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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Newbies

999 replies

Italiangreyhound · 12/09/2012 01:36

Hi I am a newbie and only just started this journey, officially made the call last week.

Just interested how may other newbies are out there who are still in the early stages. I keep coming across people and recognising names. Anyone want to let on what stage they are at?

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Italiangreyhound · 25/12/2013 16:02

inthebeginnning it's such a hard place to be! Waiting to hear! I'm there with you honey!

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Italiangreyhound · 25/12/2013 16:02

But a good place too! Wink

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Inthebeginning · 25/12/2013 22:03

It is Italian you're right. We're trying so hard not to get our hopes up but our s.wrker has been so positive about it. and the little one matches us so well. hay ho.

namechangesforthehardstuff · 26/12/2013 22:03

Ah what a nice post Italian :) We're all with you honey!

Juxtaposition of baby and Christmas proving too much for my normally hard heart

Italiangreyhound · 27/12/2013 00:56

Thanks names it's not easy, not sure to get my hopes up for the one we are trying for now or try and be aloof! after all the world needs loofs!

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Inthebeginning · 27/12/2013 09:42

Really hoping for you italian I will join you in being aloof and nonchalant about the whole thing.

rosetintedglasses · 27/12/2013 20:32

Can I join in too please if it's not too late? I've just made the first couple of initial calls - been thinking about it for a while but my daughter has only just turned 4. I'm that weird combination of ridiculously excited and utterly terrified by the whole process.

Can I ask how people selected which LA/ agency to go with? I live on the border of three LAs (2 are in a consortium together and the third is in a different consortium). There are a couple of others within an hour's drive too. I've phoned two of them that had the most accessible websites - all their Ofsted reports were broadly similar (though none have been inspected since the process changed). I was planning on just speaking to the social workers and going to a couple of info evenings - then going with my gut and whichever felt more "right". Is there any other science behind it, or more research that I should do, or questions I should ask? I feel fortunate to have so much choice, but very ill-equipped to make what feels like a huge decision!

Italiangreyhound · 28/12/2013 16:04

Welcome rosetintedglasses never too late! I choose the one we live in by as we are near a border we could have gone with another. I am not 100% happy with our country so maybe I should have shopped around. Definitely worth asking a few questions and getting a feel for it. The good thing about out of county may be that you could potentially have children placed from almost anywhere in that county but if you live in county you won't have children placed from where you live.

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Italiangreyhound · 28/12/2013 16:05

sorry BUT as we are near a border (not by).

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namechangesforthehardstuff · 28/12/2013 22:59

IME with a bc of that age you might need to go with whoever will have you. DD Is 3 and I spoke to 4 or 5 LAs before I found one who would agree to assess us. Do shop around if you get told to wait because some will assess people with relatively young bcs.

Inthebeginning · 29/12/2013 21:27

hi rose welcome to the board. We emailed 4 to express interest. narrowed it down to two who we thought sounded friendly and had similar statistics. One had been recommended. One invited us to an open evening but quite a few of the days were booked up so it would have been in a couple of months. The other sent someone out that week. That was the deciding factor for us. They seemed like they wanted us as much as we've wanted them. Must say I'm really glad with our choice. They've been brilliant.
On another point our la say there must be 3 yrs difference at point of panel so you could have up to an 18 month old based on that?(my maths is v bad though so might be wrong! )

social worker coming tomorrow to bring our finished par and prepare us for panel meeting ( a month today! )Think she's either going to have no news on the little one or it'll be a no.

Hope everyone else is ok

namechangesforthehardstuff · 29/12/2013 23:09

Hey inthebeginning - what's for you won't go past you :) Chin up.

Inthebeginning · 30/12/2013 11:46

Thanks namechange feeling more optimistic this morning

rosetintedglasses · 31/12/2013 20:29

Thanks for your responses. Will ask lots of questions and go with my gut! In the initial conversations, there weren't any immidiate concerns about having a 4 year old bc - no-one said no outright but It's something I know I need to ask more about.

Inthebeginning really hope the social worker visit went ok.

