Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

OMG OMG OMG

77 replies

PurplePillow · 23/07/2010 15:13

Sorry for shouting in the title but I am sooo excited and nervous!

Finally I recieved a phone call from my link worker to say that he and his boss are coming to see me on Wednesday to discuss a possible match!

i know it's still only a maybe but after being aproved for 3 years my dd and I are bursting with prospective happiness

Just wanted to share

OP posts:
Original poster
PurplePillow · 15/08/2010 21:49

Oh yes I meant to say a huge CONGRATULATIONS to you too hester Blush

I have been following your posts (slightly stalkerish Wink) with a bit of Envy but more GrinGrinGrin for you, your posts always make me want to read more about your lo's, I hope you will all be really really happy Grin

OP posts:
hester · 21/08/2010 21:49

Thanks PP Smile

One week in and I am absolutely knackered, but I have to say my new dd is fantastic and definitely worth the wait.

xx

Original poster
PurplePillow · 31/08/2010 10:23

Well I am totally Confused by it all

Childrens hearing yesterday agree to permancy/adoption but then agreed to birth parents having continued access 1 day a week

Planning meeting today and was told last night it was to be at main offices, now just been told it's changed to foster carers house and I have to go early and meet lo Shock

I really don't know what the hell is going on, but link worker says intro's could take upto twice as long, we have to wait til next childrens hearing to try and sort all this out Sad

Lo might be here for christmas at this rate

OP posts:
KristinaM · 31/08/2010 19:21

this is crap Angry

the panel must have agreed to permenance months ago, yesterday should just have been to agree new residence order ( used to be s44 1(a) Named place order, but not sure what it is now)

ditto contcat. have birth family to have contact at your home and how do you feel about that? what are long term plans for contact?

and why do intros have to be extended? this is not in the childs interest. they shouldnt start until they are free to move child in 10-14 days

either you or i have misunderstood or your SW is an idiot

and please DO NOT agree to having any SW meeting in your home - its most inappropriate

sorry to be in a rush - kids bedtime. will check back later

hester · 31/08/2010 23:15

WHAT?? Oh PP, your post made my jaw drop to the floor.

Direct access once a week?? How on earth is your new dd supposed to bond properly with you, accept you as her mother, if she has that much contact with birth parents? If Panel think the child needs a continuing and active relationship with her birth parents, why on earth is she being adopted?

You're meeting lo on same day as planning meeting??

Who is advising you? How do you rate your sw? Have you tried the Adoption UK helpline?

So sorry to hear you are going through this xx

Original poster
PurplePillow · 31/08/2010 23:43

Hi KristinaM and hester

I probably haven't explained this all very well but will try and explain it all better.

Adoption was approved and then head decision maker also approved the match.

Birth parents were having contact 3 times a week (when they bothered to turn up) but there is no chance of lo going back to them, they are contesting adoption.

The childrens panel was to agree to permancy/adoption and to cease contact with birth parents but for some reason they were not happy with completely cutting contact, (meeting went on for over 3 hours) so contact down to once a week, but another childrens hearing is being arranged to overturn this decision, in the meantime we are slowly starting our meeting's with lo but have to be careful of what names we use infront of her.

I have spoken to my adoption uk advisor, waiting to hear back from her but she had not heard of a situation like this either.

Foster parent was absolutely furious on my behalf and has told them that contact was starting today end of! Grin

Lo is very shy (and gorgeous) but I managed to get her to speak to me a little and I got a few smiles GrinGrinGrin

It is going to be a long process but i'm sure it will be worth it all in the end.

Does any of that make any sense?

I didn't sleep very well last night so I'm going to turn in now and will look in tomorrow xx

OP posts:
slightlyconfusd · 03/09/2010 12:27

I've never heard of this before, what a mess! (My neices and nephews are all adopted and brother is a social worker in adoption). How is this poor girl supposed to move on with all this going on, and she'll be traumatised enough already! Hope for a speedy resolution in HER best interests as quickly as possible. Contact in adoption may be very beneficial to some children, but usually only when the BP's cooperate with the plan for adoption and are reliable! In my view if they need more than two direct contacts a year then long term fostering should be the plan, not adoption!!

