Experiences of adoption from overseas

[LunaMoona]

A brand new category - can I be the first to post ?

I wondered what experiences people have (if any) of adopting children from overseas. It looks mighty difficult but wondered what positive/negative experiences you have had ?

No personal experience of this, but one of my dad's sisters and her husband - an Indian/US national - adopted a newborn girl from the Punjabi region of India in the early 80s and had a very positive experience.

So bumpity bump!

Would love to do it myself, but suspect there is a huge cost (financial) involved, plus I should imagine a lot of emotional upheaval for all concerned.

We would also love to adopt from this region as well. But we are skint.

I don't think it was anything Earth-shattering as far as cost goes - my aunt was a teacher (they're both now retired) and her husband an engineer.

Their first child, a girl, was stillborn at about 33-35 weeks, IIRC, after my aunt contracted listeria.

They had two sons, but always wanted a daughter.

My cousin, Pria, is now a resident physician in the US. She's a star! Always has been.

I'm glad your aunt and uncle had such a lovely experience expat. I guess procedures in the US differ from here, plus they adopted in the 80s. Like every damn thing else, I can imagine it has become big business now, and the $$$ or £££ just mount up. Not very encouraging to those of us who feel that there are plenty of children worldwide who need love and care, for whatever reason, but who just wouldn't be able to afford to go through the process. On the other hand I may be wrong ! Hope someone is able to give us some more info...

Also, my aunt's husband, my Uncle Joe, is a dual Indian/US national. I think this may have made it easier.

I'm in the process now. Hoping to travel this year. Started the process 2 years ago and hopefully will be about 2.5 years by the time I'm home.

Sadly yes it is very expensive. Local council have to assess you and can charge, charges range from £3,000 to £5,000 depending on council. Legal costs here probably another £2,000. Travel and accomodation varies dramatically depending on country say £1,000 - £3,000. Overseas costs (donation to orphange, legal costs etc) anywhere from £7,000 to £15,000.

Let me know if you want anymore info.

I'm so pleased they've added an adoption category!

That's a huge sum of money ! Well that puts us out of the picture anyway. suejonez, where are you adopting from ? Good luck with it all, it must be a very difficult procedure and I hope it all goes to plan for you.

I picked a difficult country - Kazakhstan. China is simpler and slightly cheaper. Its all stressful, unpredictable and intrusive but hopefully worth it . Ukraine is normally a slightly cheaper option but isn't open at the moment.

If you don't want to adopt or foster in the UK, why not consider becoming a mentor? Most local councils are looking for people to mentor children/young adults coming out of the care system here and they will generally try to match you up with someone you have something in common with.

gosh sj hats off to you. I would love another child - have 2 tinies at the mo. May look into adoption in this country as well.

Good luck !

Thanks

UK authorites will expect you to adopt in birth order ie you would have to adopt about 2 years younger than your youngest. It is possible to adopt young childrne in UK depending on which area you live (more difficult in London) but if you are asian, black or mixed race most councils are desparate for adopters.

Sadly they won't let a white woman adopt a cihld of different ethnic group or I would be adopting in UK.

Is it rude to ask if you are doing this with a partner suejonez and also how old you are. I only ask as my sister has just started looking into this - she is 43 and single....Has been trying for a child unsuccessfully for 4 years with donor sperm, but would make just a wonderful mother.

No not rude at all, I'm single and 41.

being single is not a bar, neither is being in your forties, though it would limit her choice of child if she adopts in the UK. CAT me if she wants more information.

Thanks suejonez. I may well CAT you and then put you in touch - she hasn't really discovered mumsnet yet - great to hear that it's possible though and do keep us posted on it all.

Where does she live (if you don't mind m asking) as there is a single mothers (by choice) group who meet up in the London area about every 6 weeks. Ages range from 35 - 46 ish. Mothers-in-waiting encouraged to go too!

Just to add my twopennethsworth...the adoption laws in the UK have undergone massive changes this year and about time too.
It now is not impossible for a single woman in her 40's to adopt a child under the age of three in the UK. From the experiences I have had I would strongly suggest that if any single adult wanted to pursue adoption that they contact either the National Childrens Home or BAF...British Adoption and Fostering Agency, who will advise you of local independant adoption agencies in your area.
Contacting your local social services is normally the first port of call BUT they are understaffed and over worked...not enough money in the pot to pay social workers to undergo adotion assesments and completion of the form F....whereas the independant agencies have the rescources and available social workers. It doesnt cost a penny to use the independants as funding is paid for when a child is placed with you by the placing authority.

My sis contacted her local SS dept and was turned away because her partner is 23 years her senior...SS just viewed them as a complicated case and wouldnt even assign a social worker to do the prelimanary interview She was distraught until I told her to try NCH...from the date she phoned them to the date they were approved took 6 months and they have had lots of info for children under the age of 18 mths....he is 59...my sis 36. Go back a few years and there is no way they would have been approved due to his age.
DH and I adopted our guys through an independant agency.12 years ago things were a hell of a lot worse than they are now and we were turned away by SS because I was unable to concieve....er excuse me isnt that why people adopt????

