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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

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Original poster

Adoption if in the past I've been on antidepressants

13 replies

waitingtobeamummy · 26/02/2013 17:48

Hi,
We've just failed our third round of fertility treatment. We have decided to defer because it is affecting us ( in particular me) a lot. I went to the dr's today and he says I have depression. Gave me a low dose of antidepressants to try for 3 weeks. Said after that we can look at if I still need them or if counselling would help.
Just panicked myself though because we are thinking that once we have got me better and sorted ourselves out we will most probably try for adoption. I won't be on ad's by then because I want to get me better before We even start to look at it, but would it affect our chances if in the past I had been on them?
Thanks
waiting

OP posts:

Lilka · 26/02/2013 18:34

Hi and welcome :)

No it shouldn't be a problem. Plenty of adoptive parents will have taken anti-depressants, many for similar reasons to you, the effects of failng fertility treatments causing depression. Long term or very serious depression might be a worry for them but even then is not necessarily a barrier

So I personally would not worry at all, but even if SS did look slightly askance at a normal length course of AD's, I would still say to go ahead and try them. Focus on yourself and your own mental wellbeing first and foremost, it's absolutely the most important thing to do right now

Original poster

waitingtobeamummy · 26/02/2013 19:25

Thanks lilka, I need to get me (and us) back to how we were 3 years ago before all of this started.

OP posts:

Broodymomma · 26/02/2013 20:41

I was in your exact position and spent 10 months on anti depressants for the same reason and many hours in councelling. Today we had our official application approved and completed our prep course. We had a long talk about our ivf journey with our social worker and they just want to know how you coped with things and that you came through the other side which you will. It shows strength to admit you need help and actively seek it. Just get yourself well. Ivf is such a struggle and I got the impression our social worker had seen it all before many times. You will get there just take it one day at a time x

Happiestinwellybobs · 26/02/2013 20:43

Both DH and I have been on AD's. As mine was for a relatively short period and about 4 years prior, it seemed to be instantly dismissed. My DH had been on them more than once and for longer periods but was upfront from the start with SS about the reasons (our infertility & work) and it was all fine.

I agree with Lilka - ensuring you're okay now is what is most important. And these days I don't seem to meet anyone who has not taken AD's at some time. Depression is so common and the TTC journey can be so tough.

Broodymomma · 26/02/2013 20:43

Forgot to say I'm so sorry to hear about your failed cycle have been there 5 times and I know how hard it is. Be kind to yourself!

Original poster

waitingtobeamummy · 26/02/2013 22:46

Thank you all for your help. My lovely dad keeps saying "you're not the first" and I think I need to realise that.
It's only clomid that I'm on. Haven't even made it to ivf. We agreed at the beginning that we didn't want to try ivf etc. But I really didn't appreciate the side affects of clomid. And it was given to us as a miracle drug and its not.I just want to be better so we can move on. Thank you everybody.

OP posts:

Choccyjules · 24/07/2013 12:17

I spoke to one of the three agencies we're looking at yesterday, as I have been on ADs for a while following depression & cancer (at the same time and very much interlinked). I told them I had recently discussed coming off them with my GP, at my request, as I have been well for a few years now. GP happy for me to try this and obviously it's a good time if we are to go forward on the adoption route.
The agency said I might need to pay for an independent psych evaluation which would be hundreds of pounds.
Anyone else had that happen?!

Bananaketchup · 24/07/2013 20:02

When I first enquired about adopting I was turned down because I was taking a low dose of anti depressants. The agency required me to be off them for a minimum of a year before they would consider my application, so that is what I did. Having said that, during my home study my SW commented that they wouldn't have asked me to do that if I'd been newly applying at that point, so I wonder if there was a change of policy when adoption climbed up the political agenda a bit?

In talking to other adopters there seems to be a huge variation between agencies - while I was turned down for taking the lowest dose of ADs available, another adopter I was speaking to in another part of the country was taken on by her agency whilst on medication for a psychotic illness and previously having been hospitalised for this. Basically I think it's all in the balance of what the agency think you can offer, the kind of child you're looking for versus the kind of child the agency wants to place, how hard the agency has to look for applicants, personal beliefs/prejudices of team managers/SWs, it all seems quite subjective of what agencies do or don't have a problem with.

Devora · 24/07/2013 21:26

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. Huge sympathies. ADs can be so helpful and I hope you get benefit from them.

Both dp and I have had depression and used ADs. In dp's case it was in the more recent past, and she needed a medical reference, but it didn't delay us adopting our beautiful daughter. Bananaketchup is quite right that agencies really vary.

Untreated depression is more of a threat to your future adoption than treated depression, so do what you need to do to get through this difficult time.

Familyfinder · 25/07/2013 22:17

We have just past panel stage I have taken AD for many years still do . i had to have a report from a psych but all was fine. Good luck and dont worry x

Choccyjules · 26/07/2013 09:41

Did you have to pay for the psych report? While we wouldn't quibble if we could afford it, given the importance of what we're doing, it will probably go onto the pro's and cons list when we choose an agency.

Inthebeginning · 29/07/2013 09:37

Hi all, thank you for comments. I've spoken to one agency over the phone so far and she said it was no problem, that I was dealing with it well and they were happy it was being managed. Don't know how the rest will react but I think you're right it depends on the agency.

helensparkles · 17/08/2013 11:08

Agencies do vary enormously, but all want you to be robust and resilient enough to parent an adopted child, without either of you getting in a pickle. An independent assessment might be useful in some cases, and any quibbles about cost are likely to lead to how you will afford to adopt/parent, so are a sign of commitment.

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