I'm not the mum I wanted to be.

[Skiphopnjump]

My DS is 25 months, came home a year ago. First 4-6 weeks were difficult but things have been great since then. Until now.

I know it's just the Terrible Two's. I know he's still so little and his behaviour is mostly normal (tantrums, hitting me when he gets upset). He is struggling to control his emotions, which is fine, because he is 2 and still learning and it is my job to help him.

But I can't. I'm just so exhausted and I am not the loving therapeutic parent I wanted to be working comes to handling the hitting. I try to hold his hands and tell him we don't hit but it just makes him worse. And when he gets upset he won't let me near him to try to calm him down (he is like this with everyone- DH, my parents, childminder). He had a huge tantrum today at the zoo (he was very tired and I had just put him in the buggy because he had run off and hit me), he was screaming and screaming. I went a found a quiet corner just the two of us, but he wouldn't calm down and anytime I tried to say anything to him it made him worse. Like he couldn't physically tolerate hearing my voice. I just feel helpless because I want to be able to soothe him and tell him it will be ok but he just seems to never want me.

Oh christ im def not the mum i thought id be. Remember when my ds was 2.5 yrs he had been with us roughly a month, my dh had gone back to work. My ds would have the mother of all tantrums before bed. Looking back it was just terrible 2,s but for me being a new mum and all the emotional upheaval that came with it, i can honestly say say i was in survival mode. I carried him up the stairs and he was a big boy for his age, he wrestled me like an octopus, he was still in a cot, i popped him in and i sat on the stairs crying for an hour, by the time id finished crying he,d gone to sleep. This irrational behaviour went on til he was 3.5 although it did calm down, he would listen to me but i just maintained strict boundries. He killed my back going up those stairs each night. No point talking when they are jn the tantrum they are not listening. I thought id be this calm mother earth, i laugh now when i think of it. Definately a trying age. Hes now 5 and life is bliss for a moment. How smug am i, until he came home last week like a bloody teen asking for a phone and could hardly speak to me until he,d been fed. I think evey age has their trying moments and you will get into a routine but just dont be so hard on yourself. You constantly over analyse their behaviour is it normal, is it cos of the adoption but usually its cos they are 2. Good luck hun it does get easier.

I'm at home today and at midday he sat on the sofa with his lunch infront of him, took a bite, laid down and fell straight to sleep. This has NEVER happened before, I've always had to put him down in his bed for a nap or he sleeps in the car if we are out and about, but he has never just decided " OH I'm tired, I'll have a sleep".

Taking this as a sign that despite his earlier protests he is definitely not ready to drop his nap and I need to persevere through it. His meltdowns (as opposed to regular tantrums) have all been when clearly very tired at around the midday point so hoping that once the nap is reinforced there may be some improvement in behaviour.