and lots of praise (in an overly positive voice) for good things but ignore the bad.

Are you going out every day? A walk, a park, anything that includes fresh air.

Is there any chance of any medical issues that need addressing?

What would happen in the night if you just pick him up? I’m trying to work out if his saying no is him keeping control in the only way he can when actually receiving comfort would be a bigger benefit for him and allow some physical contact to reinforce bonding (disclaimer, I’m not an expert at all, just what stood out to me).

Slightly different here as our LO was older (3) but I spent the first few weeks narrating everything I was doing. Literally “I’m making your breakfast. Isn’t that nice? We’re going to have breakfast now, this is your weetabix. And now I’m putting the milk on” etc etc. I got on my own nerves but I think it showed I had a plan, I was calm and it got him used to my voice.
I also took him everywhere with me so he could see what I was doing. It means no break for you but it could help?

Support wise - it’s normal to have cold feet, to question your decision and to find it bloody hard. I definitely did, and pretty much every other poster will say the same.

If you have friends to vent to, use them.
Do you have an adoption group (people who did the training etc with you)? If so, lean on them, ask them for suggestions.

How long has your LO been with you? Could you do a play date/meet up?

Hippocalipo · 08/08/2025 19:59

@FinallyMummy

Thank you.

Yes I'm a solo adopter.

I usually do pick him up and he will shake his head side to side whilst screaming. It's a very piercing scream.

I dont think he had much of a routine. I think they used to just let him flop on the sofa. I did that whilst doing intros but the social worker told me to start putting him down in his cot. I rocked him to sleep last night with his bottle and bedtime stories and his lullaby light teddy, for an hour, put him down and he instantly started screaming.

I just feel so awful, hes not been home long. I'm wondering if it'll ever get better.

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onlytherain · 08/08/2025 20:15

That sounds very hard. You don't say how long it has been like this. Is your social worker aware?

He is terrified and grieving, so anything that is familiar to him will help. Are you keeping as much as possible the same from foster carers, eg. washing powder, shampoo, foods, perfume etc?

I would engage in as much physical contact as possible. Carry him, swing him, bathe with him (unless there are reasons not to). Try playing classical music to create an atmosphere of calm. Some children are very scared of silence. I would also try to introduce a routine, so life becomes more predictable for him.

You are doing nothing wrong and your feelings are completely normal. Almost all adopters are overwhelmed at the beginning. You and him will adapt to your new normal, but it will take some time.

tonyhawks23 · 08/08/2025 20:17

It is incredibly hard at the beginning.first thing I would say is ignore the social worker and don't put him in a cot,go back to treating him as you would a newborn and expect him to cling to you desperately,see this as the forth trimester,cling him to you with everything and don't go for a cot but co sleep.use a sling to carry him around as you do things.never leave him alone.at all.narrate everything you are doing and if you need to move rooms take him with you.its really tough for you because the age expectation is they can mange alone but he is a newborn to you and the attachment is the absolute most important thing.its really tough but he will learn to feel safe again but right now he can't manage because he doesn't feel safe.i promise is does get better.i coslept with all of mine and it builds attachment and all fine when older.just give up on the cot and keep him with you for now. It gets better.talk to other adopters they are helpful to chat to,and here,we understand.

Hippocalipo · 08/08/2025 20:42

@tonyhawks23 thank you.

I need to get a good baby carrier, he weight 24lbs and carrying him on my hip is killing me.

