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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Newbies

999 replies

Italiangreyhound · 12/09/2012 01:36

Hi I am a newbie and only just started this journey, officially made the call last week.

Just interested how may other newbies are out there who are still in the early stages. I keep coming across people and recognising names. Anyone want to let on what stage they are at?

OP posts:
Inthebeginning · 13/01/2014 19:11

hi choccy. We had a list to choose what we would accept and what we wouldn't accept and what we would consider. we did one each and then had the rule that if one of us said no we would veto completely. if one said yes and one said maybe it would be a would consider it only if we both said yes would it be a yes.
totally understand about dh understanding what he's saying yes or no too though. (dh had to look some things up)
it was difficult doing it that way as I worried we would "lose out" on a child but I didn't want us having a child that one of us felt overwhelmed by/ we felt pushed into.
Am I making sense or am I waffling? ???

Choccyjules · 13/01/2014 22:38

No that makes sense. It just worries me that DH may reject children he could parent, if he knew more about it.

I like your way of doing two lists, though. Did you get these or did you have to create them.

And guess what? Email from SW late afternoon. Panel in mid-April!!!!!

Inthebeginning · 14/01/2014 07:14

brilliant news with panel choccy! fabulous!

We had the lists given to us. do you want me to see if I've got a copy still?

We had an email from s worker and we now have a date and time for lo's s.wrkers visiting us!

Choccyjules · 14/01/2014 08:03

I suppose our SW may have similar lists but if you could dig them out without too much bother, that would be great, thanks!

Wow, is it soon? Smile

Meita · 14/01/2014 09:42

Yay for panel date in April, Choccy!
Inthebeginning, will you be changing your NN to Intheend soon? ;) Meeting the child's family finding SW is something I find a bit scary. At the end of the day, this person will decide if a particular child can come to live with you and become a part of your family, or not. I imagine I will be very anxious! Wouldn't want to make the wrong first impression… Anyway, good luck! Hope it's soon!

namechangesforthehardstuff · 14/01/2014 19:44

Hi inthebeginning could we get a copy of your list too? We're at panel in April too Choccy :)

Happiestinwellybobs · 14/01/2014 20:15

inthebeginning. That's exactly how DH and I approached it. SW went through some of the greyer areas with us first, before leaving it with us. DH ticked 'no' to a lot more than me, as he felt he couldn't cope with issues such as incest, rape etc. But we are a team, and both had to be happy with what we were submitting.

It was one of the hardest bits of the process; we felt a lot of guilt at what we saw as effectively saying no to an awful lot of children. But rather that than not be totally honest, only to have major issues further down the line.

Inthebeginning · 14/01/2014 20:40

It is difficult happiest isn't it. You almost think of a row of them and you're saying "no, no, no, "
Me and dh surprised ourselves with some of our answers! It's a real eye opener.
Maybe choccy go through the list first to check you both understand them (we had to look some up! )
I've found the list. pm you're email addresses and I'll send it through if anyone wants it (only doing it like that as don't know how to do an attachment to these msgs)

we go to panel on the 29 th and then have the social workers visiting 12 days later! Close to meltdown. Grin

MyFeetAreCold · 14/01/2014 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBW · 16/01/2014 19:33

Got panel date yesterday... 18 months and 10 days after we made our first phone call.

After the last 3 days odd on MN I nearly turned round to our social worker and said, "naahhhh, don't call us, we'll call you" Grin

Happiestinwellybobs · 16/01/2014 19:39

Great news MrsBW :)

MrsBW · 16/01/2014 19:44

It's only just occurred to me.... 24 hrs later... That the 'interrogations' are over. The next time we'll see our SW is at panel, woohoo!!

(This is the 4th panel date we've been given so we told them not to give us this date till they were totally sure, had everything they needed, manager had seen PAR etc!!)

I'm celebrating with some Wine

Original poster
Italiangreyhound · 16/01/2014 19:53

Good luck MrsBW.

OP posts:
Choccyjules · 16/01/2014 20:02

Really pleased for you MrsBW Smile

Inthebeginning · 16/01/2014 20:43

fab news Mrs bw. What date is panel?

MrsBW · 16/01/2014 20:52

Grin Grin Grin

Late Feb. They initially started talking late Jan... Must have looked very Shock ... We haven't even submitted our final portfolio yet (although it's 99% of the way there and they've seen that!)