Happy new year to everyone!

Inthebeginning · 01/01/2014 10:01

Hi rose yes it went fine thank you. Got our par and just a couple of changes for that, and just got to wait for lo's s.wrker to read it to see what they think of us so all out of our hands now!
I don't think a 4 year old will be an issue. Let us no how it all goes.
Happy new year everyone!

Inthebeginning · 04/01/2014 12:21

hi everyone, how is everything going? trying hard not to keep writing on here as I know I'm filling it up with my waffling!
bought the carpet and paint for our "spare room" yesterday Grin and our neighbour is measuring up our stairs for a bannister that the s.wrker has told us we have to have and he's hopefully going to do it next week. (never been so excited about diy haha! )

namechangesforthehardstuff · 04/01/2014 19:52

no you're not inthebeginning :) You have loads going on at the moment and I just have nothing to report. SW coming next week though so hopefully will have good stuff not new worries to update then.

Actually am really wanting to hear more about your potential match but I guess you don't want to say much till you have more clarity (and possibly not even then) so post away :)

prumarth · 04/01/2014 20:04

Inthebeginning, that's all so exciting. My dad bought child locks for cupboards for me this weekend and I was so touched! Massively premature but lovely knowing they are trying to be involved in some ways. So you enjoy your bannister building! I guess this is our equivalent of milestones that pregnant women get to experience.
I'm having a very wobbly weekend. Our referees are being interviewed on Monday and I'm stupidly nervous - keep waking up thinking about it in the night. My current panic involves whether I should provide lunch seeing as the sw will be in our house most of the afternoon meeting the referees while I annoy the cat by pacing around upstairs! No idea why this is giving me butterflies and sleepless nights, but there you go!
Welcome Rose, how are you feeling at the start of the adoption process?

Potatoaddict · 04/01/2014 20:27

Hi, this is my first ever post on a website- slightly daunting!
We have booked onto an information evening at the end of January, does anyone have any tips on what to expect or what to ask?
We're really excited about starting. Thanks.

prumarth · 04/01/2014 21:01

Hi potato, welcome! My information evening involved me and husband sitting in stunned silence while the social workers took us through the process. I had great intentions to take copious notes but didn't manage to write much (also wrote on some documents they gave us which they then took back of us as we apparently "weren't allowed to keep it" - fail!!). Main thing is nor to panic - it can be a bit overwhelming and it challenged some of my preconceptions but it gives you loads to mull over and lots to think about. Keep us all posted on how you get on, good luck!

Inthebeginning · 04/01/2014 21:04

Thanks all. Just feel like I'm always on here waffling (very similar to real life Grin )
name our lo has happened completely by chance. It's such a weird one! We will hopefully find out next week if we are in with a chance or not so just got to wait available and see. With this AND panel we're very restless.
I'm nesting like anything so poor dh is having to do lots too!
Welcome potato ! How exciting. I would see what the feeling is like with the one you go to. I would ask what after care/support you get, if it'll be a social worker doing all the things or if you'll have a support worker too, and whether you are suitable for the children they have available (age, heritage , siblings etc)
pru don't stress about it (easy to say I know) we didn't have them at our house as I would have been unbearable, but by the sounds of it they were just like long chats but with a few questions. When we were having our one-on-ones we ended up giving lunch (I'd pre planned but made it look very casual Wink )

Inthebeginning · 04/01/2014 21:05

potential little one

Meita · 05/01/2014 12:05

Hi all,
back from Christmas holidays, away with family abroad. It was a bit weird, I wanted to shout at everyone that 'btw we won't be coming for Christmas next year, as we will have a new LO and reasons for not travelling (the least one being, potentially no passport yet)' but couldn't really, as a) who knows if we will have a new LO with us at all yet by next year, and b) thought I'd better focus on THIS Christmas rather than waffling about potential NEXT Christmas all the time.. ;)
Anyway, we will be starting to push our LA a bit from next week, it's been nearly two months and we still don't seem to have been assigned a SW! I don't really mind as long as they let us progress to stage 2 soon. I just hope they won't suddenly come up with stuff we ought to have been doing in stage one, but haven't, because, well, nobody told us…