Everyone so far has had the opinion he needs to be independent but I think they think that because he's so chunky. Hes only just 1 and I think he must be terrified. So if I'm to keep him with me all the time, shall I keep him up till I go to bed or shall I got to bed at his bedtime? I did get him into bed with me at 5am, but I felt so guilty because he's never slept in a bed and he rolled out. I've got a v v low bed so only about 3 inches off the ground but I think that scared him so I'm going to put some pillows on the floor. Sorry for rambling

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tonyhawks23 · 08/08/2025 20:56

Yes get a good carrier,I used ergo which was brilliant and lasted years.yes ignore any idea of independence,I'm cross for you that people suggest that,you are only working on attachment now, independence can come when he's older.itvwill come fine, attachment is much harder and so important.
For sleeping,you can get bed bumpers or bedguards off Amazon or you can put your mattress on the floor.you want to avoid any scaring him,or any him waking up and finding himself alone.always be there when he wakes up.
I would get myself ready for bed as you get him ready for bed,bath together,literally in the bath together,dry and dress him first with you in a towel,then get in your pjs and snuggle with milk with him in bed,really snuggle with a bottle for years yet make that routine.in the night garden in cebebbies can help or stories readingwhatever bedtime routine you'd like or can be brought over from foster carers,stick to routine every night so he knows exactly what is happening.then I would do lights out, lullaby whatever you do and stay with him snuggling in your bed as soon as he is asleep you can then watch shows with earphones/use phone etc in bed but be with him,so your evening is for now being his rock.thats what id do,and did for 3, attachment and making a feeling of safety and stability is absolutely what you are now working on,not independence for a long time yet.you will find what works for you,key is stopping that screaming because that's fear and grief and he needs you.its incredibly hard but definitely does get better.

Ted27 · 08/08/2025 21:54

@Hippocalipo

Oh bless you, that sounds so hard.
Im a single adopter but I adopted an 8 year old son so clueless about babies!
I think you've had some great advice. I'd reiterate forgetting about independence. My 8 year old was like a limpet for months, though he went to school so I did get a break. But when he was home he was relentless, we co slept, he pretended to be a baby, bedtime could tske 3 hours and I ofteh fell asleep with him, he regressed a lot.

They need to understand that they can depend on you to meet their needs before you can think about independence.
You will be doing much better than you think.

Sunflower16 · 08/08/2025 22:12

Another vote for an ergo carrier. We did contact naps and full night routine but then instead of into cot we did into carrier. LO co slept - if that's not for you you could put their cot beside your bed.

It worked to almost view LO as a newborn. No independence, lots of contact, bathing or swimming together, lots of bath time followed by baby massage. Do they have a comfort blanket? If not start to create them one - get a muslin cloth and carry it tucked in beside you both in the ergo, rub it gently on their face and hands. As my LO grew older my LO would do this themselves for comfort.

Its incredibly tough for you and I absolutely do not underestimate that but LO needs your nurture more than anything and every gentle action, word, cuddle, song or story is helping to do that and build your bond x

Needaholiday21 · 08/08/2025 22:15

You've had some great advice here already. I agree that it is not unusual to feel like this as first so just keep doing what you are doing.
Can't believe you've been told to encourage independence, co sleep, lots of physical touch, create any excuse to care for him (cream him head to toe, kisses on any boo boos, brush hair, massages... Anything he will tolerate).
Find a way to have a rest with him, mine is cup of tea with cbeebies on where he watches that while I just enjoy a sit down. Find other things to do you enjoy too. E.g. Sit him in the highchair in the kitchen while you cook and he can watch and you can narrate what your doing and let him taste everything.
Best of luck and trust your gut instincts, social workers don't always know best when it comes to parenting in my opinion .

Parksitting · 08/08/2025 23:46

Another message of support here. You are doing much better than you think. Its juat such a lot at once. During the day include the stuff you like and need - play the music you like - you don't have to have/endure kids stuff. Get out the house every day - Walk to the coffee shop you like with them in the buggy and you narrating, get a coffee walk home again. I used to sleep beside her with headphones in and podcasts and comedy in my ears as she slept. This phase doesn't last forever - you know that of course but it doesn't mean its not bloody hard right now.

Its all such a big change. I can remember a friend saying she remembers the first time she listened to The Archers after her daughter arrived and crying thinking "Oh this still exists. I am still the same me." I can remember feeling similarly listening to a song I love.

