Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Living with Goths

82 replies

WinterRose · 19/04/2010 16:58

I thought that Goths had gone out of fashion. Apparently not.

DH and I were very surprised on Sunday morning by our elder, mid-teens, DD appearing at breakfast fully kitted out in Goth-like clothes.

I'm sure it is a phase - after all, she is going through the most trying years - but how does one "manage" eccentric behaviour like this? I'm trying to take it in my stride, but DH is imitating the volcano in Iceland.

Any suggestions would be most welcome. I'm just about keeping the peace between "No daughter of mine will go out looking like that!" and "You don't understand me. I hate you!".

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 19/04/2010 20:12

'Her Dad wore white, saying, 'Somone had to...'

Now that's the right attitude!

catsdontscreetch · 19/04/2010 20:13

I'm 40, still wearing a lot of black and purple,and hoping that DD (now 5) will go that way. We have Barbie ban as I am petrified she'll turn into one of these orange label wearing sheep.

MadamDeathstare · 19/04/2010 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AvadaKedavra · 19/04/2010 20:17

I wanted goth/emo teenagers. Got lumbered with a tracksuited DS and a Bench-a-holic DD.

barrym · 19/04/2010 20:29

What is your DH's problem? I assume that your DD is actually wearing clothes, ie the items she has on are not made of net/ corsetry?

Managing the behaviour? What aspect of getting dressed to eat breakfast needs managing? If my DS wants to dress like Obi Wan Kenobi then he can. Unless you are going somewhere with a dress code, why impose rules on her for the sake of it?

I agree with the majority of posters. I had ridiculous coloured hair and made jumpers that looked like they were used for cleaning the car, and my parents managed to stay friends with me!

elliemental · 19/04/2010 20:31

my gothy 12 year old is a joy (at the moment...) He has such an eye for cool outfits and his musical knowledge spans all forms of metal and rock which I am secretly very much enjoying.
He has a robust sense of humour and can make fun of himself which bodes well.
We are having to have a few discussions about tattoos/piercings however....

We were in whitby last halloween and he was made a pet of by so many Big Goths

He does nick all my black clothes though.

nickytwotimes · 19/04/2010 20:33

Oh, I'd love a goth kid. I was one myself. Far preferable to some of the other teen groups.

Kaloki · 19/04/2010 20:35

ellimental that's excellent

Knowing me and DP's luck we'll end up woth a chav kid, rebelling against it's goff parents

DP said if that happens we'll be putting it in a bag with some rocks (joking.. or am I?)

CMOTdibbler · 19/04/2010 20:35

My mum reckoned that an all black wardrobe was v easy to look after, so a Good Thing. I only really expanded my non work wardrobe to other than black or purple a couple of years ago, and it's still the basis by a long way.

Goth (if she is goth, rather than another group) is generally considered to be inhabited by intelligent, thoughtful people, so I can't see anything wrong with it at all.

elliemental · 19/04/2010 20:37

having said that there is a particular breed of teenage boy which HATES ds and the way he looks. I had to step in in the park last summer when a trackied, weasel-faced gang started pushing him about, having followed him around (not realising i was 'with' ds, as I was supervising a younger child) and saying ''loook at state of it...what's it wearing'' etc

He is fighting the girls off though They think he is super cool. He is the only boy in his year with long hair.

elliemental · 19/04/2010 20:39

I have no leg to stand on, as a former gothy/hippy/biker chick. he has spoken to Grandma.... And seen pictures

Shitemum · 19/04/2010 20:42

goth sibling

Shitemum · 19/04/2010 20:43

sorry - scroll down to third pic...

elliemental · 19/04/2010 20:47

roffle shitemum - love that site....

actually, it does get annoying when i am trying to take photos. ds will not be photoed un less it might conceivably make a good cover pic for his first album...
we have ds2 gurning on the beach, shouting iwth glee on the swings, nestling into the cat etc.

And ds1 gazing balefully from under his fringe with a variety of backgrounds mostly involving gravestones, concrete or dead trees.

Kaloki · 19/04/2010 20:54

Haha, oh so many family photos like that in my family albums!

smittenkitten · 19/04/2010 20:57

winterrose, I was a goth as a teenager, and my parents mostly ignored it. there are no photos of me because my mother thought i looked too horrible to photograph, but basically they ignored it and i grew out of it naturally.

apparently my father used to stand behind me pointing and mouthing "have you seen what she's wearing"

i suggest ignoring it - if you make a big deal it will just glamourise it.

reassure yourself that both my ex goth partner and I have grown into a decent, suburban dwelling, tax paying members of society. i know lots of goths who have grown up to lead very normal/boring lives!

CuppaTeaJanice · 19/04/2010 20:59

I think I'll be a bit disappointed if DS doesn't turn out to be a goth.

Or at least an emo, steampunk, cyberpunk or whatever alternative options will be around in the 2020s.

elliemental · 19/04/2010 21:00

I love the steampunk thing and feel very jealous I am too old to dress up.

MitchyInge · 19/04/2010 21:06

what a horrible OP

EggyAllenPoe · 19/04/2010 22:13

i feel sorry for th OP, i mean it isn't her taking on her daughter - it is her husband who is being unreasonable. she seems not to want to make a big thing of it.

hr husband is being rather ridiculous, and possibly is at that difficult point of seeing 'his' little girl go off and do her own thing...with the inevtiable daft consequence of driving her away.

possibly the OP needs to talk to her husbadn, and tell him thi is harmless, and quite likely a 'phase', and possily also, non of his business...?

Pronoia · 19/04/2010 22:15

She got exactly the reaction she was hoping for then, and will continue to dress in this manner for as long as her father explodes in a fit of contempt inducing tantrums.

SixtyFootDoll · 19/04/2010 22:19

Embrace her individuality
Goths are far cooler than fake tanned, bleached hair Baarbie clones

SolidGoldBrass · 19/04/2010 22:22

OP:Tell your H to stop being a wanker. Your DD is entitled to dress however she likes.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 19/04/2010 22:25

Oooh- I'd be happy for my girls to be goths. So far dd1 looks more likely to go girly, but dd2 is showing promise (although as she is only 4, this may be a bit worrying!)

I was a goth/ metal chick (couldn't really decide!) complete with white theatrical make-up, panda eyes and scary hair, which was sometimes pink and sometimes blue.

I am now a very unremarkable, sensibly dressed vet. The way I see it, it can be difficult to dress exactly as you want and experiment with hair/ make-up once you are in a resposible job, so I am very very glad I did it when I was young and free of responsibility. And my parents used to chuckle quietly behind my back, and never rose to the bait- they didn't even murmur when I came home with blue hair. Making it an issue is just going to get your teenager's back up. They are only (nice, non-revealing!) clothes in a sensible colour. I really can't see the problem

ScreaminEagle · 19/04/2010 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Swipe left for the next trending thread