Hi to the Newbies here at Newbie central! rose and potato!
rose, as to how we chose our LA, we agonised for ages! Where we live, there were lots and lots of options - I'd say about 20 within distance. So to start with, we looked at the adoption maps (just google, easy to find); and so we narrowed down to those who have high numbers of children waiting for adoption, per approved adopters. You can also review the adoption scorecards (another google-able term), and for instance, choose those where there is least time between children entering care and being placed for adoption (this is good for the children and indicates efficient working on behalf of the LA), or, the least time for adopters to wait between approval and matching. However, these are all statistics, and averages, so bear in mind that your own situation may be different.
We then got in touch (e-mail/web forms) with a number of LAs and a couple of VA. Some never got back to us, some gave us a quick call/e-mail to say that they weren't interested in us at the moment. Three who are in the same consortium (we hadn't realised) invited us to the same information evening, which we went to, and we liked the people running it, so out of that consortium, we narrowed it down to that one LA, and they came to our house for an initial visit, where we liked them again, so they were on our 'short' shortlist. However in the end we went with another LA, who at times reacted swiftly and efficiently to our enquires, but at times appeared totally disorganised and chaotic. But we chose them as they have some experience with concurrent planning, which is something we are strongly considering. So although we 'like' them less than the others, we have decided to compromise regarding accepting some avoidable delays and disorganisation, in favour of that experience.
I can't say yet if this was the right decision! But as you asked about the 'science' behind it… ;) if anyone was going to base this choice on 'science', it's us, so there you go :) (tbh I think it is much easier and more efficient to do what your gut tells you)

potato I was insanely excited about that first information evening too! Re: questions to ask, depends on what/how much you know already. Re: what to expect: Ours was quite a large crowd, and apparently all kinds of people; some people who really knew very little about it all, and some who knew lots (purely judging from the questions they asked). During the evening, the two SWs told us lots about the process, and a little bit about the backgrounds and accordingly possible difficulties the children have who are waiting for adoption. They also told us numbers, such as, how many children placed in the last year, average age, sex, things like that. It was mainly just them talking, but occasionally they did some brainstorming-type activities with the crowd. But not really any interacting within the crowd. There was a break with biscuits and tea and coffee. There were information leaflets to take home, and 'Be my parent' and 'Children who wait' lying about to peruse. After the break, a dad who had adopted recently came to speak about his experiences. (IMO that was the best part, as it made it all seem 'real', and I already knew lots of the 'theory'). Afterwards (it was about 3 intense hours in total) the SWs were approachable for additional questions and we were able to arrange a home visit right then and there, so take your diaries! However, to my surprise, hardly anyone actually wanted to keep chatting with the SW, most people left immediately.

inthebeginning, how exciting! Ooohhh I'm keeping everything crossed for you! (and am a teensy bit jealous ;) ) Do let us know when you know more, ok?

italian hmmm it sounds as if there may be something cooking over at the greyhound house as well? Hope it works out!

pru, choccy, everyone: Happy New Year! I have a feeling that 2014 will be good :)

(sorry for epic post. lots of catching up to do!)

Inthebeginning · 05/01/2014 18:43

hi meita I hope you had a nice holiday. It is very tempting to say things and to focus on the future isn't it?

I find it very interesting hearing about the open evening's. we never went to one and I wonder if we would have chosen differently if we had. (not complaining though as ours is fab)
I honestly think they'll say no about our potential little one. It's so tenuous how things have come together that I don't think it'll happen but we shall see.
I'm so restless that it's driving me crackers. Half glad I'm back at work tomorrow!

Potatoaddict · 05/01/2014 19:25

Thanks everyone some great advice.
meita I know what you mean about next Christmas, it was difficult to focus on this one knowing how amazing future years could be.
Has anyone had difficulties getting parents / in laws to accept the idea of adoption? My mother in law just can't understand why we're doing it despite lots of positive conversations (we thought they were positive!).

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