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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

I adore my adopted children, and hope this could be inspiration for others to adopt

36 replies

Adoptionrulesok · 19/04/2012 14:32

Just that really!!

DH and I TTC for 2 years naturally then went onto have IVF unsuccessfully twice. We then decided to look into adoption. I could not be more happy that we made this desicion. DH and I adopted 2 beautiful brothers (aged 2.2 & 3.1) last year and they are our everything.

The process is not a hard as the media would have you believe, and the social workers are so supportive.

We did not want to adopt a baby, but were clear that we wanted pre-schoolers, which SS were absolutely fine with. I love my boys with all my heart, and they make us complete.

OP posts:
FebreezeYourJeans · 19/04/2012 14:38

What a wonderful post! Wishing you and your family all good things.

iloveACK · 19/04/2012 14:39

Exactly what Febreeze said! Grin

lisad123 · 19/04/2012 14:40

How wonderful. I hope you have a great life and do nice that two siblings got to stay together Smile

Threelittleducks · 19/04/2012 14:42

How wonderful :)

It's something that dh and I often talk about, but I wouldn't even know where to begin...

bronze · 19/04/2012 14:45

Sad < not sad but wahhh welling up, what a lovely post

farfallarocks · 19/04/2012 15:58

what a lovely post I am so pleased you have completed your family and those boys are lucky to have you I am sure

skylarkuk · 19/04/2012 20:21

Lovely post!

I'll second it, for us the process had its ups and downs but with very good reason.

www.adoptivemummy.co.uk

Devora · 19/04/2012 23:06

Lovely Smile

Another very happy adoptive mum here...

getagoldtoof · 24/04/2012 16:11

Tear to the eye (and I'm a trainee social worker!) - so happy for you and your children.

Italiangreyhound · 25/04/2012 01:03

Adoptionrulesok how great, for you and for your boys. It is an inspiration.

Italiangreyhound · 25/04/2012 01:03

Have you got any advice for me, please?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/1450661-Adoption-after-IVF-advice-please

Italiangreyhound · 25/04/2012 01:04

SORRY

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/1450661-Adoption-after-IVF-advice-please

Have you got any advice for me, please?

Italiangreyhound · 25/04/2012 01:05

I just mean any general advice of how to get myself ready for the process (sorry to crash in and ask, thanking you in advance, and no worries if not!).

FamiliesShareGerms · 25/04/2012 19:22

Lovely! Another one here who didn't find the process as bad as is sometimes made out, and wishes more people would consider adoption as a way to complete their family

Lilka · 25/04/2012 19:25

Lovely :)

shockers · 25/04/2012 19:45

We are 11 years down the line, we've had our ups and downs with one of our adopted children (with very good reason on her part), but we've never regretted our decision to adopt rather than try to conceive. I love our two so very, very much Smile.

shockers · 25/04/2012 19:47

Thank you for the thread Adoptionrulesok!!

Original poster
Adoptionrulesok · 30/04/2012 16:43

Italiangreyhound...........the only provisio we had after our IVF was a wait of at least 6months. It's to make sure that you are definately over the loss of never having a birth child. To prepare, there isn't really a lot you can do. They suggest getting experience with the age group you are wanting to adopt, and if you want a sibling group, they want you to have experience of looking after groups of children. Good luck :)

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 30/04/2012 21:09

Thanks so much Adoptionrulesok. I knew about the 6 month thing and I will have some counselling via the clinic too. Although I (strangely) feel fine. We do have a birth dd so it isn't as difficult to handle as it might be, but it does still feel like a loss after so many attempts so I know there is stuff to get out of the way. I also need to get a bit fitter and lose some weight! Looking forward to calling the local authority for a chat at some point and going to an open evening. It's exciting.

Original poster
Adoptionrulesok · 01/05/2012 12:01

Italiangreyhound......It's really exciting :) The first thing that happened with us was that they do a preliminary homevisit. From that, they invited us to an evening training thing where they basicly explained about the types of children that require adoption nowadays. From there, it was prep training, then you are allocated a social worker, then you do home study assessment, then panel. THEN (!!) you are matched with a child/children, do another panel, then you finally meet the children.

The whole process took us only 18months, but some of my friends took 2+ years. The more honest you are, the quicker it will be. Also, the more open you are to the different types/ages of children you are prepared to adopt, the quicker it will be. For example, if you want a baby, you are going to be waiting a long time.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 01/05/2012 19:41

Would love a baby but would also love a toddler, pre-schooler or school age child. I kind of feel if they are pre-school I'd get that year or so to really bond before school. Trying to be open.

Italiangreyhound · 01/05/2012 23:21

Adoptionrulesok you said the 'more honest you are' - I can't imagine being dishonest about things but I wonder if you mean something more subtle like not telling the whole story, or not being open about everything you are thinking (or am I barking up the wrong tree?). Of course we want the process to be as hitch-free as possible but I can't quite imagine how it all works out! I also wonder about referees, do we have two each or two who know us a couple or more? Sorry to pick your brains! Feel free not to answer!

Original poster
Adoptionrulesok · 02/05/2012 11:30

Italiangreyhound I dont mind my brain being picked at all, ask any questions you like.

"Honest" was probably the wrong word choice, without an explanation to go with it. What I meant was that it's not the right thing to just say what you think SS wants to hear. For example, I did not agree that contact with my boys much older siblings would be in their best interest. I fought my side of the arguement, and we came to an agreement that suited us all. If I had just agreed, I would have felt uneasy about it forever more!

Being really open minded is also important. The process isn't as intrusive as some will say, but they are going to ask you about your past, parents, childhood, etc so be prepared. They did not, and neither did anyone I know, get asked about their sex life!

With regard to references, it is different in each LA. With ours, we had to provide 2 references each, 1 being a family member. So 4 in total, does that make sense?

We specifically wanted toddlers/pre-schoolers for the exact same reason as you, we wanted time with them before they started school. We were up-front with SS about this form the start, and they were fine with that.

You mentioned before that you had a BC already, how old are they? LA rules from my area stipulate that there must be at least 2yrs between a BC and any child placed.

Is that any help?

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 02/05/2012 15:53

Very helpful. DD is 7 and will be almost 8 before we can even approach Social services.

Italiangreyhound · 03/05/2012 13:21

Thank you again Adoptionrulesok sorry to pry but how did you manage to 'prove' to social services or whatever that you were over the fertility thing. I mean I do feel over it but currently feel bit jealous as friend has just had a new baby! Not sure how I will be able to convince them after trying for so many years for another baby that we are now OK with it not happening!

Also wondered about being overweight (me, I mean!) but have decided to start new thread and see if anyone replies!

Thanks.