There are thousands of children in this country who are all waiting for a home...such a shame to hear that people are still having to go overseas despite the changes to the adoption laws.

Hi Suejonez - she's based in N London so that may be worth finding out about. Will def try and Cat sometime this week, keen to find out which council/agency you went through - busy at the mo, but delighted to have someone "in the know" to talk to

yes we have 2 girls adopted from India and now 10 and 12. We always say it's the most difficult but def the BEST thing we ever did.
Long, slow, fustrating process - but oh so wonderful when it all worked out after many days of wondering whether it ever would.
The Intercountry Adoption Centre gives advice and to anyone considering the idea their Consultation Days are a good place to start.

I am a single parent and took part in a channel 4 documentary during which I met several people going the adoption route.One in particular adopted from China,a gorgeous litle girl but it took her nearly 5 years and a lot of cash.
I do think things have changed a bit since but regardless,if it what you want to do then follow that dream!

My brother and his Polynesian wife live in Tahiti. After years of trying for a baby, her sister who got pregnant for the 5th time and couldn't afford an other child, ask them if they wanted to be the parents of her child... They of course said yes.. It is often happening other there and instead of putting your child for adoption in a family you don't know, it is legal and cost free to have someone in your family to adopt your child.. I think it is wonderful..

Things are so much better for adopting here in the usa. I have many many friends of all walks of life who have easily and successfully adopted here. There are the 2 gay white dads with 3 mixed race kids; the 2 gay white moms with a daughter from guatemala, my boss and his wife have an adopted daughter from china....The list goes on and on. There doesn't seem to be much in the way of restrictions (age, race, sexual preference) as long as you are willing to provide a loving household. I understand that there were major changes made about 10 years ago and before that it was more like in the uk, just really difficult if you didn't fit ss's idea of the "ideal" family. How sad.

Anyway, I don't know anyone who has regretted their choice of adopting either overseas or at home. It does seem that china may be the easiest place to adopt from.

My dad's American sister and her dual national Indian/American husband also adopted a baby girl from India in 1981. They lost their first child, a girl, to listeria. She was stillborn when my aunt was 35 weeks pregnant. They then had two sons, before my aunt had to have a hysterectomy.

Their daughter, our cousin, has been such a blessing to the family.

I think my uncle's being an Indian national may have helped, but the whole process only took about a year.

She's now a resident physician in Washington State.

Sorry haven't been paying attention to this thread...

Cll - defo get your sister to email me, I can also put her in touch with a single adopters group (domestic and overseas) as well as the group which encompasses single mothers of all sorts.

It is theoretically possible for a single woman over 40 (I wasn't over 40 when I started) to adopt in Uk but in practice is very rare unless you are prepared to adopt a much older child or one who has been sexually abused which they don't want to place with a man in the family. I would consider this in future but not as a first child IYSWIM.

There are pleanty of mixed race children available but social services still seem to be VERY resistant to placing them with non-white familes - even if they had a white single mother, they won't place with a white single mother. I understand that a few councils may be reconsidering that practice.

I am on many US webgroups for adoption and there is certainly a marked difference in attitude to adoption over there. Americans seem to see adoption of any kind as a good thing, I'm sure if its cultural. We in the Uk seem to see adoption very differently -

Intercountry adoption = rich middle class families buying babies
Domestic adoption = very worthy and a "good" thing but obviously every child is damaged and will become a mad axe murderer.

It does wind me up - in fact I'm much more militant about "allowing" people an opinion than I used to be. But I've alreday got myself into trouble once on MN by being outspoken about Intercountry adoption so I'll shut up now!

(PS Inter-family adoption does happen in the UK but is rarer than it used to be, my Aunt was adopted by my grandparents when my grandma's single sister had a baby. This was in the early 50's though.)

Most people won't understand the significance of this (intercountry adopters should) but my papers have finally cleared the Embassy here in the UK and have gone to Kazakhstan, hurrah! I'm hoping that means travel by end September.

Fantastic! Congratulations and More!! I completely understand the significance of this and remember very clearly how it felt finally to be sending my papers out to Vietnam.

BTW: Love your definitions:

Intercountry adoption = rich middle class families buying babies
Domestic adoption = very worthy and a "good" thing but obviously every child is damaged and will become a mad axe murderer.

I knew you would Issymum!

I normally try to explain the adoption "markers" in a pregnancy way so that others understand - eg passing panel felt like I was pregnant, papers sent to Dfes = 12 week scan, certificate of eligibility = 20 week scan. But I can't think of any equivalent to your dossier going out to your country. Did you suffer from the same thwarted celebrations?!