Perhaps there is a sling library in your area - usually volunteer led where you can try and hire a range of slings and carriers.They will be able to recommend something that fits well and means you can carry them and keep them close.(There are also baby wearing Facebook groups that will respond to a specific query about which sling to try.)

Sending you lots of love xx

Confusernme · 08/08/2025 23:54

Agree with all the above especially around co sleeping, carrying etc
One of ours came with no routine so I feel for you - so hard when all the way through the prep you're told you'll be following the foster carers routine to a t, then discover there isn't one and you have nothing to cling to. Create your own structures and over time it will be reassuring to him, even if it isn't obviously so.
About the screaming at night, just wondering whether this could be night terrors? We had awful piercing screams and nothing helped, just had to sit with them and ride it out.

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 09/08/2025 06:51

Sod independence.
Help him feel safe.

Torvy · 09/08/2025 08:37

Ah, another vote for keeping him close. Skin to skin regulation and physical touch is shown to help babies regulate. It's hard because you can get touched out, but if it soothes him, it's worth it. Honestly, I can't advise on carriers personally, but plenty of people I know have chosen the ergo ones. Lots of cultures baby wear untill toddlerhood it's not that unusual.

I really really wish someone had told me it was ok to treat our 2 year old when he came as more of a baby. He had so many gaps in his understanding of how to be a baby that I could have filled. Looking back at photos, I'm amazed at how tiny he really was.

Your little one is a year old, a teeny tiny baby. Plemty of kids are still being breast fed at this point. He's a baby! Independence? And independence for a kid whose nervous system is probably in tatters? Oh for goodness sake. Social workers present themselves as gods sometimes, and quite frankly out of the 6 involved with our kids transition, only 1 of them was worth her salt when it came to advice about how to actually bond with them. You need to go right back to basics, imagine emotionally you have a newborn and act accordingly. Your baby is in a position of extreme stress, for at least the second time in their life. Regression is normal and expected and nobody should be asked to do something new when they are in that state, let alone a baby. You wouldn't expect a newly widowed person to suddenly start wearing a suit and tie and going for a jog in the morning if that wasn't what they were used to. You would bring them nice things to eat to show you cared, make sure their environment was clean for them, hold their hand and watch the same film on repeat with them because it reminded them of their loved one and give them a cuddle if they were crying or emotional. Why should we expect a tiny baby to start being more independent and doing things they have never done before when they grieving and scared? Also, you can't spoil a child by giving them emotional security and comfort, no matter what form that takes. They will let you know when they are ready for independence.

Treat them like a newborn, get yourself a pair of loops earplugs (I swear to God they saved me from the screaming, you need the super strong ones if they are super loud), make sure their naps are regular and consistent, and comfort comfort comfort.

I second co sleeping if you are knackered- it was the only way any of us got any sleep, and our relationship turned a corner, particularly with my eldest. Whether that was because he was more regulated at night, or because I wasn't so bloody tired is unclear. If he rolls out, you can put towels or pool noodles under the sheet at the edge and tuck it in to keep him from rolling, or get a bed guard and attach it to the side of the bed, or even put your bed up against the wall for a bit. That's what we do when we travel and the beds don't have guards.

I would also say, don't bother offering him stuff, he probably is beside himself and couldn't choose something that would calm him down even if he knew it, and possibly doesn't really have the skills needed to self soothe if there are any sensory issues emerging. You might need to play detective, give him something, play with him and narrate how it might be making him feel, and keep a note of anything that is effective, then just do it for him. Play peekaboo and give him rattly paper, or shiny things. Look up games to play with newborns and do those. I remember being told keep Christmas barely existent, until I realised the eldest loves the lights and would only be soothed when we looked at them twinkling. The decent social worker said ' well of course, if a baby was crying you might take them to see the lights and point at them right?'. And so we tromped up and down the streets in his buggy, looking at the lights, making our hastily erected Christmas tree lights flash, watching the lights on our skin... And for half a hour the screaming and crying stopped. And what a bloody luxury that was. Even now, just yesterday, I was sat on the floor with my 4 year old putting a blanket over my head and playing peekaboo to get him out of a towering rage he was in, because that's what I would do for a tiny baby.

