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Original poster

Unnecessary gift - don't want to return and offend

20 replies

nooffenseintended · 15/10/2009 12:04

A little while ago, spent the day a couple of hours drive from here catching up with various friends. Friend we'd organise to see for lunch had to unfortunately cancel at last minute due to illness.

However they've now sent us some gift vouchers to treat ourselves as they couldn't make lunch for us. We're obviously disappointed we couldn't see them, but these things happen. Feel embarrassed by gift, but don't want to offend by returning.

WWYD??

OP posts:

squeaver · 15/10/2009 12:07

Write them a lovely note saying thank you, wasn't necessary but thank you (again) and you'll enjoy treating yourself.

It's an odd, but very generous and well-meant, gesture and you should not return it.

squeaver · 15/10/2009 12:08

Actually this is the sort of thing my Mum would do. Are they older?

Original poster

nooffenseintended · 15/10/2009 13:06

To complicate matters, in a recent phone call I did mention didn't know if we'd make it down again soon, as a bit skint at the moment. Unfortunately think this has been read as we need charity (which we don't - both self-employed so when working all's fine and when not, we watch our pennies). DH is very upset.

OP posts:

treaclespongeofdeath · 15/10/2009 13:08

I hardly think they can have meant it as charity - agree with what squeaver said. Just accept it graciously and stress that it was totally unnecessary but very nice of them. You'll only embarrass or even offend them if you try and give it back. And if you really can't face using the vouchers, why not re-gift to someone who would really appreciate them?

TrillianSlasher · 15/10/2009 13:10

It might be an embarrassing thing to receive but you cannot return it. Write them a beautiful thank-you note as squeaver says.

Enjoy the vouchers, have a lovely lunch.

Rhubarb · 15/10/2009 13:10

Accepting charity is very hard I know. If your dh really doesn't want to take them, can you not send them to someone you think might need them? Is there a charity you could donate it to?

I wouldn't send it back as I'm not sure you can return vouchers. They obviously did it to treat you and so I think you should accept it in the way it was offered even if you don't use them.

Are they for a particular restaurant local to you or are they general?

The Christmas Mumsnet Secret Santa will no doubt be up and running soon, why not donate them to that?

booboobeedoo · 15/10/2009 13:11

How about using the vouchers for a treat for you all to share next time you see them, if that is possible?

You could also say in your note - "thankyou, it was not necessary etc, and tho we are tightening are belts a bit a the mo cos of not working, things are always like this up and down and we are fine...! just to put their minds at rest.

Original poster

nooffenseintended · 15/10/2009 13:14

They're for a supermarket. It's a very tough one. They were sent with the best intentions but don't want this friend to think they've got the wrong idea and we're in serious financial trouble.

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 15/10/2009 13:17

I don't think they will have got the wrong idea, they probably just felt bad and wanted to treat you both.

Send a thank you note explaining that you are tightening your belts, as everyone is at the moment, so the vouchers will be gratefully accepted, but not to do it again because whilst you appreciate them, it really wasn't necessary and you hope they don't mind if you use some of the vouchers to buy them a bottle of plonk as a thank you for their kindness.

You can either use the vouchers yourself then and buy them a bottle of win/box of chocx (easier to post) or you can donate the vouchers to a homeless hostel or womens refuge, or as a surprise gift for a neighbour perhaps, who you know might appreciate them.

pooexplosions · 15/10/2009 13:29

Accept graciously and stop overthinking it. It was kind and generous of them.

At christmas,DH's godmother, who I hadn't met, sent us a card with 500 euro in it. I was embarassed to accept it, but she felt guilty for not seeing him for years and wanted to make up for no xmas/birthday presents (common for godparents here), and would have been most upset to have been refused.
We spent it on a weekend away with the kids and sent a card telling all about it with a gift and pictures of the kids.
Totally unecessary, a little embarassing, but a lovely thought and greatfully appreciated.

Original poster

nooffenseintended · 15/10/2009 14:30

Thanks for your replies - guess my main issue is DH's reaction. He feels embarrassed and I can understand why.

OP posts:

Carrotfly · 15/10/2009 14:39

But they are friends ?

Whats to be embarassed by ?

I think its a lovely gesture from them. Write them a lovely note then enjoy your treat.

Then let it go.

FABIsInTraining · 15/10/2009 14:47

I think you are reading too much in to this.

Your friend couldn't come and wanted to send a gift.

Would you have felt differently if the vouchers were for M&s or a clothes store?

Write a thank you card and enjoy spending the vouchers.

No way can you return them. That would be rude and ungreatful imo.

FABIsInTraining · 15/10/2009 14:48

You so can not say what booboodeedoo said!

Original poster

nooffenseintended · 15/10/2009 16:14

I agree about returning them - but DH is feeling like they've been sent because they feel he can't support us. Ridiculous I know, but you know what men are like.

OP posts:

crokky · 15/10/2009 16:18

How much and what sort of vouchers?

Why don't you use them to buy christmas presents for your kids?

I don't get why your DH would be upset - my DH would be dancing with joy if someone sent him some vouchers

Original poster

nooffenseintended · 15/10/2009 16:24

Don't want to give too much detail in case friend on here. DH's issue is his male ego.

Conclusion we've come to is to not to return the vouchers, but make sure friend is not concerned about our finances.

As usual Mumsnet is great at helping work it through. Big thanks

OP posts:

FABIsInTraining · 15/10/2009 17:00

I think you will sound ridiculous if you mention your finances are fine.

wildfig · 15/10/2009 18:37

I think you have to imagine the awkward conversation that preceded the vouchers being sent:

Friend: I feel terrible about not making lunch, they went to such an effort to see us!
Friend's DH: well, send her some flowers.
Friend: Yes, good idea. Oh. Hmm. Flowers - she might think that's a waste of money.
Friend's DH: Well, send her a basket of fruit.
Friend: She's not in hospital!
Friend's DH: Oh FGS then send her some...
Friend: Don't say chocolate, she's on a diet
Friend's DH: I will never understand women.
Friend: I'll send her some vouchers to treat herself. Yes. That's a good idea. Body Shop, or Boots, or something.
Friend's DH: Right, well, I'm off into town, I'll get them for you.
Friend: Would you? Thanks!

[Friend's DH goes to Tesco, sees beer offer, thinks, everyone likes free beer, buys Tesco vouchers]

MaryBS · 15/10/2009 18:42

Maybe they bought you supermarket vouchers because you can now buy most things in a supermarket. I'm forever amazed at the range of stuff Tesco now stocks.

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