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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Adoption

To ask about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

104 replies

MrsRyanGosling15 · 07/01/2017 09:37

I know this is in the wrong place but I don't care, just hoping some wise people will see it and point me in the right direction.

I have had to take in a 12 month old baby who, it is clearly obvious has FAS. This child is so distressed and has nothing like a routine at all. She literally sleeps in 20 min blocks and must be clinging on to you. We have had her 1 week and input from Social services has been shocking really. They just say wait and see if parents get in touch buy they are still drinking heavily and have no intention of getting in touch.

This child doesn't make a sound at all, except the most ear piercing cry I have ever heard along with a really fast flapping of her arms. Even my 11yr old has asked what is wrong with her. I have no experience at all of a child like this and I'm afraid I'm going to stress her more r do her more harm than good. It's only been a week but I'm at breaking point. I have 4 other children in the house too and I have noticed they have all been acting up this week. Giving her away is not an option at all. I have to start her in a creche next week as we need to go to work.

If anyone has looked after a child like his do you have any advice? Especially on how to get her to go in her bed and sleep. Or any good online advice or resources? My 2 year old hasn't had a nap all week as I have just been sat on the sofa with the 1yr old crying and nodding off. I feel so bad I can't cope with this.

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endofthelinefinally · 07/01/2017 09:41

Have you rung your health visitor?
I would do that asap.
I am not sure who you could contact on a weekend though.
So sorry- it sounds horrendous.

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Trifleorbust · 07/01/2017 09:41

After 1 week she is probably still quite confused and distressed at the change. I wouldn't get any fixed ideas about the type of baby she is at this point - just keep providing her with affection and routine. No experience of this specifically, sorry.

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PotteringAlong · 07/01/2017 09:43

You need to talk to social services, sort out carers leave from work and then speak to your health visitor and go from there.

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PotteringAlong · 07/01/2017 09:43

Have you got her registered at a nursery to start next week?

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PotteringAlong · 07/01/2017 09:45

www.nofas-uk.org

And these people may be able to help you if you haven't already contacted them.

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Delatron · 07/01/2017 09:48

It probably is more to do with the environment she has come from and the change, at 12 months she would have an attachment to her parents (however unsuitable they are) so the move will unstettle her. I think it is this though more than FAS? From what I understand (though no experience) FAS would present with behavioural problems at a slightly older age?
So yes, continue providing lots of affection and establish a good routine as I am sure you are doing. Must be so hard though. I am sure she will settle in time.
GP appointment and health visitor support would be a good idea as soon as you can.

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NormaSmuff · 07/01/2017 09:51

gosh is it fair to the creche?

step away from the diagnosis i agree, and concentrate on coping with the behaviour. Agree with HV.

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Fredmitten · 07/01/2017 09:52

There are brilliant people with experience of FAS on the adoption boards on here, get yourself over there pdq and lots of love and luck.

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MiscellaneousAssortment · 07/01/2017 09:53

Have you taken her to a GP?

Sounds like she needs a raft of social worker, health visitor and medical care, rather than a fob off by SS and nothing more.

Do you have a nursery sorted out for the baby to go to? Or is this an existing setting the baby is already settled in? I hate to put more pressure on you, but even a settled, healthy and attached baby will need introducing to a nursery setting slowly and do settling in sessions etc. I can't imagine how distressing being left out of the blue at a nursery with presumably no expertise in FAS or generally in traumatized babies?

Oh dear, this must be a terrible situation for you. I hope you can get someone from health or social care to actually help this poor little thing

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Keeptrudging · 07/01/2017 09:54

I would also look at attachment disorder. If both parents have serious alcohol issues it's highly likely there has been neglect/needs not being met.

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MrsRyanGosling15 · 07/01/2017 09:56

Thank you everyone, will get on to that website now. I have been involved with this family from before birth. I have always suspected FAS and alot of the facial characteristics are present. I got her health visitor out around 3 months but she didn't seem to know that much about it and just brushed me off. Mother is a long term and chronic alcoholic. She was taken of the at risk register very quickly which I was suprised at. I thought giving the history more professionals involved would have been looking out for this. To me it's glaringly obvious. If you Google pictures of it, it's like looking at her.

