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DH just been offered a contract. In Abu Dahbi. Now. I am due any day.

68 replies

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 22/11/2009 10:43

This morning, he got a call from a friend working for FIFA. Someone walked off site, they need an admin coordinator to go over asap to replace him. Friend has recommended him and the job is him if he wants it.

Working until 24th December.

I was due with our second child last week, no signs of arriving yet.

DH has been out of work since January. This would be a foot in the door for other work. Wages are reasonably good, to be confirmed, but around £150 a day?

We are thinking he wont be required out there like today or tomorrow as it is Eid (sp) there this week. He will be getting the full details this afternoon.

He might miss the birth of his child. I can cope with that. I have someone who will be there with me.

He will be leaving me on my own with DD aged 3 and a newborn. I am not sure I can cope with that.

If he does not take it, he will not be offered a chance with these people again.


OP posts:
Flame · 22/11/2009 10:46

With the out of work since Jan, foot in the door thing, I think I would have to say he should take it.

I know I would be a mess in the same situation, but after that long without work I can't see a way round it.

The person who can be there at the birth, can they help in any way? Contact HV and see about some sort of sure start help too.

Anyone who says "if there is anything I can do" - tell them exactly what they can do, even if it is just taking a bag of washing with them.

Flame · 22/11/2009 10:48

Ooh MN too. Local MNers always offer to help in this kind of situation - take them up on it. I don't think I am near you (I'm in Bournemouth), but I would gladly help, even if it was just sitting with you to help out with DD

MuppetsMuggle · 22/11/2009 10:50

I think personally he should take it especially as been out of work since Jan and this could lead to a more permanent job.

However, I understand your feelings of being left alone with your 3yr old and a newborn. Is there any family or friends who could help you out?

Where abouts in the country are you?

MuppetsMuggle · 22/11/2009 10:51

Flame thats my thought on MN local too

Divatheshopaholic · 22/11/2009 10:53

whereabouts are you? i would send him for work, and try to rely on friends and family.
do you have rl mn friends?

edam · 22/11/2009 10:54

Blimey, if it weren't for the out of work thing I'd say NO but in your circs it's hard to turn down. Is there any way you can get some help from friends/family/home start (ask your midwife/HV)?

SausageRocket · 22/11/2009 10:55

Hi Pavlov

I agree with Flame. If it were us in your situation, DH out of work for 10/11 months and this came up and it was only short term but gave us an essential financial boost at a VERY ££££ time of year after a very dry spell I would be hard pushed to come up with reasons why he should stay at home.

Obv the fact that you are heavily pg with another littlie is an issue but I do think you need to make the most of those around you and grab this opportunity with both hands. In this climate who knows whan another job is going to pop up ?

If I am near (Sth Worcs) I'll help

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 22/11/2009 10:55

Flame - that is exactly it. I am in tears, but I think its not because I want him to stay, but because I want him to go, if that makes sense. The person who can be there, she is my best friend, more like a very close sister, was there with us for birth of DD, and she is desperate to be there again anyway this time. Unfortunately, she works full time, and has a child/DH of her own so it would be difficult for her. I have friends around who will help, although one of those has a newborn (well 3 months) and it is her DP who is away in Abu Dhabi already, so we will both be DP'less!

The thing is, there is no guarantee of a foot in the door, its all ifs and buts. But there is a FIFA world cup this year. And it works in this industry (so it seems) that if you are there at the end of one contract you are more likely to be offered it above someone else next time around), as long as he proves himself.

We think he will make around £3k? I do not know about the whole tax thingy, but he has not worked in this country all year to date so is under his tax threshold anyway. Although it will of course affect tax credits and we need to figure out how that will be affected and if it would be worth it.

OP posts:
PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 22/11/2009 11:01

Family - now thats the interesting bit! Most of my family live in USA. But are coming over for christmas, we are hiring a farmhouse and all staying there. They all arrive on 22nd Dec though, apart from my BIL who arrives with his 2 children on 17th Dec. Now that can go either of 2 ways. He will be extremely useful and helpful. Or he will be a total and utter pain in the backside for a week!

Children get christened on 27th Dec, so DH would be back for that at least.

And I also agree, if he was already working, it would not be so important. But the out of work thing. It is not just a cash thing. I have watched his confidence ebb away slowly over the last few months and this would boost him so so much, so financially, emotionally, it makes sense.

And, You know...i think i can cope...

My brother is in the army, he has missed out on lots of his children's early years. He has a great relationship with them.