Thanks all... Very excited.

Inthebeginning · 16/01/2014 21:07

brilliant! I bet you are! so pleased for you. Enjoy yourWine

LocoParentis · 17/01/2014 00:08

Hello everyone

Congrats mrs bw, the wait for panel will probably be the longest and shorter period of time all at once.

I hope you don't mind me joining in.
In 2012 my dh and I were going through the approval process back under the old rules, we had just about got to the end of the home study and all our referees were frantically tidying and buying biscuits ready for their visits when my Dh was diagnosed with cancer and we had to suspend the process until a year had passed from his last treatment. Which was last week!

We've arranged a meeting with the la to catch up etc and get the ball rolling again they're coming on the 24th. I feel really excited, nervous, emotional, terrified and ready all at the same time.

I've stayed and lurked this last year but didn't really feel like I could join in while we were in limbo, but even as a lurker I've felt a lot of security knowing how supportive this board is.

Meita · 17/01/2014 09:34

Good news MrsBW! In some ways it feels like February is ages away, wasn't it only just the new year? In other ways it feels like February is lurking just around the corner already… Good luck to you, may the time pass quickly!

Loco, that sounds like a really difficult time you have had. Great news for you both to have come through with a positive outlook. Do you think they will make you start at the beginning again, or will you be able to pick up where you left off?

LocoParentis · 17/01/2014 10:58

Hi Meita I really don't know what they'll do. The rules have changed significantly since we left off. Our SW is on maternity leave which makes it harder for someone to pick it up and continue who doesn't know us.
If we have to start from scratch at least the new process is time bound.

Choccyjules · 17/01/2014 12:49

Hi Loco

clearly I have no actual knowledge of what they'll do but I would have thought they could look down the checklists of what they need to cover in Stages 1 & 2, tick-off what they already have on file/ training you've had etc and then spend a bit of time making sure the home study is up to date.

Welcome back to it!

(One of the reasons DD is currently an only child is because I got cancer when she was 8 months and following treatment there was a time period of getting well and being stable before we felt able to look again at the family unit).

Choccyjules · 17/01/2014 12:50

Inthebeginning the list you sent is very useful, thank you!

Zelazo · 17/01/2014 15:04

Hello everyone! I'm a newbie Smile

I have recently received my panel date (end of March) and I'm feeling very excited...and a little nervous!

I just wanted to ask some of you wise and wonderful MNetters something if I may? I am single with a BC. DS is 6 so I'm looking at adopting a child under 3. I don't have any particular preference for age or gender, I would just like to find the right child to fit with my family IYSWIM?

However, these past few days (and especially after seeing "Finding mum and dad" on the tv) I've been wondering if I could consider a sibling group of two. I am financially secure and I have enough bedrooms. I have a great network of friends and a very supportive family. I would love to offer a forever family to two siblings that might otherwise be split up...

But this seem absolutely bonkers to you bearing in mind I'm a single mum as it is? Would it be too much for a BC to have two young children join them. Am I just being ridiculously unrealistic? Talk sense to me?!

honeybee1980 · 17/01/2014 20:15

Hi Ladies,

So glad that I have found this website! I am a newbie so be gentle with me. I decided to adopt two years back, had a fantastic meeting with a SW but because we had recently been on the IVF trail they decided we perhaps needed more time to come to terms with our predicament. Anyway needless to say we are still 100% keen to continue with the adoption process and now have a booking for our prep course which is Feb. I am very excited and also quite anxious about talking in front of a room of strangers...but the journey has begun so that's quite exciting. It is really nice to read your stories on here and at last have a place to share and ask questions! It has been quite a lonely journey for me at times and I'm glad to have finally found somewhere where others are going through the same. Smile

craftycreator · 17/01/2014 21:49

Hello

Just popping in to say hello. We have just registered our interest with 2 LAs and 1 VA and am waiting to hear back from them :-)

Very exciting to be starting the process but I think we will have a few initial hurdles to overcome, and then if we make it over them probably a heck of a lot more, but ready for the ups and downs and trials and tribulations of the process.

A little bit about 'us'. I am 30 and hubby is 36, we had tried for about 8 years to concieve naturally with failed assistance, I suffer from PCOS. We decided no more 3 years ago and now feel ready for the next step is trying to become a family through adoption.

We are at the very early stages but looking forward to getting to know you all.

CC