Do you know if they are planning ongoing cntact after finalisation?
Have you read the book 'Safe Contact'? It is apparently very useful. Also, might people on the AUK message boards help?

I am so happy you've met her though, almost made me cry! Smile I know this will work out for you, hope you have many more smiles from her to come. Best Wishes

walesblackbird · 03/09/2010 13:16

Contact with bm should be halted prior to placement. It's going to be too confusing and disruptive for your child to be starting intros with her new mummy and daddy whilst saying her goodbyes to the original family at the same time.

That's very poor practice.

My middle son's adoption was contested but contact with bf was stopped before he was placed with us.

sorrento56 · 03/09/2010 13:23

I don't really want to say why but imho continued contact with birth parents will cause this little girl life long problems.

Sad for you all. Your elder daughter must be gutted Sad.

kimiasol · 03/09/2010 16:03

Jgd

kimiasol · 03/09/2010 16:03

Lala

hester · 05/09/2010 21:51

Are you OK, PP?

Italiangreyhound · 05/09/2010 22:45

PurplePillow Just lurking and wanting to say hello and I hope it is all working out. It sounds a difficult situation and I hope you are being supported and advised etc. Anyway just thinking of you.

Original poster
PurplePillow · 06/09/2010 22:50

Sorry guys been busy visiting lo Grin

It has been going really well with her, wednesday is a big day for us, we get to spend the whole afternoon on our own with her GrinGrinGrin

Dd1 is really getting on well with her, infact when I went to pick her and fm up today she was waving at me through the window and the first words she said was "wheres dd1?" bless her Smile

Will keep you posted when I can xx

OP posts:
maryz · 06/09/2010 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PurplePillow · 06/09/2010 23:05

I know maryz, it really is confusing.

Basically we are waiting for childrens hearing to take place again to hopefully stop birth parents access to her, they were supposed to see her on friday but surprise surprise they didn't turn up Angry for lo although they are not doing themselves any favours.

It's a horrid situation as I actually feel sorry for them in a way but there is no way ss will allow lo to live with them.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 07/09/2010 18:08

So glad the meeting with your new DD are going well. Can I ask how old DD1 is, please? Don't reply if you don't want to.

All the best. Grin

Original poster
PurplePillow · 08/09/2010 21:01

Hi Italiangreyhound, dd1 is 10y 5m Grin

We had dd2 over for tea tonight and when I took her back to fp's it took me twenty mins to leave the house as she kept running back for more hugs GrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
thefirstmrsDeVere · 08/09/2010 21:36

Purple your situation, although very stressful* is not unusual. Its quite common for birth parents to have a last desperate attempt to halt proceeding but not be able to follow through.

DS's bm did it.

I think its a necessary part of the process. They can then feel they fought to the bitter end.

I hope that doesnt sound dismissive of your or the BP's situation. Its not meant to.

PurpleZombiesOnABloodyPillow · 14/10/2010 10:56

Hi, sorry not been back to update for a bit, it has been very busy and exciting.

Dd2 came and joined our wee family on the 28th sept and then came down with chicken pox the next day.

On the friday her sw phoned to say contact was happening that day and I told him NO WAY as she wasn't well enough to go anywhere and still contagious.

Contact happened the next friday but she came back really upset and confused, sw phoned me later to see if she had settled down and agreed it wasn't fair on dd! but until the sherrif stops contact she has to go once a month Sad

She has been quite a shy child but has really started to come out of her shell Grinand has the most wonderful laugh!

Lilka · 14/10/2010 19:02

AMAZING!! You must be so happy that she is home, and I wish you much happiness together! I also hope this conatct mess gets sorted pretty darn quick as well.
Still, she sounds just fantastic xxx. (smile)

Lilka · 14/10/2010 19:02

lol I mean Smile

mumbar · 14/10/2010 19:15

Oh purple only just seen this thread, I know it's been a rough ride but I would like to give you and your dd's 1 million Grins.

KristinaM · 14/10/2010 19:46

That's great you have had a chance to nurture her when she was Ill

Remember to do all your attachment parenting

phipps · 14/10/2010 19:55

I hope she settles in and you all have a long and happy life together Smile.

Swipe left for the next trending thread