(oh, when I said it would be difficult for friend, not to attend birth, she has already said she will drop everything to be there, her work already know, before this, that we might want her there, i mean general day to day help).

OP posts:
PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 22/11/2009 11:05

diva i am in South Devon.

sausage you are a love. Shame its a bit of a way. i would bite your hands off!

I do know a couple of RL mn'ers, but alas due to lots and lots of building work and other stuff going on (well mainly that and HG) i have not cultivated them as much as I should have, and it would be rude to just pitch up saying 'help me!' But that does not mean i can't hook up for coffee and someone to hold the newborn!

I have also joined the local aquarium, I could just live there .

You lot are so lovely with your support. I really appreciate it.

OP posts:
TeamTrueBlood · 22/11/2009 11:05

(Tis still Flame)

With your friend's husband being gone too, it could just be a case of both of you pulling together - work as one big family kind of thing

SausageRocket · 22/11/2009 11:06

I would hope that your BIL, knowing that your DH going away is prob putting a bit of a strain on you, would be the gentlemanly, helpful version of himself, given the circumstances!

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 22/11/2009 11:07

teamtrueblood that is a good point. They will be out there together, and would be returning together. It makes sense.

OP posts:
SausageRocket · 22/11/2009 11:08

Pavlov - MNers LURVE being leant on in times of trouble (leaned ??? - fervently hopes Pavlov doesn't frequent pedants corner). You should know that by now

SausageRocket · 22/11/2009 11:10

Yes Flame, sounds like you and the other woman could be just what the other needs over the next few weeks.

SausageRocket · 22/11/2009 11:11

Sorry, flame needs the other woman. Yes flame is right that Pavlov you may be the key to the other womans sanity too.

[ties self in knots]

SausageRocket · 22/11/2009 11:11

not flame needs the other woman.

FGS - not had a cuppa yet this morning. It shoes, doesn't it ?!

SausageRocket · 22/11/2009 11:12


fannybanjo · 22/11/2009 11:16

No question, he should go. You will manage and although it will be hard the long term gains could be beneficial and it is only for a few weeks. It will also make you get your routine organised and will have a wonderfully settled newborn ready for him to come back to for Christmas!

I had awful experiences throughout my third pregnancy and when I look back at how hard life was for us when DD3 was a newborn, I have no idea how we managed BUT we did! You will be fine.

TeamTrueBlood · 22/11/2009 11:17

I could use an extra woman

SausageRocket · 22/11/2009 11:18

I'll get you one for christmas, flame

(btw, I am TeamBill all the way too. )

slim22 · 22/11/2009 11:24

Seems like you have already made up your mind that taking the job would be the most sensible thing to do.

If I were you I would encourage him to do so. The prospect of missing out on an actual and immediate income + prospect of another steady job might make him resentful in the long run and backfire.

My only question is : do you have someone you can REALLY rely on for those moments of sheer exhaustion when you will just want someone to take DD out for an afternoon so you can get some sleep?

Hassled · 22/11/2009 11:25

It's a nightmare for you but what you said about your DH's self-esteem really struck a chord. I don't see how you can say no - just don't be polite if anyone offers help; take anybody and everybody up on ANYTHING they offer. And accept the fact your house will look like a tip and your DD may be comparatively neglected - she will cope, and I'm sure you will too.

If you've managed to survive your building experience I suspect you can survive anything . This will be a stroll in the park by comparison.

PavlovtheForgetfulCat · 22/11/2009 11:51

slim yes I do. I am very lucky that I have a couple of fab friends, who i know love having DD. She goes to theirs for sleepovers every now and then, two have children she can play with, the other is pretty much her aunty (she, her DH, along with my friend who will be at the birth and her DH are going to be godparents for the children). DD is also at nursery twice a week. She is currently in 8:15am-6pm officially, might change it to 8:15am - 3:30pm and then add another morning, so she will be in 2.5 times a week. She absolutely loves nursery so that will give me a much needed break.

I just keep saying to myself, the first few weeks is going to be hard, then remind myself that DH will be around for the children for many many years, a couple of weeks at the beginning won't make a difference in the grand scheme of things.

OP posts:
slim22 · 22/11/2009 11:57

Well then I wholeheartedly encourage you to push him.

We are "professional" expats. Every time the opportunity arised, I encouraged DH to go and it has ALWAYS worked out well. I never had any support system and always managed on my own because we knew it was a step towards a better situation for the family as a whole.

good luck!

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