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Adoption

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Original poster

Would you keep bag full of old baby clothes from BM?

15 replies

Hels20 · 18/12/2016 10:37

Hello

From birth mother, my son has 3 or 4 cuddly toys, a blanket and clothes. None of these clothes fit him any more, a lot are broken (e.g. Broken buttons, very worn, broken zips - ie a lot that is unusable again).

Just trying to have a sort out before Christmas and I was wondering what people's views are in keeping the clothes.i was thinking of whittling it down to a few of the better stuff (we would obviously keep the blanket and cuddly toys).

Have you kept all the clothes that birth family gave? It makes up two carrier bags full so although we are tight on storage we could store them.

I could go either way but would be grateful for people's views.

Thank you

OP posts:

donquixotedelamancha · 18/12/2016 11:12

No. Course not. Keep one or two things if you feel that's important; such as the toy and blanket you mention.

You are mainly keeping things for yourself, imagine how little you were bothered about stuff like baby clothes when you were a teenager. If do keep something actually special it may be valued when they're much older or they may well want nothing to do with it.

JustHappy3 · 18/12/2016 12:15

I photographed them - laid them out nicely and took a photo to keep. Picked a couple to keep and disposed of the others.
There are crafty people who take a bit of fabric from each item and turn it into a bear/blanket/cushion etc for you. Which is also nice.

Italiangreyhound · 18/12/2016 14:26

Personally, we had virtually nothing from birth family. But a bit from foster family. I would not keep everything but would keep about half, including better clothes. I'd photograph the stuff you throw and make a note of why, Eg broken button, worn out etc.

bostonkremekrazy · 18/12/2016 19:38

I had our old stuff made into a quilt....dc can keep it forever then...either on the bed, or a play blanket, or as it is currently in a box for when they want,.

this kind of thing.....lovekeepcreate.co.uk/keepsake-blankets/

tinks269 · 18/12/2016 20:24

There are now lots, well quite a few, companies that turn baby clothes into soft toys. A quick search on Google will find them. This way you don't throw them out (I couldn't bring myself to if I were you) and your child will have them.

Moogletea · 18/12/2016 20:50

I had exactly this dilemma. We had two bags of clothes given and I hung onto them for ages not knowing what to do with them. Our DD hadn't worn them other then during contact visits and they were all quite tatty and not very baby like (think gothic black hairy coat kind of stuff). Foster carer confirmed they weren't things DD wore. For months these bags niggled me and I just didn't know whether to keep or not. Finally realised that they weren't meaningful (we kept the cuddly toy and a handmade blanket that BP gave) and actually might be damaging to share with DD as they were in such bad condition they would just look neglectful. So threw them and haven't regretted it at all

OurMiracle1106 · 18/12/2016 20:54

As a birth mum maybe speak to the social worker and find out If She would like to have them returned to her. These clothes may Be old but could be the last clothes she saw her son in/first football shirt etc and have special meaning to her

Moogletea · 18/12/2016 21:40

Good point Ourmiracle. Forgot to say we did do this. SW confirmed birth parents had left at contact centre and didn't want back which is why SW had sent to us. SW didn't think north parents had bought clothes - think donated via contact centre so made us feel better at throwing as there was no emotional meaning in them

Italiangreyhound · 18/12/2016 21:42

That is a very good idea miracle.

Original poster

Hels20 · 18/12/2016 22:14

Thanks for all your comments. Miracle - unfortunately the birth father has never been in contact, doesn't care about this child (yet) and won't even give an email address or a working phone number. The BM also has become uncontactable - had basically abandoned DS before placement order etc (her life is very very chaotic)

The problem is that the clothes ARE in pretty bad condition - and were given in a bad state (they were handed over at contact). There is the odd nice thing in it (i.e. In reasonable condition). Moogle - I worry too that it might actually be damaging for DS to see the clothes. But they are a link with BM.

I like the idea of making a blanket out of them very much.

Maybe I'll leave it six months and see if BM does make contact and if she doesn't, I will make a blanket out of them.

Thanks for your suggestions.

OP posts:

RaisingSteam · 19/12/2016 00:51

I kept clothes (where I had them ) seen wearing in photos plus some favourite toys. I think those will be very poignant bags some time in future. There is more for DS1 than DS2, sadly, he'd had not much more than babygros.

OurMiracle1106 · 19/12/2016 20:20

There are also companies which turn clothes into the filling and outer of a soft toy which could be another option

delilabell · 20/12/2016 07:20

I'd keep them. I'd put them I'm the loft out the way but I think when/if dc wants to find out about bm and bf,and if they're not contactable it would be something. Are they clothes from different ages? If so maybe keep one of each.
Ds has nothing from birth mom at all and very little from foster carers. His memory box is generally made up of things from when he came to us (20months). I just think it's a link and their choice fir when they're an adult. I think making a list of why you got rid of things (broken button etc) could come across as very harsh and (unintentionally) snobby? Let dc make their own decisions on it

Buster5187 · 20/12/2016 09:59

I would keep them. DS has one box of baby clothes from BM as well as things like teddys/socks etc from FC which he loves to revisit every now and then. He especially loves looking at the old baby clothes / 'trying them on' etc. Some of course are fairly worn but that matters not to him. It's just part of his memories and story. If you do get rid of some, I think I wouldn't go down the photo route of things, as I feel that will make LO miss those things even more and 'wonder' why they couldn't have kept them all - worn looking/broken etc doesn't really come into it for children I don't think when they're revisiting for memories (DS has photos wearing older T Shirts etc that never actually made it to us, but still comments 'I don't have that T Shirt anymore etc he is very attached to things). I would just just keep the ones you feel you'd like to keep in a memory box, within reason if there are lots. The memory blankets/teddies are also really good I think.

endofacentury · 22/12/2016 06:50

I literally just took a huge bag of baby clothes from BM to our local children's centre last week as I'd held on to them for nearly 2 years, now after reading this I am really regretting it as could have had them turned into a teddy or a blanket. Feel awful now

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