Why is do parents not "thank" a teacher?

[Dcteacher]

I took 11 children to Borneo. For 2 weeks.

We did a lot.
Suba dived in the South China Sea.
Trekked the foothills of Mount Kinabalu.
Stayed in the jungle and learned jungle craft.
Spent to day on a tropical island.

On return. Not one single parent thanked me for the trip of a lifetime for their child.

I had spent the previous 2 years helping with fundraising, answering questions doing the paperwork, taking time out of my holiday. This is not in my job description. I don't have to do this.

Not one.

Why?

I wish my biggest problem was a lack of thanks for unpaid free holiday 🙄

I've worked all over the world and never got a word of thanks for it. It's part of my job. Except I HAVE to do it. Presumably teachers don't have to go to Borneo if they don't want to. I'd want my kids to behave when there and say thanks when they got off the coach. I've done the bit where I've earned the money to pay for it.

However, I don't think we should be denying all children opportunities because some people can't afford them

Or to rephrase -

However I think we should ensure privileged children get to go on amazing trips because they can afford them.

And yet many teachers are guilted and bullied into going. Hopefully you don't know that because you've never been in that position.

Regardless it is not a free holiday or a jolly and by your response you work in a school or something like it and therefore should know that.
Mannets cost nothing, I thank the Dr when I've seen, I thank the person on the till in a shop. Unbelievable that so many people lack basic manners

I've organised loads of school trips and that's not my experience.

I refuse to do the ones that are a burden for families, but there's loads to be gained from taking a group of 11yos from deprived area, most of whom have never been in the sea, to the coast on a £1 group train ticket, with a packed lunch. It's a long hard day, but I love doing it. The DC very often do say thank you, I couldn't really tell you of parents do or not, possibly, the same as some do at the end of an ordinary school day.

I genuinely don't know what these hugely expensive trips achieve

I think the difference between teachers and the example you set of a shop keeper or doctor, is that you have a direct personal interaction there and then. As others mentioned, picking up your child can be chaotic at the time as the teachers are busy signing them out etc.

If the person I wanted to thank was distracted doing something else important, I'm not going to hang around for ages just to say it.

As I replied to another pp no not all teachers get a real choice, guilt and bullying are rife in schools. Also the evening and holiday work when on a residential is jot a paid part of the job. I find d so saddening that people would not say two words when teachers have put their own lives and responsibilities to one side to try and give kids a great experience.
But if that's how you behave, have at it and I'm thanking God I don't know someone like you

Dd went skiing and we paid a lot for her to go. Honestly, I only thanked the teachers because she had a medical emergency which they handled well and kept me informed. I am very grateful and she had a wonderful time. In normal circumstances I’m not sure I’d do a specific thank you for a school trip. I guess it’s kind of expected schools will run trips. I am grateful but didn’t realise I needed a separate thank you. I’d make sure dd did say thank you.

Imagine, you work a ‘normal’ job, 9-5, 20 days holiday.
You're told that you need to organise an educational trip for your colleagues children. Abroad. 5 nights. In your holiday, unpaid. You need to cater for the one allergic to nuts, one who can’t fly, one who doesn’t like sharing a room, others who are scared / missing home / don’t like fish etc etc. Make it as cheap as possible. Convince other work colleagues to go too, unpaid. Make sure that you are on call 24/7. Someone unwell at night? You need to be there. Flight at 5am? You need to be there at 4. Organise the transfers, coaches, trips, hotel, risk assessments, meetings, individual parents asking for something.
Then you get told that you’re lucky to do this. No thanks needed. You lucky bugger.

I am really surprised how strongly people feel saying 'thank you' isn't warranted

I must live in a particularly friendly area but people say thank you for people doing their jobs all the time round here.

When I worked in a school the teachers had a waiting list to join the ski trip 😂

Hmm, I don’t know really OP. An 18 yr old can go overseas on their own and is an adult. A parent making a point to seek out and thank their tutor would be really infantilising. Even at 16, there’s no need for parents to do this - the kids are old enough at that point. And of course they should say thanks. Of course.

Also though, while any school residential involved lots of planning and stress, it’s not the same as taking a bunch of younger kids. Residentials with younger children are a huge amount of work - it’s nowhere near as hard with older teens/young adults. We have multiple teachers in the family and when they’ve gone with older teens, it’s been much easier. Actually quite enjoyable. Of course you’re still “responsible” for them but it’s not like trying to look after a bunch of 12 yr olds which is sometimes akin to herding cats!

