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Living with Goths

82 replies

WinterRose · 19/04/2010 16:58

I thought that Goths had gone out of fashion. Apparently not.

DH and I were very surprised on Sunday morning by our elder, mid-teens, DD appearing at breakfast fully kitted out in Goth-like clothes.

I'm sure it is a phase - after all, she is going through the most trying years - but how does one "manage" eccentric behaviour like this? I'm trying to take it in my stride, but DH is imitating the volcano in Iceland.

Any suggestions would be most welcome. I'm just about keeping the peace between "No daughter of mine will go out looking like that!" and "You don't understand me. I hate you!".

OP posts:
embuggrance · 19/04/2010 17:38

serenity - er, I only just started wearing a bit of colour this year (i am 40)....

2shoes · 19/04/2010 17:40

I love black clothes, washing ds's is so easy.
go with it, it could be a lot worse

usualsuspect · 19/04/2010 17:42

I agree about washing the black clothes ..all ds's t shirts are black ..

sfxmum · 19/04/2010 17:44

it could be so much worst seriously just go with it

but seriously rather a Goth than those skimpily clad girl

serenity · 19/04/2010 17:53

You're only a year ahead of me embuggrance (Pratchett?) I did try colour and normal when I first had the DCs (thought I should dress like a Mum, whatever that means) but it just made me twitchy and miserable. I think it'll be a long while yet before I get the urge to do that again! I always feel like I'm in disguise tbh.

Will sort of agree with Rocks as well. I never did drugs as a teenager (drank a fair amount in my late teens though) I knew an awful of people who did, but I'm not convinced that that's something that's confined to the 'alternate' scenes. Most subcultures have their issues, not everyone gets caught up in them.

JackBauer · 19/04/2010 18:06

I was a wannabe goth, hung out with the goths but the one time I dressed up like I wanted it Did Not Go Down Well (violent father)

DH and his mate were here earlier talking about his 'weird' neice who dresses like 'one of those freaky arse goths'
To which I snapped, 'but it's better than dressing like a hooker, isn't it?'
TO which they both went, 'Oh, I dunno'

LynetteScavo · 19/04/2010 18:09

I was agoth for a very short while (about a week) when I was 14 or 15.

My mother insited on taking photo of me, as "I wouldn't look like this for very long" she was right.

How about saying how tasteful and fantastic she looks...should put her off the Goth look.

MadamDeathstare · 19/04/2010 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

embuggrance · 19/04/2010 18:12

YY pratchett

WillbeanChariot · 19/04/2010 18:19

I had goth tendencies for a while. It drove my mother mad but it didn't last that long, although I still like my nose piercing 16 years on. I remember waiting til my parents had gone out in the morning to put on my para boots for school. I agree there are worse looks and it wouldn't bother me if my kids wanted to dress that way.

Kaloki · 19/04/2010 18:24

I'm still a goth, nothing wrong with it. It's just clothes after all.

Never understood why it bothered anyone what someone else was wearing.

Kaloki · 19/04/2010 18:28

Also

"Only word of caution - if goths nowadays (god that makes me feel old) are similar to how they were when I was a teenager, there's quite a lot of self-harming and depression associated with being a goth."

that's a load of bollocks. You get the same in all scenes, more to do with being teenaged than the colour black I feel . Still drives me mad as you can tell.

Ps. it's far from all doom and gloom, especially the early goth stuff. (Pre Sisters especially)

Goblinchild · 19/04/2010 18:53

Agree Kaloki, my daughter is a Goth and has been for several years. Lovely, intelligent, polite and excellent clothes sense.
No self-harming or depression yet and she's 19.
Fortunately we now live in an area where she won't get kicked and beaten to death for her style choices.
Unlike Sophie Lancaster.

Kaloki · 19/04/2010 18:59

Yeah, that was heartbreaking when that happened. As far as I'm aware, it's not the Goths who need to do the changing..

2shoes · 19/04/2010 19:06

Goblinchild that was terrible

Goblinchild · 19/04/2010 19:18

It's what happens when 'eccentric behaviour' is seen as a threat. Or a phase that they need knocking out of. Or too weird to be allowed to live.
What harm do Goths do to others? None as far as I can see, DD's friends are a mixture, I'd be happy to have either of her male Goth mates as a SIL but alas it's not to be.

JackBauer · 19/04/2010 19:39

MDS, in fairness it was DH's mates neice by his girlfriend, so unrelated, and she is astonishingly pretty (and 19) , so I bet they woudl rather she wore hooker clothes than the goth stuff she does. Twats.
Still, they got a good glare (DD's in room)

His mate is not GoodInfluence.

Goblinchild · 19/04/2010 19:45

Just re-read my post. Is there an approved abbreviation for son-in-law as opposed to sister-in-law?

Goth laundry is a lot easier to do as well.

MillyMollyMoo · 19/04/2010 19:49

We are praying for Goths rather than Princess' who require thousands of pounds worth of designer gear we would never buy for ourselves.
Bring on the Black I say (and there maybe a few Sisters of Mercy albums knocking around that we get to enjoy listening to again)

EccentricaGallumbits · 19/04/2010 19:50

I so hope DD2 goes goth. she has tendencies that way and likes black nail varnish. DD1 is disappointingly straight. likes little girly skirts and pretty colours.

I always wished I had the gumption to dye my hair pink and get a tattoo.

CarmenSanDiego · 19/04/2010 19:54

There's nothing to 'manage' - she's not doing anything wrong. How nice that your daughter isn't sheepishly following everyone else. Let her find her own way.

AnyFucker · 19/04/2010 19:55

I was just thinking about Sophie Lancaster too and say someone beat me to posting about her...

Nemofish · 19/04/2010 19:56

Oh boy... I was a goth at 14, well kind of, let's just say that I took black as a theme and ran with it.

I look at my 33 year old self and I have a tiny silver butterfly in my nose, three ear piercings in each ear, and today I am wearing a tie dye top, denim skirt, black leggings and knee high purple boots. I look fan-fecking-tastic!

It makes me chuckle when people get their knickers in a twist cos their teen starts looking 'weird.' It makes me a bit sad that it does seem to be a phase for some teens. Wimps!

ArsMamatoria · 19/04/2010 20:00

I love Goths, they always seem so incredibly nice and rather shy and sensitive (sorry if that's a cliche). Well, those I have met do anyway.

I just don't see what the problem is. I'd just be really grateful that they are dressing in this particular way and not like WAGs.

Should probably admit that my best friend's a Goth - she got married in an amazing black wedding dress. Her Dad wore white, saying, 'Somone had to...'
Oh, and she has a PHD...

EggyAllenPoe · 19/04/2010 20:04

i wouldn't worry, fa from 'eccentric' i thought all teens wore clothes to establish their belonging to a certain group, 'hoodies' to the hoodies, the'jeggings and ugg' slapper crowd, skater-casual for skaters, hippy clobber for hippies - you have all your working life restricted to 'smart workwear' by other people's poliies - why the hell wouldn't you wear what you want whilst you can?

oh, and agree there is a 'drugs and self-abse' aspect to most tenage groups...its not just goths....i elieve th eonly exception to this is 'young christians' but i could be wrong about them.