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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

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Original poster

Quick question - how many of you met face to face your child's paediatrician?

20 replies

Adopter12345 · 22/08/2016 10:04

Hello

We are in the process of adopting a child - quick question - how many of you had a face to face meeting with the paediatrician? We have requested one but have been told that, unless we have a good reason, a phone call is all we should expect.

This child has some delay and potential issues - I don't think it is unreasonable of us to ask for a face to face meeting. Or am I being unreasonable? I just think looking someone in the eye and knowing they are not distracted is pretty important. Thoughts?

OP posts:

RatherBeIndoors · 22/08/2016 11:55

Our timings were a bit rushed, so I did "just" have a phone call - but it was with the medical report in front of me, and was a good 45 minute call where we discussed things in depth and I had all my questions answered. I have since met them several times as we have been able to negotiate continuity of care for LO. If you are fairly medically confident, a phone call can be fine, but if you're unsure then you're well within the bounds of reasonableness to ask for a face-to-face

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 22/08/2016 12:19

We met with the medical person from the LA who had been doing the LA medical reviews. Trouble was they were nearly due another review so her info was 5mnths out of date which is a lot with a 2.5yr old. Lots of statements about how there were no certainties etc etc. The FC was more use really.

Be aware that there is a wide range to 'normal'.
I would be trying to ascertain

what delays in what areas are they seeing
do they know/surmise reason for delay
what was the 'age gap' delay when first assessed
what is the 'age gap' delay now

(is gap widening, staying the same, or closing)

Can you see a video of LO? Seeing one of DD2 was really helpful as despite everything there was clear understanding and engagement, it made us happy to take on the uncertainty.

Original poster

Adopter12345 · 22/08/2016 12:46

Thank you both for your responses. Sanders - I will make a note of your questions. The last LAC review is quite out of date. We are fully anticipating some delay - maybe v bad delay. We are prepared for that.

I just got irritated with the LA. "You really need to have a good reason why you want a face to face meeting" It irked me. I don't see the difference in someone's very busy day being taken up with a face to face meeting or a phonecall. For me, a face to face is important. I know myself when I am conducting meetings over the phone, I sometimes get distracted.

Our "unreasonable" request has been made and we will see where we get to....

OP posts:

user1471555041 · 22/08/2016 14:39

We're going to matching panel next week and the panel wasn't allowed to happen until we had met face to face with the LA paediatrician. I think your right to request a face to face meeting.

monkeytoad35 · 22/08/2016 18:45

Yes I think so to. We had a face to face meeting with the paediatrician who assessed our son. It was expected of us by our LA to attend before we went to matching panel. You are very much within your rights to meet the Medical advisor. Good luck

greenandblackssurvivalkit · 22/08/2016 19:22

We were told we had to, at great logistical difficulty! Face to face.

Maiyakat · 22/08/2016 19:54

I had a face to face meeting, again don't think matching panel would have happened without it. Also had two meetings with a specialist (who gave me homework!!) How is it in the child's best interests for it's parents to not have full information about their health?

greenandblackssurvivalkit · 22/08/2016 20:31

A phone call would have been fine for us. But had to be face to face.

TearingDownTheWall · 22/08/2016 21:56

We didn't have face to face then found out afterwards a report that had been written for us from the paediatrician hadn't been sent. I would push for the meeting on the basis of "delay" is bloody woolly as previous posters have said.

ac73 · 22/08/2016 22:38

We had a face to face meeting with the medical advisor.

tldr · 23/08/2016 00:20

We had nothing beyond the report.

greenandblackssurvivalkit · 23/08/2016 07:03

At our face to face meeting, the report was just read out to us!

Kitkatandcake · 23/08/2016 13:01

We didn't have face to face as ours was rushed so I wrote down questions and answers from the phone call. The report was out of date and frankly not at all representative of the child we were adopting. Face to face wouldn't have made much difference as the info was totally irrelevant. In fact we were made assurances that turned out to be totally untrue. If you want face to face, insist on it. I wish with hindsight we had requested a more recent medical and a meeting with a developmental Paed rather than the useless adoption dr

MintyLizzy9 · 23/08/2016 13:13

I was offered a face to face if I wanted it but the latest LAC review was only days before so I had all the updates from that. I did meet with her a few months later for her review DS prior to AO application though and she clearly didn't remember him so I got far more for the reports than my face to face!

I would push for a face to face if you have questions or concerns that you arent comfortable discussing on the phone.

OlennasWimple · 23/08/2016 17:30

We didn't have a face to face meeting or a call, but there was nothing flagged on the medical report of concern so we didn't press it.

scarfonthestairs · 28/08/2016 14:25

We had a face to face meeting with lac paediatrican. You (in my opinion )have a valid reason

dippymootoo · 28/08/2016 18:26

You are considering taking on a child with uncertainties, you must have all the available information. If you feel that means meeting the paediatrician then I don't think that's an unreasonable request. I also think if you were to mention at matching panel that this had been denied to you then there would be serious Concerns raised.

Our LA offer the medical meeting with a specialist GP - she and our social worker asked us who we wanted to speak to as there were a few medical professionals involved. We met three different paeds face to face and several other people like the Physio.

I think all the info could have been obtained from one of the paeds for decision making for us but for the child's sake we needed to know the whole picture. No one except us is there to answer the questions now when we see anyone medically so we needed to know a complete History.

I think it is important for panel to feel you've had all the info but far more important that you are making a totally informed decision. Then having made that decision, that you are fully prepared to advocate for your child going forwards.

I hope you can get them to listen to you!

Original poster

Adopter12345 · 28/08/2016 21:20

Thanks everyone. A face to face is important to me and the LA have relented. It probably won't make any difference but I will know that the doctor isn't distracted when speaking to me. I just wish I hadn't been made to feel as though I was asking for something unreasonable and perceived as being difficult.

OP posts:

dimples76 · 29/08/2016 21:01

I agree Adopter12345 - your request was perfectly reasonable.

I met the LA's medical advisor (a community paediatrician) who was v good at explaining things. i had also wanted to meet my son's consultant he has global developmental delay but the first appointment available with her wasn't for five months ..so I had to skip that.

The MA said at training you should always ask the Dr what they thought were the best and worst likely outcomes for the child.

Hope the meeting goes well

MypocketsarelikeNarnia · 29/08/2016 22:58

It's just completely ludicrous that the system thinks it's ok to ask people to parent any child with any level of potential need without sitting down and discussing what that might entail with an expert.

Mind boggling.

I'm glad you have your meeting op.

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