Newbies

[Italiangreyhound]

Hi I am a newbie and only just started this journey, officially made the call last week.

Just interested how may other newbies are out there who are still in the early stages. I keep coming across people and recognising names. Anyone want to let on what stage they are at?

I think ours was done in about a fortnight. super fast! !
We have what could be our last par s worker visit on Friday. because we go to panel next month. NEXT MONTH!

wow! Yay!

We just got our prep groups dates through today for January, looking forward to getting started (I know it will be hardwork tho) will feel like a step closer!

Thanks Meita will see how we go with our little chats! Am wondering about getting her a child-friendly book about adoption but it is a bit soon given we are only part- way through the assessment. Do you think any of the usual recommended books would be OK as a story without being too obvious, iyswim?!

She was given a book about a children's home in Africa so she has encountered children being looked after by someone other than their birth parents, she found it sad the first time (these babies were abandoned) but has accepted the concept.

inthebeginning hooray!!!

MrsM2509 congratulations.

Choccy Nutmeg gets adopted is a good book about a squirrel who gets adopted as the mum squirrel can't look after them. I read it to dd and then one day we saw a very sad neglect case and she saw some nice photos of after the child was adopted and saw an edited version of the story and said, 'It's like the nutmeg book."

Nutmeg

Good way to cover the reasons why childen adopted usually but maybe start with a gentler version, there was a thread on here about books.

www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/the-girl-in-the-window/750838

Hello, may I join you? I've been hanging around and posing the odd question on some of the threads but thought I should formally join the Newbies rather than lurking forever as we have our 2 day Stage one course next week. After a lot of delays and the wind going out of our sails (we're now 2 months late for the 2 month Stage One bit) I hope this will reinvigorate me and refocus us on why we thought this was a good idea in the first place!

Waves to Italian, old pal from the infertility boards

Hi mojangled welcome! How are you feeling about the course, sounds like you've had a frustrating time of it! Really hope everything settles down for you now and that things go smoothly.
We had our last official meeting with our s.worker today. She's going to write out our par, get us to check it and then it's panel! (In 54days!)
She's done lots of reassuring today that we will pass as I'm stressing like anything that they'll defer us/turn us down. I simply cannot believe there is a chance of things happening!
How is everyone else doing?

Hi mojangled [smilr]

Inthebeginning I've said it before and I'll say it again - you are going to be fine :).

Panel in April/May for us apparently. Aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Hi Mojangled welcome and I hope things will go more plain sailing from now. If anything this is harder than fertility treatment for me, but with the added benefit of not having a gazillion drugs swilling around in my system! (a part from a bottle of Tsingtao beer tonighht!)

Hi Inthebegining great news, go girl!

Inthebeginning how exciting to have the end - or at least, the panel - in view! I bet they prefer the people who are nervous to the ones who swagger in and say when do I get my baby then...

Italian so far I've found this less stressful - but more annoying - than fertility treatment, but there's a long way to go for that to change!

Namechanges, if they catch up with themselves a bit we might be going to panel around the same time, but I won't be counting on that for a while I think!

I really hope I fall back in love with the idea of adoption at the course. To be honest I've come quite close to giving up on the whole thing, partly through losing confidence in the adoption process, and it's only the thought of living with the regret of not completing our family that pushes me forward. A big bit of me is asking why I'm putting our future, especially DSs, in the hands of people who seem so chaotic and unprofessional, so I'm trying to focus on the DC who may eventually come home and just view this bit as the equivalent of trying to find a parking space in a badly organised maternity car park before having the baby. Or something equally perspective-getting!

Hi Mojangled!

That's a good way of thinking about the process. I was very wary of going with an LA as have lots of contact with social services and other depts through work so knew there would may be hold-ups...!

Needless to say I discounted two local LAs because of their general uselessness. So we've gone further afield BUT LAs are LAs and time, money and occasionally attitudes always seem to get in there somewhere :-(

As you say, at least when people get a panel date the end (or the end of the beginning?) is then in sight.

We are currently waiting for the medical advisor to look over our forms then we can officially finish Stage One...