Lots of people do voluntary work in their free time. If you don’t want to do it, then don’t. No one is going to force you. The point of doing this kind of thing is for the pleasure of enabling/helping others. Sure, it’s nice to be thanked but I can’t imagine throwing my toys out of the pram because people weren’t grateful enough. You sound very resentful about the work that’s involved so maybe a good idea for you to step back now. Another teacher will either volunteer, or they won’t. It’s not the end of the world - and I strongly suspect many parents will be pleased not to have to deal with all the extra admin and expense anyway that these trips inevitably cause 🤷‍♀️

This has probably been said, but a holiday with pupils is not a holiday and I don’t care where you go, it’s never a holiday of a life time.

I am a teacher and actively avoid all school trips. I have never been on one that is fun.

A theme park with my family? Great!
A theme park with year 8…hard work.

I recently posted a thread about my sadness at leaving Florida, and how I wished I could live there. But, if you asked me to go there on a residential school trip, I would decline…

So op is correct, it is a lot of work and stress and responsibility and a thank you is the minimum that should be expected, especially as op probably wasn’t paid for this extra two weeks either.

But, I do think an 18 year old should be thanking op themselves.

This is a bit of a tangent but I entirely agree with the PP that said what makes these trips special for the kids (more than going with their family) is that it’s with their mates.

I’ve often thought it would work just as well - probably better from the teacher perspective- if the school simply pointed parents towards a particular external trip and said up to you if you book. Our school does this with an external residential sports camp - school doesn’t run the camp or send teachers, it’s not in term time, but they suggest it, and a bunch of pupils go every year, so they are with mates. (But not so many go that those who can’t feel left out).

I have always raised DD to say “thank you” to teachers, at the end of trips, residentals, performances and matches
it’s rude and ungrateful not to do so, IMO!

OP you sound amazing. Above and beyond does not even come close! As adults, I hope the kids will look back and realise what you gave to them.

Can I ask- I am thinking of going to Borneo with my much, much younger kids- the youngest will be 4, the other two 6 and 8. Do you think it's worth it at those ages? Or should I wait til a bit later?

This-you are my favourite!! I run a trip every year, on the whole I do get thanks and often chocolate/wine. Is it a jolly?-absolutely not. Keeping 80 kids alive on snow is hard work! For the time it takes me to organise the trip I could pay twice and be better off going with my family! But the fact the kids have a great time is enough and many do thank us/talk about it years later.

Surely as young adults they were more than capable of thanking you themselves? At 18 they can get married, join the army, leave home etc.

🤣 God the worry of what could happen!
I think I'll stick to my primary age residential, slightly less risk of injury 😉

If you think taking a group of children away that aren't yours and being on duty 24 hours a day when away was a free holiday, you are sadly mistaken. It's incredibly stressful!

I always thank the teacher or the school - but I’m also aware that the teachers are getting a funded trip of a lifetime that many parents can’t afford and that it’s completely voluntary. I have a couple of high school teacher friends - 1 is very happy to organise and go on these trips because she gets to go to some amazing places and another who refuses to get involved - neither is right or wrong, it’s just down to preference.

That's not remotely the same meaning as my comment.

Schools are required to offer extracurricular opportunities. Some schools offer more expensive and exotic trips than others. All schools should be sensitive to their communities, however. What's on offer shouldn't be out of reach for the majority of students - but the reality is, in any school, there will always be families who are struggling and who won't be able to pay for their children to participate in trips. We can't not offer any of the children opportunities because some of them won't be able to access them. That wouldn't be fair either.

Children are children, no matter who their parents are, and privilege comes in many forms. One of the richest children I teach lost her dad to cancer last year. She'd give up all her money to have the privilege of having her dad back. Being resentful of children who have wealthy parents and wanting to actively deny them the opportunity to enjoy their lives is really quite an unpleasant attitude to have. They are not all living the life of riley, you know.

Shocking. Always make a point of the thanking teachers after any trip. My parents were both teachers though.

That's why I said I hadn't ever thought about it.

At my DC primary school, the residential trips are run during the term, not the holidays.

I am aware that teachers do volunteer/sign up to do them, and assumed that they don't pay for their travel costs.

I'm not justifying NOT saying thank you, just a POV why some parents might not think it's a big deal. Unfortunately, we don't know the ins/outs of every single career.

@Dcteacher
Was there anything you enjoyed about Borneo?