I would also second music as a way to set the mood. Try different genres too. I wanted to imagine that I would be a lovely classical music household, but turns out that bopping along to dad rock, sea shanties and cheesy 90's pop works best for our two because they like the strong beats and repetitive nature of the songs. Sea shanties in particular have a soothing rhythm and bass to them (when you get into the science of them, it's really interesting because depending on the job they were designed to go with depends on their rhythm and tone) and the call and response element is predictable for them. And yes, yes I was desperately down a 'how to make your child sleep' midnight internet rabbit hole when I was sat up with the eldest pre cosleeping revelations when I found that out.

However, you should also think about whether there are any underlying issues as well- would your health visitor support a referral to community paediatrics? Or might it be worth speaking to your GP? For example, lots of kids who have experienced trauma might have issues with their bowels, because food and gut health are impacted by trauma. Constipation makes plenty of people angry and grumpy, could that be an issue? Or is he waking himself up by snoring? Once we had some tonsils removed, inhalers prescribed, constipation sorted, and worked out one was lactose intolerant, our two seemed to vibe much better.

Finally, a holding hand moment to say, it will pass. The first 6 months for me were so incredibly difficult. I felt so lonely, because I had gone from my career as a teacher, where I was being social and busy every day to having to work out how to get a screaming 2 and a 3 year old to stop screaming and fighting with me, each other and the world, and literally nobody else in my life apart from other adopters got it. My family, who I thought were going to be my rock, refused to acknowledge that these kids were any different to normal, and the parents at the stay and plays were horrified at my kids because their behaviour was completely out of whack. However, it does get better if you just focus on the bonding and meeting their needs, and making life as easy for yourself as possible. You both deserve life to be easy and nice wherever possible, so do whatever it takes. Go and grab a fancy coffee, find a quiet soft play with some blocks that fascinate him for ten minutes so you can do bit of a puzzle book, whack on some cocomelon with a bit of chocolate each so that you can have a bit of a sitdown.

It's all going to be ok, you will find your groove eventually, even if it is really difficult right now.

FinallyMummy · 09/08/2025 10:07

I’ve come back to echo the posters who came after me. I forgot to say, definitely treat him as a much younger baby than he is. Ignore the social worker - they seem so rigid and that doesn’t work for a lot of children.

We were told to maintain routine and not to deviate at all, but the FC routine was to allow him to watch tv almost all day.
We were also told to keep his world very small, no meeting family, no playgroups etc for a month.
On Week 2 we broke and took him to a playgroup and it was amazing for him. Gave him a breather to just play and us a chance to stop.

Also, as others have said, you may need to do things that don’t fit the type of parenting you’re aiming for.
i wanted to be able to read bedtime stories while he settled down in his own bed but for the first 6 months he fell asleep in our bed to the various Julia Donaldson programmes on iPlayer and was carried to bed.

Essentially I think we’re all saying, try various things and do whatever works.
One of our adoption group put a single bed next to their bed for their LO, another opted for co sleeping, we all dropped our standards on food/veggies initially and we all at some point said ‘the social worker said not to do X but we tried it and it was fine.’

The other thing, if you’re a single adopter and don’t have a good adoption group to talk to, use this board. Honestly, we all get it and we’re here to be a listening ear if that what you need.

Hippocalipo · 10/08/2025 08:45

Thank you everyone, so much, for all the useful ideas and suggestions.

We had a good couple of days ish, but he just won't stop screaming, I've tried so many things, I don't know how much longer I can go with this much broken sleep. I'm getting migranes every day and I haven't had those in years.

