There's a new poster over on chat who could really use some sympathy and perhaps some advice

[bran]

Here. She and her DH have been in the process for an adoption from China and have had to decide to pull out because of the waiting times.

thanks I hadn't notices it.

Christmas is awful particularly when you are so close yet so far.

Whn I was in Kaz waiting for someone to sort out the bollocks-up paperwork (no fault of ours) omy agency suggested I go home for Xmas ( I think they wanted me out of their hair). I just couldn;t - I just thought, what would I go home for everything important is here, I can't face another Xmas like the last few.

In fact Xmas wasn't great in Kaz even thoguh I had custody of DS but looking back probably still miles better than if I had gone home and left him there for Xmas.

:(

The christmas before I went through the approval process was hard. I thought there was no way i'd be able to have children. No fertility treatment programs would take me at my young age and single. I hadn't consdered adoption so i thought that was it - and i was so depressed and i didn't enjoy christmas. Everyone noticed and tactlessly commented. The run up was worse than the day, especially when i had to walk past Santa's grotto filled with parents and kids, adn i could see myself with a little 5/6/7/8 year old, and almost imagine it for a second, then reality would hit

Then literally a few days after christmas, i saw an advert for adoption, and thought wow! Why didn't i think of that. So I decided that I would adopt, and i enquired in January, and it went from there.

What I can't work out is, why is it taking so long to refer children to the UK in comparison with other countries?? People in the USA who had their LID between 24-29 May 2006 have just been referred in the last couple of days! If she has had papers in for 4 years then Iam thinking her LID is maybe around that date or shortly after, which suggests a referral within the next year or two years. So why does she have to wait 6 more years for referrral? The predictions for the US people are no more than 4 years 7 months to 5 years at most, made by people who are actually analysing what's happening. So why is the UK different?

I woke up on my 40th birthday and cried and cried. 40 was my cut-off for motherhood: I didn't want to spend my 40s obsessing over getting a child as I had my mid to late 30s.

I now have two children.

The problem with these kinds of threads, though, is finding the balance between being encouraging and sharing success stories, and giving sympathy to the OP where she is. I got really lucky; she might not.

I really feel for her. Hope she finds a good way forward.