Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Letterbox

104 replies

Brieandcamembert · 30/10/2024 05:49

Has anyone ever got a response from the birth family years after no replies?

I always send lovely detailed letters and ask questions to try and elicit a response.

No significant literacy issues in either of them. (We did FFA so corresponded via the contact book).

Neither birth parent has ever written back. The complication is they have children adopted across 4 families now. Ours are the youngest. I wonder if it's too much of a task to send 4 letters or if we might one day hear back?

Neither were very motivated during proceedings.

OP posts:
flapjackfairy · 23/01/2025 19:27

Littlebitoflove1234 · 23/01/2025 18:54

Completely agree, I’m not sure how any more sgo’s could take place, I know with both of mine that multiple assessments of family members were undertook before adoption was decided, when they say it’s last resort I believe it.

I think I was more making the point that the adoptees voices group on Facebook/X seem to be advocating for no adoptions at all, so the previous post about it meaning its more like foster care would make those people happy.

Well the system can't provide enough foster
placements already required so how is that going to work ? . Lots of children are ending up in residential homes which is bankrupting the local authorities already so again how is that even a viable plan ? And long term outlooks would be worse for children in the care system !

OVienna · 23/01/2025 19:48

flapjackfairy · 21/01/2025 20:33

@simonlebone
the thing about research is that it is ever changing and goes in cycles. What is seen as best practice one day can be completely discredited the next.
You obviously have v strong views on the subject and are looking at it from a highly personal.point of view which is fine but obviously other adoptees do not feel the same and some have expressed that view on these forums already.
I think another consideration is that anything that decreases the pool of potential.adopters is likely to be detrimental to children in care overall
There is a lack of adoptors now and many will be v unwilling to sign up for a situation where they will constantly being at risk.of the relationship being undermined by contact with birth family members and even the child being able to.potentially end the adoption themselves ( as you seem to be advocating for).
I am a Foster carer and have seen first hand the damage that can be done by contact that only retraumatises the child but is promoted as being in the child's best interests. I do not have much faith left in a system that is so chaotic and chronically underfunded that it doesn't provide for soc workers to properly monitor these interactions.
And if adoptions do collapse under the strain ( or children can disrupt and return to birth families ) what then ? Care proceedings would have to be reinstated and children taken back.into care all over again. The birth families will still most likely have all the same issues going on so the child will be failed all over again. How is that beneficial to a child ?
And with the chronic lack.of Foster carers many children are ending up in residential homes! Again how is that in vulnerable children's interests.
I am not against direct contact and offered it myself ( parents couldn't be bothered to sustain it basically and yes you can try to justify that anyway you like but it basically boils down to that simple truth )
But in my experience birth families are v good at talking the talk but are rarely able to deliver on it ( again for many reasons ). Children have been removed for good reason and adoptive patents are not the enemy here.

Adoptee here and 100% co-signed.

OVienna · 23/01/2025 19:49

Ted27 · 22/01/2025 13:48

@simonlebone

But you aren't really giving a different viewpoint. We all agree contact is beneficial where it is safe.
All you are doing is banging on about change is coming and we're just going to have to suck it up.

I will be interesting won't it to see if there was any 'change' to see just how many birth families are considered safe.

Because maybe what you are not seeing is that it already happens where it is safe.

And safe also has to mean safe for the adoptive family. Because we are humans and our safety matters too.

This too.

MrsMatty · 23/01/2025 21:19

Adoptee and adoptive grandmother here. What @OVienna said 👍

New posts on this thread. Refresh page