Pray for me.

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Jellycatspyjamas · 10/08/2025 09:04

Oh God that sounds hard. As a social worker I’m appalled at the advice you’ve been given by others in your life. He’s 1 year old, even in a secure home there would be no expectation of independence at that age.

Children regress after placement, it’s the only defence they have when things are scary and uncertain - it’s hugely protective for them. Your boy is only 1 so regression takes him right back to newborn, so that’s how you treat him if you want to create safety and security.

All the advice here is good, baby wearing, co-sleeping, join baths, be in his line of vision (which for babies is very close indeed), don’t give choices instead try different food, toys, etc he’s too young to know what works for him. Babies learn regulation through their care givers, they literally attune to their parents so lots of cuddles, physical contact, skin to skin where you can. If you had just given birth you’d be snuggling on the sofa for most of the day so do that. Have a bit of a routine but don’t be a slave to it - it’s going to be trial and error for a while.

Get things that’ll help you stay in one place, a big travel cup for tea/coffee, a kindle is good for one handed reading while he sleeps on you, easy snacks and meals on the go.

Do you have any practical support? The usual advice is to keep people back in early placement but that doesn’t work with a single parent and a high need baby. Can someone help with housework, take laundry, prepare meals. Or sit with baby while you get a shower? Have one or two trusted people around the house to make a cup of tea or just chat while you deal with baby. You need adult contact because what you’re doing is very intense and demanding, so get your people on board for support. Ignore the unhelpful advice, he needs you close by, sleeping on the sofa is fine, honestly anything that gets him sleeping is fine, anything that gets him eating is fine. Smile and nod at your social worker, health visitor etc then neatly ignore - work with his presenting age, not his chronological age, any professional who’s advice goes against that doesn’t know anything about developmental trauma, attachment and frankly shouldn’t be anywhere near adoption practice.

Also once you’re feeling more confident get out to groups like baby sensory etc, they’re not for baby, they’re for you so it really doesn’t matter what it is. Just a reason to get out of the house and see other people.

Most of all, be really gentle with yourself, you too have had everything in your life change, it’s a massive adjustment and one you really can’t prepare for. In time you’ll get a sense of your little boy and will instinctively know what he needs - it’ll happen more quickly than you think - but just now it’s all new and feels chaotic. Keep posting here, lots of very knowledgeable and experienced adopters will help you on your way.

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/08/2025 09:09

Hippocalipo · 10/08/2025 08:45

Thank you everyone, so much, for all the useful ideas and suggestions.

We had a good couple of days ish, but he just won't stop screaming, I've tried so many things, I don't know how much longer I can go with this much broken sleep. I'm getting migranes every day and I haven't had those in years.

Pray for me.

Do you have anyone that could let you get a nap - someone who is likely to be a regular presence in his life like an aunt or a grandparent? It’s not usually advised early in placement but a solo parent with a high needs baby needs practical support. If there is someone you can call on, do it. You need to be healthy to do this much work - better a different care giver for an hour or two than things breaking down because you’re broken yourself.

Another thought, are you sure he’s not in pain? Things like an ear infection or tummy problems aren’t uncommon particularly around transition and moves and obviously he can’t tell you. I’d try giving some baby calpol and see if that settles him, if it does get him checked over by your GP but try pain relief first.

tonyhawks23 · 10/08/2025 10:43

Yep,try Calpol if you haven't already and do get loop earplugs for you and a sling asap,they are both so worth the money.does anything pause the screaming?cebebbies?water?looking at trees
?using a dummy?bottle of milk?walking around in your arms?whatever works do that and put all your effort into facilitating that-have your stuff close to hand,give up on all expectations of cleaning,cooking,etc.when you bath do it together.completely see yourself as having a newborn and cocoon yourself on the sofa,let yourself rest with him.watch cebebbies with him in your arms on the sofa with a snack box if that works for him.bluey is excellent.we understand here,it's incredibly incredibly hard but does get better I promise.

