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Original poster

Living with Goths

82 replies

WinterRose · 19/04/2010 16:58

I thought that Goths had gone out of fashion. Apparently not.

DH and I were very surprised on Sunday morning by our elder, mid-teens, DD appearing at breakfast fully kitted out in Goth-like clothes.

I'm sure it is a phase - after all, she is going through the most trying years - but how does one "manage" eccentric behaviour like this? I'm trying to take it in my stride, but DH is imitating the volcano in Iceland.

Any suggestions would be most welcome. I'm just about keeping the peace between "No daughter of mine will go out looking like that!" and "You don't understand me. I hate you!".

OP posts:

sarah293 · 19/04/2010 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

southeastastra · 19/04/2010 17:01

thanks the lord that my son is a casual

AnyFucker · 19/04/2010 17:01

I can think of worse things than Goth

My DD (14) is going through a mini-Goth stage...wears all black/grey and a miserable expression

It could be a Twilight thing as well though, because she spends all day, every day reading one of the books

It's Ok by me

Marne · 19/04/2010 17:03

I wouldn't say anything, she is probably expecting a response from you so its best just to smile and not say anything.

I would rather Goth than tart (mini skirt and lots of flesh on show).

andiem · 19/04/2010 17:04

We all do it don't we. I had bright pink hair at 16. My mum was just very cool about it all. I'd be more worried by other things.

AnyFucker · 19/04/2010 17:06

would rather Goth than orange tan, crispy peroxide hair, white stilettoes and a skirt up to the arse, tbh

DuelingFanjo · 19/04/2010 17:08

I was a goth and back then we did it properly. If she's doing it like they do today then it's nothing. Mind you - watch out for the tattos and the piercings to begin!

OrmRenewed · 19/04/2010 17:08

Smile and don't comment. Better than chav DS#1's opinion!

Naetha · 19/04/2010 17:10

I'd hardly call making a personal choice over the style of clothes she wears "eccentric" behaviour.

But that's just me.

There's a LOT worse things she can be than a goth. Just get her to listen to Sisters of Mercy though - none of this modern emo crap.

/old

scurryfunge · 19/04/2010 17:11

WinterRose, perhaps you and your DH should dress as Goths also and offer to go out for the day with her....she'll soon change!

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 19/04/2010 17:12

Maybe just be open minded about her choices! Just because she's your daughter, doesn't mean she's your property and she has a right, IMO, to dress how she pleases, so long as it's not hurting anyone.

OrientCalf · 19/04/2010 17:14

just say 'you look nice dear'

OrmRenewed · 19/04/2010 17:17

Or better still tell her she looks cool She will run shrieking for her jeans and hoodie.

usualsuspect · 19/04/2010 17:20

I like goths ..my ds while not a goth is all floppy hair and band t.shirts ..he did go through a phrase of wearing black nail varnish tho ...

MadamDeathstare · 19/04/2010 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gingerkirsty · 19/04/2010 17:25

@ scurry - genius!

Are they not known as 'emo's' these days or is that something different again?

IIRC from being a teenager, the more her daddy complains, the longer the "you don't understand me" and sporting of morbid attire will continue.

my DD is only 9 wks old but FWIW I'd rather she went around looking stupid gothic than wearing fake tan and skintight mini dresses.

embuggrance · 19/04/2010 17:26

I was a goth. I am quite normal now. Goths tend to be on the sensitive, creative side.
ds1 is now showing VERY gothy tendancies. But even grandm, just smiles fondly. Mostly he looks VERY smart - waistcoat, ties, blazers (lbeit with skulls on) just with floppy black hair.Just go with it. The more you react, the more she will act....

omnishambles · 19/04/2010 17:26

WinterRose - I like the way you type it makes me giggle...you wont mind if I respond in kind will you?

I think one ignores this sort of thing does one not?

embuggrance · 19/04/2010 17:27

emos are different from goths, (I am informed, sneeringly by ds).
I call him My Pet Emo when I wish to annoy him

omnishambles · 19/04/2010 17:28

Just wait for summer proper and then upload some photos here

embuggrance · 19/04/2010 17:28

we get films out on purpose to annoy him - Edward Scissorhands and Bettlejuice spring to mind...

ChoChoSan · 19/04/2010 17:29

Let her get on with it...I was a goth at that ages (many moons ago), and the constant battles with parents/school spoilt my education and family relationship for a good while...after being a good pupil I started to get pulled up every f*ing day about minor uniform transgressions etc, til I just stopped going in to school.

At home there was a lot of piss-taking etc, which you can take for a while, but just makes you feel awful.

I don't know why people think it's a big deal anymore...let's face it, the goth aesthetic has been around for thirty years now! Having not had great teen years myself, I would not let anything as irrelevant come between a good relationship with a teenager...sometimes they might be hard to come by!

Sorry if I am taking this a bit seriously, but just think...you can show her up with goth photos when she gets older and can handle the teasing!

weegiemum · 19/04/2010 17:31

I have a Goth babysitter.

She is 16 - and the most reliable teenager I have ever had. She is fantastic - I let her bring a friend and often when we get in she and friend are playing chess!

A bit emo and likes to talk over her relationship problems with me a bit but loves our kids and takes them to the park if she looks after them through the day - I love her!

serenity · 19/04/2010 17:31

My Mum and Dad took it in their stride (about the only good thing I could say about my Dad was that he was all for individual expression) Occasionally I'd get a 'are you sure you don't want to wear some colour?' type of remark (which was redundant really because I did, just in very small doses - and my hair was many, many different colours )

There are worse things I could have done...

(oh and no, I didn't 'grow out of it'. It's very, very much toned down to living in black and having odd coloured hair though (am too old and overweight to be anything but a walking cliche if I didn't )

Leave her be, she's not hurting anyone and part of letting them grow up is letting them experiment and discover what they want to be.

RockinSockBunnies · 19/04/2010 17:33

I was a goth as a teenager. I had pink (or sometimes black) hair, dog collar, piercings, Marilyn Manson T-shirt and a miserable expression. I also got straight As!

I really wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I'm no longer a goth.

Only word of caution - if goths nowadays (god that makes me feel old) are similar to how they were when I was a teenager, there's quite a lot of self-harming and depression associated with being a goth. Might be a bit of a generalisation but there really were a lot of very screwed up people who I used to hang out with (myself included). Also lots of drugs. But if your DD is happy as she is and doesn't seem to be affected by the negative aspects of being a goth, then let her get on with it.

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