Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Experiences of adoption from overseas

91 replies

LunaMoona · 15/05/2006 13:22

A brand new category - can I be the first to post ?

I wondered what experiences people have (if any) of adopting children from overseas. It looks mighty difficult but wondered what positive/negative experiences you have had ?

OP posts:

HappyMumof2 · 12/07/2006 17:57

Message withdrawn

KristinaM · 12/07/2006 22:19

No, bizarrely it doesn't count!!! Unless they have changed the "rules". Its the ethnicity of the parents that matters to SS. They have their own defintions of all these things.

suejonez · 12/07/2006 23:26

you might be lucky HappyMumof2, some councils have started being a little more flexible though it doesn;t seem to be the london ones - you'd have to talk to your adoption team to find out.

HappyMumof2 · 13/07/2006 14:46

Message withdrawn

suejonez · 13/07/2006 14:49

I would seriously try yours but yes it is mad. Mad with the best of intentions which is somehow more irritating!

KristinaM · 14/07/2006 00:59

so sue, once you have your son home , you will be officially a "mixed race family" and you can adopt your second child here ????? And your third and fourth....

suejonez · 14/07/2006 10:23

That would be a nice thought - I had decided I would try that approach with the council. Not so sure about 3, 4 & 5 but number 2 definitely appeals (might not be saying that once no. 1 arrives!)

Indith · 17/08/2006 18:58

Reading out of interest, not an adopter myself but I have 2 Chillians, a Madagascan and a Senegalese (we think) in the family, all on my French side.

I was surprised at the dificulties there seem to be within the UK of adopting a UK child of different race as the Senegalese is definitely French born (they were looking to adopt from Latvia when they suddenly came to the top of the French list) and I'm pretty sure the Madagascan is also French born. Both black children in white families. The youngest is 6 now and he did have a phase a couple of years ago of being enchanted by black women but he has settled down into a very steady going little boy who knows and accepts perfectly happily that he has a black mummy who came from Africa and a white mummy.

From what I've seem of my uncles struggles to adopt abroad, getting to the top of lists only to have the borders suddenly close on them it is certainly a long, hard journey and I wish you all the very best!

(oh and a note on Russia, I spent 6 months teaching out there this year and from what I gather from friends they are getting reluctant to allow children to be adopted out of the country due to declining birth rates and a terribly low life expectancy among men so they want to keep all the kids to add to their own work force. There is also a LOT of deafness in Russia, more deaf in Moscow alone than the whole of the UK, often caused by bad birthing conditions and injections given to babies so something to be aware of)

suejonez · 20/08/2006 22:20

Hi Indith - I would have been quite happy to adopt a child of another race (and in fact I now am by going overseas) but very very few councils will allow it. Even if the child is placed with white foster carers for years. Or the mum is a white single mother. Madness.

Indith · 21/08/2006 10:42

Definite madness, especially in such a multicultural country! Best of luck to you for abroad

toopie · 01/10/2006 21:41

as a DW to an adoptee from abroad to english parents, i can only tell you what he has passed to me, he resents being away and growing up away from his country of birth and his culture/history. I have to add his adoptive parents believed that a child was influenced by 75%their environment and 25 % genes. plus he had a very horrible child hood experience. nor did theur understand him.
he has since contacted his birth mother, who was told a complete lie about who was adopting her son.
i'm sure times may have changed as this was 30 plus years ago but had to add this

suejoneziscalmernow · 03/10/2006 10:47

sorry to hear your DH had such a hard time growing up. Was there a possibility of him being adopted in his birth country? Did he not have any exposure to his birth country or people who were from it whilst growing up?

beemail · 03/10/2006 20:51

So sad to read this Toopie. Prospective intercountry adopters now are expected to demonstrate how they would nurture the child's cultural identity and maintain links with birth country - I guess that's not followed up though. I have come across people who have suffered in this respect as children. Hope most parents now would understand the importance of this. has your DH been able to visit his birth country as an adult?

toopie · 03/10/2006 21:51

we've come out the other side so everything is fine - a lot of his resentment to Birth Mother and adoptive mother and his childhood didn't come out until after we'd had our first (bit of a shock for me that i didn't know everything on top of have a new born!) i read another post that says that males have a different perspective on adoption and i have to agree - it was only after the birth of our first he gave finding his birth mother any thought.
yes there was the option ( we are talking developed world) and his adoptive parents although they probably had the intention of staying abroad promptly moved back to UK when he was a baby. we recently discovered a family friend tried in DH teenage years to get him to live with them in his birth country but Adoptive parents said no. they also ensured he didn't learn much about his culture or language. A real lost soul for a long time. his adoptive parents allowed very bad experiences to happen to him (in my opinion they must have known) do NOT understand him at all. he self harmed (i'm surprised he hadn't comitted suicide as a teenager but luckily he just did his own thing) and the SH all started up again after the first was born as he didn't feel confident. this has all been addressed and is back to being a perfect DH and father.
Not a very happy story in the main so if anyone reads this there is always light at the end of the tunnel if you work together, the person in question wants to get help and has the support

suejoneziscalmernow · 03/10/2006 23:42

How sad - I wonder if your DH parents were old-fashioned/uneducated in their thinking about adoption (it was of course a different era and its true they did things differently then) or just inadequate parents and would have been equally insensitive with a birth child. I guess you'll never know but glad to hear that your DH has worked his way through his various issues.

If it gives him any consolation as Beemail said, intercountry adopters have to satisfy an adoption panel that they have thought through how to maintain links with your childs birth country. The way it was described to me was that as adoptive parents you have keep your childs birth country "in trust" for them ie even if they don;t show any obvious interest you must find a way of keeping it a part of your lives and be able to give them access to it in some way when they want to know more about it.

toopie · 04/10/2006 20:10

sorry beemail missed your post, yes DH has been back with adoptive parents as a teenager and then 10 years later on our honeymoon (they always kept his birth certificate and passports and he believes because they thought he would clear off for good - we had to ask for them after we were married!!!). it is our intention to move there to bring up our children and we do a lot of talking about the culture over there so they are ready, DH says his Adoptive parents will be lucky to find out address out then!! not sure if he'll go as far as that but it's up to him.
he's also chosen not to tell him, he's located his birth mother again up to him but that's down to their reaction of hurt when his adoptive sister found hers.

Flip

1 2 3 4