The parents have done a good job of keeping her under the radar. She doesn't even know how to play with toys bless her.

My mum is actually a very experienced health visitor who is also very concerned but isn't in the country this week but is going to contact a few people she used to work with for me. Im not very good with children at the best of times. It's just a bit overwhelming. And I'm also just so angry and ashamed of my family members to do this on a baby.

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Disabrie22 · 07/01/2017 09:56

How have you become the care giver? Is there someone who can help you?

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NormaSmuff · 07/01/2017 09:57

i really wouldnt worry about the diagnosis at this age, you will blinker yourself. just concentrate on the care imo

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NormaSmuff · 07/01/2017 09:58

and i think at 12 months it is far too young but I am sure someone who knows more can correct me.

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P1nkP0ppy · 07/01/2017 09:59

Is this a family member's child? I think you need to contact Children's services and get urgent support and see your GP.
You need specialist input op.

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KayTee87 · 07/01/2017 09:59

The poor soul I don't know anything about FAS but I agree with pp that the child shouldn't be going to day care next week. I'm sorry if that's making things impossible for you op

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Manumission · 07/01/2017 10:01

So this is a kinship care situation?

Cynical of me but accurate to observe that if statutory services think they are going to be landed with extra responsibility or expense because of some kind of breakdown, they often step up.

It wouldn't hurt to make them aware that the current arrangement is fragile.

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AndNowItsSeven · 07/01/2017 10:02

Poor little one and it must be so hard for you. There is no way she can go to nursery though she needs to be with you she sounds traumatised.

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MrsRyanGosling15 · 07/01/2017 10:06

Sorry I'm missing posts out here. The creche is one that my youngest goes to. I am just back to work after 10 weeks off sick there is no way I can go off again.

My dh is in surgery all day Monday but has passed off some patients to try and lighten the load. We honeatly have no choice to put her in creche. it will be 2 days a week. Social services know this and said they had no issue with it. Social services said we were clearly a 'hard working and professional loving family' and therefore they were 'satisfied that all her needs in this time were being met' Its like they dont see the rush as they know she is safe. This baby is actually my sister. I'm so worried for her. I've never seen a baby act this way. Is the not talking/smiling could that be signs of stress at being removed? My Dh is a surgeon but has no experience with this at all and I'm a nurse but not a childrens nurse so I'm so over my head. I think we all just need good sleep and a clear head and someone to step in and take the lead on this.

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Megatherium · 07/01/2017 10:06

Are you getting your full fostering/kinship care allowance? Might that help pay for some respite care? In any event you need to contact social services urgently about setting up a full care plan. Lots of information here - www.kinshipcarers.co.uk

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TeenAndTween · 07/01/2017 10:07

Under 'Becoming a Parent' there are sections for both Adoption and Fostering where people will have experience of FAS. Some are also kinship carers who may be able to advise on other issues like how to make sure SS stay appropriately involved.

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NormaSmuff · 07/01/2017 10:11

has the lo always behaved like this op?

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Bestthingever · 07/01/2017 10:12

What a shocking lack of support from social services. I would also consider if the child has an attachment disorder, given the neglect from the parents. I worked with a child who had been removed at a similar age (she was 5 then) and there were a number of issues resulting from her being badly neglected. She was very challenging but her foster mum had lots of support. You also need that. You also sound like you have a lot of your hands and I wonder whether an experienced foster parent might not be better for this poor baby.

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NoraDora · 07/01/2017 10:16

OP I am assuming your mum is your adopted mum and your sister is your biological sister? What a mess for you all and you really sound d amazing for stepping up and helping this little girl.

I have no experience of FAS whatsoever but wanted to wish you well.

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MrsRyanGosling15 · 07/01/2017 10:16

Thank you again everyone. I feel a bit less panicked just having wrote it down. Literally everyone in my family works so no one else here during the week apart from me as I work part time. Nothing has been mentioned about money at all. I just assumed as she is my sister (well technically half sister) that we would have to pay. I also feel 5 children 3 of which are under 3 is just too much for me to deal with but I just can't let her go to foster care. I would never forgive myself. Will go and check out the adoption boards too thank you

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