Hippocalipo · 10/08/2025 15:33

@Jellycatspyjamas my sister has offered to come stay for a week or 2. I didn't want to do it but I might have to.

I feel like such a a failure. I knew 100% it wouldn't be a perfect family set up at first, but I honestly thought it would be him needing the help, not me.

I'm embarrassed at how quickly I've broken and wishing I'd never done it all. Everyone is praising me but they don't know what it feels like inside.

I had him in my bed again last night, and he only woke up 3 times, he fidgets a lot though and I'm checking on him every 5 mins to see if he's breathing when he's not fidgeting. I've been carrying him around, although he's v v heavy for me, I needed to sort something out of the car earlier and couldn't hold him whilst doing it so I put him down in his seat but he screamed and screamed so I went inside and put him in the cot for 5 mins and he looked at me like he hated me.

I do think he's constipated, its so difficult when he can't speak. He wants things, and makes noises so I offer him different things but he shakes his head and then gets v cross that I dont know what he wants.

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Hippocalipo · 10/08/2025 15:37

@tonyhawks23 So he loves his bottle, his foster carers said he can feed himself but he seems to really like me laying him down in my arms and feeding him. The only problem is when the bottle is empty he wants to keep sucking it but realizes its empty and gets very cross. I've tried offering him a dummy, but he gets cross at that too. He does like nursery rhymes so I put those on my tablet for him. Its 50/50 sometimes it will get him out of screaming and other times not so much. im offering him any foods he likes, so mainly just treats, just so he's eating something. Other foods, he just throws around and shakes his head at.

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Ted27 · 10/08/2025 15:49

@Hippocalipo

You are not a failure, everyone here knows how it feels, we get it.
Accept your sisters help, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Thus is why SWs go on about support networks.

I really don't know anything about feeding babies but is it possible he's still hungry when he's finished the bottle? If he's throwing other food around maybe just keep to the bottle for now?
And he doesn't hate you, you know that really but he doesn't trust that you will come back.
Babies and children will pick up on the stresses of their carers, so take that offer of help, you need some rest

Ted27 · 10/08/2025 15:49

@Hippocalipo

You are not a failure, everyone here knows how it feels, we get it.
Accept your sisters help, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Thus is why SWs go on about support networks.

I really don't know anything about feeding babies but is it possible he's still hungry when he's finished the bottle? If he's throwing other food around maybe just keep to the bottle for now?
And he doesn't hate you, you know that really but he doesn't trust that you will come back.
Babies and children will pick up on the stresses of their carers, so take that offer of help, you need some rest

Clueless7609 · 10/08/2025 17:47

You've figured out that he sleeps better when he's in bed with you.
You've figured out that he likes to be carried and be physically close to you.
You've figured out that he likes to lie in your arms and drink his milk.

You're figuring out how to comfort him. It's hard to keep doing these things without a break, but you're working it out.

That's 3 things you were not really sure about a few days ago. That's a win for sure.

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/08/2025 21:39

Honestly you’re doing great. I’m a social worker and a trauma therapist, so I should know what I’m doing. I also had a husband to help with the load. I still sat weeping with my social worker 3 weeks after my kids arrived, utterly overwhelmed, touched out and stuck. You’ve never been a mum before, much less to a child that is a stranger to you - you’re working out what he needs.

He does need help, and you’re the person he needs help from, so you’ll need help too.

Do get your sister to come, she can help you figure things out and help your stress load. He likes his bottle, milk will be comforting for him so just let him have it especially if he’s not really eating - it won’t do him any harm. If he’s not eating milk will also help him feel less hungry. You can also give him water to drink if he’ll take it in his bottle, get him to the GP to check for constipation, if it is constipation it’ll be sore on his tummy so give pain relief.

Remember he’s regressing, so think newborn as much as possible. You’re doing great - he can’t see what you’re thinking.