Hi Choccy ! I haven't quite caught up with everyone's stories yet - are you doing an international adoption, or going with an agency (if I'm not being too nosey)! My nearest agency wasn't interested in us so I thought we'd try the LA. We have met some nice people as well, hopefully more to come! Good luck with the medical verdicts - our GPs don't do many of them I think so we haven't managed to book the right appointment to have ours yet, hopefully next week!

Hi,
We are being assessed for UK adoption and are with a council in a nearby small city.
Our GP surgery booked three slots (3 x 10 mins) for the medicals....they actually took more like 40-45 mins but there's no other way I suppose, at least the people waiting only ran 10/15 mins late!
Am looking forward to being able to report that the medicals are fine and we have 'completed Stage One'

Must say I would really like to be on the other side of the medicals! DH will pass with flying colours but I'm nervous as I suspect I'm slightly depressed, and probably because of years of having one foot over the threshold into a complete family but not being able to get all the way in or go back out, but worried this will be interpreted this as still not being 'over' IF. No-one would actually know unless I let them, but I'm absorbing all the honesty is the best policy messages on here and wondering how far down to let my guard. I'll probably just end up jollying through the medical!

Hey MoJangled, my depression was barely touched upon in the medical, it was more physical (wear big pants/shorts and expect to get your top off) and a quick canter though 30+ yrs of medical history which was quite funny. My DHs was even funnier the number or broken fingers and toes (he did judo as a child) and an admittance into A&E with a plank of wood attached to his foot via a nail after he'd been playing in a ditch have us all a giggle. We were told it was about finding out if there were any major health implications which meant we might die early/ before our adopted child reaches adulthood.

If you do think you're depressed please don't be afraid to ask for support, it's unlikely it will be used as a reason not to proceed. For me it was more about what I was doing to control it and how I was managing it. Take your lead from your SW, I trust mine so she's getting it all. Deep breath and go give it to them x

Thanks Tea ! I'll look out our batch of comedy medical disasters ready then . We don't have a named SW yet, really hoping to get someone I trust and can talk to. Great to hear this has happened in your case! But sorry to hear you've been lumbered with the black dog.

I enjoyed my medical. My doctor told me I had 'beautiful breasts' though I suspect she sort of did this by accident... :)

Mojangled. My depression was barely mentioned, and my husbands (which was a lot worse with recurring AD prescription) was also discussed in little detail really - never mentioned at panel, instead seen as a positive that we had tackled it. I honestly can't see how anyone going through infertility/TTC wouldn't be depressed with it all at some point.

Highlights of my medical included "pull my finger" and touch your toes wearing a thong

Ooh my highlight was 'can I just feel the pulse in your groin?'....

your groin? ?
my Dr just insulted my tattoos and asked me to explain them.

Can't wait for my medical now!

Hi MoJangled, welcome!

Our GP, first thing he said really: 'these medicals are a bit of a farce really, very superficial, but we have to do them as the LAs ask for them'. Going through the forms, very quickly, only thing he said was 'good thing you didn't tick yes here (recreational drug use) or we could pretty much bin your application right away'. Extremely brief perusal of medical history. The only interesting bit during examination was how knee reflexes work differently when you are squeezing something with your fingers at the same time.
At the end he said he was not meant to tell us what he wrote, but if there had been anything worrisome, he would be asking us to make an appointment to have it checked out, and he was happy to tell us he was NOT asking us back :D

We're now three days into our 4 day prep course. Last day is end of this week. Our criminal record checks from abroad have arrived, the forms for DBS have been sent off, our referees have written their letters, now we're just waiting for everything to come back and have a SW allocated. They say their caseloads are stopping them from allocating anyone :( But with a bit of luck, we can start stage 2 in January.

Not at my adoption medical but I was once told that I had a "pretty cervix".

It was damn creepy actually even with a nurse present. Although I have no doubt that my cervix is beautiful enough to stop traffic in teh street if only it were visible.

I got complimented on my cervix once too Kew ! mine was described as "text book" even offered dh the chance of a look (he declined)