Why is do parents not "thank" a teacher?

[Dcteacher]

I took 11 children to Borneo. For 2 weeks.

We did a lot.
Suba dived in the South China Sea.
Trekked the foothills of Mount Kinabalu.
Stayed in the jungle and learned jungle craft.
Spent to day on a tropical island.

On return. Not one single parent thanked me for the trip of a lifetime for their child.

I had spent the previous 2 years helping with fundraising, answering questions doing the paperwork, taking time out of my holiday. This is not in my job description. I don't have to do this.

Not one.

Why?

I always want to say, thank you, but don't feel it's appropriate at the time as it's the DC's and other DCs's space and I would be in the way/cause confusion on collection and then I am never sure who to thank after and I end up leaving it. I will definitely send an email next time.

You are very much appreciated OP it is just hard to thank teachers at high school.

Yep...totally "free". I have no commitments what so ever!!! Family, preparation, lifestyle, marking, etc. No, no commitments. Can you imagine the time I (and all teachers) had if I didn't do residential. Why are there not more!!!???

Not in my job description.

Maybe they thought the 2k or whatever they spent was enough?

So manners don't count?

I don’t think it’s a lack of appreciation - I think it’s just parents focusing on the relief that their children are back in one piece. Parents feel a lot of anxiety when kids go away on these kind of trips. For 16 - 18 year olds to go to Borneo is a big deal.

Yes and I'd hope that my dc would have been polite on the trip and said thank you as they left the coach for pick up. What more do you expect?

I don't write to the cabin crew, no.

I can assure you that if I wanted to "holiday" in Borneo or skiing, I sure as hell wouldn't want to take a bunch of other people's badly-behaved teenagers with me.

Cool. Don't volunteer then?

Why is do parents not "thank" a teacher?

I can think of one reason why they weren’t thankful to have you teaching their children.

Ex-teacher but of primary and I think the answer is the same. I can think of several off the top of my head.

1.) They think because you are a teacher (vocation!) you love it so much that you cannot think of anything you'd love more than to go on holiday with the children. Especially their darling child who is truly a delight and you should feel lucky to get extra time with them. In fact, as far as they're concerned you would be happy to pay to go with them.

These are the same people horrified about striking teachers/doctors/nurses etc because they should do the job for minimum wage and deal with the awful conditions because they should care about the kids/patients etc.

2.) They think you are going to have a lovely, relaxing holiday where you photograph orangutans, bathe in waterfalls, drink cocktails on the beach, with no comprehension of the stress and admin that comes with a residential or any consideration that it might not actually be your kind of holiday or that you would prefer to go somewhere with your own family etc.

3.) They think teachers work 9-3 and are on holiday half the year. No amount of pages of hundreds of threads will convince them otherwise. So they think it's only fair you spend your holiday working day and night and see it as a sort of payback for living a cushy teacher life (hah!). They would love to go to Borneo with their own work. Funnily enough when they go away with their work, they aren't responsible for keeping a load of teenagers alive 24/7 without a single minute break. And of course, other than a few meetings the time is theirs to relax and do as they please.

These are the same people who insist that the teacher retention crisis is caused by lazy teachers or bad teachers and tell people to leave if they don't like it. Then in September post threads asking why their child doesn't have a qualified teacher. After all it's an easy job. They tend to stop replying when it's pointed out that all the teachers who have left in droves and gone into other roles have not come crawling back to teaching.

4.) Manners have changed and thank you is apparently now only something you say if someone goes above and beyond and not for something they get paid for.

Presumably they don't thank hairdressers, checkout staff, waiters or taxi drivers either. These are the same people, I assume, who leave their dog shit hanging off trees in plastic bags and in my mind are beyond understanding and best avoided.

I have never begrudging took at child on a trip.

And it is NOT part of the job description. Every teacher that takes a child on a residential. Term or none term time is through volunterary terms only. And NO additional pay for the 24/7 supervision that is required.

These trips are a huge burden on parents. Parents don't want them. Those who can afford them can take their own kids on their own trip of a lifetime.

The same for the 'fundraising' trips to help out in schools, build schools and that codswallop.

Op didn't ask for a letter. She suggested the parent picking the child up could have said 'thank you' in person as they were stood there.

This is a very good point. That and it was quite late in the day

Totally agree. They are a fucking PITA. If you feel resentful about them then just don't do them! We parents would be delighted!

The reality is, for the children, what makes these trips, 'trips of a lifetime', is because they are with their friends.

That is what is special about residentials for them. They get time independent of their parents to widen their horizons, challenge themselves, and have interrupted downtime making memories with the people who at this stage of their lives matter to them the most.

The parents of my students can afford to take them on very expensive trips. They could easily afford to take them to the locations we take them to independently, and stay in much nicer hotels etc. But they pay for them to go to these places with us instead because they know their kids will get more from it when with their friends as opposed to parents and siblings.

I imagine it's this. And 16-18 year olds should thank you themselves. The parents didn't go.

Fucks sake! You went to Borneo for nothing. Presumably you got to see at least some of it? Yes going with teens might have been annoying, but you were in Borneo while the parents were slogging their guts out in the UK to pay for it! You should be thanking the parents!

I honestly don't understand why these trips are run or even allowed. They are hugely elitist and exclusionary. I don't think teachers like the OP deserve a pat on the back for basically perpetuating privilege. And if they're so much of a burden to run, and in your free time too, you're not doing your colleagues any favours either by setting that bar of expection of teachers.

And there you have it @Dcteacher the entitled parent speaks.

Quite

Then don't volunteer?

It’s not true that parents are delighted if they stop - when they did stop schools received complaints they weren’t running quickly enough after the Covid pause.

I agree it’s rude. Teachers see none of the money spent on trips and a thank you costs nothing. I can’t believe the posts defending rudeness.

It’s a massive cost to teachers but they do it because they know the children love them.

Saying thank you is such a small thing, why can’t parents do that?